Sam says:
Fri, 3rd Jul 20095:00 am 

I would never take someone back after they cheated on me. I wouldn't be able to trust him anymore and that would kill the relationship. There are plenty of guys out there, why settle. Obviously they didn't value your relationship enough to quit when things got even remotely close to being on dangerous waters.

Christina says:
Fri, 3rd Jul 20095:34 am 

Is it better to know that your being cheated on or not to know? and it is true some people who do cheat on there current partners end up loving the person there with so much more especially if the sex was wack LOL!

Caitlin-University o says:
Fri, 3rd Jul 20095:39 am 

It's easy to say "I'll never take him back" until he's standing at your doorstep practically crying begging you to forgive him. My ex was a serial cheater. Not just with me, he cheated on his other girlfriends with me (bad me I know-don't judge), but he also cheated on me with other girls. Yet I couldn't seem to get past his baby blues and "I love yous" and tell him to take a hike. Eventually, I did, and now I'm in a happy, loyal relationship. But I'm just saying it's not that easy, and everyone has their own circumstances. One of my friend's boyfriends cheated on her and she forgave him and he never did it again. I think it's a case by case basis.

Some guys cheat because they are looking for an out in the relationship, but then after they do it they realize they really don't want out. Some guys cheat because they were stupidly drunk. Some guys cheat because they're asses. There are different kinds.

just dont says:
Fri, 3rd Jul 20096:54 am 

Even if they seem completely sorry- even owned up to it on their own. it doesnt mean it wont happen again several months later. And then they'll lie about it. Been there.

Casey says:
Fri, 3rd Jul 20097:07 am 

(sorry, hit the submit key)

So before you take back a cheater, do some deep thinking! Have there been issues in your relationship? Have things changed, for the worst? It's tricky trying to talk to the cheater to figure things out and if you can't talk to them and trust the answer they give you (and really, you can't) then that's a good indication that you need to end the relationship. Because in all honesty, if they cheated on you, they don't love you enough to be with you and you only for the rest of your life, and you deserve to find someone who does.

alexia says:
Fri, 3rd Jul 20098:17 am 

This is a great post!

I actually wouldn't mind some advice though…I've been on again off again with this guy for 3 years now and once when we were off a little over a year ago, he was dating a girl but slept with me while he was dating her…

I say this with complete honesty, I didn't know he was with her and if I did I NEVER would have done it. They're long broken up now and he keeps coming back to me.

How should I see this?! I think I'm honestly a little dazed and confused so some real sense could help me out.

Thanks!

Ryu says:
Fri, 3rd Jul 20099:38 am 

I would never, ever cheat on somebody. That is the number one code of honor within my book. So if a guy cheated on me, I would never forgive him. No matter if he made a huge mistake and realized it. No matter if he was drunk (if he got drunk in the first place, I probably wouldn't like him anyways). Because I have a hard time trusting people in the first place, somebody who ever broke that trust with me- I would never be able to forgive them, and I would be much more insecure in our relationship.

Because trust is such a fragile thing (especially for me), I don't believe that a second chance in this way is wise. Yes, sometimes (1/10, not 1/2, remember) it is a horrible mistake and it will never happen again. But most times?

If he's cheating on you, or if he's ever cheated on anyone before (let's say, multiple times, not just once), then you don't want to take him. That means that, most likely, he will cheat on you, and he wasn't built for monogamy.

Jenny says:
Fri, 3rd Jul 200910:13 am 

I would never go back to someone who has cheated on me, and I would never expect someone to take me back if I had ever cheated. I have cheated before and have been cheated on, so I understand both sides pretty well.

That said, I don't really buy the "once a cheater, always a cheater" phrase. One of my exes cheated on me because he was still in the closet, and he didn't tell me until after we broke up. We're very good friends now, and he has turned out to be a very romantic guy, and pretty incapable of breaking hearts by cheating. And then there's me – I cheated on my asshole ex with my current boyfriend, and here we are, together for almost three years, and I have never felt the urge to cheat while we were together.

Everyone has a reason for cheating – some good, some bad. As I said, I know how it feels to be on both ends, and with that knowledge, I would never be able to stay in a relationship that was tainted by cheating.

Casey says:
Fri, 3rd Jul 200911:59 am 

The key to a good relationship is trust. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have anything. Which means as soon as you find out your partner has been cheating the relationship will never be the same. You may take them back, you may say you trust them, but in the back of your mind you’re going to have that little voice, “Is he cheating on me again? is that phone number that keeps calling him a girl? Who was that girl I saw him talking to across campus the other day?” A cheaters victim is always going to feel little pangs of jealousy, and basically drive themselves crazy for the duration of the relationship. And that, is certainly not healthy.

The “once a cheater always a cheater” credo is tricky. A person could cheat on one partner and never cheat on anyone else again in their life. Cheating on one person does not make you a chronic cheater, or mean that you will cheat on every partner you have for the rest of your life. Although, there are some guys with commitment issues, and they will cheat on multiple partners.

The root of cheating, no matter what the kind, like Caitlin pointed out, is an issue in the relationship. If you truly love someone, you won’t cheat. Cheating comes from relationship issues like, miss-communication, (another HUGE key to a relationship, if you don’t have good communication with your partner, well you’ve basically got nothing) a girl that lets her guy walk all over them, (in which case get out BEFORE he cheats) or thinking that the relationship is over without talking to your partner and finding out that “oops! maybe they’re shunning you, not because they want it to be over, but because they’re stressed, going through a hard time, or something else of the like (another communication issue!) Or perhaps you’re partner is giving you signs that they’re ready to end it and you’re just holding on.

There are many many reasons for cheating, none of them are acceptable and all of them lead to an issue in the relationship. However, cheating constitutes a loss of trust, and trust is extremely hard to regain once it’s gone. I NEVER suggest taking back a cheater (and yes, I have been in the position more than a couple times). Unless it’s an isolated incident and you both agree that you have an otherwise GREAT relationship, then cheating more times than not means the relationship is over, and by trying to continue it just brings you more hurt and heartache. And once the trust is gone, it’s hard to determine if your partner is merely agreeing that you have a “great” relationship, because they don’t want to hurt you further. Which is almost always the case.

sam says:
Fri, 3rd Jul 200911:39 am 

My last relationship was a massive bundle of cheating.

About 2 weeks into our relationship, i got a call from a friend saying my boyfriend had sex with another girl at a party the night before. I confronted him about it and he denied it. It took me a few days, but he was so sincere, and the person who told me that had tried to mess up one of my relationships before.

Not too long after, we started having problems. we had a long distance relationship, so we rarely saw each other, and we hardly even had time to talk because our schedules were so different. I was starting to doubt our relationship. i cheated on him with one of my ex's. Well, i ended up working things out with my boyfriend, and i admitted it to him, and he forgave me.

We broke up several months later. After we had been broken up for a few days, we went out together, and we ended up having sex. afterwords, he admitted to me he was in a relationship with another girl.

Then, i found out he was cheating on me our entire relationship with multiple girls. He admitted it to me eventually. I could forgive him for doing it once, but i couldn't forgive him for doing it our entire relationship. The girl he was with, he had been cheating on me with part of the time we were together. They are still together, and he is still cheating on her.

I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater is always true (I will never cheat again, and i regretted it immediately) however, in the case of my ex, i don't think he can handle monogamy.

Alexa says:
Fri, 3rd Jul 20092:14 pm 

This brings to mind a very good quote I once read: "Every woman deserves to be loved exclusively." But hey, I think every man probably deserves to be loved exclusively as well.

Joe the Drunk says:
Sat, 4th Jul 20098:36 pm 

All youse ho's out there, admit it – you cheated before, and the sex was good, wasn't it? so you'll do it again.

Look, guys cheat cuz they find a chick that's hotter than you and they wanna fuck her….then they crawl back to you cuz that chick is gone but theys still horny and you're an easy lay. until the next hottie comes along.

see how that works?

S says:
Sun, 5th Jul 20097:17 am 

i think most people would generally say "no" but it depends on the circumstances… loss of trust is a huge issue though.

Katt says:
Sun, 5th Jul 20092:18 pm 

It all depends on your ideals. Personally, I don't condone cheating in any manner; if you decided to be with me, then I think I deserve enough respect to know if you're thinking about hooking up with someone else. Which is another thing, I try to be as open and honest as possible in any relationship and expect the same from my partner.

However, i'm not perfect and I know that. So I don't expect my partner to be perfect either. We're all humans and we all make mistakes. So if it does happen, and he slips up…well, shame on him. However, two or more slip ups…kick that sucker to the curb. Because if he's not willing to be monogamous and monogamy is something you're looking for, then it's just not worth your time.

Different people look for different things, dating around, hooking up, monogamy, poligamy. The key is to find someone looking for the same thing that you are. Because if not it's like trying to glue two opposite pieces of a magnet together.

Ellie says:
Sun, 5th Jul 20093:42 pm 

I have never (as far as I know) been cheated on, and I don't know if getting cheated on would change my opinion, but I firmly believe that I would never want to take back someone who cheated on me.

Why? Because I would never expect someone to take me back if I cheated on them (which, I have never done and don't plan on doing).

Like everyone else said – it's a trust issue. How can you trust someone who would do something like that to you? Why would you want to be with someone who would do something like that to do, and has that little respect for you?

lawyermommy says:
Mon, 6th Jul 20097:57 am 

Once a cheater always a cheater.

Do read my blog. It provides a lot of important information about an online Predator who probably molests her children and yet remains free to date. Corruption is using the cover of BLACK Power to avoid prosecution for brutal online assaults and ongoing criminality.

Shay Riley of the blog “Black Female Interracial Marriage” is an online Predator who probably sexually molests her children.

This low life crook has illegally wiretapped my phone for nine years and continues to do so to date. She also uses spy ware to monitor my online usage. This criminal still roams free destroying the lives of her children and sentencing them to a life as useless, criminal, meaningless and failure filled and headed like her own.

She remains free in part because she is Black and scurries under the cover of black power blogging to commit these and other heinous acts. See her at http://www.akbarshabazz.com

There is no art in seeing the minds construction on the face but this low life THUG should be jailed before she irretrievably damages the lives of those children she bore. It is a horrible situation indeed that this woman has been able to avoid prosecution and to date roams around the internet Trojan and lies loaded, illegally wiretapping the calls of innocent law abiding citizens, using their lives as fodder for her fabricated one and above all probably sexually molesting and abusing her offspring.

What can a female psychopath offer children? Schooling in criminality is all! Shay Riley aka Halima Sal Andersen aka Evia Moore should be jailed. It is sad that Sarah Palin makes news and other news worthy matters like this spineless criminal Predator is allowed to roam unfettered!

Jennifer says:
Wed, 8th Jul 20098:53 pm 

All I have to say is , true love has no worries .

mike says:
Fri, 10th Jul 20093:47 pm 

Why does the cheater have to be a guy?

Their are a lot of lady that cheat on their man,what about them?

Mommy of 5 says:
Fri, 10th Jul 20097:11 pm 

I say Once a cheater always a Cheater….. My soon to be ex-husband cheated on me in many different ways throughout our 8 year long relationship…And now he dating a STRIPPER…. I'm not surprised….Maybe she'll bring a friend for him…..

Black Iris says:
Sat, 11th Jul 20095:31 am 

It depends. How long have you known the person? Are they usually trustworthy? Did they confess or did you have to get photos first? There's a huge difference between a guy who's been faithful to you for seven years and is sorry and a guy you catch cheating after two months.

The circumstances of the cheating matter, too – did it go on a long time? was there a lot of lying and cover-up involved? did he cheat with lots of different people? was it a relationship or just sex? had you been apart for a long time? not that these are excuses, but some cheating is worse than others.

Valerie says:
Sun, 12th Jul 20097:58 am 

I agree. It's not such a black and white issue, you have to look at all the factors and circumstances. It would be stupid to throw away a great relationship because he cheated one time, admits it was a mistake, and is truly sorry. At the same time, if it's a regular thing then you have to realize to let go of the relationship. I do think that a relationship can fully recover after cheating though – mine did, and i'd say we are just as strong now and trust each other just as much or even more than if it hadn't happened. If both of you are willing to work through it and then get past it, then you could continue to have a great relationship. Don't let your relationship be defined by one stupid mistake if it was truly just a one time slip up. Once a cheater doesn't necessarily mean always a cheater, so give yourselves a chance.

Candice says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20096:32 am 

I caught my fiance (of 2 years) cheating by looking through his phone. Prior to my findings, things started to change, obviously, there was space between us, sex wasn't the same, communication was limited etc. etc. I new there was something on his mind that he didn't want to tell me. I kept asking if everything was alright and he reassurred me every single time. Why do guys keep their problems and secrets bottled even when asked about it? If he came clean on his own my situation I think would be different.

Now 6 months later we BOTH find that we still love eachother. He knows he can make me happy again and will never cheat, he will go to counselling, we will both go to couples counselling blah blah. I still am madly in love with him and I have not been the same since he's left……… do I give him another chance if he's willing to change? Do I trust him? What are the sacrifices he should make for me to take him back? Do I give him an ultimatum?

Is it true sometimes that men learn their lesson when they are caught cheating?

Help I need advice!

Lauren H - The New S says:
Mon, 20th Jul 20097:00 pm 

To Candice:

It's really hard to say what's right for a person, but I would say that if after six months of really trying to move on (I mean really trying, not just sitting at home thinking about him) you still aren't over him, then it might be worth giving councelling a shot.

That said, the human mind is an odd thing – we tend to remember the best parts of situations (think back on those vacations that got all screwed up. they seem funny now, but they weren't back then, were they). So you need to make sure that you really want him back, not just the way you felt when you were with him.

But i think that if you do give things another go, you should make it clear right up front that trust is something he's going to have to build back up to and that what you're about to go through will probably be harder than anything in your relationship before. If he can handle that, and you still want to, then go ahead, but tread lightly, because there's always a risk.

Laura says:
Wed, 26th Aug 20098:23 am 

I have been with a serial cheater for almost six years, on and off. Many times I thought I was going crazy but the facts are these: He cheats because of a lack of character, He is disloyal because of a lack of character, He lies because of lack of character, He manipulates because of lack of character. Joe the Drunk is correct in his assessment exactly. As a caretaker personality, I took him back after every time, of course after he had sufficiently groveled and apologized. The last time, he cheated with not one, not two, but SIX different women at the same time, plus five or six porn dating sites. I am ashamed that he had to get that disgusting for me to realize the issue is not my ability to forgive but his lack of character. Period. And he can't be fixed. Anyone can have him!

karma says:
Thu, 8th Apr 20109:01 pm 

My ex wants me to take him back, but it's hard to even look at him without wanting to hurt him. I think it's best to do what you feel is best for you and if you can't take being with someone that has hurt you without wanting to do the same, then stay far, far away.

Louise says:
Fri, 23rd Apr 20105:51 am 

I was engaged THREE times over a four year period to

a serial cheater. I believed his lies, his manipulations, his empty promises, and his declarations of LOVE and that we

were "meant to be together". He SWORE he was being faithful but on a whim, I looked at his phone and found he'd called the woman he PROMISED he would lose contact with THE LAST TIME we got back together. He told me to have FAITH? WHY have faith in a LIAR? They manipulate because they can. This last time – I found him on a dating site. We were SUPPOSED to be married? He said to me, " I will get off if you will." I WASN'T ON IT.

What engaged people in love make "Deals" like that?? He wanted the "little woman at home" while he was free to go out and screw everything in sight. Sorry – I deserve better. So, I told him… "Keep your girlfriends on the side, your YEAR LONG subscription to your dating site and keep spending money on ROSES, DINNERS, PRESENTS, SHOWS, while you can't even buy me a PIZZA??" Take them back? NO NO NO NO.. The first time you do that – all you have done is given them permission to continue to screw you over. You deserve a significant other who will ADORE YOU AND ONLY YOU!!!!!! Cheating is a character flaw. It cannot be fixed. Period. Move on.