Comments on: Duke It Out: Forgive a Cheater?

By: Tuffy Luv Can’t Believe This Ashhole : College Candy

Tuffy Luv Can’t Believe This Ashhole : College Candy — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 18:00:59 +0000

[...] you’ve gone and done something totally unforgivable. You don’t feel bad about it at all. But now you’re trying to play the good guy and [...]

By: Duke It Out: Cheating Confessions : College Candy

Duke It Out: Cheating Confessions : College Candy — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 13:01:37 +0000

[...] always been, will always be, a touchy subject. We’ve debated what cheating is, whether you should forgive a cheater, but now it’s time to turn those sneers inward and ask the dirty little question – what if you [...]

By: Louise

Louise — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 10:51:03 +0000

I was engaged THREE times over a four year period to

a serial cheater. I believed his lies, his manipulations, his empty promises, and his declarations of LOVE and that we

were "meant to be together". He SWORE he was being faithful but on a whim, I looked at his phone and found he'd called the woman he PROMISED he would lose contact with THE LAST TIME we got back together. He told me to have FAITH? WHY have faith in a LIAR? They manipulate because they can. This last time – I found him on a dating site. We were SUPPOSED to be married? He said to me, " I will get off if you will." I WASN'T ON IT.

What engaged people in love make "Deals" like that?? He wanted the "little woman at home" while he was free to go out and screw everything in sight. Sorry – I deserve better. So, I told him… "Keep your girlfriends on the side, your YEAR LONG subscription to your dating site and keep spending money on ROSES, DINNERS, PRESENTS, SHOWS, while you can't even buy me a PIZZA??" Take them back? NO NO NO NO.. The first time you do that – all you have done is given them permission to continue to screw you over. You deserve a significant other who will ADORE YOU AND ONLY YOU!!!!!! Cheating is a character flaw. It cannot be fixed. Period. Move on.

By: karma

karma — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 02:01:46 +0000

My ex wants me to take him back, but it's hard to even look at him without wanting to hurt him. I think it's best to do what you feel is best for you and if you can't take being with someone that has hurt you without wanting to do the same, then stay far, far away.

By: Duke It Out: Cheating – Round Two! : College Candy

Duke It Out: Cheating – Round Two! : College Candy — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:40:18 +0000

[...] since we spent last week debating what it means to cheat in a relationship, it only seems right to figure out what the other kind of cheating means – the kind that [...]

By: Laura

Laura — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:23:27 +0000

I have been with a serial cheater for almost six years, on and off. Many times I thought I was going crazy but the facts are these: He cheats because of a lack of character, He is disloyal because of a lack of character, He lies because of lack of character, He manipulates because of lack of character. Joe the Drunk is correct in his assessment exactly. As a caretaker personality, I took him back after every time, of course after he had sufficiently groveled and apologized. The last time, he cheated with not one, not two, but SIX different women at the same time, plus five or six porn dating sites. I am ashamed that he had to get that disgusting for me to realize the issue is not my ability to forgive but his lack of character. Period. And he can't be fixed. Anyone can have him!

By: Lauren H - The New S

Lauren H - The New S — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 00:00:50 +0000

To Candice:

It's really hard to say what's right for a person, but I would say that if after six months of really trying to move on (I mean really trying, not just sitting at home thinking about him) you still aren't over him, then it might be worth giving councelling a shot.

That said, the human mind is an odd thing – we tend to remember the best parts of situations (think back on those vacations that got all screwed up. they seem funny now, but they weren't back then, were they). So you need to make sure that you really want him back, not just the way you felt when you were with him.

But i think that if you do give things another go, you should make it clear right up front that trust is something he's going to have to build back up to and that what you're about to go through will probably be harder than anything in your relationship before. If he can handle that, and you still want to, then go ahead, but tread lightly, because there's always a risk.

By: Candice

Candice — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 11:32:21 +0000

I caught my fiance (of 2 years) cheating by looking through his phone. Prior to my findings, things started to change, obviously, there was space between us, sex wasn't the same, communication was limited etc. etc. I new there was something on his mind that he didn't want to tell me. I kept asking if everything was alright and he reassurred me every single time. Why do guys keep their problems and secrets bottled even when asked about it? If he came clean on his own my situation I think would be different.

Now 6 months later we BOTH find that we still love eachother. He knows he can make me happy again and will never cheat, he will go to counselling, we will both go to couples counselling blah blah. I still am madly in love with him and I have not been the same since he's left……… do I give him another chance if he's willing to change? Do I trust him? What are the sacrifices he should make for me to take him back? Do I give him an ultimatum?

Is it true sometimes that men learn their lesson when they are caught cheating?

Help I need advice!

By: Valerie

Valerie — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 12:58:55 +0000

I agree. It's not such a black and white issue, you have to look at all the factors and circumstances. It would be stupid to throw away a great relationship because he cheated one time, admits it was a mistake, and is truly sorry. At the same time, if it's a regular thing then you have to realize to let go of the relationship. I do think that a relationship can fully recover after cheating though – mine did, and i'd say we are just as strong now and trust each other just as much or even more than if it hadn't happened. If both of you are willing to work through it and then get past it, then you could continue to have a great relationship. Don't let your relationship be defined by one stupid mistake if it was truly just a one time slip up. Once a cheater doesn't necessarily mean always a cheater, so give yourselves a chance.

By: Black Iris

Black Iris — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 10:31:31 +0000

It depends. How long have you known the person? Are they usually trustworthy? Did they confess or did you have to get photos first? There's a huge difference between a guy who's been faithful to you for seven years and is sorry and a guy you catch cheating after two months.

The circumstances of the cheating matter, too – did it go on a long time? was there a lot of lying and cover-up involved? did he cheat with lots of different people? was it a relationship or just sex? had you been apart for a long time? not that these are excuses, but some cheating is worse than others.