Why You Should…Get Married Right Now
July 6, 2009 Posted in Reality
Originally, I was going to write an empowering and witty article about all the physical and mental benefits of being single. Then I started my research and found…there were none. Seriously. Every study points in exactly the opposite direction. Apparently, the healthiest thing we can do is get married. Like, immediately.
Not gonna lie, I was kinda disappointed when I found out. But then I reconsidered…maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get married right now, especially considering all these health benefits. I could even print out the list and slap it down on the desk of that gorgeous guy in my photography class, saying “Eh? Eh? C’mon, it’s healthy.” He won’t be able to resist, obviously.
In case you plan on executing a ninja-style attack on a cute guy like I do (that is, in fact, how I pick up all my boyfriends), I’ve made you a handy-dandy list of reasons to print out and share with your friends and crushes. So here you go – all the reasons and benefits of getting married NOW!
Decreased Risk of Alzheimers/Dementia – Your risk of developing alzheimers, dementia, or any sort of cognitive impairment is halved when you’re married (compared to if you are single, divorced, separated or widowed). Can’t argue with that…or, actually, you can ’cause you’ll be married and still have all your cognitive thought processes in place.
More Money – If you’re a modern woman, you’ve probably thrown a few bucks into the pot when you’re out on a date. It’s just polite and what’s a few nights of paying for dessert or drinks gonna hurt? Well, your bank account, for one (or at least mine). When you’re married, you’ll have a larger pot to pull from and will therefore be able to save a lot more, too.
Less Smoking/Drinking – When you get married, you’ll obviously spend way less time at the bars because you’ll have already snagged yourself a winner. This means less drinking and smoking (supposedly). Also, there will be less Bridget Jones-esque nights spent on your couch in your flannels, drowning your sorrows in tobacco and wine while watching the Lifetime network (again, supposedly).
More (Safe) Sex – Assuming your ninja attack on the hottie who sits behind you in class works out, you’ll have free reign on bedroom fun time. Who could resist? Also, you’ll be doing less of the skanking-it-up-at-the-bar move (hopefully), which means less of chance to catch herpes and whatnot while still getting laid on a regular basis. Win!
Less Physical Pain – If you’re married, you tend to suffer less from back pain and headaches. Awesome! I’m assuming this is because your husband will do all the heavy lifting for you while moving into your new dorm room in the fall. Also, they can take your finals for you because you will be legally one person. So many benefits, it’s almost like having a personal assistant (or EXACTLY like having a personal assistant!).
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Lauren - University says:
Mon, 6th Jul 20099:42 am
OMG. I am going to die alone. Young, with no memory, and alone.
Caey says:
Mon, 6th Jul 20099:44 am
Cute article, but I don't think this outlook on marriage is very healthy. At all! lol. Besides, all of these "pros" are circumstantial.
CHICKDOWNTOWN.COM Br says:
Mon, 6th Jul 20099:49 am
I disagree. It could be because I'm not currently in a relationship, or it could be because I hadn't planned on getting married until I'm at least 30. Either way, I don't think getting married at 21 is a good idea. Something tells me it would just cause me more stress…
Emmie says:
Mon, 6th Jul 20095:53 pm
Caey/Brooke: I'm pretty sure she's not actually suggesting we all run off and get married ASAP, it's just an interesting way to present the material.
beth says:
Mon, 6th Jul 20096:05 pm
I got married at 21, (my husband was 28) and 3 years later we're still super-happy. I couldn't have picked a better husband and best friend. It's nice to have someone you know you can count on for everything, a partner to get through everything with. But, it's not for everyone.
Honestly, it depends less on your ages, and more on your maturity level, and what point you're at in life. It also depends on how well you actually know your partner- things come out when you're married that you may not have expected when you were only dating or co-habitating. I know people who have gotten married at 18, and 10 years later they're just as in love as they were on their wedding day, and I know people who have gotten married at 30 and have been married 6 months and are already planning a divorce.
You can't make generalizations about people who choose to get married early, or late- it's a personal decision, and not one we should have to justify to others. (I'm talking to you chickdowntown).
That being said, A lot of those benefits are true
and good luck with your ninja attack… HAHAHA
Samantha says:
Mon, 6th Jul 20098:53 pm
Getting married before 30 is just asking for a life of misery. What is worse than a divorced single mom having to raise multiple kids by herself for the rest of her life? No guy wants all that baggage and your life will suck going forward. There are no benefits to getting married young.
Jacklyn says:
Mon, 6th Jul 20097:56 pm
One of my absolute favorite things in the world is to find out girls who I went to HS or college with who ended up getting pregnant in their teens or early twenties. They are ruined for the rest of their life!!!!!!!! I don't ever understand why girls ruin their lives by having kids so young and then compound the problem by getting married. How stupid can you get? I love taking pleasure in other peoples misery caused by bad decisions. It makes my so happy!!!!!
Anonymous says:
Mon, 6th Jul 20099:34 pm
Wow Jacklyn really? Out of all the extra curricular activites available, yours is to enjoy the plight of others?
Caey says:
Tue, 7th Jul 20098:19 am
Jacklyn, that was kinda, rude. But I agree with you to an extent. This girl I went to middle school/ high school with used to ridicule me relentlessly. And then in high school she would always flirt with my boyfriend (or maybe he flirted with her and she flirted back, but they flirted, right in front of me, all the time). She was also voted best looking in our class for senior superlatives. As soon as she graduated she got married, and a couple months later she got really chubby. Now a year later she's pregnant (just had her kid last week) but I really did take some pleasure in seeing this girl look like an obese swollen blob, since she made my middle school and high school days so miserable.
However, I don't feel that way about every girl I went to school with, just ones that treated me poorly.
Jill says:
Tue, 7th Jul 20099:09 pm
You can’t say that people who get married early are ruining their lives. It’s just their time. I’m sure that this article is not geared towards everyone. It’s different for some people. The author was looking at the positives of getting married young. My sister was married young. She has an amazing husband and an adorable son and one on the way.. and she couldn’t be happier. My sister realized that this was her calling. She was supposed to do this in her life.
For some people it’s different. They may not find the love of their life till they are 30 or even older. It happens. I think though if you really know this is what you’re meant todo in your life… it doesn’t ruin it.. it enhances it!
Christine says:
Thu, 16th Jul 20096:08 pm
Aww…I like this article. It's cute and funny. I agree with Jill and Beth.
Katie says:
Tue, 10th Aug 20101:54 am
The sarcastic brilliance in this article is just, absolutely breathtaking. I tip my hat to you, dear madame.
ADL says:
Thu, 29th Mar 20122:59 am
I am so sorry you have this perspective because young love, marriage and being a young mother can be a beautiful and rewarding thing. I know plenty of people who got married in their early twenties, had babies in their mid 20's and went on to have happy marriages and lives. I'm not being naive, just trying to inform you that equating early marriage with a life of misery is not always true. Although, I do agree that with the values western society holds conflicts with the values of marriage (monogomy, internal beauty etc…)