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A Child Called “It”
July 7, 2009 Posted in News
So I was reading the news the other day–you know, the usual depressing stuff about the economy and my freakshow state government–when I came across an item that made me literally spit out my iced chai in bewildered shock. According to this blog post on the New York Times, there is a set of parents in Sweden who are choosing to raise their child without a gender. For real.
The parents have not revealed their two-year-old child’s gender to anyone, save for a few close relatives who have changed its diaper. Their goal is to enable the child, called “Pop” in the media, to be raised in a liberal environment devoid of the limits of the social construct known as gender identity. No “pretty girl” or “big boy” here – Pop is only referred to by its name, and has never learned gender pronouns like “his” or “hers.”
But it gets even more bizarre. You’d think the parents would be hell-bent on raising the kid to be androgynous, since wearing pretty dresses and big boy overalls are felonious acts in the crime family of gender stereotyping. Instead, the parents choose to give Pop “girl” hair cuts and clothing on occasion, and other times Pop will wear “boy ” hair cuts and clothing.
To me, this action in particular corrupts their whole plan. I can support parents who want their child to be raised with the freedom to become whomever he or she wants to be, but if you’re going to dress the child in boy and girl clothing, you’re only going to confuse the kid. Strangers will remark to the parents on the street, “What a beautiful daughter! How old is she?” or “What a handsome young man!” causing Pop to stress about the concept of gender that his/her parents are working so hard to minimize.
Also, what happens when the kid goes to school? What bathroom does Pop use? Pop will eventually have to get a driver’s license or some form of government ID, or, I don’t know, look down and see his/her genitalia. Will the parents stage a protest? Put that kid on pant-removal lockdown?
Somehow I think Pop may not turn out quite as well as his/her parents are hoping. What do you think? At what point does an experiment like this go too far?
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Amy says:
Tue, 7th Jul 20095:17 pm
I totally support raising children without gender stereotypes, but not telling anyone the child's sex is too much. The child needs to identify with a sex, not a gender stereotype.
Little J says:
Tue, 7th Jul 20096:42 pm
This is interesting, but I just wanted to point out that sex and gender are not the same thing. Sex is defined by the physical characteristics one is born with, gender is a creation of the social norm, not inherently linked with sex.
Christa says:
Tue, 7th Jul 20095:43 pm
We learned about this experiment in my gender issues class. Seems very similar to Pop, with a sad ending. The man raised as a girl ends his life. Check it out!
http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/reimer/
Natalie says:
Tue, 7th Jul 20096:12 pm
I've seen several reports on this and the feeling, even from the parents I believe is that Pop will find out by the age of five or so. School gets in the way. It's all based on their belief that even the first few years make quite an impression.
Also, this is entirely different than the John Money experiment that Christa mentions above. In that case a male child was raised female. That is, enforcing a gender. In the case of Pop, no gender is being enforced and Pop is allowed to choose. This is the crux of the issue.
Mimzy says:
Tue, 7th Jul 20096:49 pm
This is criminal and terrible. A child is a human being to be loved and cared for, not made a social experiment of. It's one thing to tell a girl that it's okay not to wear skirts and dresses or to tell a boy that it's okay to cry. It's entirely another to raise a child who will probably never be able to interact normally with others or even have a family. Those parents should be arrested for child abuse.
emily says:
Tue, 7th Jul 20097:18 pm
Hmm.. i read this article for psychology class for undergrad about 3 years ago…. why is it just NOW getting coverage? and yes it worked.. bc it already happened.
Britt says:
Tue, 7th Jul 20098:22 pm
This will never work. The kid is going to realize what is going on by the time he/she/it’s four or five. It is also not fair to the child to confuse it like that!
emily says:
Tue, 7th Jul 20097:23 pm
http://www.gendercentre.org.au/22article4.htm
this is not a new concept. the link above gives the accurate full article.
Kelly says:
Tue, 7th Jul 20099:05 pm
I find so many things wrong with this. It's one thing to let your young daughter wear overalls and play with trucks and action figures, but completely another thing to deny a child a gender. Like Mimzy said, it's appalling that the parent's are using Pop as a social experiment. Sure, they might think it's "progressive" and "edgy" but Pop will never survive in the real world unless he/she is home schooled and lives in solitude. The Reimer story is an incredible example: both David (who was raised as a girl after a freak accident) and his brother committed suicide. Eventually hormones take over and the child will be lost and alone.
Stephanie says:
Wed, 8th Jul 20095:48 am
something just like this was discussed in my psych class. this was written in 1972.
http://etransgender.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=1…
Stephanie says:
Wed, 8th Jul 20095:50 am
just realized emily posted the same thing. oops…
well i concur, definitely NOT something as novel as you may think.
Caey says:
Wed, 8th Jul 20098:04 am
This isn't much different then what my parents did to me. I was raised (knowing I was a girl) but was allowed to live like a boy. I wanted to be a boy for about 6 years of my childhood (much different than a tom boy, I literally wanted to be a boy) I only hung out with boys in elementary school, I wore boy clothes, I played boy games, I cut my hair like a boy. (one school personnel even called me a little boy at age 6 which made me happy) My parents let me choose whatever I wanted to be. However, when I reached third grade I changed my mind and decided I wanted to be a girl.
Basically all these parents are doing is letting their child choose. Although the way they are going about it could very likely screw up the child for life.
I know now when I look back at pictures of myself as a child, I look like a boy and I hate it. I have very few pictures of me as a child where I actually look like a girl. It's a little embarrassing showing anyone pictures of me when I was little. And sharing cute little kid pictures with your friends is always disappointing for me, and I end up thinking "why the hell did my parents let me do this!" I missed out on a lot in my childhood that was pertinent to living as a female when I'm older. Which is perhaps why I don't get along with many girls today, and I don't really relate with women AT ALL.
When you're that young you are learning certain characteristics about your sex that are vital to living the rest of your life as such, when that teaching is disrupted, or flat out ignored, well I speak from experience (and this kid will have it much worse!) it's damaging to the rest of your life.
Lisa says:
Wed, 8th Jul 20099:28 am
I think while it's great to let a child grow up without saying "oh, girls do this and boys do that", raising a child 'without a gender' is a lie and cruel and an experiment that will scar that child's life forever. It isn't fair to confuse a small child like that. Adults have trouble understanding in some cases when gender is involved, what's a small child supposed to do? Poor kid.
Jenny says:
Wed, 8th Jul 20099:46 am
Like everyone else has said, I think it's great that they are planning on raising Pop to not identify with one particular gender. However, I feel that it is important for Pop to learn that although zie is biologically defined by hir genitalia, gender is fluid. Plus, while it is a good thing that Pop is learning about gender neutrality at such a young age, it's also important to explain that some people do define themselves as strictly male or female.
That said, the parents seem to have good intentions. From what I understand, they want to raise a kid who can be comfortable with hir gender, regardless of what it turns out to be. Unfortunately, there are better avenues to take in terms of teaching Pop about gender identity.