Sex Education 201: The Stuff You Really Wanna Know
Back in the 9th grade when I was forced to take Sex Ed from a 79 year old man with arthritic fingers (OMG they were all crooked and gross and I stared at my notebook for the duration of the class so I didn’t regurgitate my lunch), I took it for granted. I wasn’t having any sex (thanks to my poodle bangs), so I didn’t really pay attention to the wisdom that was being imparted on me. Not that the information was very helpful anyway. Sure, I learned how to use a condom by rolling it onto a banana (which, looking back, was a very unrealistic guide in both size and shape) and figured out how my ovaries worked, but what about the real stuff?
After a recent debacle involving a leg cramp/involuntary spasm while on top during sex, I realized that I have a lot to learn. And not things like “279 ways to please your man” like Cosmo provides, but real tips, tricks and strategies for sex.
Basically, sex education for adults.
A required course for all college students.
I think a lot of people could benefit from a class like this (namely the guy that thought jack-hammering me was a good idea) with topics covering anything and everything you would need to know about doin’ it.
Here are just a few topics I’d like to see on the syllabus:
Manual Stimulation For Him: Deeper does not mean better.
Manual Stimulation for Her: Mastering the art he’s been perfecting since he was 12.
Oral Sex for Him: It’s Not a Chew Toy/Understanding The Mysterious Box
Oral Sex for Her: Wetter is better
Ride Him Like a Pony: Tips and tricks for turning him on…and keeping it in.
Road Trip: How to get it on anywhere, from the beach to the stacks.
The Fetish: Sharing your fantasies without looking like a creepster
Under The Table: The art of secret stimulation
On The Move: Changing things up without losing momentum
Dealing With Adversity: Queefs, leaks, and other unfortunate mishaps
If I have to take 2 math classes, at least let me have something useful.