Sexy Time: Can Sex Be Too Good?

July 9, 2009 - 9:00 am By Kelly - Simmons College

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I am having the best sex of my life. My boyfriend is absolutely amazing. He loves to make me orgasm and is always finding new ways to do it. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

I’m also the most neurotic girl in the world, so I can’t help thinking: could this be a bad thing? What if I never find a man who can please me like he does? What if I am now completely spoiled and never enjoy sex as much with anyone else?

I honestly wouldn’t mind not having sex with anyone else for the rest of my life, but I know that’s not very practical. It’s unlikely I’ve met the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with at 20 years old. The fact that he’s moving across the country in a week only makes our eventual break up even more imminent.

So as I lay in my bed after a particularly good round of sexy time, I am not thinking about how happy I am, or how tired, or how hungry. All I’m thinking about is: can sex ever be too good? And as my boyfriend drifts off to sleep beside me (which is totally OK, he worked hard!), I ponder the possibilities for my future sex life.

YES, sex can be too good: Having amazing sex with one partner can spoil you for future sexual encounters. If you don’t find someone who lives up to your ex in skill, passion, and chemistry, no matter how much you love them, the sex will always be slightly lacking.

NO way!: Having amazing sex with one person helps you discover what you like, and these revelations carry with you into your future relationships. Now that you know what gets you off, you can train anyone to do it. And maybe they can do it even better…

I don’t know which answer is right, and I’m not sure I’m ready to find out.

What’s the best sex you’ve ever had, and did it spoil you for future partners?

31 Comments   Posted in Relationships, Sex
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31 Comments on "Sexy Time: Can Sex Be Too Good?"

  1. Kristen says:
    Thu, 9th Jul 20099:12 am 

    Best sex I ever had was with my ex, and yeah, it’s spoiled it for the rest of my sexual partners :( Don’t know if I’ll ever have that good of sex again…

  2. CM says:
    Thu, 9th Jul 200911:59 am 

    Me and my x just broke up and we had the greatest sex I’ve ever had. Now that we’ve been over and done with, I’ve fooled around with other guys… definitely sex with the x was way better… Idk if it ruined sex for me for the rest of my life though… I think for me, it had a lot to do with trust. I trusted my ex immensely and I think that’s how the sex was really good. We’ll see what happens in the future though :)

  3. Lauren - University of Michigan says:
    Thu, 9th Jul 200912:11 pm 

    I hope to god I haven’t found my best yet :) I know for a fact, though, that I’ve found my worst. If it gets worse than that, I will lose all faith in god.

  4. chellechelle says:
    Thu, 9th Jul 200912:14 pm 

    ugggh i’m having issues with this right now, i’m still seeing my ex because he’s AMAZING in the sack, it really sucks i mean he’s not the right guy for me he can be a real jerk, which is why i broke it off, but god damn the sex is good, soo we still “hang out”, i hope that i can eventually find someone that is just as good. so far everyone else seems HORRIBLE, i’ve even been verbal and tried to guide guys so that i can have a good expierence but no, no one has laid it as good as him yet :(

  5. Ryu says:
    Thu, 9th Jul 200912:16 pm 

    “NO way!: Having amazing sex with one person helps you discover what you like, and these revelations carry with you into your future relationships. Now that you know what gets you off, you can train anyone to do it. And maybe they can do it even better…”

    -giggles-

    Well, you know, if they don’t match up to this guy, you know you should dump them. Because you’ve found the best sex ever, you know not to settle. ;P

  6. Frank says:
    Thu, 9th Jul 20093:33 pm 

    As a brilliant and talented lover, it’s hard to let a talented lady go. The problem is, if the relationship sucks but the sex is fantastic, it’s a sure path to ultimate misery. Addicted to the pleasure, but the anguish is grueling. If I make the mistake of hooking up with a dead fish (sorry, no disrespect intended), breaking it off is often only accomplished by being a total jerk, and that ultimately sucks.

    The best sex (for me at least) is with someone I care for.

  7. Francoise says:
    Thu, 9th Jul 20093:35 pm 

    Couldn’t agree more with the Yes part.

    This is not even talking about FUTURE partners.
    After a mind-blowing session with a bf/ex…or even a random, you start questioning, why haven’t you experienced this before? Where do they make men like that? And then comes the “if only I jumped into the sack with this guy earlier…”.

    Sure, it’s not fair to compare like that, but I’m sure this is only natural. I’m not sure about the training part. Men are not exactly dogs, after all.

    The saving grace? It definitely helps if you’re totally into the guy, rather than a random drunken hookup.

  8. Erin says:
    Thu, 9th Jul 20097:28 pm 

    I guess I’m lucky. My current guy is a-maz-ing! He puts every ex I’ve had to complete shame and then some. He’s the kind of selfless guy that seriously will not stop until I finish and can’t move afterward. Love it, love it, LOVE it.

    If we ever break up, I screwed because I know no other guy can give me what he does.

  9. lizabeth says:
    Thu, 9th Jul 200911:40 pm 

    Chellechelle, you might just BE me. I did the same exact thing, the guy was a JERK, but I stayed bc he was awesome in bed. And I admit it, it has spoiled sex for me. It’s still good of course, and I love my BF very much, but I still make mental comparisons. The worst part is hating him, yet knowing I would still hook up with him if I was presented with the opportunity.

  10. Jon in DC says:
    Fri, 10th Jul 200912:18 pm 

    the yes answer is sadly dead on. Had one lover back in ‘91 who was so incredible everything since has been a disappointment. Pretty much ruined sex for me.

  11. Black Iris says:
    Fri, 10th Jul 20097:19 pm 

    My best sex partner ever is now my husband. And yes, we met when I was 19.

    On the other hand, you’re 20. Maybe the guys you’ve been meeting weren’t that experienced. There’s hope that you could find other good partners out there.

    So, how good is the rest of the relationship? Is he worth trying to stay together?

  12. beth says:
    Sat, 11th Jul 200912:14 am 

    Hm. Glad I got married at 21- I’ve only been with 2 guys, and my husband is so so so much better than my first that I’m glad I know he’s the last person I’ll be with.

    I don’t understand the fascination with sleeping with a ton of guys. Actually I think it’s kind of gross. Especially if it’s someone you just met that night.

  13. Wendy says:
    Sat, 11th Jul 20096:56 am 

    I once had sex with glue stick. It was the best sex of my life!!!! Nobody will ever be able to satisfy me like that.

  14. Joe the Drunk says:
    Mon, 13th Jul 20094:53 pm 

    what is it that makes the sex so great? is it the size of the cock? is it the expert cunnilingus? do you prefer flat abs or potbelly? what is it???

  15. Chelzz says:
    Tue, 14th Jul 200912:46 am 

    Joe, if she reaches the big ‘O’ multiple times or one good mind crushing time is was makes the sex so great . Or if she just plain enjoys what she does with him. Size maybe matters, but if he’s small size and still knows what to do with it then that just goes out the window because she’s screaming too loud to care. :)

  16. Alice says:
    Tue, 14th Jul 20096:46 am 

    Darlin, your problems are the last of my problems.

  17. Bellara says:
    Tue, 14th Jul 20091:04 pm 

    sex can only be too good if 1. u suck at it, 2. u aren’t used to good “loving”, 3. you’ve been bedding w/guys who are clueless abt working their magic stick. no man can ever or will ever ruin the goodness of my bedroom life because i rock at it!!! NEVER LET A BAD EXPERIENCE TO HOLD U BACK FROM HAVING A GOOD TIME!!!

  18. The Cardiologist says:
    Wed, 15th Jul 200911:56 am 

    Hello there all you beautiful ladies…
    The answers to all questions are the simplest ones and in this case both views are partly right. Looking at it from both perspectives, (A. there is plenty of fish in the sea and they come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and speeds. (B. It can be fun to play teacher. So if you find someone who’s great except in the bed room, show them how. It builds trust and respect! Even old dogs can be taught new tricks. All it requires is a little hard work and dedication and isn’t that what makes a good relationship in the first place.

  19. Chumblespuzz says:
    Thu, 16th Jul 20091:11 pm 

    Speaking as a great lover (I’m a guy, can’t you tell :) ) I’ve come to realize that great sex is 90% psychological. I was with a woman for about a year and took her to places she had never been. She told a friend of hers (who later told me) that she said I was the best lover she ever had and couldn’t imagine ever having better.

    Fast forward a year later – she’s now with another guy and told told her friend how great he is. Her friend reminded her what she had said about me and her response was that I was not really that great (not in comparison, just in general). Actually made me laugh.

    So, the moral of the story is, it doesn’t matter how good the guy is. All that matters is how much you enjoy being with him at the moment.

  20. broomstick says:
    Thu, 16th Jul 20094:39 pm 

    Mine was much fun… Sexier and hotter, can’t get it out of my mine. Who can imagine I got my broomstick and use it on my p—y. Wow it fits perfect!!!

  21. WHOAAA! says:
    Thu, 16th Jul 20094:47 pm 

    Try Dr. Hayden Kho as your partner! He will give you the experience that you will not forget for the rest of your life!

  22. xxx says:
    Fri, 17th Jul 20094:06 pm 

    I have been with a few guys and each guy I have been with I have grown more comfortable, and the sex just gets that much better. I am sure I have found the guy who I am going to spend the rest of my life with, because he is trustworthy and everything I have ever wanted… Not to mention a bonus that the sex is the best sex I have ever had! I say don’t worry about the ex & sex. I beleive trusting somebody and being able to tell them what you want and what feels good is the best thing for a sexual aspect of a relationship. So ladies, keep your hopes up and be open with your new lover! :)

  23. There's Life After GREAT sex! says:
    Sat, 18th Jul 20097:46 am 

    10 years later I thought I would never get over having had such awesome partners early on. I am here to tell you there is life after fabulous sex!
    Will you compare?
    Yes, but the key is build on the experiences you’ve had before, not only by showing the new guy the ropes, but by reevaluating yourself as a lover and putting into the new relationship what you want to get out of it.

    Will you be spoiled?
    Totally, but do stop pampering yourself if it wasn’t as good this time as the last time? NO WAY! You plow ahead: determined to feel good and look hot doing it!

    I didn’t let go and start having GREAT sex again until I renewed my friendships with the guys who wrecked my husband’s sexual future! Now, the comparison pushes ME to be better in bed than I ever was before and, not surprisingly, my sex life rocks more now than it did even then! Why? Not only am I with my life mate, but I’ve finally started looking forward to challenge of taking my sexual life into my own, quite capable hands, instead of looking back and wistfully waiting for my past to throw me the proverbial boner… bone! Now we can both reap the benefits of my past experiences: TOGETHER!

  24. rebecca says:
    Sun, 2nd Aug 20093:58 pm 

    i thought my first partner was amazing, and no one would ever match up to him, and when i did it with my second partner, he was HORRIBLE! and i thought that no one could be as good as my first, but when i moved on to my third partner he beat my first and second by far,

    i say that great sex just helps you understand what you want, what you like, and how to give it even better.

  25. jessica says:
    Wed, 12th Aug 20097:52 am 

    I started dating a guy when I was 17, we had amazing chemistry and for the next few years the sex was better and better. When we were 21 we split and I saw a couple other guys, but the sex was never quite the same as it was with him. After a few months we ended up back in bed. We’ve been together for 8 years in total now, we have a gorgeous 22 month old daughter and are set to get married next summer. And the sex just keeps getting more amazing!

  26. Neptune says:
    Thu, 20th Aug 20095:08 pm 

    I have only had the one partner, who I am still with. The sex is just mind blowing and I love it! I don’t think I would even want to leave him because I love and trust him so much. That’s what I think makes the best sex. Is the love and trust in each other. We know what pleases each other and we always find new ways to please each other. I love having sex in a loving relationship, it’s the best! I would never trade him for anything x]

  27. mari says:
    Wed, 16th Sep 200911:02 am 

    So I wanna say that I thought i’d had the best sex I would ever have in my life with my ex, he was extremely talented in bed.
    However my current beau I’m in love with, and while his technique and experience may not be up to what it was with my ex. (Mostly because he’s a lot younger and had a lot less sexual partners) I have found that sex with him is even more amazing than my ex, and all I can put it down to is that we feel so connected, we are so in love and we are both so open and honest with either other about everything and are willing to try anything. He can seriously make me orgasm without even touching my ‘hotspots’ he knows me, my body and my mind so well.
    So if you think you’ve had the most amazing sex you’ll ever have, wait until you are truly connected with someone and then you’ll see that good technique with no true connection meant nothing…

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