Dealing With a Stage Five Clinger

I can finally say it: we’re in the thick of summer. My days are now devoted to lying out on my back porch, tackling the one assignment a week my online summer class requires and dealing with my parents.

Yep, I’m back home.

Even though my parents are legitimately insane (and anal about everything), there have been some real obvious perks about shacking up here for the summer.

Case in point: All those hot guys from high school I haven’t seen in 3+ years? Yeah, they’re here, too.

So, I did what any horny (..and lonely) girl who’s home from her college town for an extended period of time with no job and/or source of income would do: I called up (and by called up I mean, Facebook-messaged) a cute guy from my neighborhood. And we hung out and hit it off right away.

Hanging out with someone new is always exciting. I absolutely thrive off those first few weeks of a budding relationship when all I can think about is the other person and wonder if he’s thinking about me, too. I love anxiously waiting for that phone call or text message after the first date that seals the deal that you two might have a future together. I LOVE IT, LOVE IT.

Well, I didn’t get that this time.

This guy – however charming, attractive & intelligent he may be – did not give me any sort of chase. In fact, he became what every girl (and guy) dreads: a stage five clinger. After we hung out one night, said dude thought it was okay to text me multiple times a day. He also thought that if I didn’t respond to those text messages, maybe I’d respond to multiple phone calls. In a row.

Yeah, it got pretty bad. I became extremely freaked out. But, he is still cute and smart, so I decided to continue to see him. He is absolutely amazing in person – even if he does want to see me like, all day, everyday.

So, since I’m going through this kind of sitch as we speak, I thought I could offer some sound advice to any of you other CCers out there dealing with a clingy dude:

1. First and foremost, be honest with him about your feelings. I actually had to sit down with this guy and explain to him that I was not into him texting me 10+ times a day (unless he had Verizon Wireless, too. Maybe then we could’ve worked out a deal). It actually wasn’t as awkward or awful as I thought it would be and he seemed to take it pretty well. He apologized for his, um, “excitability factor” and promised to back off the keypad for a bit. Sometimes people can surprise you.

2. Understand that people have different ideas of “clingy.” Some people need lots of space, while others are perfectly fine with others being all up in their business all the time. I am the former, an extremely private person who cherishes and needs my alone time. I realized quickly, though, that Mr. Clinger, was not like me. He actually treated his friends the same way he treated me – with multiple texts and phone calls a day. I think society teaches us that men are supposed to want their space, but this isn’t always necessarily true. Talk to him about what he feels is an adequate amount of time spent texting, talking to and seeing each other a week. If your ideas don’t match, at least you’ll know before he gets TOO attached and starts to stalk you and/or your friends. I decided that after dealing with some extreme d-bags recently who couldn’t have cared less what I was up to all day, having a clinger didn’t seem quite so bad.

3. Know that things can change. Sometimes one person falls harder for another right off the bat. Mr. Clinger might meet you, decide you’re amazing (cause, well, you are) and know right away that he wants you to himself. Guys are very visually-oriented: If they see something they want, they will go after it – sometimes with a little more vigor than us ladies can handle. After you get to know your clinger a little better, you might find yourself falling for him, too and then that hourly communication might not be so bad anymore.

4. Encourage him to cultivate his own interests. If you’re already in a relationship with a clinger, or his clinginess comes on later in the game, it might be due to his insecurity about your relationship. Remind him that you care about him, but encourage him to go out and do things that he used to like. Obviously you were attracted to him for a reason, so remind him of those things you liked and support him in whatever “solo” activities he wants to participate in. Check your own clinginess, too. Usually relationships work best when both partners have a similar level of neediness.

5. But if you can’t take it, don’t. Even though your opinion of clinger could change, don’t try to force yourself to feel something you don’t. Clingy guys (or people, in general) are normally only viewed that way because they are way more into you than you are into them. I got lucky with my clinger and he turned out to be an alright dude after his initial fascination with me wore off. However, some dudes really are straight up creeps and/or future abusive boyfriends. If seeing his name on your caller ID still makes you squeamish after a few dates, do yourself and him a favor and wave his clingy ass goodbye.

6. And last but not least, if he doesn’t listen to you – Run for the hills! Since you’re here at CC, I can assume you’re a pretty smart lady. If you feel that you’ve been given some definite red flags and you’ve talked to dude about his clinginess (or even tried to end things) but he still won’t back off – you might have to do something drastic. Quit answering his calls and texts completely. Block him on Facebook. Avoid places you think you might see him for awhile. File a restraining order. Kidding. Kinda.