Overheard: Boink!

By John

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Girl, gesturing wildly to her friends.)

Girl: It’s Reverse Nursing! You suck babies in through your nipples!

(Guy, talking to his angry girlfriend on a park bench.)

Guy: What’s wrong with “Royal Buffet?” That’s where I went on my 21st birthday.

(Guy and a girl, talking in a bookstore.)

Guy: I checked it out, and it’s bigger than the girls’.

Girl: “Bigger than the girls” sounds like some terrible euphemism for something.

(Two guys at the Salvation Army.)

Guy 1: That old woman took the ugliest chair in the universe.

Guy 2: Maybe she needed it for fuel.

(Two guys, looking at a very tall rock.)

Guy 1: I don’t know, I think I’m counting on adrenaline to get me over.

Guy 2: Like, you’ll shoot adrenal fluid out your butt so fast that it causes you to fly?

(Two girls, at a sobriety checkpoint.)

Officer: Where are you girls off to?

Girl 1: Nowhere. Just carrying tons of booze around in our car for no reason.

Officer: That’s not funny, you know.

Girl 1: Sorry, Officer.

(Man waiting in an office.)

Man: *points at desk picture* Is that your son? I think I’ve seen him somewhere.

Woman at desk: I’m sorry? Yes. It is.

Man: I’m not sure, I only got a glimpse before he turned around and started making out with some girl. He’s very attractive.

Woman: … Thank you?

(Girl, making plans on the phone.)

Girl: We’re trying to do a beach trip on Saturday.

(beat)

Girl: No, I don’t know what the weather’s gonna be like. Can’t we check it when we get there?

(Big, bearded guy walking by another guy in a hardware store.)

Beard guy: *leaning over, muttering* Hey… hey. It’s insanity.

Other guy: What?

Beard guy: *keeps walking*

(Girls hiking on a forest trail.)

Girl: Doesn’t it seem like everything fun is illegal?

Girl 2: Yeah, or else it’s already on fire.

(Guy on the phone.)

Guy: My roommates are just such… big, mean, round gay monkeys!