We’ve All Been There: Decoding His Words

decoding text message

So you met a boy. A perfect boy. A boy who loves True Life marathons and Frosted Mini Wheats as much as you do. A boy who kissed you on the cheek after walking you home and took your number (instead of drunk-friending you on Facebook). You totally heart him.

After coming in the house and telling your roommates all about how sweet and funny and “OMG he was wearing the hottest jeans,” you lay in bed thinking about him. And make a mental note to get a bikini wax ASAP, because you will most definitely be seeing him (in the buff) sometime soon.

You spend the next day clutching your phone, willing it to ring. You take it to the library, the gym and even into the bathroom. You jump every time the phone rings and mentally prepare yourself to turn on the charm, only to realize it’s a friend or, of course, your mom. Finally, you receive a text message:

Hungover in the library. Not fun :(

OMG OMG OMG. You run – no, skip – to your friend and show her the text.

“Aw, he totally hearts you!” She says. You blush, excited that someone else thinks this is a good thing, too.

“What should I say back?!” You spend the next 10 minutes crafting the perfect response: witty and cute without looking like you spent 10 minutes coming up with it.

You should try hungover on a treadmill.

You hit send then sit with your friend as you wait for a response. A few minutes go by. Then another few minutes. You start getting impatient, worried.

“What if he meant to send that to someone else? I know he’s got his phone with him – why isn’t he responding? Do you think he thinks I’m an alcoholic? I shouldn’t have responded so quickly. Oh god, he hates me.”

Your friend reassures you that you are being crazy, that he wouldn’t have texted you if he hated you and that he’s probably just doing something else. But you don’t believe her; she has to say those things. You want chocolate.

Finally, the familiar text alert rings from your phone. You flip it open quickly and there’s a message from the boy.

This is bad enough. I wish someone would bring me a Gatorade.

“What do you think that means?!” You ask your friend. “Does he want me to bring him a Gatorade? Should I be cute and bring him a Gatorade? What flavor do you think he likes? If there was a winky or smiley face I’d know he was asking me to bring him one…”

“Yeah, if there was a wink I’d think that would mean he’s asking you. Maybe he’s just making small talk.”  Your friend reasons. You IM another friend, give her a brief summary of what’s going on (including what the texts said word for word) and ask her opinion. She agrees that it’s small talk, that you should not go visit him with a variety of Gatorade flavors and that he’s just being cute and chatty with you.

“Yeah. Ok, what should I say back?” You spend another few minutes (longer than you usually spend answering a Blue Book question) working on a response. It is the perfect blend of flirty and cute, topped off with a smiley (obvs).

And then you wait for his response once again.
This goes on all day: read, evaluate (“do you think he really LOLed?”), contemplate, respond.

Yeah, we’ve all been there. You’re not the only one trying to decode the boys.



  1. guy says:

    It is hilarious how much more girls think than guys.

    Guy's thought process:

    Was she cute? Yes. Send text. Repeat.

  2. Nikki says:

    Damn. This is practically the scenario that unfolds in my life so many times!

  3. carla says:

    hahaha!! love it. this is spot on! im fed up of having to "decode" guys and get over excited with these things, tho they are fun.

    and i reckon guys really do just think like the guy above just said. they really arent that difficult to decode.

  4. angiemarie says:

    Haha, this was cute. Loved it!

  5. Ana says:

    Going thru this right now! So hard to decode! OH he just replied my text!

  6. Heather says:

    hahah so cute. All of the “we’ve all been there” articles are so sadly true

  7. shari says:

    so sad, but true

  8. Liam says:

    You guys are complicated. All he's asking for is some gatorade. Why didn't you go buy him one?

  9. Sarah says:

    I think the best frame of mind to be in as a girl is to QUIT OVER-ANALYZING EVERY FREAKING LITTLE THING.

    The guy probably isn't…why should we? This entire article reminded me of Gigi from "He's Just Not That Into You": cute, but pathetic.

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  11. goddessoftheclassroo says:

    "You spend the next day clutching your phone, willing it to ring. You take it to the library, the gym and even into the bathroom. You jump every time the phone rings and mentally prepare yourself to turn on the charm, only to realize it’s a friend or, of course, your mom…"

    What's REALLY sad is that this behavior doesn't end with one's 20s…speaking from personal experience.

  12. todler says:

    Answer the really important question, did he get a Gatorade?

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  14. sara says:

    my text reply would have been "Oh yeah, what flavor?"

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  16. Brittney says:

    This was soo true.. damn.. and u think it will get better the next time, or that you wont overreact as much.. but we do lol everytime.

  17. Kim says:

    Oh man, I thought I was all alone in this kind of mess! What a relief!

  18. Vicki says:

    Im wit sara on this one. That would have been convo even if it was kinda but im sooo going thu this right now,but instead of a txt its a facebook wall post. im going out of my mind wanting to know wat he meant by thisor that & when hes going to repsond bk.ughhh. well let me go check my

  19. Lindsey says:

    I would have replied "I don't think anyone's going to walk up to you and just randomly hand you a Gatorade"

  20. the violator says:

    as a guy, i can't speak for us all anymore than any one of you ladies can speak for all women. however, i can say this: we do not, i repeat not obsess over this kind of stuff like so many of you women do. and we are happier for it. sadly too many women are always playing these games of hidden messages (even when there are none and with us guys there usually aren't)

    it appears that there are many women out there who drive themselves crazy over this kind of stuff and it is so unnecessary. women seem to be geared for these kinds of mental disorders of subtle hints with each other and expect we do the same. we don't. we are direct and don't worry over what someone 'might' mean.

    sarah, you are not a step ahead of the pack on this one, you are light years ahead and i bet you are happier for it.

  21. Campus Socialite says:

    Check out this true conversation between a girl and basically herself, after one night with a guy. True story, being e-mailed around… I hope this isn't you! It is pretty obvious what the guys is saying in this conversation…

  22. Ness says:

    Sooooooo true!! If only they knew our texts had input from like 5 other people hahaaa… crafted so perfectly

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  25. melissa says:

    LOL @ "You want chocolate."


  26. TG says:

    Such an honest story! I've been through this WAY too many times myself. I miss the days when guys just called you instead.

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  28. E says:

    But then even the call had its own problems. You'd start wondering about his tone and the awkward or almost-awkward pauses etc

  29. Thislady25 says:

    I would probably say "Aw yea. Good hangover drink. Especially the blue kind."

    Then again this post was written forever ago lol.

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  35. Leon says:

    Well…this is funny because I personally would think he was asking for a Gatorade, but if he didn’t get one it’d be ok since they just met. Most of the time, I’m super laid-back about everything, so I would say whatever response came to mind after I got a msg. This thing with the girls and women decoding a message that isn’t needing to be decoded is probably a large problem. Not saying guys are always easy to read, but if he takes the time to say something when you just met, he probably likes you in some way, no need to figure things out so fast. Just let things happen.

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