Death to Crocs, Finally
July 16, 2009 3:00 pm Posted in Entertainment
Finally, a benefit of our failing economy! It turns out that the crocs franchise may not be around as long as we had feared. Instead of scrambling to keep up with (inexplicable) demand, they are now facing millions of dollars of debt and a surplus of really ugly shoes.
Why are they having this problem? Well, they made the little monsters nearly indestructible, so nobody feels the need to buy a second pair. If only no one felt the need to buy the first pair…
Almost everyone I know agrees that crocs are possibly the ugliest things we as humans have ever put on our feet. However, most of my friends own a pair. When I give them my patented look of revulsion and pity, they shrug and give me the same argument: “They’re comfortable.”
Well…so what??!!! A lot of unacceptable things are comfortable! You know what else is comfortable? Mumus. I don’t see anyone walking around in a mumu because they are BUTT UGLY. Just like Crocs.
Another argument commonly thrown around is that they are acceptable for some professions, namely those in the medical community or those who work in horticulture. No. I mean, if you saw your surgeon saunter up to your bedside in purple Crocs (possibly with those little things stuck in the holes, like a doggy or a kitty or a fake diamond), would you have much faith in his skills, or would you remove that IV and get the eff out of there?
It seems, for now, that the croc crisis is over. All we have to do is figure out a way to destroy the surplus (and, hopefully, every other pair). Chemical warfare, anyone?