You Might Be Crazy If…

July 16, 2009 - 2:00 pm By Melanie - Northeastern University

psycho.jpg

Are you psychotic in relationships? Have your significant others ever called you a crazy bitch? Insane? Needy? Any of the above? Here’s some signs that you just might be:

- You love the chase. Not to mention the ongoing drama and the on and off and the fighting, but once the guy gives you the attention and affection, you’re totally bored and want out.

- You constantly pine for a guy who DOESN’T LIKE YOU or worse, doesn’t even know you exist. He’s Just Not That Into You was written for you.

- You cheat. Oh man, do you ever cheat. You just do. You sometimes don’t mean it, but sometimes you do. You lie about it. You feel awful about it sometimes, but sometimes you don’t. Sometimes it’s just making out, sometimes it’s sex, sometimes it’s emotional, but it’s all cheating. And you do it. And sometimes you can’t stop once you start getting good at it.

- You love relationships so much that you’re absolutely miserable when you’re not in one (which is rare) and when you are in one you’re convinced he’s “The One” and you love being a couple and doing everything together and oh my god NO ONE LIKES HEARING ABOUT IT.

- You pick fights. The guy is totally normal and you spaz out over absolutely nothing. Maybe you break things. Maybe you hack his email or Facebook and freak out over the slightest flirtation. You just want to fight.

- You love douchebags. The only guys you are into treat you like the scum of the earth and you put up with it and give a million chances, and ‘totally forget’ about the time he cheated on you and then somehow are surprised and depressed when he finally leaves you for the other girl he’s been screwing around with the entire time you were dating him. Everyone saw that coming, but you. Get back down to earth, Space Jam.

- You’re in a totally healthy relationship right now with absolutely zero to complain about. You tell everyone about this totally healthy relationship and how your significant other is your best friend. You go to bed, assured that you will love them for the rest of your life. Even if your life span lasted 1000 years, you’d still be in love with them on your 932nd birthday. You would never want anyone other than this person. If you’re not in a relationship, you’re sure that this type of relationship exists.

Did you find yourself on this list? Congratulations. You’re not psychotic, you’re totally normal.

Define what the hell you’re doing wrong and work on it. It probably won’t be perfect, but it’s worth a shot. If not, don’t forget that 52% of marriages end in divorce anyway, so it’s not really your fault; you’re already statistically f**cked.

Awesome!

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

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27 Comments on "You Might Be Crazy If…"

  1. Maggie says:
    Thu, 16th Jul 20093:47 pm 

    Hah, hah, I was getting freaked out because I do a few of the things on this list, until I got to the sentence about these things being “completely normal”. Now if only I could figure out a way to work on these problems…..

  2. Melanie - Northeastern University says:
    Thu, 16th Jul 20095:10 pm 

    Maggie,

    I think most girls go through many of these things in relationships. I’m still looking for the right way to work on them too! Let me know if you come up with any ideas that don’t involve dating your TiVo and dirty martinis instead of boys.

  3. Erich says:
    Thu, 16th Jul 20097:11 pm 

    Everything you just described is a perfect evaluation of my ex wife after she divorced me.

    I think the issue is because everything on here says that the person you are describing is emotionally unhealthy.

    One of the keys to a healthy relationship is to constantly put the other person before yourself. Unfortunately, we tend to be selfish by nature and we need to learn to not be.

  4. Melanie - Northeastern University says:
    Thu, 16th Jul 200910:34 pm 

    Erich,

    I definitely agree with you, but sometimes people put the other person before themselves too much. It’s a huge give and take. Finding the perfect balance is tough and pouring all your love into someone can hurt you too.

    It’s difficult to find a balance between self-preservation and giving yourself to a person. Not to mention, even if you do strike the right balance, sometimes the other person will take advantage of the attention you give them. Sucks, but it happens.

    Thanks for reading.
    M

  5. Christina says:
    Thu, 16th Jul 200911:41 pm 

    Haha…I love the last one. Number 4 is really annoying, though. My friend does that all the time and I can’t stand it. She goes out with stupid guys even though it obviously won’t work out, yet acts as if she is about to marry them. Then, when it doesn’t work out(partly because they will barely even talk to each other!), she says she loves being single, but a week later she’ll “be in love” with some other guy. She does it just so she can tell everyone about all these guys she has been with. She is psychotic! And, I think I’m going to be if I have to hear her talk about it one more time.

  6. Brad Wellen says:
    Fri, 17th Jul 20099:24 am 

    And for some more on some batshit crazy college girls, check out: http://www.precioustimeny.com/blog/?p=2456

  7. Johnnie says:
    Fri, 17th Jul 200911:15 am 

    I thought this was just normal female behavior until age 30

  8. Johnnie says:
    Fri, 17th Jul 200911:16 am 

    and yes, it is crazy

  9. Erich says:
    Fri, 17th Jul 200911:31 am 

    Melanie– Thanks for the response. I really like your articles. They are interesting and what better way to hear about women than from one :)

    I agree w/ you on the balancing act.It is a give and take and both parties have to willing to sacrifice in order for the relationship to work.

    Question I have is why do women always date douchebags?

  10. Melanie - Northeastern University says:
    Fri, 17th Jul 200912:21 pm 

    Erich,

    Thank you! I appreciate it.

    I have no idea why we date douchebags. I have and I probably will do it again.

    I think one draw women have to douchebags is the fact that they’re a challenge. Men are drawn to women who make them chase, whereas women are drawn to men who are emotionally unavailable or simply assholes. In my experience, I’ve been with guys who treat me poorly because I think I can change the behavior. I continue to put up with their bull because I’m convinced that “underneath it all” (Thanks for nothing, Gwen Stefani) they truly care and are just hiding from their feelings.

    Unfortunately, that’s not the case. 99.9% of the time, a guy won’t change but the girl will continue to stick around and pour all her energies into him, because it’s all about the challenge and the chase of getting a guy who’s “just not that into you” to transform into the knight in shining armor.

    This behavior leaves a lot of people screwed, especially genuinely good guys and is a really damaging cycle for girls who are partaking in this “challenge.”

    When I formulate the perfect answer for girls to fall for the “right” ones and leave the players, losers and assholes behind, you better believe I’ll post it here. Hopefully people can learn from their mistakes (I know I have, the hard way) and start seeking out significant others for pure reasons, not just the fun, “game” reasons.

    Once a douchebag, always a douchebag. Women need to start believing it.

    -M

  11. Melanie - Northeastern University says:
    Fri, 17th Jul 200912:24 pm 

    Johnnie,

    Ugh, I hope it’s only until age 30… but I’ve definitely seen older women with these traits too.

    Let’s not completely rule out the man’s side as well, you guys do some pretty insane stuff too!

    Thanks for reading!
    M

  12. Erich says:
    Fri, 17th Jul 200912:36 pm 

    Melanie– Thanks for the response keep the articles coming.

  13. Sara says:
    Fri, 17th Jul 20091:24 pm 

    Melanie,

    YESSSSSSSSS. Spot on. I can say that some women date douchebags NOT KNOWING they are douchebags. When I fell in love with my ex fiance, it was because he was soooooo undouchebaggy. Kind, extremely nice, loving, attentive, etc. The typical nice guy (I don’t like bad boys at all). But once we moved in together, it was Dr.Jekyl/Mr. Hyde. He became controlling, manipulative, and verbally/physically abusive. It was such a shock. I think a lot of girls start dating a guy who isn’t a douchebag at first, and then their true douchebagness reveals itself.

    And definitely true about the give and take: I tend to be a big giver in a relationship, but the last few guys have been ALLLLLL ABOUT the take and no give in return. And that won’t work. I’m still waiting to find someone who will appreciate and take what I give, but give equally in return.

  14. Melanie - Northeastern University says:
    Fri, 17th Jul 20094:48 pm 

    Sara,

    Sorry to hear that about your ex. It’s rough when someone is two-faced like that. Good for you for getting out. You’re right too, sometimes it’s so hard to tell! A guy can start out seeming like a good guy but when he falls into being a douchebag it’s hard to let go because you remember his good qualities.

    Sara, never let anyone treat you badly or give you anything less than you deserve and definitely try and work on whatever is tough for you in relationships as well!

    Keep reading. Peace love & college candy,

    Melanie

  15. Justin says:
    Mon, 20th Jul 20093:59 pm 

    lol @ #1. A girl spent about 2 years chasing me after I explicitly told her I didn’t want anything.

    then when I show interest to a girl I really like, she stops showing interest

    why do you women have to be so complicated :/

  16. Alice says:
    Wed, 22nd Jul 20094:38 pm 

    Why would you encourage stuff like this? You know those misogynistic plaid-shirt-wearing hicks who smoke roll-ups and spit about how “all dem bitches are messed in da head, y’know?”? They say stuff like that because one too many girlfriend has behaved like this. It’s really not that hard to act like a normal human being, instead of a walking gender stereotype, ladies.

    That last one about being in a perfectly healthy relationship I don’t even get.

  17. Broken says:
    Fri, 24th Jul 200911:37 am 

    One or two of these isn’t bad to live with. Noone can expect perfection. But if a female has ALL OF THESE FAULTS kicking on full cylinders at the same time there’s not much hope.

    The big problem with me is I’ve known girls who had a combination of everything here in extreme degrees especially the “I love douchbags!” and “I wanna talk about all my problems or good fortune to the point your head explodes!” syndromes.

    Females sometimes forget we hate being assigned as platonic friends. We do not mind being a shoulder to cry on sometimes but ALL THE TIME is a bitch. At least offer us the illusion we could be something more in the future and never say “I love you like a brother!” or “I don’t want to screw you because it would complicate this wonderful thing we share!” (Ok, but then why screw a guy you don’t have a “wonderful thing” with??)

    Once I had a friend tell me the above 2 things in tedium many years and by the time she did want to have sex with me I no longer wanted to. Good windows of opertunity do not last forever for either gender. Neglect a loved one too long and they will stop having certain intimate feelings.

    As you touched on the important thing is having these faults, recognizing them, admitting there’s a problem, and trying to work it out. These are “normal” but on the same flip of the coin they are not justified or healthy either. Slipping into the muck and getting up is admirable but slipping into the muck and wallowing in it is self destructive and hurtful to those within close proximity.

  18. Melanie - Northeastern University says:
    Fri, 24th Jul 200911:54 am 

    Broken,

    Sorry to hear it. I know, girls are a lot to handle. So are guys! You’re very right, none of these behaviors are great. Unfortunately, they have become “norms,” which is what I was trying to point out, in my CollegeCandy sort of way. None of these behaviors are ideal, but they have become traits that are very common in a lot of women (myself included).

    Having a big mix of all these things can definitely lead to disaster. I’m also guilty of crying on my good guy friends’ shoulders more than I should and not considering that they might want something more than a friendship. Don’t let girls do this to you! I once heard, “Wise guys cut ties” (thanks, TheFrisky), and it stuck.

    It may not be fair, but girls do tend to be more emotionally attached, whether it be to friendboys or boyfriends. Sometimes the guy has to make the tough call and break it off completely, even if it’s just a damaging friendship.

    I wish you luck and genuinely good girls, Broken. Keep reading!

    -Melanie

  19. Justin says:
    Sat, 25th Jul 20094:35 am 

    Broken,

    I completely agree with Melanie. When it comes to girls as platonic friends I try to avoid being friends with girls I’m attracted to completely. No matter how much I like them, how much they do for you or how good of a friend they are…. if you try to pursue anything beyond being just a friend you will get your heart broken.

    If you fail to get the girl, sever. There is no point to pursue anything else. When I failed to get the girl of my dreams, I deleted her facebook, phone number and her picture from my phone so I can never contact her again and bring up old feelings. so yea, keep that in mind next time you befriend a hot chick.

  20. Amy says:
    Sat, 25th Jul 20099:56 am 

    If women/men are divorced/have kids/have sex before marriage etc, they all need to be rounded up and put into a secure location so that they don’t pollute the dating pool for people of both genders who haven’t made such idiotic decisions and who aren’t contaminated with filth. The dating scene for both genders would be a lot better when only people who actually mattered were allowed to date.

    In both cases, the men and women who are ruined and worthless by virtue of their poor life choices, wouldn’t be allowed to ruin the dating scene for everyone. Get the hell out of our way!!!! We are not going to suffer for your mistakes and stupidity!!!!! Rotton scoundrels!!!!

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