Saturday Read: The Purity Myth – Jessica Valenti Exposes Virginity

D says:
Sat, 18th Jul 20096:37 am 

I LOVED this book. I'm generally a fiction girl but this book was a thoughtful and fun read. Jessica has a sense of humor about a serious issue that makes her writing seem more like a friend than someone preaching their opinion at you.

A says:
Sat, 18th Jul 20097:56 am 

Where did you go to school that you had to sign those cards?

girl says:
Sat, 18th Jul 20098:01 am 

Finally, an interesting and insightful post.

THANK YOU.

shari says:
Sat, 18th Jul 20096:03 pm 

this book sounds right up my alley! i'll go pick it up as soon as i get a chance

Ness - Sheridan says:
Sat, 18th Jul 20097:55 pm 

Can't wait to check this out!

Marce;a says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20095:49 am 

This is just another excuse to be the slut you are. You are entitled to your own choice, but this is a discaouratgement to all the girls who are strong enough to deny their nature for something greater, and I do think that a womans value is their purity. Sorry if that offends you in any way. Virginity has always existed, and always will be important. It is a gift to our husbands, to let them see and feel how we have waited for only them. And yes, I think a pure untouched vagina is far better than your tainted twat. This book pisses be off.

Al says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20098:49 am 

Marce;a, you are obviously a bible beaten brainwashed idiot. It's not fair for you to comment on anything with your shear ignorance and naivety. Just because something has always existed doesn't make it right, btw. Can you spell racism? discrimination? denied human rights?etc. A "woman's value is her purity," WOW! Is this 2009? I mean, what happens when you finally lose it to your husband? Then, well, I guess your worthless. Baby, please give yourself more credit. It frightens me to think that there are woman who will forever be trapped by this religious/male agenda. There's still hope for you, however, people might give your opinion the time of day when you decide to free your mind, liberate your soul, and learn to critically think for yourself.

Any who, I loved this article. It gets very irritating living in a society that expects nothing from me, but looking sexy and being prude. Why can't woman "enjoy" themselves and live life as freely as men? I know that of course we are different and are programmed to you know, think, mull things over, but we're always falling prey to male culture. It's like we're still male property. Our ownership is always being transferred from father to husband… hopefully fully 'intact'. When I think of the men that covet virgins it makes me sick and somewhat resembles pedophiliac intentions. I think we all know that males desiring virgins, usually, stems from their classic insecurities about size and performance (they'd prefer she didn't know whether he was any good or not). So in essence, attempting to mold his wife, to his likings. However, I've never heard of a woman with such hang ups about male virginity, not once. I believe that relationships should be egalitarian, as in don't expect woman to be asexual if you're not. Yes, misogynists, woman too have sex drives and (gasp) actually LIKE sex.

Kelly says:
Sun, 19th Jul 200910:46 am 

Marce;a, this article may have offended you, but your first comment offends me. A woman's only value is her purity? What about all those, like myself, who are the victims of rape? Am I just a worthless "slut" with no value to any man because I'm not "pure"? People like you disgust me, and just throwing out a "sorry" doesn't make what you're saying any less demeaning and indecent.

K says:
Sun, 19th Jul 200910:49 am 

Marce;a, the greatest gift a woman can give her husband isn't her hymen, it's her love. Anyone who has had sex has a "tainted twat"? I only see one twat around here, and it's definitely you sweetie.

kiki says:
Sun, 19th Jul 200912:07 pm 

I agree with the fact that one has the right to choose wether to wait til marriage or not. However, that doesnt mean you are going to turn into a slut that enjoys meaningless sex with anyone, and that enjoys one night stands. There is a difference, and sluts do exist and have a definition.

Personally, i dont understand how women can have sex with someone they dont care about or out side of relationships just for "fun" I bet you they dont even end up as satisfied

Marcela says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20091:24 pm 

you had me all wrong, to your suprise im not a virgin, though i think virginity is amazing! it shows virtue and it has value! and not everybody has a hymen, btw. but I feel this book is going to send highschool girls and college girls the idea that being a virgin doesnt mean a thing. I mean, are we not giving credit anymore for the people who wait? no, i'm gonna straight up say that the womans value and worth isnt in purity, but having purity….being a virgin….it means a lot! of coarse it has value! I just think all these feminists are are wanting to be equal to men, and we already are equal to them. just everybody doesnt see it. I think the same concept applies to men, but society is more focused on womens purity. this society will never change, a book, a movie, you guys bitching about it, it wont change a thing. and i'm not brainwashed, ive just accepted the reality that will always remain. =)

Kelly says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20091:52 pm 

Society will never change? Have you EVER opened a history book?!

Marcy says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20092:00 pm 

btw, I am christian, I am not a virgin, Im not perfect, and if you are as mature as you should be by now you would have never called be a "bible beaten brainwashed idiot". thats not fair because in my first comment I didnt mention my faith once, but its alright if you like to assume, just like maybe I assumed you were a slut. =)NOBODY deserves to be called names or made to feel inferior simply for their beliefs. and btw, how the hell is purity hurting young girls?? you know what hurts their body and their futures? pregnency and stds, just bc you protect yourselves there is no guaranty. I understand why it might confuse girls but i dont understand how it hurts them. also, the most painful way it could hurt a girl is emotionally. men have casual sex bc sex to them isnt as sentiment. women are wired to be attacted even by he slightest way after sex. please lets not pretend like youve never been hurt after a guy didnt call after sex. no fronts. you are all just mad, bc you are hurt how society looks at you for not being "pure" but remember purity doesnt define us, though we cannot deny how beautiful it is to be pure. I think we should all embrace women who have waited instead of making purity a bad thing.

Jan says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20092:39 pm 

I have a friend. She gives blowjobs to random men, grinds on any boy who attempts to dance with her, makes out with whoever will take her, steals men from other women,engages in anal sex regularly, and still prances around boasting that she is a virgin because she has yet to take a dick in the snatch. THAT'S the kind of woman that bothers me. The ones that think virginity is nothing more than an untouched hymen and that saving it for an eventual husband makes them a better woman.

Also, it has always bothered me how girl's always talk about saving themselves for their husbands but what about the husbands in question? FEW men save themselves for marriage so then what? It's all a jumbled mess of hypocrisy! Will you refuse to marry a boy you love besaue he has had sex? Probably not. Will you value him less? Probably not. So then why must girls feel like they'll never find love unless they are untouched? My father hounded me about how the more men I slept with the lower my chance of finding a husband. How's that for parenting.

Kelly says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20092:41 pm 

Society looks at women negatively for not being "pure"? That makes sense, because everyone knows how easy it is to pick out someone who's not a virgin just by looking at them. And can you really not see how such an obsession with remaining pure is hurting girls? Being told that your entire worth in the world is hinging on remaining "pure" will screw anyone up psychologically. You say that it can "only hurt a girl emotionally" like emotional and psychological pain is no big deal, which is really something that, as a graduate psychology student, I really can't wrap my head around. As for your assertion that "women are wired to be attracted even by he slightest way after sex" (grammar, oy) give some sources.

Marcy says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20094:10 pm 

hm, I wouldnt consider your friend to be a virgin. haha. a virgin isnt just a virgin bc she hasnt had intercoarse, my definition of v-card is more on the terms of having ANY type of sex. And no, your worth doesnt depend on your fucking purity. BUT I feel this book is saying that we should all liberate ourselves and forget about our morals. If thats not the case then I was wrong and this whole argument is pointless.

Kelly says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20094:36 pm 

See, now you're just trying to dig yourself out of your hole, because, as you said in your first post, "I do think that a womans value is their purity." So, which is it?

Marcy says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20094:47 pm 

ha, I said or meant I think it adds to thir value. I might have not worded that right but you dont need to getan attitude with me. I am in no whole just because my opinion is different.

Kelly says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20095:02 pm 

Well then you should work on how you phrase things before you offend more people, considering how there is no other way to interpret saying "I do think that a womans value is their purity."

Marcy says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20095:10 pm 

and to your rape comment? how would I EVER look down on you bc youv been abused? my friend was raped and she had no choice…like any other rape case. That is not even up to argue. I am speaking for the girls….and guys who have made the decision to wait, yes society puts more pressure on girls for staying a v, but there are good reasons why, when your young and your sleeping with someone, it gives us bad rep and also girls in society are afected a lot worse from sex, like unplanned pregnancy, heart break….etc. ppl who advise you about this care about you. now I read someone saying that there father always critisized you bc of how men you sleep with itll lesser your value, I understand why he would say that bc maybe he wants you to be more careful about who you see, but really thats none of his business and not a good way to tell a daughter that.

Emily says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20097:23 pm 

Marcy, I cannot understand your position. "society puts more pressure on girls for staying a v, but there are good reasons why". What reasons have you listed that don't apply for guys as well? And what about gay people who in most of the world CAN'T get married? Should we just never have sex?

"ppl who advise you about this care about you. now I read someone saying that there father always critisized you bc of how men you sleep with itll lesser your value, I understand why he would say that". Really? Why? I can't see how someone could possibly say something like that to someone they care about.

danyell says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20097:43 pm 

purity hurts young girls because thats all they're taught. and then they are stupid. you can't be taught anything if you don't get all the information.

with lack of knowledge due to our school's sex ed programs, MORE girls actually go out and just fuck and fuck and fuck some more. no one ever told them what could happen when they did and if they didn't use the right protection. so guess what happens? they get pregnant. or maybe wait….they get chlamydia. YAY! all because america refuses to be honest and shelter their children and water down the truth because they're worried that their children are going to have pre-marital sex. and what does that get them? early age grandchildren.

danyell says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20097:45 pm 

oh, and if you have sex before marriage, it doesn't always mean you're a slut or you are easy, it means YOU have control of your body.

MLG says:
Sun, 19th Jul 20098:54 pm 

There's nothing wrong with valuing purity and/or virginity.

Now, double standards are bad. I agree that – in some situations – women get looked at in a worse light than men for sleeping around. This does not inherently mean that America should stop valuing purity, and be more open to girls sleeping around. There's another option – we could also put more value on purity for *both* genders.

I think part of the reason – besides tradition – for why women get the short end of the promiscuity stick is that they can get pregnant, and not men. It *should* be the responsibility of both parents to care for a child, no matter how the child was conceived – what's a girl going to do if she sleeps with a guy she doesn't know, gets pregnant, and then doesn't know how to contact him again? Promiscuity is (I think) a worse decision for women, because they have more to lose.

Also, this being the modern day has not somehow invalidated religion. Plenty of folks believe that sex before marriage is a sin and thus reflects on the morals of the person doing it – on the opposite end, there seems to be a decent chunk of people who think that if you're *not* sleeping around you're strange, boring, and somehow stupid for not exploring your options. Both sides get to believe what they believe, and teach it to those who will listen.

Now, personally? I don't think people should be heavily pressured to keep their virginity, though I do think less of people who actually sleep around a lot. It's just dangerous, and in my personal experience, those folks don't tend to be part of the crowd I readily associate with. *shrug* Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

C says:
Mon, 20th Jul 20098:10 am 

Virginity in my opinion is meaningless. Sex is something that we are wired to desire and virginity should not determine anyone's worth. As a virgin who is only waiting for someone I wish to have sex with and trust I believe that sex is just simply something I have not experienced yet, which should not make me less than for not being experienced or better because "virginity" is supposedly prized. Women enjoy sex and desire it as much as men and therefore should not have to force down those feelings in order to please anyone whether it be their parents or men in general. The sexuality of women has often been hidden and squashed down in male-based societies which is harmful and unhealthy. Women should feel comfortable with their feelings of desire and be able to express those feelings in healthy ways. (i.e. not feeling they have to sleep around in order to get attention but rather to have sex because they enjoy it) The word slut is a terrible word that encourages the idea that women who enjoy sex or want to have sex with multiple people are disgusting when in reality with respect to sex women are exactly like men. A man who has sex with multiple partners isn't criticized and rather is praised for it. Even a man like that may later marry a woman who has never had sex. Why would he deserve her? Overall the decision to have sex is up to individuals and I don't think anyone should be either encouraged of discouraged. Anyone who desires to have sex should feel comfortable having those feelings and doing so and anyone who does not should not. No one is better or worse for deciding to or to not.

Diane says:
Mon, 20th Jul 200910:12 am 

Sex is not the issue…accountability and responsibility is.

Casey says:
Mon, 20th Jul 20092:09 pm 

“I mean, what happens when you finally lose it to your husband? Then, well, I guess your worthless. Baby, please give yourself more credit. It frightens me to think that there are woman who will forever be trapped by this religious/male agenda. There’s still hope for you, however, people might give your opinion the time of day when you decide to free your mind, liberate your soul, and learn to critically think for yourself.”

Loosing it to your husband wouldn’t make you worthless because you are supposedly bound in an everlasting loving relationship. Of course in today’s society marriage is a joke since divorce rates are so high. Basically virginity until marriage is useless unless the two people actually stay together forever.

However, The second part of your comment is a bit absurd. A girl keeping her virginity does not and should not have anything to do with a “male agenda” or religion. It SHOULD have everything to do with a woman not succumbing to her every want and desire. The problem that I have with promiscuity is that the women who partake in it have no self control, they are not strong willed, and really, are not in control of their bodies. Although the “liberated woman” mindset is the exact opposite. I will say I am not a virgin, I have sex regularly and I absolutely love sex. I don’t look down on people who do have sex outside of marriage, and I do not think that people who have premarital sex are “impure” or without value. What is an issue is casual meaningless sex. Sex is great, inside a loving caring relationship. Otherwise, you really are not in control of your body, your hormones are. Fucking whoever, whenever is not being “liberated” it’s not taking control of your life, your decisions, or your body. It’s dangerous, and yes, degrading. If the goal is to prove that women can have sex without getting emotionally attached then that is ridiculous. Who cares? I could care less what the men are doing, let them be man whores and worthless scum, but women should be better than that. No, not confined and restricted, but we should be able to control our wants, we aren’t wild animals who have no will power.

I applaud women who decide to keep their virginity until they are in a loving committed relationship with someone that they trust (even girls who only have sex in committed relationships). They are the stronger women. Not more valuable, but more in control. People need to stop looking at virgins as girls who are in the constraints of men and religion, as girls who aren’t educated or liberated, or girls who haven’t freed and opened their minds. Because these girl have probably given sex a lot more thought than those who give it up whenever to whoever.

Marcy says:
Mon, 20th Jul 20092:44 pm 

casey, I already replied to your comment, putting it once more isnt going to prove to me anything more than it did….or didnt. so please stop trying to be cute and posting it twice…it doesnt make a difference. =)

Marcy says:
Mon, 20th Jul 20094:47 pm 

oops, casey i'm sorry I wasnt referring to you. I like what you said, its just I started reading it from the beginning and assumed you were posting the same thing but I didnt see you were quoting the other person. sry once again.

Marcy says:
Mon, 20th Jul 20094:54 pm 

in response to danyell, when I was choosing to stay a virgin, I was taught to stay a virgin but if I somehow changed my mind about keeping it I was also taught my options and how to be responsible. I wasnt stupid or a brainwashed by religion. this was my choice, and I was in control of my body. And the truth is it takes more control and discipline when you choose to wait, because our society is a society of doing whatever you want when you want, and not always will that turn out to be good. sex is great, but if this book is about proving that we can sleep around like guys and that we shouldnt get called whores, thats messed up. We are women, we women have more control than guys. So lets not go down to their level.

Laina says:
Mon, 20th Jul 20096:53 pm 

"Although America’s obsession with sexuality continues to grow and hurt young girls, it doesn’t seem to touch masculinity in the way that it does femininity."

I am a 22 year old virgin by choice (I was in a relationship where on many occasions I COULD'VE gotten down and dirty but ultimately chose not to). I want the man I marry to think 'wow! I'm the first one in!' not 'I wonder how many came before me' if ya know what I mean. But it does hurt me as a woman when a girl who's had sex is called a slut, but a guy who's had sex is 'the man.' Why is that? Who decided that's how it should be? I don't get it.

On to my main point though. America is losing its morals. Sex is treated with very little to no dignity. I hear more new stories of kids…KIDS getting pregnant or giving/getting oral, or this new thing, "sexting". It's downright sad. When I was 14 I was learning how to wear mascara, not having sex! I barely knew anything about sex back then, and likewise, I didn't care!

Please Americans, try not to give into temptation and pleasures based on 'the moment' so easily. Self control doesn't come easily, but trust me, it's so empowering! It's exactly the reason why America is fat, spoiled and ridden with STDs.

Shandi says:
Mon, 20th Jul 200911:52 pm 

This article/book make me so furious, I almost ripped my computer off the desk and threw it off my second story window. Girls are bigger sluts today than ever before. Girls giving blowjobs, having sex, and other despicable acts out of wedlock is just revolting. All these feminist shitheads who think that they can act like filthy sluts because men can "sleep around" is the biggest bunch of bullshit I have ever heard.

It is clearly apparent that the girls who are the most desirable by guys, the ones who are the hottest and have the most to offer, aren't as slutty as the girls who are uglier and are socioeconomically worse off. That is what this issue comes down to. The girls who act the most slutty are usually the fattest, ugliest, less educated, poor, etc than the girls who guys would actually like to have an actual relationship with and not just use for sex like filthy scum they are.

The worthless sluts who sleep around with a ton of guys are the trash that are worthless scum anyways from their physical appearance being fat and ugly, lack of education, being poor, etc. Guys rightly don't give a shit about these revolting girls. They are irrelevant in society and have no value in life. That is why they sleep around like sluts. Because, if they didn't act like a filthy scum whores, no guy would even acknowledge their existence because they contribute nothing to society and are worthless.

Shandi says:
Tue, 21st Jul 200912:12 am 

Oh my fucking god!!!!!! Has anyone seen the author of this vile piece of trash?!?!?!? While trying to see more information on this whore who wrote this piece of shit book, I came across both pictures and video of this GROTESQUE HIDEOUS BEAST who wrote this garbage. This fuckin butch dyke whore is literally one of the ugliest women I have ever seen in my life.

What the fuck is going on with her huge nose which takes up half her ugly ass face? Has she ever heard of a nose job? Disgusting. Her eyebrows look like a tweezer or wax hasn't touched them since this abomination was born. Has she ever had her hair professionally done, or does she always insist of using homemade scissors? Her hair looks like shit.

The point that I made that the fattest, ugliest, least desirable girls are always the most slutty because they are worthless to society was totally proven. This filthy slut looks like shit and she has the morals to go along with it. What a waste of life. She should have been aborted.

Samantha says:
Tue, 21st Jul 20094:54 am 

Shandi, that's a terrible thing to say. Even if you don't agree with what she says, at least be a good enough person to not say something like "she should have been aborted." Even if you are much prettier than what she is, I doubt a guy would want to be with a girl that is clearly as ugly as you are on the inside.

Kelly says:
Tue, 21st Jul 20095:34 am 

Well said Samantha. Shandi, you're proof that being "pure" doesn't necessarily mean being pure of heart.

Marcy says:
Tue, 21st Jul 20095:10 pm 

you said it laina! and shandi, yes, feminists dont care much about their physical appearence….they are too busy trying to be like men, heck some of them should start growing beards because its not fair that women cant have facial hair and men can…..wtf.

Shandi says:
Tue, 21st Jul 200910:55 pm 

Filthy slut scum who is an advocate and encourages girls to be filthy sluts don't deserve any respect. Furthermore, when she is as physically repulsive as this waste of life who wrote this piece of shit book, she should be embarrassed to show her face in public. When the hell are face transplants going to be approved for degenerates like this worthless fat pig? Maybe once she gets a face implant, she could focus all of her time on losing weight off her fat ass body so she doesn't have to be weighed at truck scales.

This slut lost her virginity at 14!!!! Can you believe that? What kind of fuckin whore loses her virginity at 14???? Nobody should buy this abhorrent book.

randi says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20091:22 am 

Shandi,

You are a poor example of a woman. Marcy too. I don't understand how you can be so sick with hatred for someone you don't even know, and just because they have opposite views. The author has hurt no one with her actions. Try to direct your energy to something positive. Your closed-mindedness and vulgarity are truly sickening and I genuinely feel sorry for you, you sound incredibly unpleasant.

Shandi says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20091:38 am 

Randi-

Are you on drugs or something? The whore who wrote this book lost her virginity at 14!!!!! That is disgusting. Just because she made terrible decisions in her life and everytime she looks in a mirror she pukes at the sight of her reflection, doesn't mean she has to encourage girls to be filthy sluts. Girls don't need any extra encouragement to act like whores. Being a whore isn't making you a powerful woman or whatever other bullshit feminist bull dykes try to say. What a load of horseshit.

This piece of shit that wrote this book is a waste of life. She has a nose that literally takes up half her face with amazon eyebrows which haven't been cared for since the Vietnam War. Instead of getting her hair professionally done, she instead uses homemade scissors and some gardening shears to cut her hair. Get your hair professionally done and for christsake put some shampoo and conditoner in that oil slick once a decade. On top of having the physical features of a monster, she also eats as much as the whole population of some African countries… IN ONE DAY!!!!! Step away from the food, you fat pig. You are the worst example possible for young girls and you should be ashamed of yourself you filthy scum.

Matthew says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20093:24 am 

Another amazing article by the one and only Charlsie. Keep it up girlfriend. I hope the author makes a comment on this article and gives credit to this amazing girl.

Diana says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20093:51 am 

Only an idiot who goes to a women's college would write this bullshit. Go to a real college and open your eyes loser. Girls who are sluts ruin their lives. My absolute favorite thing is when they get pregnant. Hahaha. Then, not only are they dirty sluts, they also have the rest of their life ruined by having a kid. Hahaha. That brings so much joy to me. It makes me smile from ear to ear. I can hardly contain my joy thinking of a young girl who is forced to put all her dreams and aspirations in the dumpster because she took some dumbass advice and had sex when she wasn't supposed to. Serves you right.

Anna says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20097:27 am 

Wow, none of the slut-shaming commenters seem to be holding men to the same standard. Sexism is alive and thriving even with young people, it seems.

Also, some of the comments on feminism are BS. Men and women who are feminists don't believe in gender-based oppression. That's it. Nothing radical about that.

Kathy says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20098:30 am 

Sex is highly overrated. That's why Viagra costs so damn much!

Anywho, I've always referred to men as "man whores" because most of them are. Maybe not publicly, but just ask their friends about their "secret" lifestyle. Soooo many men have affairs that their wives & girlfriends never find out about. I read an article on MySpace written by a cheater, and there were over 500 comments from other cheaters who told their tales of cheating for YEARS on their significant other. Men AND women were telling their stories.

Apparently, for some unknown reason, today's women have said "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" and decided to start emulating MEN'S sexual behavior. A sort of "if you can do it so can I" juvenile response to either feeling of oppression of feelings of jealousy.

Wanting to be“equally slutty” is a bad reason for acting like a man whore.

Kathy says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20098:34 am 

BTW, my comments about cheating were in reference to having multiple, and sometimes random, sex partners. I don't see anything wrong with women having sex when ever they want to, but there IS a line between enjoying your body and sexual addiction.

Casey says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20098:44 am 

Anna, while I agree that the slut bashing and inappropriate comments that these people are leaving are, well, inappropriate, Just because someone doesn't bring up men in their comments doesn't mean that they feel any differently about the way men live. Basically what I'm trying to say is until someone blatantly comes out and says "this is ok for men, but not for women" than you can not just assume that they are adding to the double standards. None of these girls once mentions men, so you can only assume that they are sticking to strictly women in there comments, but that doesn't mean they don't feel the same way about men in life. Most often, people who are that adamantly opposed to promiscuity are opposed to both sex's partaking. But since we are on a woman's site, only the women are being targeted here.

Please don't take this offensively or as me trying to back these girls up, because I'm in no way trying to do that. I just like fairness, and you can't assume something that isn't said.

Casey says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20098:48 am 

Kathy, I completely agree! Although, I think sex is amazing, I also think it looses it's appeal when it is so readily available. But I think you are absolutely right about the fact that women should not strive to mimic the behavior of men, because just because men do it does not make it acceptable.

Casey says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20098:54 am 

(sorry hit submit too soon) To anyone who wants to argue that it IS acceptable for men (at least in our society) the way to change that is not to make it acceptable for women. If women stopped being promiscuous and hooking up with the "man whore's" eventually they would get a bad name to the general public. But when you give them someone to sleep with it just adds to their appeal. "well all these girls want to sleep with him so he must be doing something right" Instead of "eww that guy wants to fuck anything that moves (because no one wants to hookup with a dirty man whore)" That's my problem with girls being promiscuous, it doesn't help the cause, it only hurts it. Try being better than that to change the way society thinks, don't stoop to the level of a man whore.

Rachel says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20099:59 am 

Diane got the true message of this article: "Sex is not the issue…accountability and responsibility is."

Ian says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 200912:22 pm 

I'm not getting into the whole "Slut/Purity" debate. I was furious when I read that the school made you sign a promise card and hand it in as an assignment.

I have always had the philosophy that you should not be forced into making the decision someone else wants you to make. If I had found out that a teacher had done that to one of the children in my care I would have raised hell/heck with that teacher and with the school.

Was the school a religious funded school at all? I don't believe that education and religion sit together particularly well (for many reasons I will not go into here).

I live in the UK so I am not sure how heavily involved religion is in the US school system, if anyone would like to correct me I will happily hear what you have to say.

Lindsay- University says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 200912:53 pm 

Shandi, you sound like a five year old. Calling out someone's physical features does not change the fact that your comments are completely unnecessary and for the most part have absolutely nothing to do with the purity debate. Who gives a shit what she looks like? Your words have shown that you are by far one of the ugliest and hate filled people I have ever had to deal with.

Lindsay- University says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20094:30 pm 

and you think this book, which is meant to inspire intellectual argument is promoting whorish activity? Go watch fucking sex and the city and tell me Samantha is not pouring with STDs and has probably has multiple abortions. THAT is promoting whorish behavior, not this book.

Lindsay- University says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20095:13 pm 

Shandi:

I also find it incredibly humorous that in another article discussing male celebrities, you felt the need to type this:

"The funny thing is, once you get to that level of success and more importantly, that level of MONEY, you could literally bang any girl in the world that you want despite what kind of physical shape you are in. They don’t have to give a shit about what they look like. They can just walk up to any girl they want and end up sleeping with them and all you girls know that is true.

What incentive do they have to stay in great shape? They have none. If they can get laid without any extra work to stay in great shape by the hottest girls in the world, I doubt they are losing sleep over this little article."

Interesting. Considering

1. In this article you said that only the ugly girls are whoreish because "no one will sleep with them if they don't whore out". But here you say that hot girls will sleep with these men who have money and fame.

2. you're basically admitting that you would sleep with any man if he had money and fame, but earlier on this page you said that this book was promoting whoreish behavior for opening up discussion about purity. Maybe it is YOU who are promoting whoreish activity by promoting sex to gain wealth and power and not for love.

I think, Shandi, you should THINK before you post uneducated hypocritical statements all over college candy. It would do us all a favor love.

Emily says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 20098:46 pm 

Shandi: "Girls are bigger sluts today than ever before. Girls giving blowjobs, having sex, and other despicable acts out of wedlock is just revolting."

Uh, you gonna send some this viciousness over to the guys, too? Cause I'm guessing that there might just be some guys involved with the whole girls giving blowjobs thing…

Oh, and do you realise that by launching into a completely uncalled for attack on Jessica Valenti, you're just making her seem more intelligent, and making yourself seem ignorant, petty and mean? Your attacks on her appearance made me google JV to see what she looks like-and while she's no supermodel, she's definitely not the fugly arse mole you make her out to be. Please, do yourself a favour and come out with an ACTUAL argument based on what she's written, not what she looks like-or do the rest of us a favour, and shut the fuck up.

Shandi says:
Wed, 22nd Jul 200911:25 pm 

Lindsay,

“The funny thing is, once you get to that level of success and more importantly, that level of MONEY, you could literally bang any girl in the world that you want despite what kind of physical shape you are in. They don’t have to give a shit about what they look like. They can just walk up to any girl they want and end up sleeping with them and all you girls know that is true.

What incentive do they have to stay in great shape? They have none. If they can get laid without any extra work to stay in great shape by the hottest girls in the world, I doubt they are losing sleep over this little article.”

Ok, I have read what I wrote 100 times now, and I have yet to figure out what the HELL you think is the difference between what I wrote about girls sleeping with rich men and this article. Do you know what reading comprehension is?!?!?!? Why don't you try to acquire some. Where in my comment of the filthy sluts who sleep with rich men did I say anything contrary to what I said about girls being sluts and sleeping with men like whores? The point of the comment was exactly what I have been saying about this dumbass book. More than ever before, there are more filthy sluts sleeping with guys. I can't believe you are actually in college. You have no reading comprehension skills.

Casey says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 20094:26 am 

Shandi, what's contradictory about your comment on that post and on here is that on this post you are very adamant about saying only ugly, poor girls are whore's because pretty, rich girls don't have to be. On the other post you said the celebrities could sleep with "the hottest girls in the world"

This is the excerpt from your comments on this post that is being contradicted in the other post

"It is clearly apparent that the girls who are the most desirable by guys, the ones who are the hottest and have the most to offer, aren’t as slutty as the girls who are uglier and are socioeconomically worse off. That is what this issue comes down to. The girls who act the most slutty are usually the fattest, ugliest, less educated, poor, etc than the girls who guys would actually like to have an actual relationship with and not just use for sex like filthy scum they are.

The worthless sluts who sleep around with a ton of guys are the trash that are worthless scum anyways from their physical appearance being fat and ugly, lack of education, being poor, etc. Guys rightly don’t give a shit about these revolting girls. They are irrelevant in society and have no value in life. That is why they sleep around like sluts. Because, if they didn’t act like a filthy scum whores, no guy would even acknowledge their existence because they contribute nothing to society and are worthless."

Can you see how this line, "It is clearly apparent that the girls who are the most desirable by guys, the ones who are the hottest and have the most to offer, aren’t as slutty as the girls who are uglier and are socioeconomically worse off." contradicts this one, "If they can get laid without any extra work to stay in great shape by the hottest girls in the world…"? Because according to you those girls wouldn't sleep with guys they aren't in relationships with.

Another thing that can be considered contradictory is that in the comment on the other post you never once said that it was unacceptable to sleep with those guys, but on here you are very adamant about expressing how inappropriate it is.

Hope I helped you with your reading comprehension

JohnE says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 20099:28 am 

First, Jan who is your friend and how can I meet her? Seiously though, I have not read the book so I cannot comment about the book but I can say that I don't think there is much value on virginity in the majority of American culture. There are people that value it and that is their choice. Good luck with that. I do however think too many people in particular women are a little too casual about sex and it's consequnces. I only say in particular women because one of the consequences of sex is pregnancy and that is something for which women are stock with a larger burden. It isn't fair but if I have sex with some random woman and she gets pregnant it is possible for her to never find me even if I am not hiding and then she is stuck with the baby on her own. It isn't fair, it is biology and the only way to fix that is with a national DNA registry and good luck getting that.

Casey says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 20099:34 am 

John, I completely agree with that. I have said that multiple times in discussions on this site. It's not that only women have to worry about pregnancy because everyone knows, it takes two to tango, but when you're having random hookups and one night stands with guys you meet at the bar and never see again, if you get pregnant, well, you're on your own. That's not a feminist issue of "it's a woman's body so it's a woman's responsibility" it's an issue of, if you want to be stupid and irresponsible with sex then you have to suffer the consequences, ALONE. And I don't think a lot of these girls on this site (or I guess the girls of our generation in general) understand that, but it's a very real fact that they are going to have to deal with.

sauer kraut says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 200910:18 am 

Some of youse appear to have anger management problems. …

Lindsay- University says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 200911:38 am 

Shandi: "Oh my fucking god!!!!!! Has anyone seen the author of this vile piece of trash?!?!?!? While trying to see more information on this whore who wrote this piece of shit book, I came across both pictures and video of this GROTESQUE HIDEOUS BEAST who wrote this garbage. This fuckin butch dyke whore is literally one of the ugliest women I have ever seen in my life.

What the fuck is going on with her huge nose which takes up half her ugly ass face? Has she ever heard of a nose job? Disgusting. Her eyebrows look like a tweezer or wax hasn’t touched them since this abomination was born. Has she ever had her hair professionally done, or does she always insist of using homemade scissors? Her hair looks like shit.

The point that I made that the fattest, ugliest, least desirable girls are always the most slutty because they are worthless to society was totally proven. This filthy slut looks like shit and she has the morals to go along with it. What a waste of life. She should have been aborted."

I would have to agree with you Saure Kraut. For the exact reasons above.

Lindsay- University says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 200911:39 am 

Sauer* my apologies

Lindsay- University of Texas at Austin says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 20092:40 pm 

Well, I would be glad to defend my point but it seems that Casey has already pointed out exactly what I was trying to say. Thank you Casey! It’s funny that you can’t believe I’m in college, because I was thinking the exact same thing about you when you chose to focus on the authors physical features which has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the purity debate, and sounded like a middle school brat whose only line of defense against someone who was making a formidable argument was to bash their looks.

Heather says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 20098:03 pm 

well.. so much stuff going back and forth. It is very unfair that women and men have different standards. I agree with the author that the notion of women's worth being determined on their level of sexual activity is absurd, because while being promiscuous is bad for health reasons, people rarely judge men for it. Women should be asking themselves questions like "Do I feel like having sex?," or "Is this a person I feel like having sex with?" rather than "What will everyone think?" It's a totally personal decision, not for society to judge, and what should be on our minds is what is best for us at that time, not what people will think. Definitly gotta check this book out. I have read though, the book Slut, which seems similar to this one.

If that comment has not addressed enough, I do have one thing to add… FEMINISTS DO NOT SPEND THEIR TIME TRYING TO LOOK LIKE MEN, MARCIA.

Heather says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 20098:05 pm 

hit submit by accident… to continue…

I am a feminist but I do not look or try to look like a man at all. People need to get over this ridiculous stereotype as much as they do sexual stereotypes that they have for one gender only (women). Yeah, I'm a feminist, who wears skirts, shaves, and wears make-up. Get used to it.

Joe the Drunk says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 20099:43 pm 

Sluts have to realize that sleeping around with lots of partners with dirty dicks increases your chances of HPV, which in turn causes cervical cancer. Is it really worth it? it would be better to have a clean vageegee. don't knock a lady for wanting to stay a virgin, these days. At least get the gardasil vaccine if you want to have sex with lots of strangers.

Lindsay- University says:
Fri, 24th Jul 20092:51 am 

Shandi,

Just go read Casey's post again. It pretty much says everything I could try to say. But your posts pretty much speak for themselves. And the standard of beauty is very disputable.

Marcy says:
Fri, 24th Jul 20096:00 am 

haha, who's MARCIA?? and i'm making fun of feminists, I dont mean they literaly try to look like men although there is a handful that look like dykes. this is what i think, men and women are equal but there will always be different roles that men and women should play. God made us different. And yes, I am against double standards. But this book isnt just about that.

Matt says:
Fri, 24th Jul 200912:33 pm 

Can this site just have comment wars from now on? No more having to write articles, just catalysts to start hilariously overzealous arguments.

I'll start! Sluts who sleep around are helping society by boosting self confidence in men who obviously need it more so they can contribute something of worth to society.

Discuss.

Sarabeth - Universit says:
Fri, 24th Jul 200912:47 pm 

Shandi:

i know you're getting a lot of hate right now, but please, listen to me.

your argument completely ignores the fact that so called "hot and desirable" women are also guilty of whorish acts. I've seen head cheerleaders get pregnant and abandoned. I've seen beauty pagent winners freak out about having herpes. I've seen my high school drill team captain become a stripper. The salutatorian from my graduating class kept me up on aim one night telling me about her threesome. NONE of these girls were lacking in the look/brains department, yet amazingly, they are acting like these "fat/ugly/worthless" girls that only you seem to know.

why is it so mind boggling to you that ALL woman are capable of making their own decisions when it comes to sex? yes, some make bad choices, but they have to live with it. they don't need judgement from you. it's not your place. as far as men being able to do what they want without being judged, let's look at the facts. It ALWAYS takes too people to be involved in a sex act(other than masturbation of course). Both parties should be held responsible, not just the woman. Men can be just as decrepit as these "worthless whores" that you describe.

shandi, all i ask of you is to try to look at this from a different viewpoint, and to possibly read this book before you go trashing it. the author's point was to make women more aware of social stigmas about them; not turn them into whores.

please come prepared into an argument; otherwise, you continue to make a mockery of yourself.

Casey says:
Fri, 24th Jul 20096:46 pm 

Ha ha! So true Matt! But you must realize this is a site targeted at women, and women like to cat fight and tear each other down. So it just comes with the package.

Shandi says:
Fri, 24th Jul 20097:08 pm 

Sarabeth- I never disputed the fact that ugly girls and hot girls can be filthy sluts. Those hot girls fucking rich men aren't relationship material either. Why Lindsay brought two different arguments trying to disprove my correct point is hilarious. The point on that other story was to make the point that fat, out of shape rich guys can still fuck hot girls despite their physical appearance because they will find hot girls who are filthy sluts.

Likewise, ugly worthless scum like the author of this book can be a human condom also, just with guys who aren't rich because they don't like fat, ugly, worthless whores. The issue at hand is girls having sex like filthy whores when they shouldn't be. That is the main point that Lindsay seems to have missed while being a filthy slut.

In both cases, girls who have sex out of wedlock are disgusting and should be shunned from society. They are repulsive and shouldn't be allowed out in public. You need to be married to have sex. How fucking dumb can you get?

Matt says:
Fri, 24th Jul 20097:31 pm 

Casey:

Oh, I understand. I read this site because my girlfriend tells me about some of the articles. Most of the stuff (not about womanly deeds that I need not delve into) is pretty interesting, but I always end up reading all of the comments. It's like reading a manuscript of a much more intelligent UFC fight.

Matt says:
Fri, 24th Jul 20097:34 pm 

Although, with some of Shandi's arguments…this is more along the lines of WWF circa 1980, back when pretty much every character was some racist stereotype.

Shandi says:
Fri, 24th Jul 200910:56 pm 

WWF circa 1980?!?!? How old are you? 50?!?!?

I bet your girlfriend is an ugly fat pig right? Yeah, I can tell.

valkyrie9 says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20094:55 am 

Actually, Marcy, your comment that “virginity has always existed” doesn’t hold up. For one, virginity is a societal concept, not a medical condition. In fact, I’m reading a book about the history of the virginity concept right now (Virgin: The Untouched History by Hanne Blank) and the author could not find, in the entirety of the Harvard medical library, a single definition of virginity. Medically, virginity does not exist.

And why should it? There really is no way to define it. After all, what about lesbians and gay men who never have vaginal intercourse, but have other forms of sex? Would we really consider them to be “virgins,” equivalent to someone who has never had any sexual contact? What about someone who has never had any form of sex, but masturbates and thinks about sex a lot? Are they the same as the sort of person who takes a virginity pledge (and takes it seriously)? The larger thing is – there would be no reason for a doctor to know whether a woman is a virgin or not, and no way to clearly define it. Not all women have hymens, and those that do vary in shape in form. Some break with first intercourse. Some break much earlier. Some don’t break until the woman gives birth to her first child. Some bleed when they break, and some don’t.

Also, if you bothered to read the book, Valenti is just as critical of “raunch culture” – things like Playboy, Girls Gone Wild, etc. which make women into sex objects and tell girls and young women that they need to be sexy and alluring to men, and they’re better if they put out to anyone who asks. So this is HARDLY telling girls to be “sluts,” as you put it. But she points out how the abstinence movement sexualizes women just as much as raunch culture does. The abstinence movement ties a woman’s worth to her sexuality; so do Playboy and Girls Gone Wild. The idea that she have qualities that go beyond her willingness to have sex is beyond ALL of their reaches.

I’m frankly, bothered by the assertion that a woman’s hymen is a gift to her future husband. Why? What say does this hypothetical future husband have in her premarital relationships? Why should he be the governor of HER OWN sexual organs? Isn’t it her body, and not his? This is just another form of outdated sexism, male ownership of women. You’re asking if I would like to be equal if it meant getting rid of those institutions. Yes, I would, actually. I’m not a fan of practices like that that demean me, that make me less of an equal partner in a marriage and more of a slave who is owned by the husband.

Let’s not even go into the various reasons why you should “test drive a car before you buy it,” I’m just shocked that you don’t see the patriarchal nature of the “women giving her husband the gift of her hymen” idea. Oh, and the obvious disconnect where men don’t have to worry about their own virginity, but women do. And also, your idea that any woman who agrees with Valenti is a “slut” with a “tainted twat” – because, you know, not being abstinent until marriage is the same as putting out to everything on two legs. You’re either a virgin or a whore – there is no inbetween. Got it.

Shandi says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20094:37 am 

Now that we have Tom Cruise's moronic opinion which is worthless to the discussion, can we focus on the matter at hand please? Thank you. Filthy whores who have premarital sex are ruined for life and should be locked up in a maximum security prison so they don't ruin society. Dirty sluts. I am so happy that everyone is in full agreement that girls who have premarital sex are to be shunned and ostracized from society like the vermin they are.

Matt says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20097:07 am 

Anybody who's this obsessed with telling people off for not agreeing with her is either the Pope after drinking a little too much communion wine, Ann Coulter having a good day, or some shriveled up prune clinging to her crusades style ideology of converting the world at the cost of those who don't repent. Don't you have some funeral to protest with the big "God hates fags" signs?

And the wrestling thing, I'm a media studies major who wrote a extensive research paper on racism throughout the history of television. What's your major Shandi?

Sarabeth - Universit says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20097:15 am 

Actually Shandi, no one is in agreement that premarital sex is the worst sin of all time. In case you haven't noticed, NO ONE AGREES WITH YOU! How about stepping into the real world. I'm guessing you're A) a 13 year old brain washed by her uber conservative parents B) the mother from Carrie or C) a 40 year old virgin.

Who here thinks Shandi needs to get laid?

Anonymous says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20097:31 am 

After reading those hateful responses, I have lost all hope for humanity. Mankind cannot dream to work on issues such as "sexual purity" when they cannot even communicate civily.

You have successfully depressed me.

Kelly says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20099:26 am 

Shandi, are you trolling? I'm holding out for that option, because the other option, that is, that you actually believe what you're saying, is just too depressing.

anon says:
Sat, 25th Jul 200912:40 pm 

marcy, you said that you were a christian right? the definition of christian is one who is christ like. Jesus said not to point out the speck in one's eye when you have a plank in yours. also remember the story where jesus blesses the prostitute? he was able to love and forgive someone who did much worse than sleep with their high school sweetheart. the point is that virginity is an individual's decision. you, and shandi, decided to curse and hate, when you could simply disagree. all sins are equal. I hope you both will take this in stride, and keep your hearts pure. your sister in christ

Jess says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20091:10 pm 

I can see what Shandi is trying to say: girls that may not be the most attractive, potentially have self esteem issues that cause them to be "easier" than other girls. Of course it happens in the other extreme with the "more attractive" girls. They're so use to the attention they end up feeling all they can offer to the opposite sex is their body, since their personality tends to get overlooked.

Although, that being said, does not mean I entirely agree with Shandi. Just saying..

Casey says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20092:45 pm 

Anonymous, sadly I agree with you. But until there is a definite line of right and wrong, which unless they take away democracy, there never will be, than people will never be able to communicate civilly.

At Valkyrie9,

Why does “saving your hymen for your future husband” have to be a feminist issue of inequality between the genders? IF my hymen were still intact and I were saving it for my husband, I would most likely find a husband who was also a virgin. Because to the people who do participate in that practice, it’s not about inequality between genders. It’s just as wrong for the man as it is the woman. The two are supposed to GIVE THEMSELVES TO EACH OTHER. Not “the woman gives herself to her husband” This is my problem with a lot of feminist arguments, as well as supposed double standards. You, and many who believe the same things apparently don’t come from a family or culture where this practice is prevalent, because every time I read the comments about issues like these I just have to shake my head. The woman is not being held to any different standard in the virginity issue. at least not for those people who actually practice it. And I don’t know where that idea came from. But it’s completely inaccurate.

I come from a family where we were taught that you were to remain a virgin until marriage and that ME AND MY HUSBAND WERE TO ENGAGE IN SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT. Because sex should be sacred, and it should be something amazing that you share with only one person, the person who you chose to spend the rest of your life with. It goes for both men and women.

I am not a virgin, as I have said before. But that was not by choice, I was raped when I was 13, by my boyfriend and his dad. after that incident I decided “if my virginity could be taken from me, then why should I have to save it” and I did my fair share of whoring it up. Then I met my boyfriend and he’s had a couple partners before me, and we both have issue with not being each others firsts. We love each other so much that we are disappointed in not saving ourselves for each other (and we’re not talking about my rape, because since then I concluded that my virginity was not stolen, since rape isn’t really sex. I just wish I had realized that then) We still love each other and want to spend our lives together, but we wont be able to ever give ourselves to each other and only each other.

My point is, to many many people virginity is an equal practice. Not one to simply hold ownership over a woman. It’s told hold ownership over each other, to know that you are each others, that you are “one” (like marriage is supposed to make you) And that’s why it’s called “consummating a marriage”.

It just makes me sad that something that is supposed to be as beautiful and wonderful a thing as love and sex, is cheapened by all of these insane ideals, and people who think that “it’s not my future husbands body, it’s mine, and I can do with it what I please” When the whole point of love and marriage is to form one being, two people who are so in love they want to be bound body, mind, and soul. And you should be saving yourself for that person whether you’re a man or a woman.

But that’s just how I feel about it. Of course you don’t have to agree.

Lindsay- University says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20091:47 pm 

Sarabeth,

How could you say that?! We have to save poor innocent Shandi from the evil world of sex! Everyone knows that having pre marital sex is worse than murder, child molestation, slavery, and rape combined!!! But she's safe from anal sex. The stick in her ass is protecting her

Emily says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20093:04 pm 

Sarabeth,

I'm thinking Shandi can't get laid because she's so past the ugly side of the spectrum no guy will sleep with her. Just my thought.

Lindsay- University says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20093:30 pm 

Emily,

According to Shandi, uglier girls are the ones who whore themselves out the most. So maybe Shandi HAS been laid…

Shandi says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20096:11 pm 

I am so happy so many people agree with my correct view on this topic. How can anyone say that premarital sex is OK? I am not talking about you Casey. Being raped obviously will cause huge psychological problems that will cause you to be hypersexual because of the trauma associated with being raped. For that, I hope you have received treatment and help to make you adjust your views on sex back to normal.

As far as everyone else who wasn't raped and aren't virgins anymore, you are revolting girls. How can you degenerates actually think that being filthy sluts is a good thing? That is revolting. You all probably have HPV or some kind of STD or STI because of your filthy ways. You need to seek help and treatment too. You probably had serious issues in childhood which have caused you to live such a reckless and disgusting life. Seek help before it is too late you dirty rats.

Erin says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20098:24 pm 

Okay, Shandi. I have my opinions here, too. I'm a virgin and I think it's okay for people to have premarital sex. That doesn't mean I promote women who are hyper-sexual or women who use sex as a means to get what they want. I simply think it's an individual decision which is perfectly acceptable, much like I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to decide to save yourself for marriage. People who make responsible, personal decisions such as this are no detriment to society. What most bothers me about your comments is the emphasis placed on a person's physical appearance and the generalizations you have placed on so many other people here who simply want to speak their minds. Just because someone decides to have premarital sex doesn't mean they are necessarily attractive or unattractive, whores or saints, educated or uneducated. It's a personal decision which transcends society's boundaries. Please just try not to judge people without really even knowing them other than a simple comment they posted on a website to speak their minds.

Shandi says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20099:26 pm 

I am glad you have some self-respect and good morals. You don't have to stick up for the vile vermin slutty girls who have premarital sex. They should be universally shunned in society. They provide nothing of value to society besides polluting it with their filth. It is no secret that the girls who are the most slutty and sleep around the most are almost universally the fattest, ugliest, poorest, least educated, etc. They are usually the scum of society is all aspects of life, not just being whores. These are the type of people who society doesn't need. They just take up space. Only people who matter should be allowed in society. The whores who have premarital sex should be locked in a maximum security prison in solitary confinement so they can't spread their filth around to the general public.

Anna says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20099:46 pm 

In regards to Shandi's "You all probably have HPV or some kind of STD or STI because of your filthy ways."

Yes! That's exactly what happened. Because my boyfriend and I lost our virginities to each other, we have an STD. It was created just between us because God smited us.

And since I had premarital sex, I (in Shandi's eyes)"probably had serious issues in childhood which have caused you to live such a reckless and disgusting life." Oh man, between all the church attendance and christian camps, i had so many serious issues that caused my "promiscuity."

Stop stereotyping everyone and try to take a step back from your bigoted views and try to consider it from other people's eyes.

Lindsay- University says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20099:53 pm 

Anna,

DUDE! Same thing happened to me! My fiance and I are getting married in a month and we just gave our virginities to each other. And lo and behold, we now both have AIDS, herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, AND 50 unplanned pregnancies! Man, going to church every Sunday must have fucked up my childhood too! Along with all of the time that I spent bonding with my family and friends! But I'm just a waste of space, so it doesn't matter. It's not like God made me equal to everyone else and gave me a plan. Or that his main message was to love everyone else as he loves us. Nope. God never said that. Oh I am so full of SHAME. God I'm such a whore for having sex with my fiance a month before we get married. If only I had changed my slutty ways he and I would be free from all of the STDS that magically appeared in our bodies!

Shandi says:
Sun, 26th Jul 200912:09 am 

Anna- How can you claim to be a christian and you have had premarital sex?!?!?! What the heck?!?!?! You must belong to some kind of cult where the old men molest the young girls right? You aren't a good christian. Your life if full of sin and you must find God to try to help you right your disgusting ways before it is too late. It is so disgusting how you have made such terrible decisions in your life. Just because you have a boyfriend, you think you can have premarital sex?!?!? What a bunch of bullshit. I am so mad reading about such a phony christian that some of the keys on my keyboard popped out!!! Thanks a lot sinner.

Shandi says:
Sun, 26th Jul 200912:22 am 

Lindsay- I seriously feel sorry for you. You are getting married to your fiance in a month and you proceeded to act like a filthy whore a MONTH before your wedding day?!??! You were such a filthy whore that you couldn't wait ONE MONTH for your wedding night to have sex? Man oh man….. that meaningless sex you had with your boyfriend a month before your wedding sure meant a lot, didn't it??!!? LMFAO!!!!! How disgusting.

Now, fast forward to your wedding night when YOU SHOULD HAVE WAITED TO HAVE SEX WHORE!!!!! Wow. That wedding night sex sure is going to be special isn't it?!?!?! How disgusting. What should be such a special night is now just going to be meaningless sex because you were too much of a whore to wait you disgusting subhuman animal.

It is going to be completely forgettable and isn't going to mean jack shit. You ruined it you moronic whore. You will never get your virginity back now that you threw it away a MONTH before your wedding day. You must feel so awful and ashamed you can't even look at yourself in the mirror. Just turn off all the lights in your house, so you don't catch the reflection of such a filthy rotten whore.

Charlsie - Hollins U says:
Sun, 26th Jul 200912:28 am 

Some of the comments disturb me to the bone. In reading the response to Jessica Valenti's work, it makes me appreciate her as a writer even more because obviously, these issues need exposure the way she is presenting them.

Erin says:
Sun, 26th Jul 200910:03 am 

okay, I'm not going to respond to all the insulting things you said about Lindsay, one of my best friends, Shandi. You don't know every person's situation and you don't know how every person was raised. But I think that if you base religious beliefs solely upon the decision to have premarital sex or not, you need to go back to church and see what that little thing called the Bible actually says about religion and what it means and what it stands for. It stands for acceptance, love, and forgiveness. And honestly, you're not even in a position to forgive because you don't know these girls. You're only in a position to accept.

Marcy says:
Sun, 26th Jul 20092:11 pm 

at valkyrie9, ha, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend a year ago, and guess what, he lost it to me too. that just sums up my whole argument. As I was saving myself for the person I loved most, I was expectung the same thing too, for my man to had never have done sexual activities or intercoarse with anybody else. we are still together. and guess what? I didnt keep my v bc i'm a women, I kept it to gift my future person. of coarse we are waiting to do it again until we get married bc you never know if you'll end up with a certain person. thats why abstinence should be taken to consideration, bc if you choose to lower your standards to "oh ill have sex when i'm in love", those standards arent going to get any higher than that…..before you know it you got a bunch of men and wome (in control of their bodies) sayin "oh i'll have sex with him bc i've known him for a couple days" get my point? hope you do. so get off my case.

Marcy says:
Sun, 26th Jul 20092:23 pm 

and shandi? really? like thats REALLY judgmental. thats a sin. and to anna, I wasnt being arrogent on my opinion, this is a discusion. And my opinion is mine and i'm not being judgmental. I am just saying, idk why we have to tell every virgin that virginity doesnt exist. I'm not calling any of you whores or sluts, mostly thats not the case. but do we really have to discourage girls who are saving themselves because we dont like it that maybe we had the choice to wait but we didnt including myself?? virginity does exist, NOT in a physical way. I honestly dont consider a girl to be a v when shes had everything BUT intercoarse. so yea, same to you miss anna, lets no longer assume. =)

-your sister in Christ

Kelly says:
Sun, 26th Jul 20093:28 pm 

Ok seriously, Shandi has to be someone trolling the site. It's gotten beyond ridiculous and fairly obvious.

Emily says:
Sun, 26th Jul 20097:55 pm 

Yeah, I reckon Shandi's just trolling, but atm I'm pretty much just laughing at everything s/he posts. It's people like that, who feel like they have the right to judge others that give normal Christians a bad name. I'm fairly certain that Jesus didn't go around judging people, and that the Bible tells you to love others… Basically, Shandi's either insane, an insane funamentalist Christian, or an insane, fugly fundamentalist Christian virgin, who's jealous of anyone who's ever had sex because no one wants to touch her.

Lana says:
Sun, 26th Jul 200910:19 pm 

Why can't the Christians just leave our fucking kids alone and stop smothering them with their religion???

Lindsay- University says:
Sun, 26th Jul 200910:37 pm 

Lana,

That's not fair. Although I do feel that Shandi's comments were not Christian like at all, the main message of Christianity is love, forgiveness and acceptance. Several other posters on this thread have stood up against the hateful comments and presented their opinions fairly. How you want to raise your kids is fine, but you shouldn't view an entire group based on one person's radical views. I am Christian and I've had pre-marital sex. I'm not going around calling anyone a slut or a whore. And it is not just Christians who take pride in purity. I've met atheists who are waiting to find a life partner before having sex, and other religions value purity as well. So really it is not the religion that determines if pre-marital sex is okay or not. It's the individual. Again, I am Christian, and I think that pre-marital sex is not disgusting at all. I don't agree with women who use sex as a means of getting what they want and would prefer if people had sex with someone they truly care about, but at the end of the day it is not my life. It's theirs. Another message of Christianity is that no one is any better than anyone else, so how can I judge anyone for living their lives?

Shandi says:
Sun, 26th Jul 200911:39 pm 

Oh Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay. You know what I said about you was 100% correct. Your wedding night is going to be terrible because you were too much of a filthy whore to wait ONE WHOLE MONTH to have sex like you were supposed to do. You must feel awful to know that you ruined your entire life just because you were too much of a whore to keep your pants on. You commited the grave sin of having premarital sex and when your marriage ends in divorce, as is likely with such terrible morals and judgement that you have shown, I will be laughing my ass off.

It takes two to tango as the saying goes. That means, for as disgusting a person you are, your future ex husband must be even more vile and have worse morals than you for having premartial sex. He isn't a man. He is a little boy for not being able to wait to have sex like he is supposed to. What a loser. Whatever you do, do not, and I repeat, DO NOT have kids. There doesn't need to be any more of your kind in the world.

Have a great wedding night. It will be just another meaningless sexual encounter that isn't special at all and has no significance. I hope you realized how much you have ruined your life. Shame on you!!!!!!!

Lauren says:
Mon, 27th Jul 20095:36 am 

I'm a 20 y/o Catholic virgin who's waiting, but I'm not going to say that it's the best way for everyone. In fact, sometimes I think that young Christians get married just so they can have sex — and that's never a good thing.

Why are we so worried about what men think regarding virginity when it seems that the most vicious, judgmental comments are coming from women? Looks like women will throw the words "whore" or "slut" around far more easily than men will. Shouldn't we at least gain some sort of a non-judgmental, semi-united front BEFORE we attempt to change the views of the opposite sex?

Casey says:
Mon, 27th Jul 200912:08 pm 

Lauren, I agree with that. Although not because of shandi (who has gone by many names on this site, and is probably not even a female) but because of encounters in every day life. Before women begin the attempt to change mens minds about us, we have to learn to be accepting of each other. More women call women sluts, whores, bitches, etc. than men do. And there is something very wrong with that. But I think mostly it stems from jealousy, competitiveness, and believe it or not, the hunt for a mate. We are programmed to try and beat each other out for the best guy, which leads to back stabbing, name calling, put downs, and general cattiness.

Marcy says:
Mon, 27th Jul 20092:14 pm 

casey, what you said reminds me of how girls are treated in "mean girls". lol. and I see where your going with that. and shandi, you really need to get out of your bubble. Im a christian, but if I didnt know God I think by hearing what type of a christian you are would completely discourage me from knowing him.

Erin says:
Mon, 27th Jul 20093:05 pm 

Casey and Lauren, I think you girls are on the right track here! I agree with both of you. The unity among women, or lack thereof, is kind of astonishing sometimes. I think the message here should be for us to band together and fight these meaningless double-standards.

and Shandi, I'm just curious, how did Lindsay ruin her life by having premarital sex with her fiancee once? I don't quite follow… she is in a committed relationship that is heading for marriage very shortly. Just because the first time she has sex with will not be on her wedding night doesn't make her a vile creature, it just means that her exciting moment with him came a little earlier after she already knew they were committed. It's not like she went and found some random guy to have sex with for the hell of it or like she has done this before or often…

Joe the Drunk says:
Mon, 27th Jul 20095:42 pm 

you all have really stupid names: casey, marcy, shandi, lindsay, lana, erin, lauren

Marcy says:
Mon, 27th Jul 20095:56 pm 

marcy is a stupid name? well thats my nickname, my name is Marcela, and you better hell not call that stupid. =)

Erin says:
Mon, 27th Jul 20096:54 pm 

yeah, your name is Joe. how unoriginal is that?

Kate says:
Tue, 28th Jul 20097:43 am 

Don't feed the trolls, ya'll. Damn.

Casey says:
Tue, 28th Jul 20098:56 am 

Ha Kate, I was thinking the same thing.

random says:
Tue, 28th Jul 200912:39 pm 

I have yet to read this book, but i don't think the author is telling you to spread eagle ladies. A woman's value is not measured by how many men have touched her vagina. Sex isn't supposed to bring shame! It is supposed to inspire and stir the emotions of what is inside of you! I am not saying sleep around, but when you have sex with someone you truly love, who makes you whole when you didn't even realize you were missing a better part of yourself then how can we say it's not pure? at that moment in time it's pure no matter how many people (male or female) you've slept with.

And what i seem to get out of this article is not just SEX, but the price we put on sex as a culture. Is it truly fair for a young girl to not even be able to KISS a young man until they are pronounced man and wife, because her father made her wear a promise ring? kissing boys, holding hands, isn't that what being a kid is about? is it fair for a father to explain over and over again how her boyfriend can't stay over, but her brother can have his girlfriend stay over?

Women still don't have equal rights. we have busted through a glass ceiling, but shards are everywhere.

Casey says:
Tue, 28th Jul 20095:52 pm 

Lily, You said that perfectly. That is what I have been trying to express for years now and just have not been able to out it into words. Girls sleeping around will never make the sexes equal, because men and women ARE different. We think differently, our hormones, and brain functions are different, and we need different things. Equality is GREAT! and one day we will have it, but sleeping around is not the way to get it. It doesn't prove that we are "liberated women" it doesn't make a statement, it just hurts our cause even more. Women need to be respected and sleeping around doesn't earn ANYONE respect, male or female.

(to Random, I don't know ANY parents who hold double standards for their children. No parent in their right mind would let ANY of their childrens boyfriends or girlfriends stay the night. That is just a ridiculous insinuation!)

But Lily, I feel for you. I can definitely see how girls who sleep around would make it harder for girls who want to do it right, to have any sort of hope. Of course there are some guys out there that are willing to date a girl first and have a relationship before having sex, but thanks to the availability of sex those men are few and far between. Good luck on your hunt though.

Lily says:
Tue, 28th Jul 20098:43 pm 

I am a 19 year old virgin, not because of any sort of association with religion, but because I haven’t found the right man yet. The majority of all my closest friends have had sex before. in fact, I feel as though there is more pressure for me to lose my virginity than to keep it. does anyone else feel this way? seriously, it feels as though people at my school tend to look down on those who have never had sex, like they are prude, undesirable, or ultra conservative/religious.

anyway – I am not planning on waiting until marriage, either. I am simply waiting to fall in love with someone who respects me and cares for me. I have no problem with women having sex before marriage.

HOWEVER, I do have a problem with slutty girls (my definition of slutty is someone who sleeps around on a regular basis, has sex with strangers, asks for no respect or commitment, you see where I am going with this..) because they make it a hell of a lot harder for someone like me (aka, someone who has decided to only have sex when in a committed relationship) to date. why, you ask?
well when my mom was growing up (she’s in her 50′s at the moment), women were valued and respected. she went to one of the biggest party schools now (UGA) and yet, she tells me that slutty girls were few and far between… guys spent more time taking girls on dates and charming them… and that the only ones who were getting any were those in a monogamous relationship.
I’m not saying everyone needs to be this way. feel free to sleep around if you want, it’s none of my business. but why would any young, attractive college male want to spend the time and dedication getting to know a girl, taking her on dates, and having intellectual and sober conversations, when all he has to do is go to a party/bar/downtown, find a drunk girl, and get laid all in the same night? what incentive does he have to even have a girlfriend – especially if she is someone like me, who may feel more comfortable waiting a few months before having sex. girls are so insecure, needy, and slutty these days that men do NOTHING and get everything they want… sex. this slutty behavior has changed the dynamics between women and men… sure, maybe back in my mother’s time the men were trying to impress the girls, so that they would eventually sleep with them. but it’s psychology that tells us that men and women have fundamentally different ways of thinking about particular things. and while men are ALWAYS physically attracted to women first (and the romantic feelings come later, and take more time), women usually “fall in love” not only with a man’s looks, but also with what he represents.. a provider, a protector, someone to cuddle with, etc. men are obviously capable of feeling this way but it normally comes after their initial physical attraction and need for sex.

all that being said, it is quite difficult for me to find someone to be in a relationship with. if I don’t get more physical with guys quickly, they get irritated and move on. I feel like I can safely attribute a portion of this to fact that the attractive guys I’ve been on dates with can get sex just by talking to a drunk girl for 5 minutes. or telling a girl she’s pretty and that he likes her, when really he just wants to get it on. so, if you’re deeply insecure and have zero self esteem, stop sleeping around for god’s sakes. but if you like sex and actually have some sense of self worth, then it’s whatever..

Emily says:
Tue, 28th Jul 20098:12 pm 

Casey: my parents let my younger brother have his girlfriend sleep in his bed, but my girlfriend was made to sleep on the couch. Which didn't stop anything, obviously, but it was damn annoying.

Meerkat says:
Wed, 29th Jul 20091:51 am 

I am going to a book club meeting tonight to discuss this book and I stumbled across your discussion whilst looking for more info on it.

I find it completely terrifying that people spend time spreading such hate filled agendas online about a vaguely obscure book.

I am completely put off blogs for life!! And I am not a naive individual, I know there are weirdos online but I didn't imagine that they were so widespread as to be on a random discussion about this book buried somewhere deep in the internet.

I only hope that my book club tonight restores my faith in people's ability to discuss things rationally and coherently. Then again, it is made up of educated females so I'm sure it will. Shandi is definitely a misogynistic male and I am scared that I share a planet with him.

Casey says:
Wed, 29th Jul 20098:03 am 

Ok Emily I stand corrected, but from your comment I'm assuming you are a homosexual? Please correct me if I'm wrong! I'm not trying to be offensive! But your situation could be taken differently if that is the case, it may be your parents way of saying they aren't ok with your lifestyle, instead of parents holding double standards. Either way, no offense, it's bad parenting.

But since I don't know you or the details of your life, and this is a public forum, I'm not going into that further.

But parents who ALLOW their children's boyfriends or girlfriends spend the night (before they reach adulthood) need to go to a class on parenting. Because if you are promoting such behavior in CHILDREN then there really is no hope for this world.

Emily says:
Thu, 30th Jul 20098:31 pm 

Casey: I'm not offended at all! I'm gay, big woop. As to their motives, I dunno if it's cause they're unhappy with my sexuality, or if it was cause I'm a chick. I didn't make a big deal out of it, cause I'm planning on using it as ammo for any big future fights… I'm curious, what age do you think kids reach adulthood? I mean, there's no way I'd let my 12yo kids have their partners over, but 16, sure.

Casey says:
Fri, 31st Jul 20096:51 am 

I think when they turn 18 and are legally able to make their own decisions without getting emancipated. 16 is the age of consent, but when you're not even legally able to take care of yourself, parents shouldn't be promoting behavior that could result in taking care of another human at such a young age. Once someone is able to take care of themselves on their own, I consider that adulthood. It may come before or after 18, but just to be safe I'll stick with the legal age.

Casey says:
Mon, 3rd Aug 20091:30 pm 

I mean, just because I had tons of threesomes doesn't mean that I don't believe in the sanctity of marriage. I just feel that the only REAL sanctity in it is that gays can't have it, but I can.

So, yes, I will continue to be a hypocrite. I will promote morals that I certainly don't follow, and make sure that the conservative voice is spread.

Lindsay - University says:
Wed, 5th Aug 20099:43 pm 

Sigh, apparently the troll has nothing better to do with their life than to post comments like that. Don't you have any friends Shandi/Molly/Erin/fake Casey?

Heather says:
Tue, 11th Aug 20091:35 am 

I think purity goes hand-in-hand with character. Those who wait until marriage are making a physical statement that they are going to make an unselfish sacrifice out of love for their future partner. They are also protecting themselves from various STIs and unwanted pregnancies (which no amount of store-bought "protection" can GUARANTEE), which is another good thing for their future spouse. Everybody talks about being empowered and being so strong because they do what they want, but that's actually the weak and easy way. It takes a lot more self control to wait than it does to not wait. I've never heard anyone regret waiting, whereas I've heard so many people regret not waiting. I believe purity is admirable and beautiful, and it definitely should be encouraged. Women of good character are more respected than slutty women anyway.

Shandi says:
Tue, 11th Aug 20092:17 am 

Heather: Exactly right. The fact that so many whores don't get what you explained, is incredible. They are repulsive scum.

Person says:
Thu, 13th Aug 200910:59 am 

You got the second book's title way off, among other things in your story (see "fraternity slut" — girls are in sororities, not frats…). Please fact check next time. I had to stop myself from reading it because I can't trust your judgment.

Charlsie - Hollins U says:
Thu, 13th Aug 20092:04 pm 

Correct, the second book's title is off. It should read: He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know.

However, I was not implying that girls are in a fraternity. I was using the familiar term (look it up on Urban Dictionary or talk to anyone on a college campus if you aren't sure) that girls who often have sex or are known for dating guys in a fraternity, regardless if they are a part of Greek life or not, are considered to be "fraternity sluts." Obviously women are in sororities, that was never the issue of discussion as you have chosen to bring up.

me says:
Thu, 13th Aug 20097:45 pm 

CONGRATULATIONS, SHANDI! Successful troll was successful. Now please, get the fuck out and let those who actually give some thought one way or the other to the article in question read the comments in peace.

Johnny says:
Fri, 14th Aug 20094:38 am 

"Why is sexuality an ongoing struggle for young women, but not their male peers?"

You have no idea what the hell you're talking about. It's YOUR cultural side's idiots who encourage men to lose their virginity early or be promiscuous, not mine, and if you seriously think males don't struggle with any sexuality issues you need to pull your head out of your ass. The pressure to just have sex and lose your virginity is just as bad as the pressure to NOT lose your virginity, but only the former is actually dangerous to the physical well being of the individual. I'm happy girls get this kind of pressure and I wish males got more of it too.

PS. It's not "stud", it's "douchebag"

Elle says:
Fri, 14th Aug 20094:47 pm 

Shandi, youre taking the piss right? Just looking for an argument?

I find it interesting that you think being poor and ugly = worthless (which by the way are often due to circumstances beyond control, like y'know…genetics in the case of looks). I bet youre a stunning millionairess right? Please fuck off back into your cave and leave the debate to people that actually have an educated, valid opinion.

hm says:
Wed, 19th Aug 20098:32 am 

Purity does not make or break a woman, or a man. but it is valuable. If for nothing else than the ability to never have to compare, never have to worry about getting pregnant accidentally or contributing a disease or emotional hang up into a marriage. I think the problem isn't that girls are encouraged to save themselves but that boys aren't. The problem is that the consequences are often so much steeper for girls. If a girl get's pregnant it's literally tied to her, she is affected for the rest of her life. If a boy gets a girl pregnant he might have a financial obligation for 18 years, but that's all that's legally required of him. He doesn't have the same physical effects to deal with.

So, I agree that the double standard is bad, but it comes from a place of selfishness on the part of men. They feel more free to be sexually active because the consequences aren't as real to them. For a woman it's more risky, more viceral there is more on the line.

In an ideal world we'd all save ourselves- women and men- and there wouldn't be rampant std's millions of unwanted pregnancies and abortions, no more giving our spouses the left over bits and pieces of our heart at the alter etc…

Character and morals are important for a reason.

blueelm says:
Thu, 20th Aug 20091:51 pm 

late to the party, but Marce I hope you're getting pap smears on that beautiful lilly twat of yours!

likeavirgin says:
Sun, 23rd Aug 20099:16 pm 

Great article…but the comments were truly entertaining. (Btw–the Shandi chick has some serious issues…poor fundi.) I hope some day we will all evolve past judging someone's worth based on whether they've had sex or not. It's preposterous. Who cares. I don't care if you have sex. You are human…I assume you will or have. If you decide not to, I don't care. I don't care about your reasons for abstaining, either. I won't think you are better or worse than any other person. Why not? Because it's None Of My Business. I wish people would stop worrying about what other people think of them, and just live their lives happily. I mean really….LOOK at the kind of people who are judging you! Does their opinion REALLY matter to you???

SayBlade says:
Mon, 24th Aug 200912:20 pm 

"…federally funded purity balls…"???? (look of horror on face) Socialist gatherings. Hmmm.

Bila says:
Sun, 30th Aug 200910:59 am 

You can rationalize slutiness all you want but guys do not want to marry some woman who has been through many guys. That is precisely why a lot of women want to believe that it does not matter and get very defensive about that issue

It is also a fact that women/girls sleep with many more guys than they admit compared to how many women guys sleep with. This solely based on the fact that a girl does not have to do much to get guy to sleep with him.

All things constant, most (nearly all) guys will choose a virgin over a slut.

Tara says:
Sun, 30th Aug 20099:10 pm 

The point of the book is that a person should not be defined by their sexuality, and promoting virginity as some sort of ideal is the same as sexually objectifying women. Women (and men) should be judged as a package, not by a large number, or lack of, sexual partners. Valenti isn't saying everyone should be promiscuous, she is saying that your sexuality is your own choice and no one else's business. Furthermore, I would much rather be married to someone who is willing to accept me as a person rather than someone who wants to marry me because I fit some ridiculous sterotype of what I should be.

mike says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20098:06 am 

I take your point completely and agree that women/girls should not be valued simply for their virginity.

But it isn't 'sexist' as such. It's really easy to be a slut. All you have to do is be there, be available, because men aren't picky. On the other hand it's really hard to be a stud. You need to be well dressed, charming, really good looking and all the rest of it, because women are very picky.

Aviva says:
Sun, 4th Oct 20097:45 pm 

I wonder whether or not some of the people who are writing such terrible things about Jessica Valenti and this book have even read it. I would imagine they haven't. It isn't about how we should all go out and have tons of unsafe sex. Its about how if a young woman wants to have sex it is her choice, and the best thing we can do as a society is give her all the facts so she can make as informed a decision as possible. It is also about how we tend to value women based more on what they do with their bodies than what they do with their minds. (for instance, judging Valenti because you think she's unattractive rather than on the amazing things she has accomplished)

And so many people have proven in their comments what Valenti says in her book. There is a virgin/whore dichotomy out there. Women are deemed either virgins or whores and nothing in between, which is a ridiculous way to have to live. I wish people would be a little more open-minded and less judgmental. As long as we are all being safe and not hurting each other, we should all be allowed to make our own choices.

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Sohan says:
Sun, 13th Dec 200910:10 am 

Purity is not valuable. Sensibility is. A woman who feels she needs to save herself for a future husband is, to me, as pathetic as one who feels she needs to bang every man she meets. Rather than promoting virginity or whoredom, we should be encouraging women (and men, of course) to have meaningful sexual relationships, within marriage or without.

By the way, that "first one in!" fantasy is a disgusting symptom of how men have been socially encouraged to regard female defloration as the height of sexual glory (and how women have been conditioned to accept this fantasy). "First one to give her an orgasm" would be more worthy of celebration, I say.

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Mary Kate says:
Tue, 18th May 20108:40 pm 

Holy cow… People are so mean. On one side, they're are calling women sluts. On the other, they're calling them ignorant and naive. How is this, in any way, beneficial to women? How is that anything other than incredibly harmful (not to mention narrow-minded, for both sides!). This debate could be pulled out of the gutter with some tolerance, understanding, and civility all around.

Equality Above all E says:
Thu, 29th Jul 20108:43 pm 

Whether you want to abstain or not is a personal choice. While I'm religious I do not, I say again, do not believe that while a woman might be judged upon her "sexual purity" that men should not be subjected to the same standard. Being a whore is not gender specific. Personally I don't believe in sex before marriage – for men or women. I'm male and I've never had sex due to personal beliefs despite immense pressure/temptation at times. However we as a society mustn't forget that this only comprises one aspect of a person's character. You may have had sex before marriage – you may not even be religious but that's besides the point – but you may be kind, courageous, caring, moral, etc. Nobody's perfect. In fact whether you're religious or not depending on what you believe in I'm okay if you want to have sex before marriage – that's your choice. But I am highly against adultery/cheating. Having premarital sex is one thing morality is another. If you want to have premarital sex fine but don't break anybody's heart. Stick with the one you love or at least care about/are serious with. Thank you.

BC says:
Sat, 21st Aug 20103:17 pm 

Wow. Reading all these comments, I found myself going through a series of emotions: anger, sadness, confusion, relief, happiness, and more anger. I was taken back by some of the outrageously ignorant views, and completely relieved that someone opposed them. I felt the need to comment as I am turning 17 years-old in a month and I am still a virgin and am surrounded by people who are either telling me to hold onto my virginity or give it away, and do it fast.
I listen to none of these people, I chose instead to listen to myself, that little voice of reason in my head that says, “Hey, I’m a virgin not because you say I should be, not because I’m saving myself for my husband, not because I’m trying to stay “pure”, not because I’m boring, not because of religious beliefs, not because I don’t think about sex or want it just as much as the next person, not because I think I have better “self control” or think I’m “stronger” than you (side note: that last one really made me laugh), not because I’m scared to. I’m a virgin because I know my body, I know myself, and I know where I stand on terms of my sexuality. Thus, I know that as an individual, I’m not ready to move into that territory yet. I’m not ready to have sex.”

Did you see that last sentence: “I’m not ready to have sex.” Let me ask you, who decided that? I’ll give you a hint, it wasn’t my mother, it wasn’t my father, it wasn’t those terrible sex ed teachers who never said anything but “DON’T HAVE SEX, YOU’LL DIE!” It was me. I decided that. And I think that’s the biggest thing we can teach young people, young girls as well as young boys, that they need to KNOW themselves, they need to know their limits and not let anyone influence their decisions or make them feel bad for the way they are or pressure them into thinking there is something wrong with having a healthy sexual appetite or even that there’s something wrong with being a virgin.

I was gifted with parents who were never afraid to be honest with me. They never stuffed my head with any of their own ideals about sex and marriage and they never hid the truth of it from me. They talked with me about sex, it wasn’t some big secret in my household. I didn’t have to be scared to ask my mother about condoms vs. birth control. I am well educated about sex, something that I think in the end is beneficial to young people. If you know what you’re doing and what you’re getting into, you can protect yourself in every way from terrible outcomes. I also think taking a little bit of the taboo off of sex might make young kids less inclined to act on it. Instead of saying don’t do it, don’t do it(which might just give you the opposite effect you intended). Why not educate them on sex, educate them on being strong individuals, and then let them decide themselves if they want to partake in sex. I can guarantee you that most of them wont, and the ones who do will know how to take precautions. The girls that choose to have sex are not sluts. In fact, slut is a very nasty words that shouldn’t even be spoken. I think that a girl who seeks sex in destructive ways that harm not only her but the people she does it with, both emotionally and physically, isn’t a slut, and she doesn’t need to be ridiculed. She’s simply drowning in that proverbial sea that’s always filled with things that bite and make you bleed, and she needs someone to toss a life saver out and wheel her in. Or, maybe she doesn’t need a helping hand, maybe one day she’ll wake up and swim to the boat herself.

At the end of the day, as a young person, I wish the adults would stress more on being a strong individuals with confidence in ourselves rather than “abstinence is the key”. Trust me, teenagers aren’t and don’t have to be as dense as you think, give them the tools and the information, and they might just surprise you.

tiffany says:
Tue, 31st Aug 20102:52 am 

i think may be i get what i want

margaret says:
Mon, 27th Sep 201010:17 am 

i grew up in the 70's and this is just more of the same old crap–as a young girl you R supposed 2B sexy and alluring, but not put out. in other words, the ideal girl is a dicktease. the more things change the more they stay the same

margaret says:
Mon, 27th Sep 201010:31 am 

shandi — the kind of language you are using proves you are no better than the people you are criticising–in fact, you are as mean as a rattlesnake