
Talking sex with your doctor isn’t always easy. Whether you are afraid she or he will judge you, you just don’t feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of your life between the sheets, or you can’t think straight with a speculum between your legs, many people get tight lipped in the doctor’s office. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have questions.
We thought we’d help and every Thursday our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin will be answering your questions. The ones you couldn’t ask your doctor in person and didn’t really trust the Yahoo community to answer for you. Just leave your questions in the comments, or send em over to us. (We’ll keep it all anonymous for you.) Dr. Lissa will answer anything – really, anything – about sex and other lady things. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!
Q: I am not in a serious relationship, so I don’t have sex very often. When I do, though, it always hurts. Sometimes even more than the first time. Why is that? Is there something I can do so it doesn’t hurt anymore?
A: Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry! Sex is supposed to be fun, right? Isn’t sex always easy, painless, and orgasmic in the movies? Maybe so, but what you’re experiencing is not uncommon in real life. In fact, I suffered from the same problem myself back when I was in my twenties. Have you seen a gynecologist about this issue? There are a number of reasons you may be experiencing pain, and your doctor might be able to help you.
Painful sex (we docs call is dyspareunia) is normal when you first have sex. Because your hymen may still be intact when you lose your virginity, sex often hurts in the beginning. But after a while, the pain should lessen and then resolve. If it doesn’t, a variety of conditions can be responsible, including vulvar vestibulitis (inflammation of the vestibule), vaginismus (involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles), allergic reactions to things such as latex condoms, and endometriosis (when lining from the uterus gets on the ovaries, bowel & pelvic lining). As women age, they also have lower levels of estrogen, which can make the vagina thinner, leading to atrophic vaginitis. Many of these conditions can be treated, but it’s important to know the reason for your pain. If you find yourself having sex regularly and are still having pain, be sure to tell your gynecologist. There may be a simple solution.
Feeling safe in a relationship is also an important part of making sure sex feels good. Those who have had traumatic experiences with sex in the past, such as being the victim of a rape or child molestation, often experience pain with intercourse. As women, our bodies can be amazingly powerful at manifesting physical signals in response to psychological issues. If any of these issues might play a role in the pain you feel, please see a therapist who can help you work through what you’ve experienced.
In the meantime, make sure that before you have intercourse, you are adequately aroused. If your partner isn’t already doing so, encourage your partner to assist you with a little foreplay. If that’s not enough, try a personal lubricant like Astroglide. Sometimes, lubing up can decrease the friction against the vaginal wall, making things glide more easily and causing less discomfort. Also, certain positions may be more comfortable than others, so experiment with what feels better and listen to your body.
Most importantly, be honest with your partner about your experience. Don’t pretend you’re having fun when you’re not. You don’t want to train your body to endure pain when it’s supposed to be experiencing loving connection and sexual pleasure. Doing so can train your body to shut down, which can damage your ability to be properly aroused in the future. Get help, be honest, and know that this won’t last forever.
In case it gives you hope, I’ll tell you that my story ended happily. After years of painful intercourse, the pain (caused by vulvar vestibulitis in my case) disappeared over time. I think part of it was learning to live comfortably within my skin, part was finding the right relationship, and part was giving my body the opportunity to be heard. Perhaps, when you find yourself in a loving committed relationship having sex more regularly, this problem will melt away and you’ll be on your way to sexual bliss. Let’s hope so!
Let’s hope so!



Casey says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 20092:28 pm
I experience pain sometimes. I went to my gynecologist and she had no clue. When I told her I was having pain she suggested all of these things, but tests and examinations proved it was none of them. The pain isn’t persistent. It happens occasionally and although I am thoroughly wet it feels as though there is a bump right inside my vaginal wall and the head of my boyfriends penis is getting caught on it and trying to rip it out. Very odd. The last time it happened we couldn’t have sex for almost a month and then it just went away. I’ve just learned to deal with it and not have sex when it happens.
But here’s a tip, DO NOT have sex if you have gas! (haha gross I know) I have tried this twice (it’s kinda embarrassing saying “sorry babe, no sex tonight, I have gas”) and both times have ended up wriggling around on the floor with a terrible sharp pain like my intestines are literally going to explode at any moment.
Maybe these only happen to me, I dunno.
Van says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 20094:53 pm
I experienced the same problem. If you go to the doctor, and they do a physical, they will most likely test you for bacterial vaginosis. That was the root of my problem, and after a brief (but uncomfortable) course of vaginal cream antibiotics, the pain went away
Gregor says:
Thu, 23rd Jul 20098:36 pm
Circumcision could be the problem or exacerbating it. The male foreskin plays an important role in minimizing friction.
I have a suspicion that condoms can further limit the mobility of the penile skin which would increase friction like circumcision does. I have been wanting to try a female condom in the hope that it will decrease friction on my girlfriend.
Lubricants are not created equal. I have found that Astroglide is far more like natural lubrication than a KY product that we tried.
I read somewhere that coconut oil has helped some people. Probably not latex condom friendly, BTW.
Joe the Drunk says:
Fri, 24th Jul 20092:29 am
you need to find a guy with a small dick. i am available
Ballu says:
Mon, 27th Jul 20098:56 am
If sex hurts you then it would be useful to try Sentia pills. I took them for one month and have to say that I don’t feel pain through intercourse any more. My doc said it was the lack of libido.
WiseRiceGuy says:
Fri, 31st Jul 20096:11 am
Find a asain dude, they alway have small dick:)
Nratale says:
Tue, 22nd Sep 20091:04 pm
Sentia helps when women feel pain through intercourse. I like this supplement because it makes me very sexually active and lets me have deep orgasms.
kelsey says:
Fri, 18th Dec 20096:33 am
i have pain while sex when he goes in allthe way it feels like he is hitting something and it hurts so bad! i feel like a lump on my left side and it hurts that side way more! wht could it b?
victoria freestone says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 20103:53 pm
hi,
My boyfriend has pain when he come even having sex with me or hand job. I ask him if it is me but he said no, he inform me that he has had it before, he meet me and he inform me he found out that the pain start when he first did a hand job. he said he has seen a doctor but i dont know that and he told me the doctor said it is normal but that cant be
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