Stop Looking For Love!
July 25, 2009 Posted in Advice, Relationships
"I love you. Even if you have a mullet."
Love has a plethora of definitions. For most of us though, it’s like the world’s biggest scavenger hunt or game of “Where’s Waldo?” It’s almost impossible to find when you’re looking for it. So my advice, ladies, is to STOP LOOKING.
The last time I wrote about a relationship, I wrote about my horrific breakup. That happened in August last year. In my devastation, my fabulous roommates encouraged me to step away from the frozen novelties (Choco Tacos cure all pain), get out and not think about the breakup. Needless to say, this did wonders! I drank, I danced, I hooked up – everything felt normal. I was just having fun – not looking for anything to fill my heart’s void – and it was awesome. The partying along with weekly therapy sessions greatly helped my emotional state and I soon snapped out of my funk and realized that I wasted so much time on a complete idiot.
Before the breakup went down, I had gone out with a friend and met a gorgeous guy. At the time, I was still dating the Tool of the Year, so while I had seen him a few times, nothing happened. A few days after the breakup, though, my roomies invited practically every guy we had ever met over for a little cheering up. And a LOT of drinking. (What can I say? I have great friends!) I remember sipping on my 3 parts Kahlua and 1 part coffee and texting Mr. Gorgeous telling him that he and his friends should come over. They did, but due to the overload of guys, left soon after. Sad.
I didn’t think anything was going to happen with him, and that was fine because I wasn’t searching for anything. Meanwhile, my roomies and I still went out and had our fun. I thought I had met a few guys that had potential, yet my mind seemed to wander off to Mr. Gorgeous. So, I finally mustered up the courage to actually hang out with him, and, a few drinks in, make out with him too. After that night, he began asking me to hang out more, but I politely declined nearly every time. I figured since I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship again then I didn’t need to see him all the time and have it lead to a relationship.
I just wanted to have a good time.
Then one weekend, I was very ill with some college-bound disease and Mr. Gorgeous was in Athens for a football game. He had told me he’d call when he got back to school, and I didn’t believe him. But he did! He came over that night and watched Ratatouille with me as I sat in my bed sniffling, coughing, and sneezing. And that’s where it all started. He came over every night after that, sent me texts during the day, took me out to parties with him. It had all the feelings of a relationship, which I originally didn’t want, but I liked it. Even if I wasn’t looking.
I’ve been dating Mr. Gorgeous for seven months now and I couldn’t be happier. We found one another when we didn’t even realize we wanted eachother and that was the best way it could have ever happened. I wasn’t out trying to impress him or find him; I was just out being me.
Take it from me: Stop looking for love or your soulmate or boyfriend or whatever it is you want. Just go out and be you. Go have fun with your friends and you will stumble upon love (or it upon you) by accident. Don’t make yourself into someone that you are not or force yourself to love someone because they are around. Those relationships will never work out. It’s the ones that surprise you when you don’t expect ‘em that are the best in the end.
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Cristina- Michigan S says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20091:56 pm
Freakin' awesome.
Carla says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20093:01 pm
hear hear, love this, thank you
ana says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20093:40 pm
Even when you're not looking it can end up really bad.. It happened to me and one of my best friends.. Things evolved and he didn't want to commit so after 9 months things got really bad and not only did I lost my lover, but my friendS too..
And we wheren't looking
But hey, 2 months after, in the only web site he couldn't block me from e wrote that he was in love whith one of the reasons we broke.. So kudos for him…. NOT!
ana says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20093:40 pm
Even when you're not looking it can end up really bad.. It happened to me and one of my best friends.. Things evolved and he didn't want to commit so after 9 months things got really
grace b says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20095:45 pm
another great article!!
I'm making the last paragraph a facebook quote.
ellie says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20096:12 pm
this is really cute, and so true. they should make a movie to this effect lol.
Mary (Schoolcraft) says:
Sat, 25th Jul 20097:53 pm
Thanks for writing this, I just read ur breakup blog and o.m.g. I can't believe how that shit went down. Big ups for being brave and moving on, and major points for inadvertently playing hard to get — I am working on that myself!!!!
yay love lol <3
lawyermommy says:
Sun, 26th Jul 20099:09 am
"Stumble upon" is a good option for relationships but most times, you get what you are seeking! Looking for love, seek it and you will find. Although of course, be careful where you are searching, make sure you are not walking round a cesspool.
Top of the day to you.
Courtney says:
Sun, 26th Jul 20097:37 pm
perfect timing on this post. i was feeling really down tonight when i stumbled upon this and it was really helpful. thanks!
Ryan says:
Sun, 26th Jul 200911:45 pm
If you ever break up with your BF, where can guys send in their applications to date you? Thank you for the information.
Leigh says:
Mon, 27th Jul 20092:44 pm
'tool of the year' hahaha what a phrase!
lucky you, glad you're happy
tash says:
Thu, 6th Aug 20096:17 pm
Thank you for this I really needed it but what happens if your friends don't stay close to you and you can't really go out because it will just be you. I have friends is just they are married or have a relationship or live on another state so who to go out with? The only thing I want to do is work to keep my mind busy but no fun.so what to do I am only 22 and I just work and no fun.
omar says:
Mon, 10th Aug 20094:31 pm
a lot of people is looking for love i am looking for love also.i want a 19teen year old girl in america to love
Brandi says:
Sun, 11th Oct 20095:20 pm
I know what it is like to find someone when you weren't looking. I had a horrible breakup with a guy that I had been with for 4 years. We had called off our wedding then got back together 10 months later. The relationship just couldn't work. One of my friends wanted to go out for her birthday, which I didn't want to go because I was afraid of running into the ex. But being the good friend I went. I definately had no intention of meeting anyone..I had sworn off guys. While out this evening I casually started talking to this guy about Michigan football! I'm a huge fan! Well he ended up asking me for my number so I gave him it. He hadn't been hitting on me or anything, we were just having a casual conversation! Now we are a couple and get along great. He is very good to me and I'm happy in the first time in ages! The funny thing is it all happened when I wasn't looking at all!
Rina says:
Thu, 6th Jan 201111:05 am
How do you stop looking? I've been trying to do that my whole life but it never works out. For some reason whenever I see a guy I automatically switch to "like me, like me, like me" mode even if I think he's not good looking. I've been questioning myself for the last few days because it's becoming too much. I've never had a boyfriend before but that's not a good enough excuse for me. Why am I so desperate when I don't even need it?
Tempur says:
Fri, 30th Sep 20115:21 am
Actually this post helped me much, I didn't know what to do.. I have always been looking at girls wishing to have one of my own.. but yeah.. I will wait!
Ginium says:
Mon, 13th Feb 201210:14 pm
Wow!!! Impressive airctle and so true!!! We’re ready for Mass St shopping and the home cooked meal just let me know when.