The Morning After: Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out


It was one of the many nights when I should have stayed in and done homework, but decided/was forced to go out with my roommates for a night of belligerence. Standard.

I’d been seeing this guy and I was starting to get over it, but I still wanted him to go out with us anyway. I mean, I needed someone to flirt with/take home at the of the night and he was an easy kill. The night progressed as our nights out tended to: shots, pitchers, mixed drinks, and dancing…lots and lots of dancing. The kind of dancing that you’d rather do naked. And the kind of dancing that inevitably ends to doin’ it naked.

We stumbled our way home and after some drunken snacking on chips, cheddar goldfish crackers, and some random mac and cheese, lovaboy decided to start hinting that he was ready for “bed.” ¬†Since my roommate was fast asleep (Read: completely passed out in a drunken stupor), we decided to do it in the bathroom. Yes, we were a considerate pair; we wouldn’t want her waking up and seeing some naked booty 6 feet away.

The boom boom sesh was great. I think. I mean as great as it could be for doin’ it on the counter when you keep sliding into the sink and the faucet is hitting your buttbone. ¬†Anyway, after we re-grouped, Captain Morg was really gettin’ to me and I needed to get to sleep fast. Alone. I’m not much of a cuddler and the last thing I need is some guy spooning me when I feel like I’m spinning and gonna puke all over my room. But I knew this guy was all about curling up next to me in the fetal posish, so when he said he needed to run back to his room to grab something, I took it as, what seemed at the time, the opportunity of a lifetime.

The second he stepped out of my dorm, I closed the door behind him and locked it. I climbed in bed and passed out.

The next morning I woke up with some some hazy memories of some knocking and a few phone calls. When I checked my phone (which was somehow in the cabinet below the bathroom sink….), I found a text from the boy:

“haha ok.”

I had no idea what he was haha-ok-ing to, so I checked my outbox. Turns out it was a response to something I sent just before (putting my phone in the bathroom cabinet?) and falling fast asleep:

“Supr tred. Thnks fo taht. See u tom.”

I’m glad he took it well.



  1. k says:

    hahahahaha i love this is story

  2. Lexxie says:

    HAHA Drunk texts are the best

  3. Emily says:

    This reminds me of the one time I got so drunk off my butt I couldn't stop giggling, but I was hooking up with my best guy friend while texting the guy I was seeing, telling him how much I loved him and loved him since I first set eyes on him.. and then my best guy friend had to go get condoms and I locked him out of my place, he was calling and calling and yeah I passed out.

  4. Casey says:

    I don't think Jesus would really approve of this…

  5. Jessica G says:

    Who gave you permission to do this?!?!? I need their names…..

  6. Michelle says:

    HAHA This is classic!! I love to hate those crazy nights!

  7. Joselyn says:

    Sex before marriage is an abomination, and it's people like you who make our smear the name of our society, tainting the soul of humanity, and destroying all hope for God-fearing little girls to grow up pure.

    ~Jesus or Bust~

  8. horizontalgirl says:

    Why are you Bible Beaters reading this if it upsets you soooo much?? Seriously WTF! Nothing against Bible Beaters.. Thats cool if that your thing. But, Haha! y'all HAVE to be interested in the articles to be on this site, otherwise you wouldn't be reading the posts! Go find people who care. Doesn't your Bible tell you not to judge?? Don't judge us, we won't judge you.. We are just girls (and guys) trying to get through college and if sex and booze are our way of dealing than get over it.. We aren't the first, we definitely won't be the last! Cheers for drunken-ness, the random hookups, and the nights we don't remember (or don't want to remember) because of it! Go pray for us and we'll go drink for you!

  9. Joselyn says:

    Oh. I'm actually friends with the girl who wrote this and I was just teasing her. I hook up all the time, too. I shouldn't make jokes like that. I will never bother you again.

  10. Joselyn says:

    Okay actually, here is the whole story. My friend LIED to me and said she made this up and posted this. I don't actually have sex randomly or actually preach to anyone about being Godly. She just now told me that it wasn't actually her. And I don't presume to know enough to judge anyone I don't know intimately. And try not to take unidentified people's random comments to heart, because I'm sure you're a lovely person with your own set of morals and a mind of your own and a bright future. So don't let it affect you.

  11. robyn says:

    damn anyone wanna do it dirty get @ me


  12. Vanessa says:

    Hahah that's a corpus number!!!! But great article, and I love the fact that you locked him out!

  13. Vanessa says:

    Hahah only someone from corpus would put up a comment like that…typical.

    But hilarious article!!! You locking his out is kind of awesome.

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