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Tuffy Luv Says: Take Two On That Relationship
July 28, 2009 Posted in Advice, Relationships
Got a question? Email Tuffy Luv at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and get that shiz answered right.
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I dated this guy who I thought was it for 2 years, but I ultimately ended it because he moved away and our relationship became strained and our communications broke down. We planned on seeing where things would go when he came back, but before that happened, we got into a big fight about past things that I thought were non-issues.
We stopped talking for almost a year, but then right before the summer started I began thinking about him more and more. and then ran into him while at his neighbor’s place. We texted each other that day and said that we’re both over all the issues that started the fight. It has been a week since then, and I can’t stop thinking about him. It has caused me to have a lack of sleep, and a lot of stress.
What should I do?
Thanks,
Julie
Dear Julie,
I hate to say it, but I think it might be worth taking a chance on this guy.
Why do I hate to say it, and why do I think it’s worth the chance? Why, by gum, I’ll tell you, Julie, I’ll tell you right now.
Why I hate to say it: Well, usually when you break up with someone, there’s a reason. Unfortunately, cruel human nature makes us forget and–sigh–romanticize the hell out of past relationships. But 9 times out of 10, when you give it another go, you remember very quickly why it didn’t work out in the first place.
Why I think it might be worth taking a chance on this guy: Well, for one thing, you once thought you’d be spending the rest of your life with him. If you really mean it, that’s a major thing to say. Something about him seemed really right to you, and there’s something to be considered in that. And then, of course, there’s the fact that you’re both over these issues. Plus he’s back in town, right? Why not give it another chance?
In short, Jules, you can’t stop thinking about the guy and the issues you two once had have now dissolved. What’s the harm in seeing if there are still sparks? Call the guy up and get started on the rest of your life. I genuinely hope it works out.
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv
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Carla says:
Tue, 28th Jul 20092:18 pm
wow, i had a boyfriend of 4 years, broke it off because he also moved away. i also felt at one point that maybe, just maybe, i could spend the rest of my life with him. its been a year since we broke it off. i havent spoken to him for nearly a year but weve recently gotten back in touch and remained as "friends". i dont know… i really loved this guy and if either of us are in the same country again i would certainly, without a doubt, give it another go. I still love him and i think he does too. we had a drunken conversation online once and everything was spilled out! it was quite funny and he did mention he was still trying to get over me after its been a year… oh well… wish me luck…
E says:
Tue, 28th Jul 20095:17 pm
I dated a guy on and off for 3 years, and thought he was the one, but I moved away a year ago and we broke it off (for more reasons than just that). We've stayed really close friends though, and now I'm about to move back, and we've already sort of picked up where we left off, but are dancing around the issue of really getting back together. I've also been wondering if it's worth another try, but in our case I have a very important friendship at stake.
Andrea says:
Wed, 29th Jul 200911:50 am
I was in a similar situation a few years ago and did not give my past relationship another chance. Who is to say whether it would have worked out our not, but it has been 2 years and I am still wondering if it would have. Had I swallowed my pride and fear of heartbreak, maybe I would have found out. He is engaged now and I have lost my chance, and while I am a firm believer in "fate" I still wish I would have allowed my younger self the option. I would suggest giving it a try. If it works out, maybe you will rekindle the spark that made you think he was Mr. Right, and if not, well at least you will never be stuck wondering what might have been. Good luck!
e says:
Tue, 17th Nov 20095:05 pm
hey!!! i dated a guy for 9 months and we broke p cause he moved away too. we are attending college in different places and it sucks. i still want to be with him, and miss him,and i constatntly think about him. i dont know how he feels about me anymore though, but i would like to know. we dont keep in contact anymore and right now maybe its better that way. i saw on his fb that he changed is looking for to dating. hopefully soon his status wont change. idk what to do. alot of times i cant sleepcause i think about him and im still in love with him.
anyways!!! glad u guys got back in touch and are looking to rekindle the flame. im happy for ya! u should definitey try to take another chance.