Three is Most Definitely a Crowd

July 30, 2009 Posted in Relationships

There’s a reason kids on tricycles get their asses kicked; no one likes a third wheel.

Yet time and time again, as coupled people attempt to prove that they have not fallen victim to the anti-social-eat-Chinese-food-while-cuddling-on-the-couch behavior long associated with relationships, you somehow end up third-wheeling it up night after night. While kudos should be given for the attempt to reach out to their relationship challenged friends, couples are either oblivious to or choosing to ignore the fact that watching them make lovey eyes at each other while you pound down more Jack and Diets than the bartender can serve up is not exactly an ideal Saturday night.

And that is only one of the many reasons three is a crowd:

- They will inevitably ask you if you are dating someone. I don’t know if people in relationships have forgotten how to talk about entertainment/sports/music/school/politics/other people, but it seems their favorite topic is relationships. You will either have to awkwardly tell them that no one has even bought you coffee within the past 6 months, or that you have been casually dating someone. (If you are casually dating someone, be warned…they will ask you to invite him 10,000 times).

- If at a restaurant or bar, the waiter will automatically ask you if there is a fourth person coming. There will be an awkward pause. Someone will despondently respond, “No…just 3.”

- The odds of PDA increase proportionally to the amount of drinks had. By drink 3, the happy couple is likely eskimo kissing and snuggling across the table from you while you think of the best ways to cover up a double homicide (or at least the best excuse to hightail it out of there!).

- You’re not allowed to hit on anyone. While bars usually give singles that wonderful kid in a candy store feeling, your couple will inevitably judge you if you start flirting with any hotties. They will either get upset that you are ditching them for some guy (even though the night ultimately ends in them ditching you for each other), or look down upon you for your juvenile ways.

- They will ask you if they are still fun in about 50 different ways. “Aren’t we a blast?” “We still ACT like singles!” “We’re one of those fun couples.” “Aren’t you having a great time, I love doing this!” I can only come up with so many masked variations of, “No…not really.”

So why not fake sick and bail on the happy couple? There are, admittedly, some perks: in an attempt to appease you, they are likely to buy you a few beverages (deep down they know it’s sucky). Plus, by acting nonchalant about being a third wheel, you immediately go from pitied single friend, to confident and secure single friend. And most importantly…sometimes you just gotta do stuff for your friends! How many times do your coupled friends let you drag them around parties and bars while you mack on strangers? Sometimes you can’t help but be the third wheel (or even *gasp* the fifth), but you just have to grin, bear it, and plan a much needed singles night out.

343276 CommentsThree+is+Most+Definitely+a+Crowd2009-07-30+17%3A00%3A34Dannia-+Loyola+University+Chicago on "Three is Most Definitely a Crowd"

Gwenivere says:
Thu, 30th Jul 20096:23 pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years and don't do any of those things you have mentioned above when we go out with our single friends.

We would never ask our friend rudely if they were dating someone. 1. If they wanted us to know THEY would tell us and 2. asking would be a rude way to remind them that they are single.

I don't understand your comment about couples not wanting their single friend to flirt and hook up with anyone when they go out. If anything we WANT them to find someone to have fun with. Plus, maybe that person they meet could be a potential cool new friend.

My boyfriend and I NEVER do gross PDA. The most we do when we go out is maybe a hand on a thigh if we are sitting at a table or a quick peck on the lips (very rare) PDA is just wrong on every level. No one wants to see that nor should they have to.

Why would someone need to ask if the other person is having fun? You can always tell if someone is having a good time.

Maybe we are just different than most couples, but most of our friends who are in relationships are pretty similar to us. Maybe your just hanging around the wrong people.

Jenny says:
Thu, 30th Jul 20097:12 pm

I agree with Gwenivere. I live with my boyfriend and my best friend, who is single, and I know for a fact that she would have opted not to live with us if she thought she'd be the third wheel all the time. If anything, I feel bad for my boyfriend sometimes when my bff and I talk clothes and makeup. We've also forced him to get into Desperate Housewives with us…

Honestly, I think the things that you mentioned in your article don't just apply when a couple is out with a single person, but with any group of people. Asking someone about their dating life before they mention it themselves is quite rude. Too much PDA is also rude, whether you're out with one other person or 10 other people. Judging someone for meeting someone new is downright disrespectful, no matter who is doing the judging (besides, isn't meeting new people supposed to be a good thing?).

Sure, three can be a crowd if you're out with a disrespectful couple, or if you're a Negative Nancy about the situation. But to me, three's a party, and I don't know anyone who's not up for a good time.

maggie says:
Thu, 30th Jul 20097:21 pm

i COMPLETELY agree that third-wheeling (and fifth- and seventh-wheeling) sucks!! yes, i *have* actually been the only single person among seven. NOT fun.

to Gwenivere and Jenny, i'm sure you guys have been in situations when a third person is no biggie—but as someone who always seems to be on the out, it is almost never fun. sure, at first everything is great (i do willingly go out with my coupled friends after all) but at one point or another, you're on the outside. and it's lonely.

true, couples i'm with rarely do anything mentioned in the article (except PDA…ugh). but the feeling of being left out is ALWAYS there…

Liam says:
Thu, 30th Jul 20098:47 pm

No one likes being a 3rd wheele! It's awkward! You either feel like you're crashing on someone's date or you're cockblocking! It seriously makes you feel lonely, and in sometimes, a loser!

Jessica says:
Sun, 2nd Aug 20094:52 pm

Gwenivere and Jenny, good for you. Most of my friends are into heavy PDA in public (by heavy I mean they walk down the street either holding hands, hands in each other's back pockets or when they have to stand still kissing each other), which drives me nuts. My friends know when I'm not dating someone so they never ask but a few of them will judge me if I try and hit on another guy while with them. I get one of the two either "But why are you hitting on him? Do you have to go over there? I came out to hang out with you!" Or "Hey you see that guy over there? You want us to help you hook up with him? It'll be fun!" This is why I adamently refuse to do third wheel events. They just flat out suck.

Ellen says:
Fri, 29th Apr 201110:14 pm

I don't think any couples should be too offended by this article. As a (most of the time) single lady myself, I've had all of this happen to me. Ick. I've also been guilty of some of it, sadly enough. Sorry, friends whom I may have third-wheeled! It'll never happen again!

In my experience, the third-wheel feelings generally decrease the longer a couple is together. They feel more confidant in their relationship, and (maybe!) learn some manners about refraining from PDA most of the time– or they just no longer feel the need to express their affection in that way every, um, two minutes.

But the lovey-dovey, newly dating couples? I don't care if it's your best friend. Stay away! If you hang out with a couple that's just got together, especially if both don't have dating experience, prepare to be burned.

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