Celebretard Showdown: Mischa Barton vs. Tara Reid
There are a lot of celebrities out there that simply disappear, whether it be voluntarily or due to lack of talent/rehab/Bermuda triangle. There are a couple that have massive amounts of issues, yet refuse to disappear. In fact, they seem to pop up everywhere, strutting around uninvited on every red carpet. People like Bai Ling and Paris Hilton are prime examples.
More recently, we have Mischa Barton. I gotta admit, I really do enjoy watching a mediocre TV actress fall from grace (and she fell hard!). Oh, speaking of mediocre actresses, I think I heard the other day that Tara Reid has teamed up with the douchebag powerhouse that is Christian Audigier to design some piece of crap that I’ll certainly see all around campus. Yay.
In light of that wonderful piece of news, I think it’s time to pair up a couple of the most washed up faces in Hollywood: Mischa Barton and Tara Reid.
Mischa Barton was never a steller actress, let’s not lie. She peaked in The Sixth Sense as the creepy ghost girl who barfed a lot. The OC was a shambles, especially when she became a drug addict or whatever and then died randomly in the third season. Has anyone seen Mischa in anything since then? Not unless you caught one of her straight-to-DVD releases. Yeesh.
Tara Reid is not a great actress by any means. I did enjoy her run in American Pie (1 and 2) and the episodes of Scrubs that she appeared in were hilarious. However, whenever I watch her in anything else, all that comes to mind is the word “sticky.” She just looks sticky and sweaty and drunk at all times…probably because she’s always at least one of those things (I’m voting for drunk). See: Taradise.
Point: Mischa Barton. In the realm of acting, Mischa Barton is a fail. At least Tara Reid’s slew of vapid, slutty characters are entertaining.
Mischa Barton wears some pretty awesome stuff. I’ve actually opened up the style section of a magazine and seen her there (the good part of the style section, not the losers section). She takes chances and it pays off. Not always, though…we’ve had some pretty awful situations involving vintage items, mini dresses and feathers. Her foray into headbands has also gotten pretty interesting…
Tara Reid has no style. Her “style,” as it were, consists of crop tops, glittery things, and denim mini skirts. I certainly won’t be forgetting the exposed boob incident for a while. She also seems to be anti-bra, even after her boob job.
Point: Tara Reid. It’s no contest, really.
Mischa Barton has been pretty unclassy lately, what with her boozin’ and partyin’. At least she checked into rehab (finally!) after one too many shots of her looking like a certifiably crazy person with a really puffy face. Oh, and let’s not forget her 2007 arrest for drunk driving (without a license). Classy, girl.
Tara Reid just oozes class skankiness. That girl is an a bikini 90% of the time, swigging something from a bottle (but not eating…never eating). She’s done her time in rehab, but her reputation as a boozehound isn’t leaving her anytime soon. See again: Taradise.
Point: Tara Reid. Not classy. Anti-classy.
Mischa Barton dates musicians. Seriously – if you’re in an indie rock band and are based somewhere in the UK, you probably have a pretty good chance of getting with Mischa Barton (lucky you). That is, when she gets out of rehab.
Tara Reid has dated every football player ever (only a slight exaggeration) and a generous sprinkling of other men have decorated her arm over the years. I guess guys really do go for those party-girl types. I’m gonna go get my drink on and test this theory out…
Point: Tara Reid. Maybe if she worked more and spent less time romping around random beaches she’d be less of a whore. Maybe.
Mischa Barton has been huge in the gossip columns lately: is she suicidal? Will she still have a role on the new CW show after her stint in rehab? Where is she getting all of these headbands? Very important stuff.
Tara Reid really isn’t doing much of anything and it shows: she isn’t in any gossip column. When she does appear, it’s mostly following comments that are surprised to find she still exists (but not at all surprised that she’s sloppy and drunk and…sticky).
Point: Mischa Barton. She is definitely being talked about, what with this whole rehab/new TV show thing going on. Tara…only wishes she had something newsworthy about her.
Celebretard Prize Goes To: Tara Reid. Just bow out peacefully and go seclude yourself on some beach so you don’t accidentally brush up against anyone and rub off your fake tan/greasiness.