Weekly Ten: Facebook Pet Peeves

August 3, 2009     Posted in HaHa, Reality

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By Melanie

Every week, I write College Candy’s “Weekly Ten” about whatever the hard-hitting, relevant issues of the week are.

Obviously.

This week, I’ve decided to focus my Weekly Ten on my Top 10 Facebook Pet Peeves. Because it doesn’t get more relevant or hard-hitting than that.

10. Status updates all the time.
Seriously? Facebook (even though they’re trying really hard to be) is NOT Twitter. Get that shiz outta my news feed. You’re clogging it up.

9. Constant profile picture changes.
Okay, so I might be a little guilty of this one. However, when you’re changing your profile picture more than your underwear (people like that exist, I know it…), it’s time to reevaluate your life.

Special Mention: Annoying peace-sign-and-pouty-lips profile picture. Doubly worse if the picture is taken with MacBook’s photo booth. Triply worse if you’re wearing giant sunglasses. If there’s a small dog or a Coach bag in the picture? Do everyone a favor and just delete your whole profile.

8. Changing relationship status.
Going from Single to In a Relationship to In an Open Relationship to It’s Complicated all in the same week? That information does not need to be broadcast to all of Facebook. I don’t care if you have more relationship ish going on than Jennifer Aniston; Facebook isn’t Star Magazine and I didn’t subscribe to your drama with Mr. Frat Star.

7. Application Updates
UM WHAT IS WITH THIS MAFIA GAME ON FACEBOOK?! It’s all up in my feeds and I want nothing to do with it. Tony Soprano is NOT impressed either. I’m sure of it.

6. FIVE THINGS ABOUT ME
Really? The Five Types of Animals you would be? Five kinds of deodorant you’ve used in your lifetime? Five Candle Scents that you love?! Here are five reasons I find this beyond irritating:

1. If you’re a good friend of mine, chances are I already KNOW your 5 favorite movies. Even if you’re NOT a good friend of mine, I’m pretty sure Facebook has a “favorite movies” section on your profile.
2. Five girls you find the hottest would never even look twice at you.
3. If I wanted to know five things you don’t leave the house without, I’d open your purse and go through it.
4. Five Favorite Old School Nickelodeon Shows? Okay, I’ll give you that one. Especially if you put “Figure It Out.”
5. Five people you’d want on your side at a bar fight. Sorry, honey, Buffy is too cool to hit up $2 Draft night with you. Plus, she’s not real. Sadly.

5. Quizzes
65% Bitch? Awesome. I 100% DO NOT CARE.

4. Texts From Last night
Are you really so unoriginal that you have to constantly post things that other people have text messaged and in turn are published on a website that EVERYONE HAS ALREADY READ?! Bonus if all your wallposts to others are simply TFLN quotes. Yes, the website is funny, but if I wanted to read the texts, I could very easily go. to. the. website.

(610): Last night I was so drunk that I realized I can’t come up with any of my own entertaining material so I decided to yoink someone else’s drunk text from a website! Alcohol and unoriginality for the win, yo.

3. Invitations to groups that you want no part of
Dude, I haven’t talked to you since Middle School. I am not going to join “10,000 Strong For Rush Limbaugh.”

2. Becoming fans of…
Maybe a couple things are okay. But when you become a fan of Zac Efron, Facebook, Gummi Worms, TFLN, iPhone Apps, Dexter’s Laboratory (okay, awesome show and admittedly I am a fan of it. Besides the point.), strawberry milkshakes, Tequila, Yankees, and Megan Fox all in the same day? Check yourself.

1. Pretending you “never go on Facebook” when you’re on ALL THE TIME.
We know you love your News Feed. And you got an iPhone just so you’d never have to go 5 minutes without it. Come out of the closet.

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

20 Comments on "Weekly Ten: Facebook Pet Peeves"

  1. Lauren says:
    Mon, 3rd Aug 20094:12 am 

    Thanks for using my area code for your fictional TFLN :( Giving Philly a bad name!

    Great article otherwise!

  2. Melanie - Northeaste says:
    Mon, 3rd Aug 20094:18 am 

    Lauren, I used my area code! What's up fellow 610'er?

  3. Jamie says:
    Mon, 3rd Aug 20094:40 am 

    Good article topic. My pet peeve is more of a thing I hate. I HATE when girls who are fat/ugly/both have like 1000+ pictures of themselves. Are you kidding me? The pictures usually consist of them in all kinds of "modeling poses" where they think they are so hot, when they look like shit. God, that pisses me off. I know I am not alone in this.

  4. Melanie - Northeaste says:
    Mon, 3rd Aug 20096:43 am 

    Jamie, gotta love those "mirror pics" in those self-indulgent fug-mug albums. Ugh. I'm with you girl.

  5. Cait says:
    Mon, 3rd Aug 20097:18 am 

    One girl on my FB is on ALL day long and insists on typing !? after every status update, for example (taken directly from her my newsfeed, just from today):

    - needs to learn to golf by september 4th. . . ?!

    - . . .home, curled up on the couch, watching a movie, with a baby sleepin, loving the rain . . .hmm wat seems to be missing?!

    - do you ever think of something . . .and randomly start smiling :) then people look at you funny!? . . .story of my life :)

    Ya, is I wasn't so nosy I'd delete her, guess it's my own fault =p

  6. Tyler says:
    Mon, 3rd Aug 20097:59 am 

    Jamie,

    It's not just the fat/ugly girls. It's all of you. No one gives a damn about the 150th pose you're striking. Stop being so self involved and keep a 1:90 pose-to-candid ratio.

  7. Melanie - Northeaste says:
    Mon, 3rd Aug 20098:42 am 

    Bahaha Cait, that's seriously amazing. I want to friend that girl, just for the lolz (?!).

  8. Casey says:
    Mon, 3rd Aug 20099:30 am 

    Solution: delete the annoying people off your facebook. Honestly if you're getting annoyed by this stuff it's probably because you have no real connection with these people anyway. Just delete them if there crap gets to be annoying. Maybe they'll get the hint when they no longer have any friends.

  9. Cristina- Michigan S says:
    Mon, 3rd Aug 200910:58 am 

    hahahaha I 100% DO NOT CARE

  10. Melanie - Northeastern University says:
    Mon, 3rd Aug 20091:44 pm 

    Tyler,
    Very true. I’ve seen even the prettiest girls rock the hand on the hip, head tilted, pout pose in every one of their 3,000 pictures. Gross.

    Maybe they’ll stop posing like models when guys stop posing with their brewskis. We get it. They love Coor’s Light. No need to be cheesing and pointing to it mid-chug.

  11. Alysia says:
    Mon, 3rd Aug 20096:17 pm 

    Definitely love that you repped Delco!

  12. Nikki says:
    Tue, 4th Aug 20095:32 pm 

    I agree ith Casey. If it bothers you then why are you on facebook? Who cares if someone goes from "single" to "in a relationship" to "in an open relationship" over the course of three days.

    And if people updating their status bothers you that much either delete them from your news feed or delete them all together.

  13. Olivia says:
    Tue, 4th Aug 200911:18 pm 

    Yesterday i deleted a guy from my friend list because every second day or so he would write a status update reminding us of how many facebook friends he has..they went something to this effect

    "thanks guys for being my facebook friends lol! only had this account for one month and already 150 friends! lol thanks guys for the support and duh thanks facebook lol!!!1..awe-to-the-some"

    …"awe-to-the-some" kinda pushed me over the edge.

  14. Sam says:
    Thu, 13th Aug 20095:30 am 

    Haha…couldn't stop laughing when reading this because I can almost see myself back in every single point…haha guilty! :D

  15. dalia says:
    Fri, 9th Oct 20094:56 pm 

    this page is starting to look like a Facebook group wall, lol

  16. Doug says:
    Mon, 24th May 20101:59 pm 

    My Facebook pet peeve is when people have 500+ friends AND feel the need to post 10+ things everyday. That combination is a certain sign that the person in question is arrogant as hell, and probably annoying to most people. These people are the Internet equivalent of someone standing in a crowded room with a bull-horn yelling, “Look at me! Listen to me!” Seriously, if you have 500+ “friends” and feel the need to post that much, get over yourself.

  17. Kierra says:
    Wed, 3rd Aug 201112:58 pm 

    NUMBER 8. I HATE PEOPLE WHO DO NUMBER 8.

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