Life After College: Where’s MY Job?

By Jenni

I’ve learned a lot about myself in these months since I’ve graduated. Most importantly I’ve learned that I have severe and occasionally life-threatening problem with jealously. I like my friends, some more than others, and I want them to do well. However I don’t want them to do well until I’m doing well. That’s fair, right?

It takes enormous amounts of effort for me to congratulate a friend upon hearing they got a job. Literally, I have to type one letter at a time while I suffer from a self-induced panic attack. I practically have to have Xanax on hand 24/7 in case I get one of those excited voice mails (I no longer answer the phone, too risky having to fake enthusiasm) telling me that someone got offered a job.

I want to be happy for them. Rationally I know that they all worked hard and deserve it. Unfortunately I don’t think rationally very often and instead of sharing my friend’s enthusiasm I spend the whole time comparing myself to them. I run through everything they’ve accomplished versus my accomplishments and I always come to the disturbing conclusion that I’m more qualified for the job, no matter how unrealistic or untrue that may be.

Someone from class got an engineering job…I was very good at K’nex…I deserve it more.

Someone else got a teaching job…I had teachers…I’m not only qualified, but possibly overqualified.

And the list in my head goes on and on.

As more and more people get jobs, I notice the people left like me, unemployed, are growing increasingly bitter. We spend hours complaining about our joblessness. People who overhear us must assume that we have six kids at home to feed and a mortgage to pay off…why else would we sound so angry?

As I write this blog, I see how crazy this all sounds. I also see I might not be a very good friend. So maybe this week, when I get that inevitable e-mail about some friend being hired to be an astronaut, I’ll say congrats and almost actually mean it.

Even though I’ve eaten Dots: Ice Cream of the Future… and that makes more qualified for Nasa than anyone.