We’ve All Been There: The One Night Engagement

August 4, 2009 11:00 am     Posted in HaHa, Reality  Lauren - University of Michigan g+ page

making out at bar copy


By Lauren

You’re at a house party or a bar… or in line to get into a house party or bar. It doesn’t matter. Wherever you are, you’ve just spotted a very handsome boy and you want to talk to him. You turn to your friends and point him out.

“OMG, girl, he IS hot. Go to him,” they say. Then you spend the next 5 minutes debating the best conversation starter/reapplying lip gloss/yanking your shirt down a wee bit lower to show off the girls. When everything is in order (“Do I have anything in my teeth??” you ask your friends as you flash a big, toothy smile), you move in.

Due to some extreme Power Houring before leaving the house, your friends are feeling rather rambunctious. As you make your way to get a drink, they shove you into the boy. Not part of the carefully laid out plan, but that move has been known to work wonders in the past.

You grab the boy’s arm (which feels nice and muscley through that button-down shirt of his) and apologize for your friends. He smiles at you. [Swoon.] You offer to buy him a drink to replace the one that spilled when you fell into him. He offers to buy you one instead.

It’s already working.

While waiting at the bar for a bartender (any bartender) to look your way, you start chatting with the boy. You get his name (which you may or may not forget .25 seconds later), his major, his hometown….the usual. Then you start chatting about more important things, like why Vodka and Soda is better than Jack and Coke any day.

As time passes, you start getting a bit closer. First, he rests his arm next to yours on the bar as you sip your drink. Then he puts it around you as someone passes by. When you walk away from the bar, he puts his hand on the small of your back and leads you. When you bump into his friends and start talkin’, he puts his arm around your shoulder (and you put your hand on the small of his back).  Then he starts rubbing your back….

Then his tongue is down your throat and he’s nibbling on your ear in the back corner by the bathroom. And you are getting goose bumps/weak in the knees.

You silently celebrate your success as you debate what to do with the full drink in your hand. You pull away for a second, put that sucker down and start running your hands through the boy’s hair.

While making out in public is completely socially acceptable in college watering holes, knowing your friends (and the rest of the bar) are watching from the corner skeeves you out. You ask the boy if he wants to go. You both pound your drinks, he grabs your hand and you head back to his place… where you wake up 6 hours later under a dirty sheet listening to him snore.

Yeah, we’ve all been there. And if we were smart, we stuck around for a morning romp.

20 Comments on "We’ve All Been There: The One Night Engagement"

  1. Liam says:
    Tue, 4th Aug 200910:33 am 

    I'm beginnto think every author on this site is easy..

  2. Mike says:
    Tue, 4th Aug 20096:11 pm 

    Do girls realize that some guys, including non-religious ones like myself, consider it such a turn off if you are willing to have a one-nighter. Serious question. Also, even if he is down for it, 90% of guys will still consider you a slut and will probably tell his buddies how easy you are to fuck.

  3. Bethany Jane says:
    Tue, 4th Aug 20098:58 pm 

    I don't think these ladies really wanted a long-term relationship with these gentlemen. Mature people know: Sex is sex.

    If he isn't down for a one night stand, cool. He doesn't have to be. Don't judge these women just because they are.

  4. Ashley says:
    Tue, 4th Aug 20099:18 pm 

    The hilarious thing about the whore author who writes all of these piece of shit articles is that she is fat and ugly. LMFAO!!!! Seriously, Lauren from the University of Michigan, if you look at any of her college candy videos, she is so fuckin fat and ugly it makes me want to throw up. It is no wonder why guys just use her for sex. Why the hell would they want to have an actual relationship with a girl that repulsive and fat? No guy in their right mind would want to introduce a hideous beast like that to their friends as their GF. They would be made fun of the rest of their lives. She is the classic fat, ugly whore who guys just have sex with and get rid of.

  5. molly says:
    Wed, 5th Aug 20098:24 pm 

    why WOULDNT a guy want to have a meaningful relationship with a girl who is carrying a few extra lbs, ashley? please, although it's totally irrelent to Laurens article, I'd LOVE for you to explain this to me.

    I'm guessing a man would rather date a chubby girl than a malicious bitter, hateful bitch such as yourself. (Damn, now you made me use untoward language….) Why on EARTH does a woman's figure have anything to do with her ability to write a funny, articulate article for a college blog? Lauren is my favorite write on the site, and although I have no idea what she looks like, she is good person at least. (looked her up, shes hot!)

    SOME people don't judge people by how they look, believe it or not. And I hope you don't chose your boyfriend (if you can get one you ugly-souled wench) based on the reaction you hope to

    get from your friends.

    p.s. I loved it Lauren!

  6. colleen says:
    Wed, 5th Aug 20098:32 pm 

    I agree, Lauren is by far the funniest writer on this site. Just because I (or you) can't really relate to this particular story doesn't make it untrue for other people, or less enjoyable for those of us with a sense of humor. Just because you don't like an article doesn't give you the right to tear someone down. You're pathetic.

  7. Ashley says:
    Thu, 6th Aug 20093:24 am 

    Molly and Colleen,

    If you think that Lauren is "hot" you must weigh 500 pounds and have the face not even a mother would love. I agree that personality is a huge factor that can help to offset a girl/boy's terrible genetics, but when you have the personality that she has which is even more ugly and disgusting than her appearance, well I guess you are just shit out of luck.

    Lauren is the classic case of the typical fat, ugly, college campus bicycle slut which every drunken guy will get to ride, but totally deny having done so, once they come to their sober senses. Do you ever realize that none of her articles ever involve relationships or interactions with guys when she is sober? It is because no guy in their right mind would even fuckin look at this revolting beast in the light of day or when they are sober. She looks like shit and has the revolting personality to match.

    Some of the other writers on this site who don't only write about their drunken slut antics actually seem to have some class and I enjoy reading their articles. Furthermore, in videos of some of the other authors of articles on this site, the girls actually seem to resemble humans and not monsters like Lauren. It really is hard to even consider the opinion of a girl who is so repulsively fat and ugly, she shouldn't even go out in public during the day. She is an embarrassment to college girls everywhere. For the world's protection, she should get her tubes tied so the world doesn't have to endure any of her offspring filth polluting the world. She has no value to society and is an embarrassment to the human race.

  8. Lauren - University says:
    Thu, 6th Aug 20096:46 am 

    Aw, Ash. You're such a sweetie.

    The reason I don't write about my personal relationships is because they are personal. Not because they don't happen. For your information, I write to entertain. Not all of my stories come from my real life.

    And, just so you know, lots of people love me. And they do indeed weigh less than 500 lbs. Some of them even weigh 100! And some of them are really pretty/handsome.

    Thanks for your thoughts, though. I'm happy to know that I inspired you to spend so much time reaching out. Keep reading!

  9. Leigh says:
    Thu, 6th Aug 200910:02 am 

    Haha, Lauren! Congrats to you for not going psycho at "Ashley". I would have personally been inclined to, er, get a little more angry.

    P.S: You might not need to be told, but what Ashley is saying about you is 100% untrue and I think she needs a life! Seriously though, why bother watching Lauren's videos if you think she's so awful? Why bother even associating yourself with her articles? No offence, but the kind of behaivour you're displaying is associated with people who have mental health issues. :)

  10. Hailey says:
    Thu, 6th Aug 20092:39 pm 

    ash, where is all this anger comin from? your post has nothing to do with lauren and a lot more to do with how you feel about yourself…

    lauren, keep up the great articles! :)

  11. Katie - Michigan Sta says:
    Fri, 7th Aug 20096:16 am 

    This article is so true! I've definitely been in that situation before (and loved it). Great descriptive writing, Lauren!

    Ashley…did you go off your meds or something? Sheesh.

  12. S says:
    Sun, 9th Aug 20096:11 pm 

    Where did you see those videos of lauren? she looks pretty skinny from google pictures at least. she's actually a managing editor of this site so if you like the overral content, that's probably her achievement.

  13. Catherine says:
    Mon, 10th Aug 20095:56 am 

    LMFAO yo Ashley…with comments like that you need to jump off a bridge. Just do it. Save us all FROM loosing our shit on your EXTREMLY UGLY personality. People like YOU with comments like that dont deserve to be out in PUBLIC EVER!!! Go to hell bitch.

  14. Laura says:
    Mon, 31st Aug 200912:25 pm 

    Trolls. College candy has dem.

  15. NN says:
    Wed, 14th Oct 20099:07 pm 

    Although I don't particularily agree with all of Lauren lifestyle choices (the Hills…good grief), I must say I think I can relate to where Ash is coming from. I know it's hard not getting laid sweetie….truly I know what sexual frustration feels like. But here's a suggestion, just lie on bed, close your eyes, and let your hand do the rest.

    I think you'll feel a whole lot better.

    Nice post Lauren…I need to get my hands on your playbook.

  16. jain jitendra kumar says:
    Wed, 21st Oct 20095:45 am 

    i want silm collage girls she come at my home set day of talking for one night sex, my cell number is 09977142920, if any interested girls call me or talking this matter

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