Single. And I Think It’s My Fault

August 7, 2009     Posted in Relationships

bored-date


By Dannia

Something weird is happening. After a month of bitching that I don’t get asked out on dates enough, I canceled a third date. With a cute law student. If she were dead, my grandmother would be rolling in her grave right now…but instead she’s screaming at me that she’s never going to have great grandchildren.

To be honest, the boy is absolutely perfect on paper: attractive, on a similar career path as me, personable, polite… did I already say attractive? That counts as two.

But I have found a number of little, tiny reasons to be not-so-attracted to him. I don’t like the guy because he has this rare disease that causes him to spell absolutely everything wrong in his text messages. We’re not talking a mere omission of commas, I mean “Z’s” where “S’s” should be. It is a nuclear war on grammar.

And I hate how he dances. I’m very, very awkward about private displays of affection, much less public ones. I don’t want to feel like I’ve been dry humped by a horny 13-year-old every time we hit the dance floor!

Are these legitimate reasons? Maybe, and maybe not. I sure wouldn’t want someone to cancel a date on me because I wore yellow, or because I have split ends. But in all actuality, I don’t even need a reason; the chemistry just isn’t there. Dating can sometimes become very, very mechanical. You look for people with similar surface qualities…hobbies, politics, musical tastes. It’s like running a checklist, but we forget one minor detail; the elusive, almost mythical “spark” has to be there too. He has all the makings of my hot, liberal dream boy, but deep in my gut I know he’s Mr. Right Now, and that nasty latter word will always be there.

I definitely feel like one of those hot and cold people Katy Perry and the rest of female society bitch about. But I think this might (brace yourselves!) be a sign of maturation. If I’m zoning out during all of his stories and feel nothing when we kiss, it doesn’t matter that he likes The Wallflowers and studied political science. Yes, I can mark that all off on the checklist, but I’d like to believe that isn’t what human relationships have been reduced to. I’m old enough to realize I’m looking for more than just something to talk about in that awkward 30 minutes between going home with the guy and making out with him.

He may be perfect on paper, but he’s not perfect for me.
Regardless of what my grandmother screams at me through the phone.

21 Comments on "Single. And I Think It’s My Fault"

  1. Lindsay - University says:
    Fri, 7th Aug 200911:49 am 

    Even though what you describe seem like small things, if they're important to you then they're a big deal. You could always talk to him about his dancing and maybe jokingly correct his spelling, but if they're going to constantly annoy you it seems like you won't have fun in this relationship at all.

  2. Samantha says:
    Fri, 7th Aug 200911:56 am 

    Glamour did an article about this recently. They called it "ick." I definitely have experienced it many times and there's not much you can do if the chemistry isn't there.

  3. g says:
    Fri, 7th Aug 200912:05 pm 

    this has totally happened to me.

    sucks because they have all the right stuff besides any long lasting chemistry. soooo brutal!!

  4. J says:
    Fri, 7th Aug 200912:50 pm 

    This exact scenerio happened to me this week. Can't force something that isn't there, no matter how perfect it may seem. Thanks for sharing!

  5. Kristina says:
    Fri, 7th Aug 20095:27 pm 

    I know how you feel…I'm going through the same thing. I just went through a break-up about 3 months ago and ever since then I've rejected many guys and felt like a bitch about it. But I feel like now that I've gotten my heart broken my expectations are a lot higher and I won't settle. And I also have that thing where I find a problem with everyone! lol
    http://youngerminds.blogspot.com/

  6. V says:
    Fri, 7th Aug 20095:27 pm 

    The references to the grandma in this article seem really contrived, it's such a stereotype and who tells their grandma about a guy they've been on two dates with?

    Nice topic though, we can all relate.

  7. kaileigh says:
    Sat, 8th Aug 20098:45 am 

    Actually, I tell my grandma about my dates all the time V. My stories amuse her and we're really close.

    But yeah, great article! I can definitely relate to this.

  8. Alisha says:
    Sat, 8th Aug 200910:36 am 

    After I dumped the most attractive guy I've ever dated, my friends asked me endlessly how I could just ditch him and then lay heartbroken for a month after a not-as-attractive boy ended things with me. But with the first one, we just didn't work, and I totally know the dry-hump dance thing, he did that every time (ew). Then with the second boy, I just fell hard, it was there. It's hard though because of course we have our ideals of what we want in a guy, and search so hard for someone who fits that criteria, when really the ones who we just click with may be someone that we never really figured we'd be interested in before.

  9. Kim says:
    Sat, 8th Aug 20096:09 pm 

    I loved what you wrote (probably because I just went thru a date with no connection) lol. I wore yellow. That must have been why it didn't work out. jk.

  10. criolle says:
    Sun, 9th Aug 20097:28 am 

    After three generations of removing everything MASCULINE in American men, American women are griping that they cannot find a "real man".

    He's your "hot, liberal dream boy". He's a … BOY! The part of you that wants a "man" is screaming that something is wrong. So the next thing you'll do is find a "bad boy". Then you'll be blogging that you cannot find a "nice guy".

    Go visit the NCO club or Officers club on the nearest base with some friends. Hell, do some volunteer work at the VA. They won't be liberals. The will be men. At least you'll finally see the difference.

    criolle

  11. Erika says:
    Mon, 10th Aug 20094:01 pm 

    Criolle, I'm not sure saying the wrong types of boys are really liberals. They come in each party, certainly political beliefs don't dictate personality traits; positive or negative.

  12. Erika says:
    Mon, 10th Aug 20094:01 pm 

    *Criolle, I’m not sure saying the wrong types of boys are really liberals is really accurate.

    Sorry too much on my mind at the moment to coherently type apparently!

  13. criolle johnny says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20095:31 am 

    er, she said it. I just pointed to it.

  14. oobunillaoo says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 200910:15 am 

    keep yourself open, but don't settle. i nearly settled twice, and i knew in my gut it was wrong – called off everything.

    met my now husband in the last place on earth i'd ever think to meet anyone of the opposite sex, when the last thing i wanted was a relationship. you will meet mr. right, time is not running away from you – hell, this time is for you!

  15. chellechelle says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20091:59 pm 

    ahh this just happened to me. i had a crush on the guy for like a year and a half too, then we made out and all of my attraction flew out the window. and its not even that he's bad at kissing…he's not. he seemed too into me. that sounds horrible. i think i'm just pretty picky. my mom hates it. oh well oh well

  16. Chris says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20097:13 pm 

    Totally understandable; but here's how I feel as a man. Tell me what bothers you; I might disagree but more likely I'd appreciate the feedback and just stop doing that. Not because I'm cloying but because things annoy me, too, that I'd like to mention.

    But, if the does not make you happy via his compnanionship, you are making yourself miserable being with him. Maybe you want to settle down bad enough to accept a paper husband. That can be life sometimes. If not, move on.

    Chris

  17. Jenn says:
    Thu, 13th Aug 20097:04 pm 

    I've dumped a guy for the grammar thing too lol I can't stand people who intentionally type words incorrectly when they know the correct spelling… there's no way he would have made it to college if he actually thought 'was' is spelled 'wuz' lol

  18. Mel says:
    Thu, 13th Aug 20098:27 pm 

    I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one like that! I've been okay with being single for a while now, simply because I WANT Mr. Right. I don't want a "Mr. Right Now." If I'm in it, I'm in it. I guess it's a sign of maturation.

    Sometimes it's a case of "if your don't like someone, you don't like them." But I also find that other times, I just have to step back and think about it–the only general thing that I usually come away with is the fact that I don't feel safe around whatever guy it is I'm thinking about (which is just not an easy thing to tell someone to their face. :P ).

  19. Christie says:
    Fri, 14th Aug 20096:07 am 

    finding the perfect guy is hard, But I DID IT!!! Not only is there the fact that we are on the same page, but there is an unbeleivable chemistry!! We are nuts for each other. He is the only guy I have ever met whose smell of his skin drives me wild!! We still haves sex at least once a day and it has been 15 months!! It's AWESOME!

  20. J says:
    Fri, 14th Aug 20097:36 am 

    congratulations christie.

  21. H says:
    Thu, 17th Dec 20097:39 pm 

    You sound like a complete BITCH who is whining because the single guys, don't pay you any attention…waaahh…poor baby.

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