I’m Crushing. And I Hate It

August 11, 2009     Posted in Relationships

37

By Noa

I recently met someone who made me swoon. He’s tall, funny and incredibly handsome. We have a million things in common and have a great time when we’re together. I feel the butterflies when I’m with him and always look forward to when I’ll see him again. After meeting douchebag after douchebag, this is what I’ve been waiting for and I should be happy.

But I’m not. Because having a crush sucks.

You probably think I’m crazy for thinking this way – I mean, what’s more exciting than having a crush!? – but having my emotions tied to someone else is taking it’s toll on me and I hate it.

Why, you ask? Well, let me break it all down for ya…

I am no longer in control of my own feelings: My days are now dictated by whether her calls me. If I don’t hear from him, I am sad and, as cliche as it sounds, drown my sadness in sweet, fatty treats. Even worse, I take out my frustration on my friends. And if he does call? I skip around my house with a big cheesy grin on my face.

I’m annoying: I talk about him all the time. I vent, I brag, I go on and on and on about this boy, somehow fitting him into every conversation I have. I’m pretty sure my friends (and bosses) hate me.

I’m always waiting: For him to call, for him to ask me out, for him to kiss me.

I have to wear makeup all the time: I can’t let him see me with bags under my eyes or this giant zit on my chin, but putting on makeup every day in the off chance that I may see him is making me crazy. And my Mac foundation is expensive, dammit.

I’m over-analyzing: “What did he mean when he said this?” Or, “I know he has email on his phone; he definitely got my last message! WHY ISN’T HE RESPONDING?”

I can’t do work: When he does call me, I’m so excited that all I can do is think about him and talk to my friends about it. When he doesn’t, I sit around and wonder I did wrong and if I should call him first.

I have to shave my legs: Just in case he decides he wants to take me home and have his way with me.

I sensor myself: No, I don’t change who I am for this boy, but I do try to lay off the swear words/fart jokes/”that’s what she said”s so as not to scare him off. And, let me tell you, that. is. hard.

Crushing has left me tired, cranky and 4 pounds heavier than my single (and ready to mingle) self. I’m about ready to throw in the towel and pick up a kitten or two. Anyone else ever feel this way?

37 Comments on "I’m Crushing. And I Hate It"

  1. Mariaaa says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 200912:52 pm 

    this is exactly how i'm feeling right now. like, exactlyyyy.

    i always squeal like a little girl when he texts or calls me and i'm constantly talking about him. its fun and totally annoying at the same time. before im all, "I'm independent and I don't need a guy!" Now its the exact opposite and i hate it.

    oh, and the leg shaving thing is definitely a hassle because my guy likes everythinggg to be hair free.

  2. tasha says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20091:15 pm 

    omigosh!!! i just went through this since like february. my friend like asked me to eat dinner 4 times last school year and we did eat a couple. my other friends started saying it was a date and i was like no, then my feelings got all completely mixed up over him. i had jus gotten out of a 2 year relationship before college, so i was like no way? another guy? I spent the rest of the time in school jus thinking. about him. every day and even during the summerr!!! if he calls though, i ignore him ( dont ask me why). and.. i stayed up till 2 am 2 X this weekend jus to catch him online!!! Luckily, I am getting over him and now feeling happy ( jus dont listen to you belong with me by taylor swift) not dating him or anyone. This article really spoke to me, and congrats on being willing to share it. This is the first time i have ever felt this way about a crush, and man is it HARD!!

  3. tasha says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20091:16 pm 

    i REALLY love this article!!!!

  4. tissue says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20091:46 pm 

    ditto. god i must be annoying right now.

  5. Liv says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20092:53 pm 

    Great timing on this one because I'm in the exact same situation. I'm overanalyzing to the point of stress stomach aches.. so not okay!

  6. Fox says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20093:07 pm 

    I'm a dude and I can relate about a girl in my life right now.

    Which is sad.

  7. Ryan says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20093:47 pm 

    No worries, I'm a dude, too, and I can totally relate.

    Great article.

  8. adelle says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20095:53 pm 

    I think it's better to crush on a friend because you've already been yourself around them so they've seen the real you. But I've been (and still am) crushing on a friend. The sad thing is…he says he isn't dating girls till college because he wants to focus on his grades (which makes me like him even more). Perhaps he would change his mind…or so my friends say. lol.

  9. tasha says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20096:23 pm 

    ugh dont u hate it?

    the worst part with my crush is that our mutual friends have no idea at all, but my other friends do that don't know him. I wish i could tell them but what if they spilled? i hate when i talk to the girls about guys and never mention the one friend, it SUCKS. but i am still doing better.. jus reminiscing on all those times… :(

  10. Celia says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20097:41 pm 

    Ahhhh this is SO perfectly timed! I'm in basically the same situation right now. It's so annoying!

  11. RIKO says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 20099:59 pm 

    seriously, this article is PERFECT for me. not because i have a crush on anyone right but but many of my friends do and i have to hear about THESE GUYS ALL THE TIME. if i have to help them decode another text message, i think i'm gonna hurl!

  12. Thu says:
    Tue, 11th Aug 200910:27 pm 

    ohmygod, so true. ughh, i do hate it.

  13. JT says:
    Wed, 12th Aug 20095:46 am 

    Very funny!

  14. Kay - Simmons Colleg says:
    Wed, 12th Aug 20096:15 am 

    I used to be the same way, then I realized that I didn't HAVE to be any of the things you listed. I stopped trying so hard, started focussing more on making myself happy, not someone else, and found someone who loves me the way I am.

  15. Amelia says:
    Wed, 12th Aug 20096:37 am 

    I swear I've snagged guys with a good 'that's what she said' in the past ;)

  16. Casey says:
    Wed, 12th Aug 20098:00 am 

    You think it sucks now, Wait until you've been together for 2 years and you STILL feel that way. Cause that's what I'm going through.

  17. John says:
    Thu, 13th Aug 200911:46 am 

    I know its easier said than done, but do something about it. If he knows that you're interested then he'll know make a move and wont be as nervous, otherwise nothing is going to happen. To one of the comments above, let your mutual friends know that you like him, he will find out for sure and thats the first step in making something happen. I'm a guy and believe me any hints and help I can get is appreciated.

  18. Abby says:
    Thu, 13th Aug 200912:03 pm 

    I so know what you mean – especially about the constant talking about him part. It's like you can hear yourself bringing him up constantly, and yet you can't stop it! Every one around you is annoyed – hell, even YOU'RE annoyed – but it just keeps happening.

    The height of annoyance.

  19. tasha says:
    Thu, 13th Aug 20096:15 pm 

    yeah but telling a friend ruins the friendship. you have to ask yourself it it's even worth it, which i dont think it is for me. great guy but idk.

  20. AM says:
    Fri, 14th Aug 20098:28 am 

    Ohmy. This is also exactly how I feel right now. I just said to my friend. "I hate myself, when I'm like this. And you must find me really annoying." I mean what is this? The weirdest feeling ever. And I hate not being in control! But it's also fun at the same time.

  21. Brian Doom says:
    Fri, 14th Aug 20094:51 pm 

    Censoring yourself is a sure-fire way to get with a guy who you'll hate later.

    Just Say No to conforming to behavior you think is expected. You're only hurting yourself.

  22. Emi says:
    Sun, 16th Aug 200910:51 am 

    Oh god… this is so true and I'm going thought this right now! And the worst part is he always flirts with me, but he never makes a move on me! It's so frustrating, we've been flirting for a few weeks and I've had a dry spell so I just want to jump him! But I know that that probably wouldn't end well and I don't want to scare him off. He said we are going to go on a date, but it hasn't happened yet, I've made him dinner at my place, and I've been to his place. It's not like either of us are virgins, I mean the gig is up! What is he waiting for?

  23. Sandra says:
    Sun, 16th Aug 200912:38 pm 

    this is def perfect timing. I'm in the exact position with this guy and I try not to talk about him anymore because I feel so pathetic. And everyone rolls their eyes as soon as I utter his name lol. I'm at the point where I just want him to ask me out already, like i'm sure he knows I like him and I'm 98% sureit's mutual so WHAT'S THE WAIT? Even it ends up being the worst, like he tells me he only wants to be friends, I would feel like shitt but I'll get over it eventually. I just hate this 'in limbo' feeling and the constant over-analyzing of his actions and words…

  24. Annie says:
    Sun, 16th Aug 20095:36 pm 

    "And, let me tell you, that. is. hard."

    Thats what she said.

  25. R says:
    Mon, 7th Sep 200911:25 am 

    I HAVE A CRUSH TOO AND IT SUCKS :)

    The good news is: I only met him last night, so it hasn't had any time to develop; hopefully I will see him soon and he will end up being a total douchebag so I can move on with my life haha.

    I just feel so silly for having a crush and I only just met him last night. What the hell is that? I never do this.

    But he was very funny; has nice, positive energy; is very attractive; smart; entertaining; and interesting to talk to.

    Obviously there is so much more to him and maybe a lot of it sucks. I need to ask my friends who know him about what he is like.

    I just don't want a crush or a boyfriend because I'm too busy. But I'm also not going to shut myself off if he is worth the time/effort.

    Still, I hope not :)

  26. trivo says:
    Thu, 8th Oct 20095:56 pm 

    I know exactly how that feels. I've been crushing on this guy for a couple of months now, and it's completely insane how his thoughts can consume my mind completely. I've always been the "who needs a man" kinda girl, and now I've been reduced to a lovesick mess!

  27. mischa says:
    Fri, 23rd Oct 20098:07 am 

    I LOVE YOUR ARTICLE!!! i am SOOOO annoyed i am crushing! bleaaahhhh! but i am not sure if i am ready to get over it just yet… what did u decide to do??? am in such a dilemma.

    and that song u belong with me is so viral! (also all the song i listen to and sing along together with him in his car)

  28. Independence says:
    Thu, 7th Jan 20104:42 pm 

    Feel the same way here. I used to be and still am "I DON'T NEED A GUY, SO BACK OFF, YOU LOSERS" but I've been crushing on a really shy quiet, nice guy who prefers to spend his time with his friends than girls…>.<. gods I overanalyze his GLANCE for Heaven's sake….when will this stop? unfortunately, never, as this has been going on for like a year now. I hope 1. he gets a loser girlfriend so I can get over him or 2. he says he likes me. Both choices will never happen. I hate this.

  29. Arby says:
    Mon, 4th Oct 20105:38 pm 

    I getcha. I have to censor myself so much around guys. I know that they aren't going to like how much I swear, because it just doesn't come across as ladylike or intelligent, and they probably won't appreciate me saying 'that's what she said' when he says "ugh, this is so hard," referring to an exam.

  30. Haldo says:
    Sat, 9th Oct 20101:44 pm 

    You're not crazy. I HAAAAAAAAATE crushes myself.

  31. cutie says:
    Sat, 11th Jun 201112:24 pm 

    ya exactly!! even i have a acrush and bcuz of him i started behaving like him!!! thinking abt him is so annoying i hate this i want this crush to go away but it doesnt

  32. teresa says:
    Sat, 1st Oct 20119:19 pm 

    i feel your pain

  33. Anny says:
    Mon, 3rd Oct 20111:24 pm 

    Omg I share ur feelings as well! I hate having this stupid crush it’s sooo annoying! …the worst part is not knowing whether or not they like you back…sometimes you think they dont… Sometimes you think they do. It drives me CRAZY!

  34. milly says:
    Mon, 16th Jan 20123:06 pm 

    i hate crushing on guys. it definitely consumes your time and all you think about is him. whether he likes you, or he's just messing with you. and you're scared of asking him out because he might reject so you hope he's a douchebag or says something douchy so you can hate him and not like him anymore ugghhgghgh

  35. varyya says:
    Wed, 25th Jan 20123:38 pm 

    i totally agree with you! this crushing business has made me emotionally weak ! when he msgs the world seems like a brighter place, and when he doesnt well i feel like hell. over analysing is a Huge problem as well… when he says "i dont laugh this much with anyone when im chatting" ..god my mind when into an overdrive! this crush iv got has been going on for a long time..want to simply step out of it! best of luck to you, i hope that either yours develops into a full blown romance or you go back to a normal sane girl.

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