Overheard: Off The Sofa

By John

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Guy and a girl, talking loudly at a Thai restaurant.)

Guy: Wait, what did you say? I’m the queen of miscommunication?

Girl: No! No, I said I was -

Guy: Well. This is ironic.

(Two girls, talking in an outdoor shopping center.)

Girl 1: *whisper… whisper* … all those BLIND PEOPLE!

Girl 2: Omigod, that girl just turned around and looked at us. Do you think she’s blind?

(Guy, at a campsite, sitting down in a chair.)

Guy: Dude… the atmosphere just pissed on me.

(Two girls, at a restaurant, listening to the conversation behind them.)

Girl 1: Wow. I’ve never actually heard a man order for his wife before. Like, I knew it existed.

Girl 2: Yeah, he might as well be wearing a Viking helmet.

(A boy and girl, checking out in a bookstore.)

Girl (getting out card): Hey, I’ll get this one.

Guy: Fine. Just emasculate me even more.

Girl : We’ll trade. On the way home, you can get lost and not ask for directions.

(Two guys in a liquor shop.)

Guy 1: What are we looking for?

Guy 2: A guy, like, four liters wide. Name is Carlo. If you punch him, he leaks wine everywhere.

(Two guys, carrying furniture into an apartment.)

Guy 1:  I’m getting old. Like, I’m excited about buying a trash can.

Guy 2: Santa is sobbing right now.

(Girl and a guy, walking through NYC.)

Girl: Christ. This place makes me want to buy a cow.

(Girl at a petting zoo, looking at a goat on a roof.)

Girl: Oh my God! Is that goat going to kill himself?

(A crowd of students, lying on a blanket, watching a meteor shower.)

Guy 1: There goes another!

Girl: I haven’t seen a single one.

Guy 1: You have to be a guy to see them.

Guy 2: Hey, I didn’t see it either.

Guy 1: Well, you have to be gay then, too.

Guy 2: Damnit.

(Girl, talking to her boyfriend at a Starbucks.)

Girl: Lady Gaga is playing a big joke on our culture. One day she’s gonna unzip her flesh and there’ll just be a giant alien clown inside.

(Girls, getting ready for a party.)

Girl 1: I need to take a shower first. My hair is gross.

Girl 2: Just put it in a babushka.

Girl 1: Babush-no.