Love|Updated:

And Here’s Why You’ve Been Dumped, Boys

guy crying

"I'm sorry, but all this crying is really a turn-off."

Okay, when it comes to relationships, we all know what not to do (despite the fact that when the time comes we often throw these notions out the window and become clingy, head over heels, I’m-going-to-talk-to-you-in-a-baby-voice, psycho GFs). And if we don’t, well, YourTango asked a guy to break it all down for us and explain just why guys dump us.

The list wasn’t groundbreaking (I mean, who wouldn’t break up with someone who never listens?), but it got me thinking about the reasons we ladies dump the dudes. Sure, everyone has their own specific reasons sometimes – like my friend who discovered her BF trying on her underwear… – but there are some pretty basic male tendencies that will get any guy kicked to the curb: 

1. Our Friends Don’t Like You
Sorry, but our BFF’s opinions reign supreme to even our parents, and their approval means everything to us. If our friends think you’re ugly, weird, or have the personality of “a wet noodle” (of course no one has ever said this about someone I’ve dated…), you’re a goner for sure.  We may be blinded by lust, but that’s why we keep the girls around.

2. We Are Bored
Dinner is nice, so is a movie. But the same dates weekend after weekend get old….fast. We’re college students for God’s sake, not a married couple with a 10PM bedtime and a babysitter at home! If you can’t continue to show us a good time, there’s a campus full of cuties around who will. Maybe we’ll call in ten years when a glass of wine and an episode of “Friends” turn us on.

3. “Who Are You Texting?!”
We had a life before you, and life will go on after you. We are not going to delete our whole address book or stop hanging with other people just because we are dating someone. Insecurity is a huge turn-off to us girls, so trust us or you’re gonna end up alone.

4. You Turn into the Hulk Around Your Friends
We get you have a male ego to maintain, but when you bring us around your friends we don’t automatically morph into a beer guzzling frat boy. Dirty jokes? Acceptable. Pong tournaments? If we can play and kick your ass. But when you start slapping our backs, getting wasted and hanging all over the blonde on the couch, that’s where we draw the line. We can hang with the guys, but we still want to be treated like the girlfriend that we are. Holding the door and offering to get us another drink wouldn’t be a bad idea either.

5. You Cry After Sex, During Sad Movies, When You See Road Kill…
A little sensitivity is a great quality, and by that we mean a hug when we bomb our midterm, some flowers when our childhood pet passes away, and a massage after a week of hell at work. What we don’t mean is tears. And snot. And weeping. It might be perpetuating the “macho man” stereotype, but, sorry, that’s what we want in a guy.

6. You Turn Into Our Dad When We Go Out
Yes, I am going to have another martini. I am going to dance on the bar if I want to. And no this skirt isn’t too short. If I wanted my every move monitored I would have invited my dad out for drinks! Nothing is more annoying than a clingy boyfriend who tries to outfit you in a penguin suit and have you sent off to the convent when you start dating. As long as we aren’t in serious danger, let us live a little. If you tighten that chain too much, we’ll suffocate, and by that we mean dump you!

7. We Feel Unappreciated

We hate (more than you even know) to sound like our mothers, but its inherent in our nature. When we cook dinner for you, we want to know how good it is. When we go out in our new little black dress, we want to know how good it looks. And when we call you at the end of the day, we want to know how much you miss us (in a manly, macho, take charge kind of way). If we don’t feel appreciated, we are going to look elsewhere for the gratification, like the rugged rugby player who always notices the way we smell in class….

What other things do boys do that have them scratched right off your date-worthy list?

    Comments

    Comments

    1. Cait says:

      I think it's confusing to guys if you dump them for being too macho sometimes (Hulk) but not macho enough either (Crying).

      There are definitely mixed signals, and it seems as if you want to be treated equally, but you also want him to fawn over you, and tell you how great you look every second.

    2. S says:

      it's not mixed signals, like the first article says – there's gotta be a balance. black/white is never good. you wouldn't want too much of anything, everything's gotta be in moderation. otherwise it's an overkill

    3. Ace says:

      amen to the jealousy. My man and I are on the rocks cause he gets jealous when other guys flirt with me. And yesterday he admitted to reading my emails, surprise surprise he didn't like what he saw and got mad at me. I hate feeling like I can't just be laid back and be me but I've got to be on guard of crazy jealous man. There is no bigger turn off.

    4. Hipster hater says:

      fail at 1….seriously you cant think for yourself? I understand taking your freinds opinion to heart but leaving a person becuase "they" dont like them….c'mon thats pretty gay.

    5. Hipster hater says:

      Also, 6 and 8, read right after another sound quite similar to rick james' denial or fucking up eddie murphys couch then justifying doing it in the next breath….seriously can we get some real fucking writers on this site. This ultra feminist shit is just B-O-R-I-N-G and repetitive.

    6. Fox says:

      It seriously is pathetic that you dump a guy because your friends disapprove.

    7. J says:

      Where is 7?!?!? Let's not reinforce the stereo type that girls are bad at math…

    8. Matt says:

      Hahahaha…..where is 7.

      I think it can be worthwhile to listen to friends. Especially close friends might have a perspective worth listening to, especially if you get too into a relationship.

    9. Rebecca says:

      I'm pretty sure it became no longer acceptable to say "that's pretty gay" as a derogatory remark after hitting adulthood when you have to be responsible for your words.

      Anyway I think it's perfectly fine to listen to your friends! I mean, I wouldn't let them decide anything for me, but their opinion should be one piece of the big picture. I recently found out none of my friends like a guy I'm dating. I'd already been having doubts about him so that info reaffirmed my decision to break it off, but I wouldn't let their opinion reign supreme.

    10. Lola says:

      Truthfully, I think that men always need a wake up call every now and then and the items listed in the article are right on target! AS for the comments listed by the guys already – I guess it must have hit a sensitive spot!

      Nice job Brianna!

    11. Rebecca says:

      What a load of shit. If your friends think the guy is ugly then you dump him? What the fuck? So let me get this straight. You have a bf who you obviously were attracted to and had a connection with, but you are willing to dump him because your friends think he is ugly? They are probably just jealous fatasses who look like shit and can't get guys. If your friends are calling your BF ugly and that causes you to dump him, you are a dumbfuck.

    12. Lauren - University says:

      If your friends don't like the guy, that is VERY important. Oftentimes we are blinded by love and don't see the truth that is really there. It's not like we're like "oh, you don't like him? Ok, he's gone." It's more that our friends make us see the things that we ignore because we like the guy so much.

    13. mantalk says:

      1 is retarded, and girl reading that should immediately think about how much shit girls talk about each other all the time. If you are a girl call your friends and set up a happy hour and purposely dont invite one girl, then see who is the topic of conversation

      that being said, go get me a sandwhich

      ps – we want to date classy girls, not some skank who dances on the bar

    14. sara says:

      Ideally your friends opinions shouldn't matter, but if they don't like him ask them why and consider their points. Your friends can really open your eyes up to some bad qualities you were too "blinded" to see. Although I don't agree that you should listen to their opinions on his appearance, just his personality, manners, etc.

    15. Sarah says:

      #8 = SPOT ON, SISTER.

      Otherwise, speak for yourself…I like a man who can cry (just not ALL the time).

    16. Nichole says:

      @ManTalk LMAO! It's like my boyfriend wrote that…Bobby?

      Ladies – Its all relative, right? We know when he's the right guy; and, if our friends don't like him, we fight for him anyway until they do.

      And seriously, where the fuck is #7 Brianna?

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    20. Straight Guy says:

      #7 should be – He's the woman in the bedroom. I want to be made to be the weaker sex. Use my feminine charm and unleash your masculine lust against me. Spank me. Be rough with me. Just because I look gentile doesn't mean I like it that way.

    21. Jaa says:

      Awesome, this explains why I don't date girls for too long.

      Here's the #1 reason why a lot of girls today end up, usually, alone, unless they are being slutty: They don't know what they want.

      Macho or sensitive? Kind or Jerk? Frat guy or Smart guy?

      Ladies, understand this, every single man in the world, wants only sex. Many have different methods in their attempt to get it.

      Some take you on dates in exchange for sex, this is also called prostitution. Others try to get you drunk or get you to dance on the bar that your protective BF or Dad is trying to stop. Others try to show their kindness, friendship, or intelligence to attract you, which seems to fail more often surprisingly (and tragically)…

      I predict in the future, we'll just be clicking buttons on whether we like someone on an internet site, that way we can get rid of all the bullshit games and wastes of time.

      There are a lot of guys and girls alone, and society is to blame for that for making slutty behavior almost illegal.

    22. Roger says:

      Seriously… um…

      "Dinner is nice, so is a movie. But the same dates weekend after weekend get old….fast"

      This is so beyond dumb, that I question if the writer of the article passed middle school…

      Girls… IF a "movie" is boring (even though it's always a different movie)…. IF a DINNER is boring (even though it is a biological necessity and you always talk about something different)….THEEEEEEENNN… WHY DONT YOU SUGGEST SOMETHING ELSE???

      Oh but nooo… suggestions are lame for girls, or maybe require too much brain power. I know … Let's dump the guy for taking us to the same place twice.

    23. Business101 says:

      This is great. Hopefully boys will learn!

    24. ANONYMOUS says:

      YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE WHEN WOMEN DO? I LOVE WHEN THEY DEMAND THAT I ENTERTAIN THEM! YES! THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN BEING SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR KEEPING A WHINY BITCH ENTERTAINED 24 HOURS A DAY! MY FAVORITE IS WHEN THEY CAN'T THINK OF A SINGLE DAMN THING TO DO, BUT THEY EXPECT YOU TO MAGICALLY PULL SOMETHING AMAZING OUT OF YOUR ASSHOLE!

      KEEP DEMANDING THAT DEMANDING WRITER, YOU CAN PROBABLY GET AWAY FOR IT FOR ABOUT 3 MORE YEARS.

    25. ANONYMOUS says:

      OH YEAH ALSO, I HAVE NEVER HAD A GF WHO DID NOT GO BATSHIT CRAZY ABOUT ME RECEIVING TEXT MESSAGES! ONE OF THE BIGGEST FIGHTS I HAD WITH MY LAST EX WAS WHEN MY MOM TEXTED ME! WHEN I OFFERED TO SHOW HER THE TEXT, SHE SAID "YEAH RIGHT, YOU PROBABLY JUST DELETED **THE REAL ONE**"! BUT THAT'S OK FOR WOMEN I'M SURE.

    26. someguyonasuit says:

      ahahhaha! the 3rd and 6th on the list is freak'n anoying! ahaha! girls … dont say that when ur guy is talking to someone else or you found out that she's emaling some girl over the net doesnt bother u! u all a bunch of craps! ahahaha! u shud knw where to stand.. and where to draw the line! guys want u under there surveillance so if you dont want that.. then u must be looking for some guy who wanna cheat on u! ahahah.. i mean.. if a guy wants you on his on that means he's ready to be yours all alone! tsk!

    27. Edge says:

      The guys list had better points. This list seems very shallow, even when not being compared to the other list.

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