Comments on: Sexy Time: The Stigma Against Rough Sex

By: Simon

Simon — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 11:40:08 +0000

I think a lot of people mistakenly think that your sexual preferences somehow define you. As far as I’m concerned there is no link between what you like in bed and the kind of person you are.

I’m a man and I like to be dominant in bed. I’ve come to realise that a lot of women aren’t comfortable with this, and to be honest I’m not that comfortable with it myself. I know that I get turned on by spanking her or pulling her hair but I wish that I could get turned on by less agressively dominant behaviour. However, I know that it’s practically impossible to change your sexual desires and that it’s something I have to come to terms with.

Unfortunately my current girlfriend does not like being submissive and as a result I don’t enjoy sex nearly as much. But I love her more than anything and couldn’t break up with her just because I’m not getting what I want in the bedroom.

By: Mack

Mack — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 07:45:56 +0000

I just love to have the role of top-dog when having sex with a girl. I often play “take-down” where my partner really wants to feel that there is no chance of getting away from me “getting what I want” (and what she actualy craves). But I have to prove it. No pretend-play. Bruises & scratches on both sides. Sometimes thorn clothes too.
But not even a chance that she wants to call the cops. More likely that she’ll be purring like a kitten after the big bang.

To me it seems that sexism is a great thing as long as you keep it where it belongs…

Within sex.

By: John

John — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:45:09 +0000

Here’s a guy’s view. I’ve known several women into rough sex. There seem to be two types.

One is the jock. She runs several miles a day, plays contact sports, and likes to get physical. Rough sex for her is just good rough play. She likes to feel her muscles straining against a man. What’s the fun just lying there?

Then there’s the woman who’s been abused, and kind of liked it. Makes the same mistakes in a boyfriend over and over. Tends toward passive-aggressive behavior and drama. Calls cops after boyfriend beats her, then pleads with cops not to take him away. More trouble than she’s worth.

The jocks are keepers; dump the passive-aggressives as soon as you identify them.

By: Karen Affeldt

Karen Affeldt — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:07:14 +0000

I like to be controlled and sexual aggressiveness but BDSM can go a little overboard.

By: By Lena Chen » CollegeCandy » CollegeCandy: “The Stigma Against Rough Sex”

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 02:47:03 +0000

[...] or anti-feminist, just as vanilla sex isn’t boring simply because I don’t like it … [more] Post Published: 20 August 2009 Author: Lena Found in section: [...]

By: Abigale

Abigale — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:13:38 +0000

I love your article. I, too, am a feminist. I’m very heavy into the BDSM scene as a “submissive”. I have a big life to manage. I do everything and I love it. I’m bossy, demanding, and what most men would call a “bitch”. Sex is the way that I can stop being a control freak; I want the control taken away from me for once. I find that BDSM relationships are much more trusting than vanilla relationships because the idea of submitting is submitting every part of yourself; it isn’t just about being tied up. You are trusting that person with your mind, body, and sexual well-being. It’s a beautiful thing to let go. And quite frankly I am sick and tired of “feminists” telling ME what I can and cannot want in the bedroom like they have some sort of God-given right to control the idea of what a “real woman” should be.

I also am annoyed at the stigma of BDSM lovers being abuse victims. Maybe many of us are. I was. Judgemental people can tell me to “get help” all they want. I’ve been to therapy, and it did nothing for me because I don’t open up to perfect strangers. Opening up with my body to someone that I trust is healing. I get to re-enact scenes of violence from my youth, and I get to be in control (paradoxically) and enjoy it. It takes it away. I get to do it all again and make it good the second time around. People don’t want to hear it and hate talking about it because it’s awkward and “messed up”, but abuse happens and people need to accept that conventional methods of dealing with it are often less effective than their “unhealthy” alternatives.

By: Ty

Ty — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:19:56 +0000

The reason for the rise in this is that women run society now and no matter what protests there are to this, subconsciously it’s known. Women can do nearly anything to a man and if the man does not like it he’s told to “man up” “be a man” “take it like a man” etc. All men have to do is look at a woman wrong and it’s sexual harassment or demeaning or threatening. Men who sleep with many different partners are predatory, immature, not willing to commit, users etc. Women in this role are liberated, free and expressing their independence. Her money vs our money.
With so much control, what’s needed for excitement is ceding that control to another, even if only in action. Although the popular image for bdsm is the dom with the whip, that’s actually from a couple decades ago, today you’re finding it’s more women that need that because very little goes counter to what they want, except other women of course.

By: M

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 18:44:19 +0000

Hey my ex wife and current girl loved it a little rough. But not always and good for them. We all like a little departure from the same old and you can usually tell when its wanted if not just ask for it. Sometimes its just fun to let go and go to the taboo side of things just for a little while. There are things I wont do even if requested I’m sure open to new experiences and I think thats what rough sex is about. Letting go, having trust and enjoying that dirty little secret together! Thanks for your comment Molly, woohooo!

By: Molly

Molly — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 00:41:12 +0000

Woohooo for rough sex!

By: Rachel

Rachel — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 21:49:52 +0000

i really appreciated this thoughtful post. as a woman who also enjoys rough sex, i find that my peers are less than appreciative of my proclivities. even the guys i’ve dated have found them unnerving somehow. just nice to know there are other intelligent, feminist, forward-thinking women who like a good roughing up from time-to-time.