Duke It Out: The First-Semester Boyfriend

August 21, 2009     Posted in Back to School, Reality

college_couple_intro


By Lauren H

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman, so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like healthcare reform!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

There’s all kinds of advice out there about your freshman year, but more than what classes to take or how I should bring my own Solo cup to parties, the the biggest piece of advice I heard back then was “don’t get a boyfriend right away, play the field.” Of course, being the serial monogamist that I am, I didn’t listen. And got a boyf faster than most students unpacked their boxes. But now I have to wonder if I would have been better off if I had listened to those wise sages. There’s a definite up and down side to the first semester boyfriend, and I think we owe it to all the ladies getting ready to start freshman year to talk it out.

The temptation of the first semester boyfriend is almost insurmountable. You’re in a new place, surrounded by new people - new, attractive people – who don’t know about that time in high school when you slipped in chocolate pudding and had to walk around all day with a brown stain on your butt. All of a sudden you get to pick the kinds of classes you take, the activities you get involved in, the events you go to - which means your chances of meeting someone who’s really compatible with you is way higher than when you were just meeting guys who lived in the same school district as you.

And freshman year is a time when everyone’s coming out of their shell, meaning you could end up meeting a great guy who’s just not the type you’d have ever dated before. Having someone to go out with could encourage you to go places and do things you might not do on your own; and let’s not ignore the fact that freshman year can be a little scary – having someone to share that with (whether he’s a freshman too, or is just remembering it) could be a real comfort.

Maybe the biggest problem of all with avoiding a BF when you start school is that it seems so arbitrary. College is supposed to be a time when you can let loose and do what you want to do instead of what you’re “supposed” to do, so why shouldn’t you date whoever you want to whenever you want to?

The downside, of course, is what getting a boyfriend at the start of college keeps you from doing. By being tied down to one person early on, you could be held back from doing things because your significant other doesn’t want to do them. We’ve all encountered the problems of balancing friends with a BF, but at the beginning of college, when you don’t have many friends to start with, it’s easy to spend all of your time with the guy, keeping you from getting close with others.  And while not all of them are fun, those learning experiences that you’re “supposed” to have starting out (like which guys at the party to avoid after you’ve done tequila shots) can be important, and you will miss some if you’re playing the couple.

Finally, (though some do make it) most people who start dating in freshman year end up breaking up down the line,which could mean that you’ll have wasted a lot of time and opportunities – trust us, you don’t want to have regrets. People evolve, particularly in college, so the person you start dating as a freshman, may not be the same guy when you graduate.

Well girls, what do you think? Is it worth the risks to get a first semester BF? Should you swear off serious dating at the start of college? What did you do your freshman year? Or what will you be doing when it starts? Sound off in the comments!

14 Comments on "Duke It Out: The First-Semester Boyfriend"

  1. Coleen says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 20099:39 am 

    No! Don't do it! I had a boyfriend at the beginning of the second semester of college. For some reason I thought we'd be together forever. He was so great! Until I realized I was wasting countless nights to go out with my friends and meet new people because I was busy taking care of his drunk self (throwing up in my bathroom after 4 shots). It's not worth it! Enjoy singlehood the first year, then make a decision. If he's not going to be around in a few months, he's probably not worth it.

  2. Kate says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 200911:07 am 

    No, no, and no! I can't stress it enough… I met my boyfriend the first day of college on my freshman floor. We stayed together for two years until I realized how much I had limited myself and shied away from all the experiences college has to offer. I finally broke up with him and it wasn't easy starting over, making new friends and feeling like the 5th wheel often. It's not too fun either while everyone talks about those nights freshman year and their freshman year buddies while I was holed up with my boyfriend doing the same old same old day in and day out.

    Now I've been single for a year now and yes it has it's lonely times but I treasure my friendships so much and love love love being on my own!

  3. grace b says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 200911:24 am 

    Hmmm I'm debating the studying off campus program boyfriend! I'm not the type of gal to completely ditch people for someone else I just want some! Lol.

  4. Stephanie PTY says:
    Sun, 23rd Aug 20095:34 pm 

    The details of my freshman boyfriend experience are… rather painful and personal. I'm on the side of NO DON'T DO IT! I got caught up in a guy actually liking me (I later found out some guys did like me in high school, but never told me), and ended up dating someone who was really bad for me for more than a year. It's pretty much the one and only thing I would go back and change if I had the chance.

  5. Melissa says:
    Tue, 25th Aug 200912:56 pm 

    So I've only been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, but I met him very early on in my freshman year and I am completely happy with our relationship. I don't spend ALL my time with him, so I don't think it's limited me from meeting more people, and I don't regret dating him at all. :)

    Of course, this may change, but I say go for it if you're still able to keep up with your schoolwork and if it's because you genuinely like him and not because you just want to have a boyfriend.

  6. belongsomewhere says:
    Thu, 27th Aug 20095:00 pm 

    I am also a New School student (Lang), and I got into a relationship a month and a half into my freshman year. It's true–my boyfriend and I have both changed a lot during our college years (so far), but quite a lot of it is change we've gone through together. We live together, and we have a lot in common, including academic interests, but we have made an effort to take a maximum of one class together per semester so that we don't hinder our social lives by overdoing it when we're at school.

    I was absolutely not looking for a boyfriend my first semester. I did not expect it at all, I just happened to become friends with this guy, and eventually we were spending a lot of time together, often pretty late at night, and getting to know him really well, and then before I realized it we were dating.

    Based on what I watched classmates do, if it happens, it happens, and it has an okay chance of going well. If you go looking for it, you're asking for trouble.

  7. Liselle says:
    Thu, 27th Aug 20098:17 pm 

    See, I've never had a Bf, so I'd probably jump at the chance to get one ASAP. But then again I for sure understand what you mean about spending so much time with them you miss out on hanging with other people and meeting new people.

    hum… I'd have to see. Maybe heavy flirting and no commitment? Ah! I won't know until I get there I guess. 1 week!

  8. qz says:
    Sat, 29th Aug 20092:38 pm 

    I'd say don't purposely avoid it for sure! I got a bf about a month into freshman year and now I'm a senior and we are still going strong. He's actually my first bf too. Colleen— just because a great guy is available now doesnt mean he will be in a few months. In fact if he is that great he probably won't be available!! some smart girl like me will already have snatched him up ;)

  9. valkyrie9 says:
    Tue, 1st Sep 20097:28 pm 

    In general, but especially freshman year, it seems like if you have a specific guy in mind or if it just happens, go for it. The problem, I think, with freshman boyfriends is people are so desperate to fit in they just grab at anyone, and girls go looking for boyfriends. That's not good. Remember: You don't NEED a boyfriend. Boys are a nice plus, but not essential.

  10. Suhey says:
    Sat, 27th Mar 20105:47 pm 

    I got a bf a month in to my freshman yr of college and lets make it short-we're no longer together. I honestly lost myself in that relationship, I didn't make as many friends as I would've without him bc I was devoting TOO MUCH TIME to him. I broke it off with him bc I wasn't truly happy, I missed being alone a little and having great friends around. The reality is I didn't get to know him well enough before I decided to establish is. The worst part is he was soo lazy to make his own schedule for the spring semester, he copied mine (while we were still together) and now I'm STUCK seeing his face EVERY morning! AHHH IT URKS ME -_-

Tell us what you're thinking...