Single. And Not Getting Any

August 21, 2009 - 4:00 pm By Dannia- Loyola University Chicago
frustrated-woman-main_Full

"Why is everyone getting some besides me!?"

My roommate has recently entered a relationship with a really hot, sexy Puerto Rican guy. As a result she has been having lots of hot, sexy sex. And as a result of this, I have been hearing every detail about it.

Being open beyond acceptable social norms, this doesn’t bug me. But while we were out recently and had one too many beers (hey, at 2 bucks a pitcher, I’m only being economical at this point), she made a comment that kind of got my wheels turning.

“Gosh. I wish you were having tons of sex too so we could freaking exchange stories already.”

Pause.
What?!

“Hello, my whole ‘thing’ is that I’m okay with being single. Who the eff are you to tell me that I need a man to be happy? Also, I think you should have to pay more rent this month cause you have just severely offended me. Jerk.” I stuck my (angry) face in the pitcher and took a gulp.

She grabbed the pitcher from me, splashing Keystone all over my face, and responded calmly. “I never said I wanted you to get a boyfriend. I said I wanted you to have lots of sex. You don’t need a boyfriend for that.”

Oh. Right. I forgot that little tiny detail. Because while I believe that you can have fun, fulfillment, enjoyment, and close personal relationships without romantic relationships…I have always been on the fence over whether or not you should have sex.

I’ve never thought it was wrong to have sex without being in a relationship. Look, this isn’t the 1950’s anymore; you don’t need someone’s letterman jacket before you crawl into the backseat of his Mustang. And while I’d never consider sleeping with seven anonymous strangers in a night, I will admit there are some (okay, a BILLION) gray areas between anonymity and monogamy. If you know the person is safe, and you know you can handle it emotionally, do you really have to be in a relationship to have sex? (And at any rate, shouldn’t physical and emotional safety be things you check up on even in a relationship?)

But, I’ve just always wondered if casual sex could be as fulfilling.

While I tend to actively ignore most societal standards, I like to be aware of them. My guy friends seemed to almost unanimously agree that you didn’t need to be in a relationship to be having fulfilling sex. (Some of them even offered to help me find out for myself. Oh, how kind.)  The female counterparts seemed more divided on the issue; some of my girlfriends told me as long as you make sure he’s not a creep and he wraps his tool, sex is sex. It is a natural human need, and you don’t need a relationship to fulfill it.

And others insisted to me that the boyfriend label makes it magically better, since there is more trust, comfort, and emotion. Hey, thanks for doing absolutely nothing to help my confusion, guys.

From a purely logical standpoint (and we know how well those work in relationships, right?), I guess sex could be completely separated from relationships. Look, it’s something we all wanna do, and we’re gonna do it one way or another. We also live in a generation where commitment has become something of an urban myth, and it’s kind of sucky if we’re expected to live like nuns just because someone won’t become Facebook official with us. On the other hand, we can’t deny that for most people, sex is a very emotional thing. Even if there are no strings attached, things can still manage to get all tangled (and I’m not taking about body parts).

Right now, considering I’m not getting any, the idea of sex outside of a relationship is looking pretty, pretty good. But I just don’t know where I stand (lay?) on the topic. I guess I’ll have plently of time to mull it over during this little dry spell drought.

55 Comments   Posted in Advice, Relationships, Sex
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55 Comments on "Single. And Not Getting Any"

  1. Casey says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 20094:17 pm 

    Well, first of all, sex isn’t a human need (we CAN live without it) It’s a want. That we want really bad.

    And secondly I think commitment is only really an urban myth in college. There are plenty of people that are willing and looking for a committed relationship.

    But sex is different in and out of a relationship. They are both good, just in different ways. So perhaps that’s why there’s confusion. And especially confusion from the girls because guys aren’t really programmed for commitment when it comes to sex, the way girls are (that doesn’t mean as girls we HAVE to have commitment to have sex either, we have free will so we can go against nature) Sex outside of a relationship has a sort of thrill with it, but sex inside a relationship oftentimes feels a lot better. At least from my experience. In a relationship you can experiment a lot more because you’re more open, and you’re more likely to get off from a partner that knows what you like then some rando doing his generic, every girl, moves. But outside of a relationship you have the thrill of a new strange guy, and you’re going off pure raw passion. Which is probably what gets you off more so then the moves.

  2. davis says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 20094:32 pm 

    I think relationship sex CAN be better: you have a level of trust to tell your boy-toy “Actually my clit is HERE” and tell them all of your secret kinks because you like, love them and shit. But that same level of intimate trust can be reached with someone you’re simply sleeping with. In fact, I think you can make a pretty good argument that it’s almost easier to be open with a “just sex” dude because you don’t have to make dinner with them right after asking them to fuck you like a slut.

    So, I dunno. Sex is sex and good sex is good sex and everyone deserves good sex :)

  3. Wendy says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 20094:55 pm 

    although i’m a girl that does have sex without being in a relationship…i’m trying to stop. i personally feel that as a girl, genetically, sex = attachment…no matter how much i try to stop myself. girls are just different from guys. so for my own personal emotional health…i’m trying very hard to not have sex without a relationship.

  4. Andrea says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 20095:23 pm 

    I see both sides of this issue. I am now a reformed “attachment-free” girl who now has a boyfriend of almost two years.

    Throughout college, I’d have random sex with guys just because I could, and it was fun to have them want me, for a bit. After a while though, you want more than just a F*** buddy. You want someone who you can snuggle with, without that leading to sex, or having to worry about them leaving you for a “real gf.”

    For me, sex with random dudes just didn’t cut it. With my BF, I know exactly what moves get him going, and vice versa, because we’ve had plenty of sessions together that have let us really get to know each other.

  5. m says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 20095:57 pm 

    Sex outside of a relationship = fail. The strange guy is doing you just because he needs to blow his load or he’s attracted to your body, just like a million other girls in his world. You’re basically telling the guy to disregard your brains when he gets to pork you. As much as we may hate it, females aren’t the same as males when it comes to sex.

  6. criolle says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 20099:41 pm 

    Just a point … there were NO Mustangs in the ’50’s, didn’t start those beauties ’til ‘65.

  7. criolle says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 20099:42 pm 

    OK, the ‘64-1/2

  8. S says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 200910:00 pm 

    i think the whole attachment after sex is bullshit. there’s attachment because you initially felt an attraction, that led to sex. there might even be a bigger desire because you might feel that you “lost” him now that you two had a one night stand. that being said, i’d say random sex is crappy just because of the quality – there’s usually a lot of alcohol involved and the guy doesn’t have any obligations to you

  9. ziggy stardust says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 200911:32 pm 

    Oxycotin is the bonding chemical released after sex..so yes you will feel the need for attachment. and girls have more of this chemical in them at all times then men.
    sciiiiiieeeeeeeence

  10. Nikki says:
    Fri, 21st Aug 200911:52 pm 

    ok, in college, everyone is a dirty skankin whore.. but when that’s all over and done with, you find someone that means more to you and who you can agree to not be a dirty skankin whore with.
    and it’s all good. seriously!
    YOU are your worst critic!
    have fun and live loud WHILE YOU CAN! you know, before you have babies, a husband, and a full time job.

  11. Suggestion says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 200912:32 am 

    Have you ever considered having a fuck buddy relationship? It’s sort of like ‘boyfriend-lite’. Find a guy friend who is in a similar dry spell and agree to be there for each others physical needs, with the understanding that both of you are free to meet other people to have a real relationship with. This cuts down on risk of STDs, keeps you on birth control (Ever thought, ‘why take it if I’m not even having sex?’ and then had sex? Sucks.) entertains your libido and teaches you more about your own sexual preferences. The obvious downsides to this relationship are one of you developing feelings and not the other, or one of your finding something better and the other being left in the cold. (.. and unintentional pregnancy or catching an STD because one of you is still whoring around.)

  12. Ashley says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20091:35 am 

    Girls who are hypersexual and able to just disregard the need to actually be in a relationship to have sex, were sexually abused growing up. It always is the case.

    Like many other girls have said, girls genetically need that attachment to really have meaningful sex. It is all genetics. The only way that girls go against this naturally instinct is when they have been sexually abused growing up and have screwed up their way of thinking on this issue. I am glad everyone is in agreement on this issue.

  13. Star says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20091:56 am 

    Whoa, slow down Ashley. We are not all in agreement that all girls who are “hyper-sexual” as you call it were sexually abused. I’m astonished you are shallow enough to believe that. It’s so laughably fake that I’m tempted to think you’re just posting that comment as a joke.

    The reason people think there’s something wrong with a girl who actually wants to have sex is because people like you are always telling us that’s the way it’s supposed to be. It’s not genetics – it’s society. I’m highly insulted that you’re saying sexual desires (a.k.a. actually having feelings instead of being a completely composed, unfeeling doll with boobs) means I had to have been sexually abused as a child. Stop spreading your vicious, shallow lies around.

  14. Ashley says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20095:13 am 

    Star- WRONG!!!! Unless you have experience in clinical physchology (not just studying psychology) like I do, I would refrain from making erroneous comments. Thank you. Thank you in advance for your apology.

  15. Ashley says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20095:15 am 

    *psychology.

    How dare you question what a clinical psychologist explain. What gives you the right?

  16. wtf says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20097:08 am 

    Don’t listen to all that feminist shit going on, women are different from men and need that relationship and the emotional aspect that goes along with it.

    At the risk of sounding like a complete prude, let me just say that not everyone is having sex. Some of the best looking and most eligible guys I’ve ever met were virgins. Truth. These were the guys that all the girls were throwing their panties at, the ones who had their shit together. Yeah, it’s almost unrealistic for anyone to be a virgin in college nowadays, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t still exist. But to each his own.

    And who the hell is this chick, talkin about pasychologists and sexually abused children. What those that have to do with this? That shit is a whole separate issue.

  17. Caity says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 200910:23 am 

    Ashley, that is completely ridiculous. There is no way that EVERY girl who is “hyper-sexual” was sexually abused. That is completely ridiculous. I don’t don’t that there is some sort of statistic that says a large percent of girls who are were sexually abused, but the idea of ALL is ridiculous.

  18. Star says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20091:30 pm 

    Maybe you do study clinical psychology Ashley, but you’re still an idiot. Your lack of proper grammar and your use of all caps with lots of exclamation points shows you don’t have a brain. Even if you do actually study it, which I also doubt, then you’re extremely thick and naive about what you think you’re learning, and you’re taking a bunch of bullshit and trying to force it down our throat.

    But if you can answer this question, then I suppose you can prove me wrong: If every girl that wants to sleep with a guy and doesn’t feel attachment from it has been sexually abused, then how is it that I have had a one night stand at one point in my life and have never been abused? I didn’t want to date the guy, nor did I feel any attachment. We were friends and we both enjoyed it and then we met other people whom we did develop attachments to.

  19. Star says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20091:31 pm 

    And you ask what gives me the right to question you? Because I don’t agree with you, that’s what. If we all went blindly along with everyone someone said, the entire world would be filled with idiots.

  20. Casey says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20092:04 pm 

    Ashley, You can stop lying now, because I DO study clinical psychology, and you’re full of shit. Oh and I have better spelling and grammar skills too. :)

  21. Star says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20093:30 pm 

    Perhaps we can agree to disagree. Some people feel all girls have an emotional attachment after sex and others don’t. Personally, I feel that it depends on the girl, but I think it doesn’t really matter who’s right. It’s more about supporting a woman’s decision to decide who she sleeps with regardless of our own beliefs, because no one should control another person’s body.

    @Casey, I like your explanation for why sex can feel different both in and outside a relationship. I can’t speak for every girl, but for me that makes a lot of sense. The thought of sleeping with a guy outside of a commitment has a certain thrill to it while being in a relationship means you’re already comfortable and your partner knows what you like.

  22. Casey says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20095:39 pm 

    Star, I agree, we’re all built differently. Some girls are perfectly capable of having sex outside of a relationship without getting attached (I know I am this way) but other girls just can’t handle it. That’s not a bad thing either. We’re all different and what works for one girl may not work for the next, so to say there’s one way that it should work for everyone is just wrong.

  23. sue says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20096:39 pm 

    An aside to the first comment…sex is a basic human need. Without it, humans wouldn’t reproduce and the species would die out.

  24. Chloe says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 20097:44 pm 

    “Girls who are hypersexual and able to just disregard the need to actually be in a relationship to have sex, were sexually abused growing up. It always is the case.” I am almost offended by that statement. There is a huge difference between being “hypersexual” and being able to have sex outside of a relationship, and having the desire to have sex without an attachment is not singularly indicative of abuse.
    I was raised on the concept that girls will automatically feel closer to someone once they have slept with them, and since becoming sexually active, I disagree. It is absolutely possible to have no-strings attached sex, but you have to be aware of how how and why you are approaching the encounter that way. If you are coming from a place of need, it will be completely different than making that choice from a place of confidence.

  25. Casey says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 200910:41 pm 

    Sue, yes, we as a species need sex to sustain life, we as individuals do not need sex to stay alive.

  26. Eresbel says:
    Sat, 22nd Aug 200911:13 pm 

    wtf, I disagree with you to an extent. I agree that there are biological differences between men and women and I will even concede that women might be slightly more likely to develop emotional attachment after sex – but not significantly enough. Most of the attachment is socially constructed. Plenty of guys develop attachments, even though society tells us they don’t. Plenty of women don’t develop attachments. If anything, I would say that EVERYONE is fairly likely to develop attachments after having sex, regardless of gender, and that the number of people who don’t develop them is small, again, regardless of gender.

    Also, Ashley, you’re full of shit.

  27. Ashley says:
    Sun, 23rd Aug 200912:33 am 

    Casey- Seek treatment. Being a psych major at a community college doesn’t mean squat. Also, with your terrible history of being raped twice, you are bound to have deep seated problems that need to be addressed before they totally ruin your life. With the proper treatment, you can get over the problems from your childhood. Until then, you and everyone else needs to leave it to the expert (me) in this area to sort through everyone’s bullshit on this issue. Thank you in advance.

  28. Rach says:
    Sun, 23rd Aug 20099:22 am 

    I would like to encourage all other readesr to ignore “ashley” who is clearly just some 16 year old boy who is enjoying deliberately pissing everyone off with his offensivenes and stupidity, and to continue the otherwise intelligent discussion. Thanks :)

  29. Casey says:
    Sun, 23rd Aug 200912:45 pm 

    I go to a university, thank you. And I don’t know where you got twice raped from? You certainly wont make a very good psych if you can’t even remember two small details like those. Oh and not to mention your little problem of not listening to people. Please seek a different area of study oh and treatment for your severe immaturity and annoyance, which probably stems from your lack of attention at home. Thank you in advance :)

  30. Star says:
    Sun, 23rd Aug 20091:01 pm 

    Lol, wow. This Ashley person can’t be real. Probably just enjoying trying to make everyone mad at her/him. We thank her in advance for her apology.

  31. Dannia says:
    Sun, 23rd Aug 20091:27 pm 

    I don’t necessarily buy the whole “we’re chemically wired to be attached” theory…we’re chemically wired to a do a lot of things, and I’d like to hope that humans are evolved enough to not be slaves to their biological impulses. We’re better than that.

  32. Casey says:
    Sun, 23rd Aug 20093:57 pm 

    Dannia, true, but if we were evolved enough to not be slaves to our biological impulses we probably wouldn’t have as many STD’s and unwanted pregnancies either. Just saying. Fact is, most of us can’t say no to sex with a hot guy any more than we can hold back on getting attached to him afterward.

  33. Justin says:
    Sun, 23rd Aug 20096:50 pm 

    “At the risk of sounding like a complete prude, let me just say that not everyone is having sex. Some of the best looking and most eligible guys I’ve ever met were virgins. Truth. These were the guys that all the girls were throwing their panties at, the ones who had their shit together. Yeah, it’s almost unrealistic for anyone to be a virgin in college nowadays, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t still exist. But to each his own. ”

    yup guys like us exist :/ going on 22, girls and people tell me I’m a good looking guy and doing pretty well in school but I still got my v-card. Can’t say I’m proud of still being a virgin though. :(

  34. Ashley says:
    Mon, 24th Aug 20093:53 am 

    “Dannia, true, but if we were evolved enough to not be slaves to our biological impulses we probably wouldn’t have as many STD’s and unwanted pregnancies either. Just saying. Fact is, most of us can’t say no to sex with a hot guy any more than we can hold back on getting attached to him afterward.”

    What in the hell are you talking about??!?!? Most girls can’t say no to having sex with a hot guy? Ummmm… what?!?!? It is called having some self control, morals, and not being a whore. Haha. I think most girls can control themselves enough to not sleep around like dirty whores. Quit trying to rationalize your terrible behavior by lumping all girls in with your idiotic statments. Thank you times 2 in advance.

  35. Jessica says:
    Mon, 24th Aug 20094:29 am 

    I just recently lost my virginity, and although the friends that I told were extremely scared for me (as I was for myself) that I was going to get attached to him, I didn’t. No, he wasn’t my boyfriend, although we had dated in the past. Surprisingly, I felt no attachment to him whatsoever, despite the fact that I used to have very strong feelings for him. So although I’m sure that many girls do get attached to the guy they’re having sex with, that doesn’t necessarily happen for everyone.

  36. Casey says:
    Mon, 24th Aug 20092:12 pm 

    Chill the fuck out troll! I wasn’t even talking about myself. You read this site too, obviously. That’s what almost every post on here is about, sleeping with some guy, not being able to say no, blah, blah, blah. Just pointing out the obvious. No go crawl back in your hole and please don’t come back out. Thank you times a billion in advance!

    (ugh can we please get the pathetic trolls off this site!)

  37. Casey says:
    Mon, 24th Aug 20098:18 pm 

    Oh no, the fake Casey is using my name again. I can’t believe it. I am Casey. Not you!!!!!

  38. ca53y says:
    Mon, 24th Aug 20098:35 pm 

    Yeah, mimic that one fake me. Ooops, guess you can’t. Awww too bad. :(

  39. Ugh says:
    Mon, 24th Aug 20098:57 pm 

    Ugh, seriously? Do you have nothing better to do then pretend to be another poster? It was obnoxious the first time you did it and it’s still obnoxious now.

  40. The Fake Ashley says:
    Mon, 24th Aug 20099:45 pm 

    After leaving my house this morning (for the first time in years since I am trying to avoid coming into contact with all the sin in the world) and reflecting on my postings on this site, I suddenly realize I am a bumbling idiot. I apologize in advance for all the pathetic lies I have told and will tell in the future. I am very insecure and like to call other girls whores to validate my own feelings. That and I’m just a bitch in general.

  41. morgan says:
    Wed, 26th Aug 200911:23 am 

    i feel the need to address this Ashley person because i’m a girl who had no attachment to a guy after sex not by sexual abuse as a child but because of my own doing. nobody ever touched me inappropriately or made me feel uncomfortable but both the first and second times i had sex i didn’t feel a thing. the second time especially cause that time i felt more in control. i knew my friend wasn’t into relationships, i knew what i wanted and i didn’t feel bad about getting it. i didn’t feel attached after at all, i actually slept really well that night in my own bed. i hate the idea that just because i didn’t feel anything that means i had to have been abused. because not only did i not feel anything i felt GREAT. i had great sex, he’s still my friend and i went on with my life.

  42. Casey says:
    Wed, 26th Aug 20099:57 pm 

    Oops, guess it didn’t work the first time, but yeah. Can’t mimic me anymore. I guess you’ll have to find a hobby or something.

  43. Casey says:
    Fri, 28th Aug 20091:17 am 

    Oh my fuckin god. The fake Casey decided to do that? God, that is so low fake Casey. Get a life. Jeez.

  44. Heather says:
    Sun, 30th Aug 20095:36 am 

    I’ve personally found that sex means different things to me with different people. i was in a relationship once for a very long time, and i felt that the sex we had was on some deep emotional level where it did make me attatched. Then, I had a fuck buddy relationship once where I saw the sex as sex and nothing more. I just didn’t feel the same way about it because it was a person I wasn’t very seriously interested in dating, and I was just having fun.

    One of the benefits of casual sex, if you are able to not get attatched, is that you don’t have bad feelings about it. Like the guy I was in a relationship with, thinking about it can bring up negative feelings because of all the breaking up bullshit. On the other hand, when I think of my fuck buddy relationship, none of that really comes to mind and I just think of the fun I had.

    Everything has pros and cons, though, and everyone is different. For me, though, its the person who determines how I feel and not the act itself.

  45. wtf says:
    Tue, 1st Sep 20095:56 am 

    I am all in favor of keeping the trolls around. Their blatant stupidity and inability to grasp the gist of this conversation is highly entertaining.

  46. Genghis says:
    Tue, 1st Sep 20093:59 pm 

    I always mind my own business. I believe in the saying “to each his or her own.” But, here’s my perspective on this.

    There’s an analogy between employment and sex (I’m also employed like some of you).

    1) An employment agency assigns you to work in a different company on a daily basis, maybe even two days at a time. That’s like a one-night stand or casual sex.

    2) You’re assigned to work in a company for a week, maybe even a month. That’s like having a fuck buddy.

    3) You got a temporary work assignment in a company, the duration of which is not specified. That’s like having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. The relationship can be broken anytime.

    4) You got a work internship in the company you like with a
    great chance for getting a permanent position. That’s like being engaged. But, the relationship can also still be broken.

    5) You got a permanent job appointment in the company you like. That’s like getting married.

    I’m hesitant to compare the strength of the commitments between Nos 4) and 5), but I must under the circumstances. When engaged, the commitment is still tentative. When married, the commitment is supposed to be for life. In this case, the analogy between a hen and a pig holds (please don’t stone me). The hen is tentative. The pig is committed. But, happily or unhappily. there is divorce that will allow anyone to get out of the marriage without being dead first.

    In all cases and stages of human relationships, there can be fun, happiness and heartaches. If I get wtf said correctly, individual reactions will depend on who can hold their shit together.

    Am I cynical? No, I am just a realist. I’ve learned early in life to choose wisely. I know you’ll do the same.

  47. Bruce says:
    Tue, 1st Sep 20094:13 pm 

    Single and not getting any? Try being a 37 year old virgin. :( It gives you perspective, doesn’t it?

  48. Genghis says:
    Tue, 1st Sep 20096:32 pm 

    @Bruce. I suppose you’re talking about yourself, a virgin at age 37. That requires determination and discipline. I salute you. I hope you finally find the right woman for you.

    When I was a teenager, my reaction to any girl looking at me was to lie down immediately. That led to a series of S&M’s that I regret up to now. I did learn a lot from them, but those were bad teachers.

  49. Harriet Handley says:
    Mon, 7th Sep 20097:22 am 

    Hello! You should check out Sex Map UK! It’s a new thing from LoveHoney where you get to check out all the sexy (and not so sexy) places in the UK and see what naughty things they’ve been up to. Maybe a trip to Upminister to see why they came out top is on the cards?! that might help your little dry spell!
    you can see the site here: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sexmap/
    enjoy!
    Harrie

  50. I wonder says:
    Sat, 12th Sep 200912:36 am 

    I have to ask, how do you even go about getting a friend with benefits? Howww do you smootly bring that up in conversation? I’m sure most guys would be up for it, but it seems like it may be awkward if they think of you as a ‘good’ girl, like myself.

    And as for strangers…say you recently met someone–maybe went on 1 or 2 dates with him–and you just want to be intimate with him (intimate: yes, sex: no) but not have a relationship. At such an early stage in the game, how important is it to clarify that you’re not looking for anything serious, just some fun?

  51. Dafra says:
    Wed, 16th Sep 20092:33 am 

    Even though the issue here is that girls may end up being attached to a guy they have sex with, a poll i saw once stated that more than 50% of men actually said that they were likely to develop ties for women they slept with on a regular basis.

  52. Dafra says:
    Wed, 16th Sep 20092:39 am 

    I do believe that it is hard [while not impossible] for a girl to completely separate sex and feelings, but it just comes down to knowing urself and ur limits. Also, remember that our society is more prone to judging sexually liberated women than men :(

  53. Ty says:
    Wed, 16th Sep 200910:57 am 

    Sex outside a relationship is using someone else’s body to masturbate with, maybe everyone is just losing their ability to fantasize.

  54. Rach says:
    Thu, 5th Nov 200911:01 pm 

    Hey,

    I’m an 18-year old girl, no sexual abuse here ha, but I do have a strange friendship with my guy mate…he’s been one of my closest mates for a while and one night we ended up kissing, realised we could laugh and chat about it, then carried on doing it on nights out n things. Now I don’t want to be with him, nor does he want to be with me so it’s been pretty good…just sort out each other’s lustful needs I suppose. We’ve done everything aside sex, and have just had a chat about sex, I’ve felt no attachment up until now – yet i’m still undecided on the whole sex thing, I’d love to have sex with him, he seems skilful enough haha – yet, I can’t say 100% I wouldn’t form some little attachment. So I’ve put it off as of yet, just cause he doesn’t want anything to change between us, and neither do I.

    Suppose the problem is, you don’t know if you’ll get attached until you do it and find out… catch 22 really!

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