Overheard: Teeny Whoppers

By John

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Guy and a girl, talking at the grocery store.)

Guy: Did you put “gross sh*t and lipids” on the list?

Girl: Yeah, I figured we needed some.

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: Well, what am I supposed to say? “Sorry, dad, I filled the car with zinfandel and used it as a swimming pool?”

(Two guys, standing next to the radio at a party.)

Guy: Wait, isn’t Miley Cyrus that pedophile?

(Guy, turning 21!)

Guy 1: Yeah. It’s my birthday this weekend. I don’t know where I should go!

Girl: We should go to that gay bar in Providence!

Guy 2: Or we could go to a brewery.

Guy 3: Or it sounds like you forgot the D&D game this weekend.

(Girl, listening to music during a long car trip.)

Radio: So why can’t you see-ee-ee… you belong with mee-ee-ee…

Girl: He doesn’t like you because you’re fat.

(Two girls, talking earnestly.)

Girl: Well… I’d never stab you in the lady parts. Just sayin’.

(Girl and mom, yelling to each other at a pool party.)

Girl: Mom? Where’s that horse? The one that was in the living room?

Mom: I threw it away. It was an eyesore.

(Guy crying, late at night, on the curb outside an apartment.)

Guy: I don’t see why it’s so hard! I just love … dancing! And makeup!

(Guy, talking on the phone.)

Guy: It was like being in the same room as a snake and a mongoose.  Except, instead of a mongoose, she was a woman.

(Girls, around a table at a party.)

Girl 1: So when the fudge pool overflows, the chocolate mines collapse, and all the factory workers get trapped.

Girl 2: Their hair turns green from the concentrated chocolate gas!

Girl 3: And the candy rock minerals turn their skin orange!

Girl 1: Hey, wait, their skin is naturally orange. Let’s stick to reality, please.