Is He Into You or Into Just Anybody?

August 30, 2009 3:00 pm     Posted in Advice, Relationships  Dannia- Loyola University Chicago g+ page

couple-flirtingWe’re growing up in a weird, hook-up focused culture where the term “dating” is more undefinable than Lindsay Lohan’s sexuality. When a guy is chatting you up at a party or a bar, one would think it’s safe to assume he’s interested in you. But in the world of flirtation and intoxication, the intentions are as fuzzy as your legs in the winter.


By Dannia

How can you tell if the person you’re talking to is actually interested in you, or just interested in an interchangeable sex buddy to use later that night? You’re too special to be referred to as “hot girl with the big rack,” so learn how to tell which guys are genuinely interested, and which guys are playing their odds with every girl in the room.

So how do you know if the guy hitting on you thinks you’re extra sexy or used the same opener and closer on a chick three feet away from you?

Unless you possess the super human ability to actually read men’s actions, it can be a tricky feat. But one sure fire way to discern whether he is talking to you or to your breasts is to try and assess the quality of conversation. It’s understandable that after a couple shots of Jack you’re not going to be discussing the impact of gender on social roles in Sri Lanka, but are the only words coming out of his mouth, “Oh baby you look like such a good kisser”? If he’s legitimately trying to get to know you, you should be able to recount 3 interesting facts he’s told you about himself, and 3 interesting facts he’s asked you about yourself. (“What color are your panties?” does NOT count).

One guy friend well known for being quite the ladies’ man (to put it politely), admitted that he can talk for hours with a girl he is interested in…but if he’s just looking for a good time, he’ll try to get her to stop conversing within the first 15 minutes. If you’ve begun making out after exchanging about three sentences, don’t count on a serious connection.

But even if he’s a master conversationalist, actions speak louder than words, sister. Are his eyes on you…or is it more like his eyes are on you, your friend, and the cocktail waitress? I’m not saying to rip out your friend’s hair extensions in a fit of jealousy if he compliments her tank top, but be aware; is he trying to work several girls at once? Guys like this will work their magic (or intoxicate) entire groups of BFFs, and then sink their claws into the one who seems most ready and willing. If he’s hitting on 6 girls at once, I wouldn’t count on him being your Romeo anytime soon.

I have enough male friends to be well aware of the ultimate “work-the-room” guy move; if he’s excusing himself to the bathroom every 15 minutes, chances are “bathroom” is code for “hot blonde on the other side of the room.” Not to say someone has to be glued to your hip all night to be interested, but if you find yourself feeling pretty ignored, chances are he wouldn’t care if you walked away.

As an ultimate rule…the clues are in the details! Body language is a big give away. Does he seem in tune with your conversation, or is he half tuned out, ready to pounce on the next busty babe that passes by? Does his laugh seem sincere, or is he kind of zoning out every five minutes while you tell stories about how you’ve always wanted a pet turtle? A way I can always tell if a guy is just making me another number on his list is if he neglects to ask how to spell my confusing, foreign name when he’s storing my number. Even if your parents didn’t bless you with an unpronounceable name, he still should ask, ”Hey, is that spelled with an I or a Y?” If he doesn’t seem to care too much about your name or area code, chances are you’re getting stored as “potential hook up number 63.” So, yes, maybe he will call you. When he’s done booty calling girls 1-62.

Casual hook ups are perfectly socially acceptable (and on birthdays and holidays, completely required). But, hey, you worked hard to be intelligent and witty. Make sure someone is getting to know how intelligent and witty you are before you partake in a game of tonsil hockey and shacking up for the evening.

16 Comments on "Is He Into You or Into Just Anybody?"

  1. Winston says:
    Sun, 30th Aug 200910:23 am 

    A good way to find out if a guy is actually into you is to not sleep with him right after you meet him. If he wants to hang out in the future, he is into you. It's that simple.

  2. Casey says:
    Sun, 30th Aug 200911:14 am 

    Ha ha Good point Winston! One that women of today often seem to forget.

    But if you want to be able to read guys better, go out to a bar/club without the intention of picking up a guy, go and sit, and stay sober, and just WATCH. Watch the guys in the room, follow their moves and see from the outside just how guys work it, that way, when you go out to actually pick up a guy you'll be better in tune with the way they talk to /flirt with. and hit on different types of girls, so you can weed out the players from the guys actually interested for yourself.

    People watching lets you in on all kinds of little secrets about the way we communicate. (think Sydney from "I love you man")

  3. Dannia says:
    Sun, 30th Aug 200912:03 pm 

    Casey…totally love the people watching idea. I actually do it all the time, definitely easier to read people when you're sober!

  4. Al says:
    Sun, 30th Aug 20091:07 pm 

    Winston, poignant observation. I'll try it next time, but then again, I have no interest in him beyond a midnight romp.

  5. Winston says:
    Sun, 30th Aug 20093:58 pm 

    Well if that's all you want, then who cares if he is a player? Just tell him you will sleep with him then kick him out when it's over.

  6. Ashlan says:
    Sun, 30th Aug 200910:15 pm 

    Pretty goddamn simple ladies. If you fuck him on the first night you met, you are a whore and he just wanted the sex. If don't act like a whore, and have some self respect, he might actually want to see you again. NEVER HAVE SEX THE FIRST NIGHT YOU MEET A GUY!!!!!!!!!! Why is that so fuckin hard to follow whores?

  7. oobunillaoo says:
    Mon, 31st Aug 20092:47 am 

    oh lol – women who want casual sex are whores, men who want casual sex are heroes. i'm so glad we have the internet, so we can propagate these archaic ideas WITH CAPITAL LETTERS AND TONS OF EXCLAMATION MARKS TO GET THE POINT ACROSS!!!!!!!!!!

  8. K says:
    Mon, 31st Aug 20096:35 am 

    Thanks for saying everything I wanted to, bunilla! hah. And lets face it, if hes in college he almost definitely isn't interested in any girl beyond getting into their panties. Men 18-23 who want to date one woman, even for a few weeks or months, don't exist in today's world.

  9. Winston says:
    Mon, 31st Aug 20093:50 pm 

    Ashlan never said that men that sleep around are heroes, but go ahead and make things up if it makes your argument easier. There are so many guys in that age range that want to date one woman. Speaking as one of those guys, the biggest problem I have is finding a girl that isn't a slut. I am equally tired of trying to find a decent girl as I am turning down classless ones. If all you want is a one night stand, just tell a guy that is what you want when you meet him. Most guys are whorish enough to oblige if they find you attractive…or you could set your standards a bit higher and wait for a decent man.

  10. Ashley says:
    Sun, 13th Sep 20092:30 am 

    It's becoming more and more common that the comment sections for this site turn into fights about what does and does not constitute a "whore".

    Regardless, I liked the article. I found it to be an interesting practical guide :3

  11. Helen says:
    Sun, 1st Nov 20091:35 am 

    It's sometimes hard, I'm facing difficulties at the moment. I'm dating this guy but he keep complimenting other girls, but not me. Then I don't get why he wouldn't just dump me and go out with other girls then ?

  12. Mel says:
    Sat, 7th Nov 200911:37 pm 

    Lol. I like Winston's comments.

    But anyway, besides that, will someone please answer anonymn's question: was this article written for situations in a bar/club?

    Because I'm not feeling it. Have the times changed? Do girls and guys REALLY go to bars and clubs to look for a relationship? Have I missed something here? O_o

    And the cycle will never end of guys calling girls who sleep around whores (I believe the proper term is 'promiscuous,' 'fast,' or 'loose'… I don't think they're sleeping around for money….) and girls responding about how all guys want sex (K, every guy I've met from 18-23 doesn't mind a relationship, so I don't know what world you're living in). Both stances are complete bull and people doing that need to stop making generalizations like that. And need to stop being trolls. Just sayin.

  13. Steven says:
    Wed, 6th Oct 20107:14 pm 

    Quite honestly you women don't know men. My god is seriously every girl out there that picky. Men are players to begin with because you are not addressing the problem that is you are picky as #### Those men are players because they know the easy chicks actually have something and yes, they are whores but there would be a lot less of them and players if you girls weren't so damn picky all the time. Quite trying to find that one guy who is tall,dark,and handsome because quite honestly most of them are dicks anyway. Yeah I'm a guy and yes I'm short guy, I don't have green eyes (which for some reason you girls go after blue eyed and green eyed guys all the time)and yet constantly all the time I myself along with many of my other friends are overlooked just because we don't look like that bullcrap you call a perfect man. but guess what I'm sorry to say I listen,my friends listen, but it's YOU that lie and play us. So what do they do They find whore who will at least give them something that's even remotely close to relationship . That's what my friends do I haven't, I'm a virgin after all. Been a nice guy if you can believe it I'm in college if you can believe it. So K shut your trap that's a load of #### I just want a girl who will actually talk to me and quite looking out for some prick and no they don't even have to look that sexy either.Chew me out all you want I've observed, experienced and been bull crapped enough anyway there's nothing you can say. I'm pissed.

  14. H.K. says:
    Fri, 16th Mar 20124:57 pm 

    Your problem is likely that you apparently routinely refer to women who want sex as "whores." Sounds like you have a bit of a complex. Be more respectful to women in general and maybe you'll actually end up having a girlfriend. I've heard about guys like you. Guys who always refer to themselves as "nice guys" and always say things along the lines of "Why do nice guys never get laid?" Because, you know, no nice guy in the world ever gets laid. What a load of bullshit. I love how you refer to women as "whores" and "easy" in one breath – implying that they'll sleep with anything that moves – and then in the next breath refer to all women as hopelessly "picky" because apparently none of them will sleep with you. You're an idiot. You're not a "nice guy." You're a douchebag, and you don't deserve to get laid. No self-respecting woman would sleep with someone as disrespectful and immature as you, and that's probably why no one has. It has nothing to do with you being short or having a certain eye color. Grow up.

  15. Hana says:
    Sat, 24th Nov 20124:28 pm 

    Maybe we think the same of men who we sleep with on the first date.

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