Weekly Ten: She’s Just Not That Into You

August 31, 2009 9:00 am     Posted in Advice, Relationships  Melanie - Northeastern University g+ page

issheinterested

"So....maybe we could go out sometime?"

Sometimes I like to think I’m David Letterman, only with better teeth and less wrinkles. So, every week I write a top ten list of things that are super duper relevant and important. Like staying sober…and those celebs we love to hate.


By Melanie

This week, I’m breakin’ it down for the boys out there. Myself, and many CollegeCandies are not big fans of He’s Just Not That Into You. I do think the book has some valid points, but it’s way too over the top. So I’ve decided to write a rebuttal and tackle the ten signs that She’s Just Not That Into You.

Guys, take note!

10. She stops texting back.
No, my phone isn’t off. It’s never off. I mean, how else would I get Facebook updates 24/7? Not to mention my solitaire addiction. Unless you’re with a girl who doesn’t have a texting plan, she got your text message. If a girl likes you she will answer your text message, guaranteed. She also spent a good twenty minutes thinking up her forty character response.

If she’s just not that into you? You’ll get no response or “lol yeah” for an answer. For the record? “Lol yeah” is the kiss of death, homeboy. Please don’t text three times back to back. It’s desperate. No, I don’t want to hang out with you, and NO I don’t really have a boyfriend – I just said that because I didn’t want to tell you the harsh truth: you’re a straight up creeper and you’re in my address book as “Weirdo Scumbag.” Get the hint.

9. She avoids physical contact at all costs.
PDA is gross. Hand holding can be stupid. If we are rejecting even kisses on the cheek or flinch when your leg brushes against us? Yeah, it’s hairy and kinda gross, but there’s something more: you’re in the “friend zone.” 

8. She’s. Not. Amused.
If we like you, no matter how stupid and corny your jokes are, we’ll laugh. Oh yeah, we will. Even if we just giggle and say, “that’s cheesy,” girls will still make a point to smile, even at the corniest of jokes.
EXAMPLE:
Boy-toy: How do you keep a rhinocerous from charging?
Girl: I don’t know, how?
Boy-toy: You take away his credit card!
Girl (over-enthusiastically): HAHAHA omigod you have such a good sense of humor!
Boy-toy (thinking): I know, right? Ugh I am the MAN! That joke is effin’ hilarious!

7. She talks about other cute boys, crushes and dates in front of you.
No brainer. Enjoy hearing, “No, he’s just my good friend.”

6. You don’t know if her family/friends like you.

Here are some tip-offs:

- She hasn’t introduced you to her circle of friends or family.
- She hasn’t brought you home.
- She doesn’t talk about you to her mom.
- She doesn’t talk about you to anyone.
- Even her beloved pekingese puppy (who she tells everything to) hasn’t heard your name.

    She’s just not that into you. Neither is her fluffy pooch.

    5. She doesn’t freak out about things.
    You’re going out with another girl. Go ahead! You think her best friend’s hot? She asks if you want her number. You didn’t call her back because you thought you were playing “hard to get”? She doesn’t even mention it. Didn’t remember her birthday? Big deal, it’s just a birthday. You blew her off last minute for a formal? Awesome, because you were the fifth person she asked and that hottie in Chem 101 just became available. You’re a last resort, sorry!

    4. She talks openly about bodily functions.
    She doesn’t try and cover up the nasty noises that come out of her after eating too many two dollar tacos. She challenges you to burping contests. You’re more familiar with her digestive tract than your own. Gross. She’s not that into you….but she should be into some Pepto-bismol.

    3. She’s got a boyfriend/fiancée/husband/ex that she’s sleeping with.
    She’s attached. Odds are high that she won’t dump Mr. Whoever for you. She might even be lying about a boyfriend to get rid of you. Not that I’ve used that line before… or like… this morning. Oops.

    2. She’s really busy with school/work/feeding her goldfish.
    If a girl likes you, she will always make the time for you, every damn day. There is not one single chica on this planet who can’t carve out a measly five minutes of her day to contact you in some shape or form. You deserve better, don’t be last on her “to-do list” right under “re-organize all the Tupperware in my apt.”

    1. She doesn’t Facebook you back.
    Might sound stupid, but this is HUGE. With the way technology is today, Facebook is as available to everyone as text messaging. Not to mention, girls LOVE Facebook. If she can take the time to become a fan of Brody Jenner, she can take the time to write on your wall, message you back or poke you in a timely manner. And if she hearts you, she will want everyone on FB to know.

    40 Comments on "Weekly Ten: She’s Just Not That Into You"

    1. perkylily says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 20096:44 am 

      No 8 is true and it's like a big neon sign(I'm into you/I'm not into you) to guys. I accidentally did it, and then this "close" friend of mine was so offended of why I scoffed at his corny jokes. Truth is I was getting sick of him, but I told him I wasn't in the mood or his jokes were corny.

    2. Ness - Sheridan says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 20098:58 am 

      I love this article. It's so true!

    3. k says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 200911:00 am 

      Number 2 (She’s really busy with school/work/feeding her goldfish.) and Number 5 (She doesn’t freak out about things.) are so true for me..I realize Im just not into a guy enough when i find myself making silly excuses or just not caring enough.

    4. Nikole Hahn says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 200910:06 am 

      And if I don't return your phone calls, I'm just not into you no matter how often you call or how many emails of pictures of roses you send me…lol. That was my line when I was single. :o )

    5. bystander says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 200910:33 am 

      I wouldn't categorize this as a rebuttal to HJNTIY because that was written to inform women, and this was written to belittle men. The book didn't have this column's angry tone.

    6. Melanie - Northeaste says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 200910:41 am 

      Bystander,

      I'm not sure if other women would agree, but the book made me feel belittled.

    7. Krista says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 200911:15 am 

      ahahahaaaa, its all sooooo true!

    8. Taylor says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 200912:20 pm 

      What a load of shit. If you don't like a guy just fucking tell him you stupid bitches. There is no need to act like a bitch and lead him on when you don't like him. What the fuck is wrong with you? No wonder you all will end up being fat old ladies living in a trailer park with your 10 cats. Stop being such bitches and give a guy a chance you idiots.

    9. Krista says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 20091:30 pm 

      Taylor, as if guys don't do the same? NO ONE wants to come right out and say they don't like someone, its hard seeing someone get rejected. And no one wants to be friends with someone after getting rejected.

    10. Winston says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 20093:57 pm 

      I'd say this is a pretty good list. Especially the parts about girls not responding via text or facebook. I have too many buddies that don't get it. As a tip, if he keeps trying to contact you, tell him you aren't interested. It will save you both time.

    11. Booklover1020 says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 20094:16 pm 

      Just a comment on #7. In my case, I talk about other cute boys and crushes in front of my boyfriend. I want to make him jealous from time to time so I'd know whether he's still really into me. teehee. But yes, your points are true.

    12. Christopher Gergen says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 20094:46 pm 

      He's just not that into you was the best movie ever. I loved it!

    13. bystander says:
      Mon, 31st Aug 20097:39 pm 

      Melanie,

      Belittled in what way? Because some guy wrote a book trying to excuse inexcusable behavior? Because he condones the idea that a lack of chemistry is justification for a lack of civility?

    14. Haruko says:
      Tue, 1st Sep 20091:14 am 

      Melanie, fun article :) and interesting comments so far. I agree that sometimes i wasn't sure whether the book made me feel better or worse about myself.

      But bystander, I disagree that the author was excusing bad behaviour. The book acknowledges that there are times when people are unable, or unwilling to man-up and admit that the chemistry doesn't exist. I understood the book to be less about judgment of this "lack of civility" than about recognising the signs for what they are – and keeping your dignity intact.

    15. Melanie - Northeaste says:
      Tue, 1st Sep 20093:28 am 

      Bystander,

      There were points in the book, especially when the author wrote excerpts in the POV as the naive girlfriend, that I felt were belittling. I felt the author would occasionally put women's behavior down in order to make a point, sometimes rightfully so! Like Haruko said, it was hard for me to guage what in the book made me feel better or worse about myself.

      Your points are on target. Perhaps it wasn't the author that made me feel belittled, but moreso the behaviors that were being presented by the author.

      This post was supposed to be fun and a commentary on how both men and women have difficulties rejecting someone in a healthy manner, apologies if you felt that I attacked the male gender.

      Keep reading :)

      M

    16. valkyrie9 says:
      Tue, 1st Sep 20098:21 pm 

      I wouldn't say #6 is a sign a girl doesn't like you. I'd wait to see if a guy was really worth my time before bothering to introduce him to my family. Just having a crush on him or having dated him for a short period wouldn't be enough to cut it.

      But if you've been together for a while and the girl is hesitant for you to meet her family, then it's a definite sign that the relationship isn't going anywhere.

    17. Amused says:
      Sat, 12th Sep 20096:06 pm 

      This article is amusing simply becuase its examplifies the pervasive trend of young women adopting this socialite persona. Seriously and I say this without ill intent, how many here are(or one of) the hottest chick in atleast 90% of the rooms or buildings you walk into everyday?

      If you have to pause and think about it then you dont qaulify. Next question do you posess any kind of exemplorary social status that reasonably explains such crude behavior towards guys? Again if you have to think about it….

      Final Question…Has anyone here saved the manatees, used their spring break to build low income housing or teach english to impovershed children. Its redundant to ask if your an exceptional kind person giving how much of a bitch you are to guys….but again if you have to stop and think….

      So really no one here is such a special snowflake that they hold grounds to treat men like peons for passing interest.

    18. Amused says:
      Sat, 12th Sep 20096:10 pm 

      Also to single out the author of this article….regardless of how you look. If #10 is any indication of the entirety of your character….then your a pretty shitty person. Just letting you before its too late to change. I mean assuming you even pretend to hold a premium on kindness.

    19. Dillon says:
      Mon, 28th Sep 20099:50 pm 

      This article speaks the truth this girl who ive met not so long ago gave me the impression that she really was into me but all of a sudden she told me she didnt have the time for a relationship right now im not really sure if that means shes just afraid to tell me the truth or she really just needs to sort things out she used to text me all the time and now it has come to me being the one to text her pretty upsetting but what is a guy to do

    20. Bob Jones says:
      Wed, 30th Sep 20094:23 pm 

      Hell ya Taylor, right on!

    21. Mel says:
      Sat, 7th Nov 200911:51 pm 

      Dear Taylor,

      I have learned the hard way that telling a guy straight out that you don't like him: it doesn't work. I mean it. I said "I don't like you that way. Sorry." And I got a "well maybe you'll change your mind." O_o Seriously? I think not. I did not change my mind. A Couple of Weeks later:

      Me: "I don't like you…"

      Guy: "Why not?"

      Me: "Besides the fact that I'm not interested in a relationship? I don't like you."

      Guy: "Of course you're interested in a relationship! All girls are!"

      I mean again… what? So I had to ask my guy friends why it worked out this way. And I got the same general answer: guys go after what they want and they don't stop until they get it. I know girls are nicer than me though, because I'll (obviously) tell you to your face if I don't like you, whether you're a good friend or not. (And me and the guy are still friends! Ha! Who would have thought?)

      Sincerely,

      Mel~ :P

    22. Jasmin says:
      Fri, 13th Nov 20091:34 pm 

      I don't think doing these things qualify for accusing someone to have a bad character.

      Because, I personally don't always know if a guy is into me or if I am just misreadig the signs myself,so I try to let him know through the flower, by example by mentioning a special someone in my life, that I am not interested in him in tht way, doesn't mean I don't like him as a friend.

      So these things aren't done to be bitchy but to save the guy and yourself from embarassing situations in the future.

      A lot of guys admittedly don't get these 'subtle' hints but I have to agree with Mel thatmost of them also don't get it if you tell them straight to the face that you're not into them.

      Oh btw 'Amused' especially girls with lower self-esteems are gonna do these things, not out of bitchiness but because they'd think themselves to be arrogant to imagine all these guys having crushes on them

    23. adele says:
      Sat, 28th Nov 20099:51 pm 

      I feel like I actually do a lot of these things simply because I'm too afraid to get attached to a particular person, like maybe if I keep myself at a distance then I will see if he really makes an effort to get in touch with me. For example, I'm usually not the last to text back to a guy that I might have a thing for because I don't want him to think that I'm sitting by my phone waiting for him to text me and seem too available. Also, if I don't freak out about things, I really don't think it means I'm not into a guy. If I like a guy, I'm not going to do anything that might scare him away right off the bat like ask him why he didn't text/call me back, or why he missed my call. If he wants to talk to me, he'll call me, or he'll answer his phone. If I freak out about it, it only looks to him like I'll freak out even more if he does the same thing when we're dating. So, I guess in essence what I'm trying to say is that even if a girl does these things, it might mean that she actually IS into you and just wants to keep her distance so as to keep herself from getting hurt…

      Do ANY other girls feel this way?

    24. aPerson says:
      Tue, 15th Dec 20096:25 pm 

      Has anyone else noticed the inherit problem of generalization of people? We are all too unique…

      Although I could take this advice, if the person I am into does not follow that pattern, like adele, I am screwed.

      This kind of stuff only works for the shotgun approach to meeting people… a lot of people in a short amount of time and then the "rules" stick, you are not in the mental state to form a long-term relationship…

      i.e. this is only good for a booty call

    25. DollTV says:
      Sun, 27th Dec 200910:43 am 

      The points are accurate. GQ magazine once said: "The right guy can never say the wrong thing, and the wrong guy can never say the right thing." People are afraid of coming on too strong and frightening others off because it's so easy to do that when you're in a new relationship. But when one is holding back a tidal wave of emotion, it's easy to miscalculate the amount of enthusiasm that escapes unnoticed. The list is spot on.

      The only point is that the writer didn't get into the silent treatment. That can turn the list on its ear and create a-whole-nother game.

      None of this is easy.

      My rule: When it gets weird, bale, or spend a few weeks doing some investigating on the web. Sooner or later you'll find enough evidence that your initial feelings were right.

      Still the list is a great guide. Argue with human nature at your peril.

    26. Kendra - University says:
      Mon, 1st Mar 20104:14 pm 

      this was wonderful and SO true. this should be required summer reading for all incoming freshman boys. good job :)

    27. Jess says:
      Mon, 15th Mar 20108:56 pm 

      I love this article, My bf just broke up with me but I realized after all the pain I was just not that into him. I should have broke it off a long time ago. The above signs were there and he was a rebound that I was confused about for affection.
      Enough about him…I have been interested in men and given my number out many times. Then they mess it up by calling me 5 times and texting me things like ” I miss you, kisses” within two days of meeting them, it’s over before it began. Play it safe guys and don’t jump the gun by putting us on the top of your agenda until we atleast start a relationship. This spells out CREEPER!

    28. Doug says:
      Thu, 25th Nov 20107:13 pm 

      I think basically the person who wrote this is way too into themselves, and is used to being around other girls that are way to into themselves. My advice for any young man is to stay away from these types in the first place, and you will save yourself tons of grief.

    29. guest says:
      Wed, 29th Dec 20107:07 pm 

      Not wanting to date a guy isn't being a bitch to him. It *is* perfectly Ok for someone to not be attracted to someone else! Nobody *owes* you romance/sex/etc., the same way you don't *owe* anyone else that!

    30. guest says:
      Wed, 29th Dec 20107:08 pm 

      "But if you've been together for a while and the girl is hesitant for you to meet her family, then it's a definite sign that the relationship isn't going anywhere."

      Either that or a sign that there's something very wrong with her family.

    31. guest says:
      Wed, 29th Dec 20107:09 pm 

      It's not uncivil to stop dating someone whom you do not want to date!

    32. guest says:
      Wed, 29th Dec 20107:11 pm 

      You don't owe every dateless straight girl and every dateless gay guy a chance, right? Likewise, they don't owe you a chance either.

    33. ceer says:
      Mon, 14th Feb 20116:54 pm 

      at the same time, if she's not willing to make the effort out of fear of getting hurt, even if she likes you, do you really want to date someone who will freak out later out of fear of getting hurt? either way, they're not ready for a relationship.

    34. Mike says:
      Mon, 25th Apr 201112:19 pm 

      damn you for making me realize i was being a creeper. Reading responses from her and laughing all i get is a lol when i send 5 text's

    35. Guest2 says:
      Fri, 24th Jun 20114:01 am 

      Not only that. but men behave badly towards women all the time. They rate them on scales, they judge them, they go to strip bars, ogle other women, etc. And they reject women as well- nothing wrong with rejecting someone you don't like.
      So why is when women reject a man, it's considered "socialite behavior" and she's not allowed to do so unless she is stunning, but ugly, balding, out of shape men are allowed to treat women badly every day? Double standards much?

    36. PHanci3 says:
      Mon, 27th Jun 201110:06 pm 

      What so I'm supposed to be nice and lead guys on, so that they can be more hurt later when they get all their raised-up hopes torn down?
      That's bad for boys too.

    37. Bobbi Zamora says:
      Mon, 31st Oct 20114:35 am 

      Interestingly i met a girl who introduced me promptly to her mother and also wanted me to meet her father… but she definately wasn't into me, the avoiding of calls etc. So sometimes its a combination of these signs

    38. Greg Sanders says:
      Mon, 6th Feb 201211:06 pm 

      Wow… Interesting comments… It really depends on the culture, maturity and genuine class of of the interacting people… However, take these behavior hints as immaturity or at the very least someone you probably wouldn’t want to have a significant relationship with anyway! Always nurture your soul with your relationship interactions…When you arrive spiritually and charasmatically you will find so many desirables and your relationships will become much more fulfilling.

      Doc S

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