Overheard: Freshmeat

By John

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Freshman in a dining hall.)

Freshman: College is so cool! It’s, like, the most sophisticated universe in the universe.

(Angry girl, heard through a dorm-room door.)

Girl: F***in’ a! What am I supposed to do? Dogs ate my underwear!

(Two girls, in the business school.)

Girl 1: I love Humphrey Bogart

Girl 2: Yeah, me too. Did you know he got his start in ’80s science fiction B-movies?

Girl 1: Wow, really?

Girl 2: No.

(Girl and guy in an office.)

Girl: Okay, what’s a nice way to welcome the freshman to campus?

Guy: How about “f*** you freshmen, get hit by a bus?”

(Two girls, talking in an Italian restaurant.)

Girl 1: Put out a job offer.

Girl 2: “Can you drink wine? Can you stare at my cleavage? You’re hired! Let’s talk about 401k.”

(Girl, standing in line at the student union.)

Girl: They were cutting a giant sausage at the women’s center today. I didn’t feel right eating it.

(Two guys, finding seats in an auditorium.)

Guy 1: Are we just gonna use our jackets to reserve these seats?

Guy 2: I guess so. We can’t rely on Meghan to mark them with her urine.

(Girls, introducing themselves in class.)

Girl 1: I’m Brenna.

Girl 2: Hi! I’m Margaret, but you can call me Murphy.

Girl 1: Huh. How’d you get that nickname?

Girl 2: When I was born, my dad said it was Murphy’s Law.

(Two guys, through an apartment wall.)

Guy 1: Ahhh! Ahh! Holy f***ing s***!

Guy 2: What?

Guy 1: I just exploded a bag of lettuce!

(Girl, reading an ad on a bulletin board.)

Girl: Female roommate needed… Must be clean, some parties okay… Must be comfortable with taxidermy. Huh.