Why You Should…Have Group Sex

See, ladies; I told you this was a good idea.

There’s a great many things to do and places to see in this world of ours.  As humans, our lives are pretty short (and if you party like I do, it’s probably going to be even shorter).  So we have to prioritize!  We have brains for a reason and that reason is…reasoning (well, at least some of us use them for that purpose: see comment about partying above).  Let me be your voice of reason as I show you all the things you should be doing right here, right now.

Because I’m a totally mature and well-adjusted college student, I sometimes play games with my friends that involve saying awkward things at inappropriate times.  We do it for shock value and for the general entertainment of everyone involved (who doesn’t enjoy a good shouting match of “Penis!”?).  Recently, I tried to play a version of this game with my boyfriend while chatting innocently on AIM.  Here’s a basic outline of how it went:

Boyfriend: nap good?
Boyfriend: you got dinner soon right?
Me: if I were to have a threesome with you and one of your friends, it would so be Kenny
Boyfriend:first of all, wtf
Boyfriend:wtf wtf wtf wtf
Me: AHAHAHAAAA

This got me to thinking…about threesomes.  And about how I may have to tone down the randomness around the BF.  But mostly about the sex part.  Why not?  There are so many reasons to invite an extra player into your game (or even a couple extra players…the more the merrier, right?), especially if your boyfriend has hot friends.  Or your friends have some hot friends.  Or that guy opposite you at the bar has some hot friends.  You know, whoever floats your boat.

At any rate, having tried the whole two-peen-for-the-price-of-one deal, I’d have to encourage you to get wild and try it out yourself.  There are no height requirements on this ride, my friends, so jump on (although you may want to stretch or something beforehand).  Here’s why you should be buying a king-sized mattress and planning an adult a sleepover:

Dorm Cred – If you live in a dormitory, you’re probably used to the Sunday morning exchange of stories from your wild weekends.  Well, what could top a great story about group sex?  Nothing, my friend.  Not even that story your roommate told about making out with her prof to bump that 3.5 to a 4.0.  If you’re a college-aged woman (or dude), then epic stories about parties, drinking, and sex are your currency.  And your story about your amazing threesome?  That’s pretty much like throwing down a crisp hundo while your friends are digging for dimes.

Experience - College is the time where you gain experience and knowledge you can use and build upon for the rest of your adult life.  Drinking and sex are also counted in this skill set.  In fact, I can’t think of any other skills that are more useful in life.  Having a group sex experience will definitely bump up your experience points.  Even if you’re awkward and immature in the bedroom at the best of times, after a threesome (or two), you’ll be walking with a new swagger (probably from a pulled muscle from all that sex, but whatever…it’s worth it) that you can carry with you past graduation.

Test Your Relationship – If you’re in a relationship and have the opportunity to share a threesome with your partner, then this is what could be called a “test of your relationship.”  It usually goes one of two ways:  you can become closer and cement your bond…or you might fall apart.  Sometimes a threesome is just a way for your partner to cheat on you while you’re in the room (or vice-versa).  Try to keep group sex as a tool for expanding your sexual horizons and spicing up your sex life, rather than an easy way out of a relationship.  At any rate, I promise you that you’ll learn something about your partner when there’s another naked person in bed with you.

Annoy/Confuse Your Roommate -  Now that fall semester has started and everyone has (mostly) settled into the rhythms of college life, some of you may be regretting your roommate decision.  What better way to annoy or confuse them than a rousing night of group sex?  Whether or not they are invited, I’m sure they’ll be adequately affected by the situation to make your point (dirty laundry goes in the hamper, not on the floor in front of my desk!).  Your sexual antics will also provide a memorable story for them to tell their next roommate…or your RA.  Good times.

More Flexibility – Trying to get everyone into position without spraining any genitalia is a task in itself during a threesome.  I could have used some pilates or yoga classes before I jumped into that situation.  Add more people and I can only imagine the flexibility needed to pull it all off.  However, after a couple of times bumping uglies with your homies, you’ll be bending and twisting like a Russian gymnast.  This will make traditional two-person encounters all the more exciting (especially for your lucky partner).

Increased Sexiness – Let’s face it:  group sex is an opulant, excessive taboo.  Threesomes are the things of which pornos and wet dreams are made.  Once you have an experience like that, you’re changed.  You’ve suddenly got a smoldering sexiness and increased confidence.  People will be drawn to you like moths to a sexy leg lamp.  Having a threesome is the equivalent of getting a mani/pedi, a cut and style, an amazing new LBD, and fabulous new shoes all in the same day:  you’ll feel amazing.  Who knew that you could save hundreds of dollars by just having more sex?

It’s Fun – Seriously…just do it.  You’ll see.