You’ve Been De-Friended

It’s about that time for me.

By Brittany

I am going to have a sit down with my Facebook friends list and carefully consider who belongs there, who does not, and which family members need to be moved to the “Limited Profile” list. Yes, de-friending is a vicious process, but it has to be done in order to make way for new and more important friendships. Read: the people with the most exciting photos to stalk.

Anyway, as I sit here cutting out some of my 423 friends, these are a few of the people whom I’ve made dust in my virtual wind.

The Friend Who Desperately Wants You To Join YoVille
Facebook applications can be great. Who doesn’t enjoy a game of Scrabulous? But being bombarded with requests to join your farm or garden or pirate ship isn’t helping out your chances of remaining friends with me come clean-up time. Bye-bye application-addict. We’re ignoring you once and for all.

The Constant Status-Updater
I do not care what your plans for the day are.  Or what emo song lyics are accurately emoting your feelings at the moment. Or what color your poop is… no matter how odd it may be. If you are cluttering up my newsfeed with mindless chatter, you will surely be de-friended. But before we part ways, I want you to seriously consider getting a Twitter. There, and only there, will you be appreciated.

The Strange Man from a Foreign Land
I’m not sure why I ever accepted you to begin with.  We have no mutual friends and your profile isn’t even written in English. And is that a fanny pack in your photo? If you ever make a trip to NYC, let me know.  Until then, adios amigo.

The Couple That Can’t Decide if They Want to be Together or Not
They’re together. They’re broken up. It’s complicated. She’s single. He’s not. They’re engaged. Where does it end?! Maybe if you get off Facebook for a second you’ll be able to figure out your relationship. But my newsfeed does not need to be the first person on the scene at your breakup. Send me an invite to the wedding, snail-mail style, because you’ve been de-friended.

A good Facebook de-friending spree can be a cathartic experience. But don’t go too remove-happy.  There are risks involved. I once de-friended a guy that was in my freshman year history class because I thought he was lame and didn’t need him cluttering up my friends list. Now he is dating my best friend and refusing to accept my apologetic re-friend request.

Oh how the tables have turned.

Do you do a yearly clean-up? Who do you un-friend?