Ask A Dude: Just Friends?

Ask a Dude-2

Got a guy question that’s tearing you up inside? Don’t trust your girl friends to give you honest advice (because they’re afraid if they tell you the truth you will freak out and throw things at them)? Just want to try and understand what a guy is thinking?

We’ve got the dude for you. Send your questions to and he’ll give it to you straight. Because you can’t throw things at him, no matter what he tells you. Our dude is answering questions every Wednesday, so ask away!

Dear Dude,

The other day, I randomly met a guy at a bus stop who just got back from Europe. We clicked immediately, and hung out for about 2 hours (instead of studying for genetics…). He has my number and email, but is it a bad idea just to ask him to hang out? I have no interest in a romantic aspect, and my female friends say I’m nuts. This is legit, right? I can just ask a guy to hang out just to solely hang out…
Or am I just being an idiot?

Just Wanna Be Friends

Dear JWBF (I’m too lazy to type out your whole name),

It pretty much goes without saying that men like things big. We like big cars, big explosions, big flat-screen TV’s (with HD and 1080P), and we foster even bigger egos. No matter how obvious you think the lack of chemistry is between you and your newfound “friend,” most men take the When Harry Met Sally philosophy (a Die Hard metaphor just wouldn’t work here) a bit too literally.

Men generally think that any fun, friendly female (continuing to tolerate and speak to him) inevitably wants him. If a lady believes that subtle implications, uninterested body language, or comments like, “I’m so glad I have you as a friend” are going to show a guy things are strictly platonic… she is completely mistaken. Men aren’t mind readers (we probably wouldn’t even read the manual if a woman came with one), so our big egos will inevitably convince us you’re digging us (even if you show an iota of interest).

However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with a guy…you just need to be 100% up front with him from the very beginning. Don’t subtly imply that there is no chemistry and expect him to figure out the clues. Lay it out for him in black and white from the start. Yes, that means sitting him down and telling him, “I just want to be friends.” If he isn’t up for a friend with “not-a-chance-in-hell” level of benefits, than it’s his loss. But you should definitely pick up the phone and give it a try. You never know – you may end up with an awesome friend… and benefits to spare.

Good luck,
His Royal Dude-ness



  1. ed says:

    Why would a guy waste his time being friends with a woman? I have male friends.

    There is nothing more emasculating than being phoney friends with someone you want to sleep with.

    His loss? Get real. Women are half ass friends at best. His gain. Go make some guy friends and date lots of women till you can choose one you like.

    Don't waste your time on the phoney balogna world of female friends.

  2. Fox says:

    I have female friends, they're just as good as male friends if you don't wanna sleep with them. Better in some respects – I definitely find it easier to talk to my female friends about emotional stresses, relationship problems, etc than my male friends.

  3. Johnnie says:

    I have great female friends, and I want to sleep with every one of them.

  4. criolle says:

    There's nothing "just" about friendship. If your really think about it, there are only three kinds of personal relationships possible between humans. Family, lovers and friends.

    You don't get to pick family. Stars know I would have … and so would they!

    You don't get to pick lovers. Perhaps this is my Latin side, but I honestly do not believe that you PICK who, when and how you fall in love. A higher power picks your family, a lower power picks your lovers. What you DO about that love is a different story.

    Friends is the only decision you get to make. People DO, really DO judge you by your friends because it shows a lot about your judgment. Your friends are a reflection of your values and the kinds of decisions you make.

    Friends … male and female are the only, and most important decisions you will ever make.

    Not "just" friends.

  5. Al says:

    I'm lovin' the comments.

    I agree with the author, that guys can't take hints about a woman's disinterest in them. I mean, things will be going well, as friends, and then he has to go and ruin it by telling you that he likes you or whatever. Honestly, I don't have the heart to tell a guy that "I just want to be friends". So, instead I either try to chase them away by being a total bitch, but that oftentimes backfires too ;)

    And I don't think the two (men and women) can truly be friends, without one party feeling romantically interested in the other. I have guy friends who insist on trying to persuade me that we'd be a good pair or act overtly sexual about our relationship (with jokes, retorts etc). I mean, you can't tell your straight guy friend detailed, juicy info about last nites romp, because he'd be jealous or refuse to hear it. I don't think there should be such filters in friendship. Although, I think the male-female friendship is easier for women, because stereotypically females are less visual and more concerned with humor and other attributes. Thus, hot chicks being friends with ugly chicks (debatable, i know) and/or falling for the average Joe.

  6. […] you can’t throw things at him, no matter what he tells you. Our dude is answering questions every Wednesday, so ask […]

  7. HB says:

    I agree completely with what Al typed. Myself being a guy, I definetly can't take a hint. Its sad, but its true. I'll spreak about my personal experience as my way of giving insight into the question.

    There is this one girl I know from going out. Well one night, she came out to a bar with me and we ended up making out. Since then, we'll see each other out and talk. And since that time, we have become better friends. But if I ask her to hang out or go out to see a movie or something, she always comes up with an excuse…. She recently told me that she doesn't want to date anyone and she enjoys being single, and that is why she wouldn't hang out with me. Truely, a kick in the gut.

    But at the same time, I knew before I would ask her to do stuff that she didn't want a boyfriend. So, despite the fact that I liked her as more than a friend and the facT that I knew she didn't want a b/f, I was still hoping to hang out with her just as friends…

    Which leads me to wonder, can two people of the opposite sex just hang out as friends??? In the back of my mind, I would be hoping to make out or something again…. but at the same time, just hanging as friends, and friends only would be great too…… ANY THOUGHTS?

  8. M says:

    I think the other case when men and women can be friends is when they used to date but do not anymore. This is similar to the comment above by HB. However, there may need to be a period of time after the dating is over depending on whether or not it was a rough ending.

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