Coupled. Yeah, I’m In a Relationship In College

September 10, 2009     Posted in Relationships

college coupleWell ladies, since our lovely Dannia has been sharing her tales of the single life, I’m here to bring you the other half; the committed life. That’s right. I, Sarabeth, have a serious boyfriend while in college. Some may call me stupid, others crazy, but I like to think that I’m lucky.


By Sarabeth

Trust me, I’m not here to glamorize having a boyfriend or to make the single ladies feel bad. And believe me, I did NOT come to college for my MRS. degree. Quite the opposite, actually. I just feel that us long-term girlfriends seem to be a minority in college, and I’m here to give them a voice.

For one thing, having a college relationship is far from easy. My boyfriend, Matt, and I have been together for almost 2 years. There have been fights, sex droughts, upset friends, and jealous exes. But we’ve gone through a lot and I’m proud to say that he’s the one for me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m too young for this; like when I find out he’s been calling his mom to try to get his grandmother’s engagement ring and I’m on my couch watching reruns of Run’s House. Other times, I feel a million times older than my friends when I say I’m staying in to bake a casserole. But putting all that aside, what keeps me happy is knowing that we’re going to get through the tough stuff of our 20s together.

And there’s nothing wrong with finding your man in college. Despite being called a “disgrace to feminists everywhere” just because I’m not ashamed to admit that I love my boyfriend and will make decisions with him in mind,  I don’t see our relationship as “setting me back decades.” I invest heavily into my future career and have my own personal life with friends IN ADDITION  to making my man as happy as I can. Just for the record, I DO go out with my girlfriends on a regular basis, I DO take part in many on-campus activities, and I DO consider myself to be a very independent woman.

So, for as long as I have stories to tell, I will share my experiences with you all, because I know there are many of you who can relate with the ups, the downs and the changes that come in a long term relationship.

For you non-believers and nay- sayers, you can see that it really is possible to make it work!

26 Comments on "Coupled. Yeah, I’m In a Relationship In College"

  1. Dannia- Loyola Unive says:
    Thu, 10th Sep 20091:19 pm 

    I love it. Can't wait to read and share with my coupled friends! :)

  2. Jess says:
    Thu, 10th Sep 20092:23 pm 

    Cool, I'm in a *4 year long* relationship right now and I couldn't be happier. It's gotten significantly harder but I too go out with my own friends, am super involved in 3 campus organizations, etc. Our trade-off is getting dinner together a few times a week and lunch on the opposite days, plus about half of the weekend spent together. It's really nice to have someone to just stop and snuggle with when classes get to hard (like they already have in week 3).

  3. andreya says:
    Thu, 10th Sep 20093:12 pm 

    I enjoyed this article as I am in the same boat as you. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years in November, and I couldn't be happier with him. I'm only in third year which means I started dating him a couple months into first year, as in RIGHT as soon as I came to university lol.. but I've always been the type of person to want a serious relationship, and being single slash random hooking up was never my thing. I love him to death and I wouldn't have it any other way!

  4. Kelly (AUS) says:
    Thu, 10th Sep 20093:36 pm 

    Great post. I also agree with Jess but for me its been a year.

  5. Amanda says:
    Fri, 11th Sep 200912:03 am 

    Don't have relationships in college. Period. End of story.

  6. erin says:
    Fri, 11th Sep 20093:40 am 

    Amanda maybe you missed the boat on the fact the people above are happy. Perhaps relationships don't work out for your or your friends but for a minority of people it can work out. get off your high horse sweetie. Two years of my realationship were spent in college, we had to work through some hard stuff but happily did so. We are on our second year out on our own now.

  7. Jenny says:
    Fri, 11th Sep 20095:39 am 

    My boyfriend and I started dating during my junior year. At first, I thought it was going to be a little fling, but I ended up falling in love with him. Dating him in college was a lot of fun! He became friends with my roomies and friends, and I became friends with his, so my last two years (specifically, my senior year) I had a blast with my closest friends and him. :D

    We've almost been together for 3 years now. Technically, we're still at school (law school for him, grad school for me) and our relationship is still great. :D

  8. twentysomethingreali says:
    Fri, 11th Sep 20096:46 am 

    I was in a relationship for two years (from just before Freshman to the end of Sophomore year). It was wonderful, we had a great time. Hopefully (eventually) we can be friends but for now, we aren't because the breakup was really terrible. I think it's great if you have someone you love BUT if you are going to be in a relationship with someone while in college, do not allow yourself to be in the "boyfriend bubble". I did this and made very few friends and experienced very little on campus because my boyfriend went to the school next to mine and I was always with him. Be your own person- experience everything! Relationships can be done in college if you remember not to seclude yourself.

  9. Casey says:
    Fri, 11th Sep 20098:22 am 

    I'm the same way. My boyfriend and I will have been dating for 2 years in January and we just moved out together in June. Last year I actually lost my best friend because of my boyfriend. When he and I started dating my "BFF" got PISSED and said I wouldn't finish college now, and I was stupid for getting a boyfriend in college, and he was going to ruin my life, and college is about having fun not being tied down, and that we weren't going to end up together anyway. Well, now almost two years later and she's out partying every night, getting terrible grades, ruining her GPA, sleeping around, GETTING HERPES, and flunking out of college. I on the other hand jut got my AA (with honors) moved out with my boyfriend whom I still adore(and who she said I wouldn't even be with 3 months down the road) and I'm STD free! She's miserable now having "ruined her life" she can't sleep around anymore with the herp and now it's close to impossible for her to get a guy to go out on a date with her. Not to mention her poor grades and GPA which certainly wont help her find a job after college. So I'm pretty confident I made the right choice, and her bitterness about my relationship and consequential ruined friendship came back to bite her in the ass.

    I hate when people say "don't have a relationship in college" Some people want something different out of life, and that might include a boyfriend. I certainly wasn't looking for a guy, but when the perfect one came along I wasn't about to turn him down simply because "I'm in college". I know I wouldn't be nearly as happy right now if I had. And this post and the comments people have left prove that having a boyfriend in college IS right for some people.

  10. Ken Kendall says:
    Fri, 11th Sep 20099:02 am 

    I don't think there is anyway to control when we find the person we want to spend the rest of our life with. What I can tell all of you is that you must know exactly what your looking for if you want to have a successful relationship.

    I just added a new post about being your mates best friend. I know it is a cliche but it is possible and needed.

    Take a look at the post and give me your thoughts.

    http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com

    Thanks,

  11. Giuliana says:
    Fri, 11th Sep 20098:12 pm 

    Casey: Shut your fucking mouth you son of a bitch. You graduated from a community college with an AA degree with honors? Who gives a shit you fucking moron. That doesn't mean jack shit. That is not even a state college you fucking idiot. Not to mention a private, or an ivy league school, you disgusting piece of shit. Really impressive that you are so smart. LMFAO!!!! Laughable. You are a worthless piece of shit.

  12. mr. Bahamas says:
    Sat, 12th Sep 20098:31 am 

    Its amazing, I never went to college, I didn't have the priveledge, I shouldn't even be on this site. But I came here so that I could get some idea of how to relate to my two girls who are now collgeg students. I must say I have already learned a lot. I hope all of you guy succeed in your studies. Thanks for helping me to see things differently for the benifit of my relationship with my daughters.

    God Bless

  13. Casey says:
    Sat, 12th Sep 20099:10 am 

    Ugh, I know I shouldn’t be replying to the troll, but yes, I took some courses at my local community college while I was still in high school for dual enrolment, and then a summer semester before I started at UNF (which is where my AA is from). Honestly though, the classes that I took at FCCJ (which is now called Florida State College, since it was upgraded from a community college to a state college) were actually much more challenging. I had more homework and assignments in my community college classes than any of my university classes, not to mention that most of the professors that teach at FSC are former university and Ivy League professors, who switched because they actually wanted to work more hands on with their students, instead of, say, having a TA teach the classes.

    Fact is, I kind of regret not staying at FSC because 1. With my scholarship, it was 100% free (books included) as opposed to the 75% coverage I get at a university, and 2. Because I actually got a much better education there. Oh well, c’est la vie.

  14. Kelly says:
    Sat, 12th Sep 20099:50 am 

    I came to college never expecting or even wanting to be an a relationship. But Halloween of my freshman year I meet the guy that is still my boyfriend now and I don't regret that decision whatsoever. I still have lots of friends, go out with them, have a part time job (I make more $$ than him), and working towards a double major.

    A few people have mentioned the feminist thing and that I'm setting women back. I live with my boyfriend now and I'm a waitress but I would hardly say I'm setting women back. Marriage is about 8-10 years away, and I plan on actually putting my degree to good use after college.

  15. Casey says:
    Sat, 12th Sep 200910:20 am 

    I really don't understand how having a boyfriend or a relationship is a feminist issue. Are we not allowed to have any association with guys now because it might "set us back"? That's absurd! And I think ideas like that set us back. I have a boyfriend, we plan on getting married in the future, but I'm still going to have a career despite being married. I don't want kids, and I have never wanted to be a "homemaker", but if someone else does then that isn't "setting women back" either. Feminism is about doing whatever the hell we want as women. Making our own decisions and having the power and opportunity to make our own decisions whatever they may be.

    Now I can understand "homemaker" women who think all women should have children and families (like my boyfriends mom) are setting us back. But not girls in relationships! That's just absurd!

  16. Keshia says:
    Sat, 12th Sep 20093:56 pm 

    I love this article.I myself am also in a long term relationship of almost 2 years and I know my guy is the one for me.Yes it really is hard we've been through the ups and downs also but we have gotten through them time and time again its just nice to know Im not the only girl in college with a real relationship…I agree with Jess this is my 3rd week of school also and its already stressing me.

  17. Marie says:
    Sun, 13th Sep 20092:32 pm 

    twentysomethingreality-You and I are/were in the exact same senerio. Best of luck to you!

  18. Beth says:
    Sun, 13th Sep 20095:54 pm 

    this is great! im still a junior in high school and my boyfriend is a freshman in college this year, after i graduate were moving my college and hopefulyl engaged or married by then!

    thanks for posting this its really helped my outlook on the future!

  19. MLG says:
    Sun, 13th Sep 20096:25 pm 

    Do people really need to defend having a relationship in college? What the heck? That's incredibly strange to me. Is there really such a common claim that there's something wrong with being in love with and committed to someone?

  20. Symone says:
    Sun, 20th Sep 20092:26 pm 

    YOU GO GIRLS!! I KNOW DASS RIGHT!! Hell, I’m in the exact same position. This is my 4th month in my relationship and everybody, I mean EVERYBODY who I would THINK would support me, DID NOT support. They used all kinds of stereotypes and sayings that wasn’t even true. If I hadn’t acted upon what I felt was right, then I wouldn’t of been as even happier as my normally happy self would have been. And I’m the ONLY educated musician in the family, and I would like to try and get my Masters in a different instrument, but it’s not about me. Dis is about you SARABETH AND CASEY AND ALL ‘EM, YA’LL WORK DAT EDUCATION AND RELATIONSHIP. There will always ALWAYS be haters wherever you go, and if they’re hissing and putting you down, then you are doing EXACTLY whatchu is supposed to do. If you don’t got haters breathin’ down your neck (because they think you’re so important that they constantly obesses over your life because they hating) then you is NOT doin’ your job.

    Regards ;)

  21. Samantha wise says:
    Tue, 22nd Sep 20096:57 am 

    So my boyfriend and i are both in college as well and we've been dating for about 2 and half years…. this year both of our classes have gotten really hard and it seems like im always the one who has to go over to his house. recently we have been arguing alot about how he doesn't seem to be willing to compromise and come over to my house. I'm really concerned that we won't be able to solve this and won't stay together. I still love him very deeply but im not sure if i can keep up going to his house ALL the time…. what should i do??????

  22. mandi says:
    Mon, 5th Oct 200911:52 am 

    I was in a summer relationship and as soon as we both started back in college we broke up. this was not my decision it was his. he basically said he didn't think it would work now where both going to be busy and he doesn't think he'd be capable of giving the relationship 100%. I was heart broken and I really thought we'd have a chance. like alot of people in realtionship see each other weekends and holidays and basically if you want it to work it works nothing more. I really want the realtionship we had to get back on track but I'm afraid to tell him I want him back and I honestly cant get him out of my head. We have a lot in common and we still talk and text each other so I know he still wants me in some way. but I'm not comfortable just being friends. has anyone any advice?

  23. nananana says:
    Mon, 5th Oct 20093:31 pm 

    Hrm. I don't know exactly where I stand on this issue but I have experienced both sides of the coin, so to speak. I was married for the first half of my college career, and was able to keep up a 4.0 gpa at a state university. However, in order to help support both me and him, I was working full time and couldn't take as many classes. Also, I was not involved with extracurriculars or volunteer work of any kind because it stole time from 'us' and it was hard enough to find time to be together with both of us working. Well, lo and behold, we ended up getting divorced (for some very legitimate reasons, I won't go into that ;) However, divorce was necessary. After the divorce I put off my education for a semester to move to another state to be with family. Now I am in a better recognized university and can hardly find time for myself let alone someone else (even though, I do admit I get lonely). I am very involved though, I have a work study position with career potential, am fully self supporting, tutor ESL to immigrants, take 16 credits, and am involved with several student organizations and some volunteer work. I have seen my college experience vastly expand. I attend lectures and workshops in my free time and am continually learning both personally (i.e. how to cook healthier meals for myself, balance time etc) and intellectually. In my experience I was able to do very well whether in a relationship or not, however a relationship does take a lot of time and effort–two things which are both very hard to find in college. Now that I am 'unattached' I feel that I am really taking full advantage of my education before my re-entry into the workforce. Is this impossible for some women? Perhaps not. But I personally couldn't handle all I have on my plate now, if I were still involved with him.

  24. kianna says:
    Thu, 5th Nov 20097:59 am 

    I think this is great! :) im a junior in high school and my boyfriends a senior. we've been together for 7 months. and i know i probably sound stupid but i love him, i really think he's the one. my mom supports us, but it seems like no one else does :( our only issue right now is the fact that soon he'll be going to college and it makes me so NERVOUS! the plan is for us to stay together. and i know we would only be apart for a year (he was going to stay in state until i graduate) but i'm still scared. any advice? please and thanksss

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