Men Are Simple: The Diagram
September 10, 2009 Posted in Relationships
Let’s be real, dating can be an absolute nightmare. And how many times have we sent a “this just isn’t going anywhere” text, wishing that we hadn’t just wasted two months of our precious time on this guy? Time we could have spent hanging out with the girls, reading Texts From Last Night, or shaving our bikini lines.
One too many.
And that is why we’re going to help you girls out. Men are very simple creatures, so simple in fact, that they can be neatly organized into a Venn diagram with pretty colors like the ones we used to color in elementary school.
This little ditty sums up the male gender in very simple terms, making it effortless for us girls to identify what sort of person our new prospect actually is, without the wasted month of dating to find out.
And it’s 100% accurate.
If your guy is hot (mmmm!) and he’s nice, he’s dumb. The end.
If he’s nice and knows all the answers in history class? He’s a nerd.
And if he’s answering all those questions while tossing back that gorgeous hair and flexing his muscles, he’s an ass.
Of course there are varying degrees of the above types. Your gorgeous, nice boy may be able to form coherent sentences, but after three weeks of him dying all his whites pink (“Why can’t I just throw in my red boxers?”), the diagram has proved correct.
It might seem too easy. It may seem too shallow. But it also seems eerily true. Thinking back on every guy I’ve ever dated, I can’t seem to find any exceptions to the rules.
Basically, the perfect guy is gay.
End of Story.
What do you guys think? Do these rules ring true in your own dating-and-dumping cycle? Or have you found the exception to the rule? (Yes, this is totally a He’s Just Not That Into You reference)
Tell us what you're thinking...
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Kelly says:
Thu, 10th Sep 20097:28 am
Why is being a nerd a bad thing?
Lauren - University says:
Thu, 10th Sep 20097:30 am
It's not a bad thing – it's just a fact.
Jenny says:
Thu, 10th Sep 20097:50 am
Brb, telling my boyfriend that he's secretly gay.
I love GraphJam.
Ken Kendall says:
Thu, 10th Sep 20098:01 am
This is great. I love the diagram even if its not true.
Men can be great, they really can. You girls just have to pick well. You have to know what to expect from a great man.
Check back to my blog today and tomorrow. Tomorrow is about how men should be their wife's/girlfriend's best friend.
http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com
Thanks,
Love this blog.
Casey says:
Thu, 10th Sep 20098:51 am
Rome proved it. All the men were perfect, and they were all gay.
Maybe that's why I think all the guys I date are secretly gay, cause they're all perfect.
Positively Present says:
Thu, 10th Sep 20098:55 am
Hilarious. Just forwarded it to all of my friends…
http://www.positivelypresent.com http://www.hopespringsinternal.com
Erich says:
Thu, 10th Sep 20099:21 am
Men are simple we only need a few things. Sex, food, our games (NFL< NBA< NHL) and beer or liquor.
Women get so upset cause they say one thing (i would like you to this) and the guy says ok, but then they freak cause we didnt do what they wanted. It's not cause they asked to mow the lawn its that we didnt pull the weeds. As simple as that may seem, to us, you asked us to mow the lawn not pull the weeds. Be more directive and life will get easier.
Casey says:
Thu, 10th Sep 200910:43 am
Erich, I agree with that. Women think if they ask their guy to "mow the lawn" that he's going to "take care of the yard" meaning, mow it, pull the weeds, edge it, etc. they think if they ask you to do the main part, that all the other little parts that are associated with the big part [the yard] are going to get taken care of too.
This is definitely the biggest problem between men and women. Men are simple minded and take things as they are (they don't "read between the lines", their sense of smell isn't as strong, and they don't see color as vividly) Women on the other hand are very broad minded. And if you don't know how to work with what the others got then there are going to be issues.
Women also assume that if we tell you to "mow the lawn" and you do only that and then an argument ensues afterward because you didn't do the other things, then the next time we tell you to "mow the lawn" you'll instinctively do all the other things because you will have remembered the argument from last time. But men don't work that way either. They don't remember that, last time, an argument occurred because they don't hold on to things, especially bad things. Where as women hold onto EVERYTHING. Women are detail oriented, most men are not. Not to mention the woman will probably get upset that you didn't remember that you guys got into an argument about it before, or that you didn't remember that when she says "mow the lawn" she actually means "do the yard" because she'll take it as "you not listening to her".
This doesn't make men "stupid" and it doesn't make women "overbearing" or "crazy" we all just communicate differently and we need to start learning how to deal with one another. Life obviously wasn't meant to be easy.
Johnnie says:
Thu, 10th Sep 200910:07 am
women are far too complicated to define the qualities they desire this Simply, if they could the 'simple' men could easily figure it out and you'd be dating the perfect guy.
Erich says:
Thu, 10th Sep 20091:59 pm
Casey– you have widom beyond your years. Communication is the key to any good relationship. It's good to know that there are still women out there that understand we men are simple.
Daniel says:
Thu, 10th Sep 20097:45 pm
Ok so here's one for the ladies, enjoy!
http://www.danshost.com/images/girlchart.jpg
(link)
Jeff says:
Thu, 10th Sep 200911:59 pm
I love how girls who can never find a guy always say "there are no good guys" or some other bullshit like that. Look in the mirror. Maybe your ugly fat ass is the reason why no guy wants you. You make me sick.
francoise says:
Fri, 11th Sep 20092:57 am
I used to think just like the venn diagram, and nearly missed out on the man in my life right now.
I had serious doubts about the sexuality of a man who is handsome, intelligent, nice AND single…must be GAY right?
No! What kind of twisted logic is that?
We girls must believe that handsome, intelligent and nice men exist and they eventually end up the husbands of women who deserve them. Have faith!
(p.s moreover, it's giving gay men waay too much credit.)
emily says:
Fri, 11th Sep 20096:59 am
are you serious? this diagram is causing a debate? …really?!? Maybe you guys need to discover some new websites to fill your time. Check out digg and cracked instead of getting outraged at THIS.
Johnnie says:
Fri, 11th Sep 200910:50 am
What's it to you emily?
TJ says:
Sun, 13th Sep 20096:27 am
too bad youve basically only dated one guy. loser.
Andrew Martin says:
Mon, 14th Sep 200911:10 am
I disagree.
I steer clear of any labels in my life. But I am definately not gay. I am not the most handsome person, I am certainly no Einstein and by no means am I the nicest person ever. But I could be in any of those categories. So if I went by your chart I would like men. Your generalizing. Its making us nice guys feel like shit.
I have been through many rough times with the opposite sex. My life is filled with the ups and downs of having Frienditis. I am too nice and care too much. My female friends enjoy having an emotionally stable and viable male around. But when it comes down too it they don't want to lose the friendship.
What I don't understand, like your graph, why can't a relationship based on a stable emotional relationship occur? Because woman are too busy looking outwards for the right guy, and trusting that a graph like this is true. That no matter what they can't have it all. Well, you can. Get your head on straight.
You can find WHATEVER it is that you want if you look hard enough. I am not saying its easy. But it's worth it.
Tristan Frodelius says:
Tue, 15th Sep 20095:33 pm
I am NOT gay…
-_- says:
Tue, 15th Sep 20095:39 pm
Gona have to go with Andrew on this one. And it really is giving Gay men too much stock. Seriously,they are like every other guy, they come in many different varieties they are far from perfect.
If you end up with an Asshole then its your own god damn fault. Maybe you should pay closer attention to the guys you know -_- you'll be surprised.
I'm willing to bet you have at least ONE male friend who's been there for you through everything and yet because your SOOO single minded you just assumed he was gay.
anyway Women like the Author need to get their heads out of their asses.
Adam says:
Tue, 15th Sep 200911:50 pm
Yeah, this generalizes way too much. I mean, I learn towards the intelligent and nice side, but I’m not that bad looking either. You’re going to get hundreds of guys that are saying they are the “exception to the rule”.
Girls can be generalized too.
If she’s intelligent and gorgeous, she’s a bitch.
If she’s intelligent and nice, she’s ugly.
If she’s nice and gorgeous, she’s a stupid ditz.
Either way, all three bitch about everything.
Ph says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20098:14 pm
The key here is bisexual guys.
Pauline says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20099:31 pm
This article is not talking about homos you fucking butt plus enthusiasts. Get a fucking life and stop sticking shit in your ass. Shit is supposed to leave your ass, not go into it.
JohnE says:
Thu, 17th Sep 200910:57 am
Good God. It is a joke. Lighten up. I read thought yeahtaht jsut about covers it and had a chuckle.
anitamantalay says:
Mon, 21st Sep 200910:00 am
i simply ask the gorgeous ones not to talk.
anitamantalay says:
Mon, 21st Sep 200910:01 am
i mean honestly who likes a flipping stupid guy
zach says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20098:32 pm
wow – you REALLY have us guys figured out…
"100% accurate" – cute. really cute.
hate girls like you.
mollination says:
Tue, 22nd Sep 20098:43 am
What about the hot, dumb, asshole?
Yes, I'm actually wasting my time with someone who is both dumb AND an asshole right now. Did i mention he's hot? hahahahaha
Salome says:
Tue, 22nd Sep 20099:53 am
Is it really a "paradox," though? I don't see anything contradictory about it.
Allison says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 20097:36 am
I hate articles like this. Let's keep distancing the sexes and pissing eachother off.
Can't you right a single positive article?
You're pissing me off as usual. STFU already.
Allison says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 20097:38 am
write*
God it's been a long morning.
vanisha says:
Fri, 25th Sep 20097:01 pm
lmao@ these comments…. i can see why it would make men angry. nerds=smart guys ..knowledge is hot in a male or female : ]
http://www.pleasesaythedailey.blogspot.com
Kevin says:
Sun, 27th Sep 20097:18 pm
Funny. You ever consider that your looks and personality attract the same types of guy over and over? After so much repetition you might get the false impression that you've seen all there is to see.
Maybe you're right, though. I tend to find a similar pattern in girls, except that I have yet to meet one who is smart, pretty and nice.
Allen says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20099:54 am
ok i have to say something…
I consider myself good looking(not a super model dude, but cute),smart, and nice too(super nice actually, but at the same time a knucklehead),also i'm super shy. what does that make me?
I'll tell you from my experience:
a loser-nerd.
it just seems like the girls i'm interested in aren't interested in me
is there anyway for me to attract nice girls to me? Without actively pursuing… Like, make them come to me. I'm hopeless I guess…
Is my problem that I'm too shy or what?
Allen says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20099:55 am
oh sorry for double post but i do like the chart. It's pretty funny but you'd have to add a few more characteristics for it to be accurate(like the shyness mentioned in my above post)
Casey says:
Tue, 29th Sep 200910:34 am
Allen, I guess you could make like Luke Skywalker and learn the ways of "the force" so you can will girls to you. Other than that, you'll just have to overcome your shyness.
Tip: People LOVE to talk about themselves, so all you have to do is approach someone and start asking questions and you'll be fine.
ex: "Hi, I'm allen. What's your name?", "are you a student?", "What's your major?" "Oh that's cool! What do you want to do with that?", "How did you develop an interest in that?"
You get the picture.
Olivia says:
Wed, 30th Sep 200912:49 am
"nice guy" more often than not equals "asshole"
allen says:
Thu, 1st Oct 20098:51 am
Casey- thanks for the advice. i have started taking up the way of the jedi. hehehe
anyway, I get what you're saying and I'll put forth the effort to use your other suggetions.
Olivia- what do you mean by that? that guys perceive themselves in the wrong way, or that I'm just saying I'm a nice guy? Because I really am. Even though I'm a bit obnoxious with my constant joking, I'm a pure-blooded gentleman
Mike says:
Sun, 11th Oct 20094:48 pm
Wait, when did I switch teams? I'm pretty sure I wasn't gay last time I checked…
Iain says:
Wed, 14th Oct 20096:56 pm
Glad I ain't attractive. Better to be a nerd than dumb or an asshole, methinks.
Devon says:
Sat, 17th Oct 20092:22 am
Nerd, but he's also very handsome as well as being nice and smart… :3 Makes me not mind the nerdiness <3
Darwin - New York Un says:
Sat, 17th Oct 20092:03 pm
Guess that makes me gay then…
мeкy says:
Fri, 25th Dec 200911:25 pm
Естественно, на самом деле так оно и есть.
Brittany says:
Tue, 5th Jan 201011:41 pm
Go figure I fell in love with my best guy friend… who happens to be gay. huh.
Alex says:
Sat, 13th Feb 20107:39 am
And how many times have we sent a “this just isn’t going anywhere” text, wishing that we hadn’t just wasted two months of our precious time on this guy? http://enzytexposed.com/
me says:
Thu, 15th Apr 20109:51 am
I feel like this is too subjective. I mean what is hot for some people is not hot for everyone. Same with all the other criteria. Being a guy and seeing how other guys act I would say for the most part you're not wrong, but there are always exceptions. Like I said before the terms need to be defined and that in itself seems like a very hard task.
Ben says:
Wed, 19th May 201011:59 am
you girls are simple creatures also.
women=bitch
as you can see by the above diagram all women can be neatly sorted into one neat group that even a women could understand.
the only reason all guys that seem "perfect" is because girls want what they cant get. Hence why geeks are the least preferable. cos most of the time their easy to get. and assholes and gays are at the top. think about people for who they actually are not just by how popular or fit they are. im sorry but if girls went for the guys that would treat them right and actually care about them. then you would all be going out with unpopular guys or geeks.
dan says:
Sun, 13th Jun 20108:49 am
men and women are the same and the opposite. the same no chart can tell all men just like women can't. women is worse any guy, there don't how to make up their minds, disagree and kind a fight if try to make you happy.if that guy your with are nice and good looking this show this chart is bend on hate to men. i find it hard keeping gf here with me cuz there go for car, bike, money, rings. who agree with this is close minded or not as smart. oh the relationship is basic on trust, respect, good talking to someone and listening too. hell guys who make his feelings clear is gay, we asses if we have looks, and if we are nice mean we are dum why do us all something trash like this should with another trash woman cuz you can though each other out now.
dan says:
Sun, 13th Jun 20108:59 am
i'm sorry i mean girls women are respectful and kind. this chart for trash is just showing how low your respect really is. girls i bet if you following chart i bet when you aim for low you get low. so assholes, lier, cheater, and etc. all your going to get from low. the different a woman and a girls is mind setting there have.
Brownie says:
Wed, 7th Jul 20108:32 pm
How can the perfect guy be gay you stupid woman? The reason you are finding it hard to get a good man is because you post inane crap like this that makes you seem like a bitch. perhaps if you spent less time complaining and more time being a good person, the world would be good to you too.
LE says:
Thu, 12th Aug 201011:11 am
The boys on here who are complaining about how 'nice guys' don't get women are almost certainly not actually that 'nice'. Besides nice is a tepid weak word anyway. Women want men who are assertive, confident and attractive and fun to be around- the key is to only dip into the overlap criteria and not swim in them. A bit geeky is cute- a major nerd is not. Really confident is sexy, arrogant is not. If you are whining that girls don't like you because of 'insert dumb excuse' you are not trying hard enough. If you are a woman hater- surprise women don't like you either. A real man would look at this chart, roll his eyes and take it in stride not get all pissy. If you don't think you're that attractive, go after girls who are more plain, a supermodel looking girl wants a guy who is equal to her in either looks or status, it's just nature- sorry it's not fair. But you could make a slightly over weight or ordinary looking girl really happy if you're a bit balding but really sweet. You can find someone so get over it and do something about it. Because being a whiny little bitch is not sexy.
John says:
Sat, 21st Aug 20105:30 am
Perhaps the smart, nice and handsome guys are gay because women are such bitches?
Lavender says:
Sat, 21st Aug 201010:15 am
LE I agree with you a 100%
John, your comment was unnecessary.
coffeeandacigarette says:
Tue, 26th Oct 201012:41 pm
I have to disagree with you. Sometimes this is true. But I hardly think it's true enough to be a "rule". Also, my husband is an exception. He's tall, handsome, smart, and athletic. He plays video games, and buys me flowers.
anonymous says:
Tue, 18th Jan 20119:30 am
dumb bitches, clearly that ain't the definition of a paradox
Rico says:
Sun, 13th Mar 20116:27 pm
I honestly think that response about as productive as this article is. Which is not at all. That Venn diagram at the top is just a prime example of women, in America at least, just simply being clueless. I found it very offensive. Yeah, all men who are smart handsome AND nice are gay. You must be living in a Hollywood movie honestly. 100% accurate, right. Brianne, you should most likely get out more often, obviously NYC has jaded you, try leaving it for some other part of the country.
Anonymous says:
Tue, 16th Aug 20115:38 pm
I fall into the middle. But I'm bisexual. You have failed.
anon says:
Wed, 16th Nov 201112:08 pm
I think you are perfectly regurgitating post-modern nonsense; a simple recipe for a sub-replacement level fertility rate. “The perfect guy is gay”. Ha. You are an evolutionary anomaly. You must know that these sad ramblings only illustrate your own little Darwinian blind alley. Please, please, *please* stop watching romantic comedies. Please stop reading magazines that denigrate both sexes with stupid, rat psychology. Stop mucking up the internet with your cretinous commentary.
anon says:
Wed, 16th Nov 20111:32 pm
Do you spout Tavistock agitprop for free? Do you get paid for this pernicious scat?
mike says:
Sun, 19th Feb 20123:24 am
What trash are you writing, Is there any publications to your sad opinions. Women are not broad minded, and men are not simple minded. you probably do not know what those terms mean. your examples do not even make sense. women are just argumentative by nature. men can not read in between the lines with women, because most women have personality issues. Psychiatric pathologies are more common in women, look it up more women have borderline personalities disorders. hence they are unstable. therefore women are crazy by nature in general. what sense of smell nonsense are you talking about, no gender has a higher sense of smell, both genders have the same olfactory lobe, vision – women have more disorders causing vision loss multiple sclerosis,
any grow up and do not post nonsense.
Iulyyan says:
Mon, 12th Mar 20129:40 am
forcing heesrlf to be a lesbian against her every instinct for political reasons. Which is bullshit. Just pure unadulterated bullshit. But even if it wasn’t bullshit, Nichi Hodgson is still a hypocrite to go on about respecting women’s choices and then disrespect women’s choices heesrlf. And she DID say that women were discriminating against men by not sleeping with them. The real thrust of the piece, as we’ve already discussed, is about lesbian hating in the liberal press and supposed feminists. Nichi Hodgson says women who refuse sex with men are discriminating’ against them. That is lesbian hating as much as Nick Griffin is racist. Eleanor Margolis bleats about an imaginary lesbian scene she’s never even experienced and what a horrid thing being gay is. And how the nasty dykes don’t look like women’. Now imagine you’re 13, you don’t have supportive parents, you don’t have supportive friends, and you’re a lesbian. And you read stuff like that in a national newspaper? What effect is it going to have on you? Is it going to a) support you and make you feel better? or b) make you feel like shit? Hello? Guardian? What ARE you thinking?
YouShallNotKnow says:
Sun, 1st Apr 20122:31 am
I fall into the middle category, but I'm straight. Problem?