Love|Updated:

Sexy Time: Exploring Sex in College

bed_after_sex_intro

It’s back-to-school time, and I’ve been spending some time lately thinking about what college means for our sex lives. College is our time to explore anything that interests us to find out what we really like and what type of people we want to become. We explore different majors, career paths, friendships, relationships, and sexualities. College is the first time in our lives most of us can really embrace our sexuality, explore it, and figure out how to truly enjoy it.

I go to a women’s college, so my first year was filled with questions from friends back home asking if I’d become a lesbian. My answer: so what if I had? And why did they care?

Despite the freedom we gain in college from adults, we are still constrained by our peers’ expectations of us, which can make it difficult to remain true to ourselves and create a healthy personal (and sexual) identity.

Here are some tips I hope you girls (and guys) can keep in mind while exploring sex in college.

It’s OK to be a virgin.
This had to come first because I think a lot of students are under the impression that there aren’t any virgins left in college, or that it’s weird to be a virgin in college. It’s completely normal to be a virgin in college and you should never feel pressured to “lose it” just to fit in.

There are more than three sexualities.
Most people think of sexuality in three categories: gay, straight, or bi. Most people, however, don’t fit neatly into these three categories. I prefer to see sexuality as a spectrum, ranging from completely heterosexual to completely homosexual, with the majority of people falling somewhere in between. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, or even if you don’t know where you fall on the spectrum, you are NORMAL. Don’t ever change yourself to fit someone else’s expectations of you.

Casual sex can be HARD.
Casual sex may seem like the norm in college, but don’t let that trick you into thinking it’s an easy solution to your sexual frustrations. Casual sex can be great if you’re horny and not looking for any type of attachment, but it can also result in a lot of painful feelings if one person cares more than the other. Make sure you know what you’re getting into before you have sex with anyone, be aware that you might get hurt, and USE PROTECTION no matter what.

Monogamy isn’t a golden standard.
Our society tends to regard monogamy as the natural result of romantic relationships, and this isn’t necessarily true. Some people are happy in monogamous relationships, some aren’t. Many college students explore open relationships or multiple relationships. Find out what type of relationship makes you happiest and pursue it.

    Comments

    Comments

    1. Bob Vila says:

      I think your guage on the sexuality spectrum is a little skewed. In my opinion don't you think that most people are strictly heterosexual and then second most would be strictly homosexual?

    2. Bethany Jane says:

      Strictly? Probably not. Maybe in practice, sure, but it's hard to measure sexuality other than in actual encounters.

    3. Lauren - University says:

      Bob, I think you are a little close minded. If everyone gave their sexuality a chance instead of being socialized to think a certain way, I'm confident there would be many people out there falling in love with PEOPLE and not GENDER.

      And college is the perfect time to try it out. Everyone is learning, growing and experimenting so students should really give themselves a chance to explore new things.

    4. Casey says:

      I don't really agree with the whole "falling in love with people instead of gender" thing. Sure some people like their same sex, and some people like the opposite sex and some people just don't care either way, but that doesn't mean that EVERYONE is the later and just not open to it. I'm a girl and I find some girls attractive, but not in a romantic "I want to fuck her" way, more in a "I wish I looked like her" way, and I would never be able to "have sex" with a girl. I'm just not turned on by girls, at all. I don't even like being friends with girls, let alone going any further with them. It's not their matching parts that scare me away, but the way they think, function, etc. I'm just not programmed to like girls.

      This girl I just started becoming friends with told me last week that she wanted to have sex with me. I haven't talked to her since, the thought just makes me sick to my stomach. I don't care if other people swing that way, but it's just not my cup of tea.

      I think the majority of people out there are strictly one of the three, but of course there are some people that fall in between, and I don't really think it has to do with society as much as nature.

      Animals don't have societal influences and they still go for the opposite sex.

    5. Ellie says:

      In my experience, most people (or at least women) are not one of the three. In a very unofficial poll done in my dorm, the vast majority of women said that they found lesbian porn hot, and that they had on occasion found a woman sexually attractive, though nowhere near what they felt for men. So, they were not on the total end of the spectrum – maybe a 2 out of ten, 1 being completely straight, 5 being bi. I think I'd describe myself as a 3.

      I don't know about guys though. It's possible that a lot of women have been conditioned to find women sexually attractive through the sexualization of women and general preference for faux-lesbian stuff in the media. But on the other hand, maybe men have been conditioned out of finding men attractive.

      I'm pretty sure I read about some studies supporting this, I don't care enough to find them.

    6. Ellie says:

      Also, Casey – animals don't always go for the opposite sex.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_

    7. Ellie says:

      Although I guess you meant animal behavior overall, in relation to "falling in love with people rather than gender?" I agree with you on that one, it is more biology than society. (Triple post fail.)

    8. Amalie says:

      People are just heterosexual. To say otherwise is fucking stupid. Stop "experimenting" and get real you fucking morons. None of you fuckheads would even be alive if people were supposed to be homos.

    9. Jenny says:

      Ellie – I know a few guys who are straight and admit that they find certain men attractive. It's actually really refreshing, and I'm so happy to know dudes that are really comfortable with their sexuality.

    10. […] College Candy gives college students some sound back-to-school sex tips. […]

    11. Dannie says:

      Amalie: You are an ignorant bigot who probably cannot empathize with anyone on the face of the earth, let alone show any deep thought or understanding. You are the only person here who has posted with such violent agression, which leads me to think that you probably have few real friends, if any, and your sex life is only half satisfying, if at all. I hope you mature a little before you grow old alone and bitter.

    12. Casey says:

      No! Dannie! You shouldn't have commented back! Amalie is just the same troll that leaves hateful comments on every other post. Just ignore them and maybe they'll go away. Otherwise, they'll suck everyone into a pointless debate full of uncalled for personal attacks.

    13. Meg says:

      Just to let the haters know homosexuality is well-documented in the animal kingdom. Why two gay penguins are raising a chick as we speak. Dolphins, giraffes, hyenas and dragonflies have all been found to show homosexual tendencies

    14. […] least we’ll always have these guys to dream about. And hey, since college is a time for experimentation, maybe we should just throw caution to the wind and ditch monogamy altogether: the more the […]

    15. Amalie says:

      Dannie: How is stating the truth showing "violent agression." Please tell me how you would have been born if homos were supposed to be allowed free to roam arouond the Earth? Give me a fucking break. Every single person on the Earth is born heterosexual. It is only the sexual deviants who decide that they want to be homos. They need to seek forgiveness for their sins before it is too late.

    16. Becca- Clarion Unive says:

      Thank you for this post. It's refreshing to know that other people are not always offended by my sexuality.

      Casey: I am considered pansexual. I am attracted to the person despite their gender. As a woman who deals with her sexuality on a daily basis, I certainly do my best not to offend people with it. I don't openly hit on girls until finding out what their sexuality is, mainly because I've lost some good friends because I was interested in them and they were upset about the way I handled it. So overall I understand how you feel, but maybe still be her friend after making clear that you aren't interested and you would not appreciate her pushing her sexuality on you?

      Amalie: I've been dealing with close minded people like you for my entire life. Here's the deal sweetie. I don't believe in a heaven or a hell. So regardless of my sexuality, I believe I'm considered a "heathen" in your mind, and will be going to your hell no matter what. In my mind, my god(ess) will love me, despite my failings. And your opinion doesn't matter to me. Because I'm happy with who I am, and who I love. And quite frankly, you can't do a damn thing other than attempt to (pathetically I might add) destroy me and my beliefs with your keyboard.

      Again. Thanks for posting this article!

    17. Casey says:

      Thank you for the advice Becca. I think the girl I was referring to is more heterosexual, but get's turned on by the thrill of something different. She's not necessarily romantically attracted to women, but the thrill of the "taboo".

      I don't know though, the situation, so you can better understand what I mean, happened like this:

      She hooked up with another [male] coworker of ours and afterward the two of them discussed how if I didn't have a boyfriend than they would love to have a threesome with me. And she said "I would tear her pussy up". She told me all of this face to face after recounting her sexcapade with our coworker.

      But in addition to that she openly admits that she thinks I'm the hottest girl she knows, and whenever I'm hanging out with her she buys everything for me (even going to lengths of running ahead in line and telling the vendors not to accept my card because she's paying) she buys my food when we go to lunch/ dinner, drinks when we go out to the bars, the new D&G perfume when we went shopping (which I didn't even express an interest in, she just bought it while I was in another department), she gives me cash all the time (if I refuse it she'll leave it somewhere in my apartment for me to find) she also buys me groceries and brings them over with no warning. It's just all a little weird to me and makes me extremely uncomfortable, so it's not just the fact that she's admitted she wants to have sex with me (and in such a vulgar manner a that) but just everything she does.

      She's a really sweet girl, but she's obsessed with me. I didn't respond to her texts for about a week and she freaked out. She started crying the next time I saw her at work because she thought I was mad at her. I just don't know what to do about this poor girl, but she wants to be with me all. the. time.

      Anyone got any advice for THAT situation?

    18. Amalie says:

      Becca- I am just stating the truth. If there is no God, how the fuck did you get on this Earth you fucking pathetic piece of shit? I can't belive I have to share my planet with such a worthless piece of scum like you. You are a piece of shit and disgust me.

    19. staramour says:

      Wow, Amalie, you're clearly really inspired by your loving God, eh? Nothing like a good ole anonymous bashing to get someone to see and understand your side of things! Good luck with that…

      Anyway, Casey, your "really sweet girl" is a stalker. But, since the workplace is involved and she clearly isn't stable, you're going to have to approach her carefully and end the friendship between you. Well, it's not really a friendship, you're right she is obsessed with you. That's never good and she will probably come to harm you or herself. You have to insist she stop buying and doing things for you. She won't take a subtle hint, so just be committed to being clear and consistent. Slowly, but firmly, dial down the level of interation with her. You'll have to insist (numerous times I'm sure) that she stop buying you stuff or coming by unannounced. Let her know it's for her own good – she really should keep her money or try to save a little, especially in this economy. It will take convincing – and repetition – but putting some distance between you will only be good.

    20. S321 says:

      Casey, the girl needs some SERIOUS help..NOW. She is way too obsessed and before it gets very bad….you need to get her to a professional.

    21. Aiko says:

      Amalie:

      Technically, homosexuality is because of a genetic glitch that hapens at conception. Yeah. So people can be homosexual, even scientifically. And even if it is just a biological glitch, but why can't we just try to live with that? It's not as if we're in a hurry to populate the earth… it's overpopulated (by humans) as it is. That doesn't mean people should "convert" to homosexuality or anything, that's bullshit. But there shouldn't be an issue with letting people be who they are. Love is love!

    22. Aiko says:

      Not everything in science is clear-cut.

    23. valkyrie9 says:

      Honestly, guys, DON'T FEED THE TROLL.

      Amalie's had three stupid posts now. She's just trying to pick a fight. She's not really interested in debate.

    24. Dafra says:

      I aggree:stop talking to amalie, its not worth it. And casey, you should really sit down and talk to that girl. Set some boundaries,ask her not to spend money on you and make clear you do not see her “that” way.hope it eases up the tension.

    25. nico says:

      Homosexuality flourished in ancient Greek culture. Obviously, same-sex love and physical attraction are not a creation of the 1960s. The culture in which we are raised largely determines, along with genetics, who we are attracted to (man, woman, both, big, short, strong, sensitive, blond, dark, etc.). The 100 percent masculine man and 100 percent feminine woman are creations of culture, because men and women are different, some are stronger, weaker, more aggressive, etc., than others. I'm a guy. I'm attracted to both men and women. I don't act like a gay stereotype. I don't aggressively pursue men or women. If I like someone, that's who I'm attracted. I don't care for labels because they are invented by people who often have a political agenda. People can't be converted to homosexuality any more than they can be converted to heterosexuality- you develop they way your genes and environment lead you. As for the two strict gay and straight categories, I seriously doubt that. Any strict, 100 percent, category is a creation of people, not nature or God. For Christians who condemn homosexuality, read your Bible: Jesus never said a word about homosexuality. That was St. Paul, who was referring to the Old Testament. The prohibition on homosexuality comes from Judaism and the Hebrew Bible, not the Gospel of Jesus. So, why are Christians so opposed to gay people? That is the culture at work. Only the Jewish part of the Bible condemns same-sex relationships. For conservative Christians who think Christianity is the true faith, why are they invoking another religion? Just a matter of bigotry and narrow-mindedness, not morals or values.

    26. Casey says:

      Umm, Nico, The "Jewish part of the bible" is STILL part of the bible. Christians read and follow the WHOLE THING. So they are not "invoking another religion" they are following their own. Jesus Christ was the son of God, so it stands to reason that he upholds the word of God, and God said in the old testament that homosexuality is wrong.

      I'm not getting into a debate on this one, I'm not even offering my view on it. But I had to set the fact straight.

      Oh, and homosexuality flourished in ancient Greek couture because they believed that men were the superior gender. They had sex with women to reproduce, but they had sex with men because they wanted to be with "the superior gender". But the mindset of today's world is not that men are the superior gender (well, it is, but it's finally fading), so it's interesting that homosexuality is more open and accepted now.

    27. […] Exploring Sex in College [CollegeCandy] […]

    28. Amalie says:

      Dont you fucking inbreds dare try to justify homos having sex. That is disgusting. If you are homo, you need to ask God for forgiveness for being despicable scum. Repent you fuckheads!!!!!

      If homos were supposed to be on the Earth, then two guys or two chicks could procreate together. It doesn't work that way you stupid sons of bitches. Get some fucking sense before I get so mad I take my keyboard and kill a pigeon with it. I am so mad, I think I hit the keys on my keyboard too hard and it is broken. Fucking homos ruin everything.

    29. katinasgrl888 says:

      THANK YOU for saying that it is okay to be a virgin in college. Many of my friends hear that it's not normal, etc, etc, etc. YAY!!!

    30. Becky says:

      Wow, I am SO impressed that the majority of posters are forward-thinking and accepting people! It is so frustrating to live in a conservative part of the country where most of my peers react without thinking, like Amalie. What I do in my personal time, with my personal relationships shouldn't be their business, but somehow they always make it so.

      Now, in relation to the article itself, there are MANY sexual spectra. I have been in successful relationships with men and women (some nearly twice my age), and can enjoy sharing myself in numerous ways. Not only should college ladies feel ok about attraction to the opposite sex, they should know that its also ok to like something that others might see as a little perverse.

      Please don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning abuse or child-pornography or anything…that's a completely different kind of perversion. Just saying, there are many different types of pleasure and I have discovered a surprising number of them in college where I am not under supervision and where I choose the people with whom I surround myself.

      Those who don't know their sexual preferences are truly missing an important piece of themselves. Learn how to love yourself…and what better time to try than college?

      Though, as always, be safe.

    31. morgan says:

      i think this is a great article. truthfully i skipped the virgin part cause it wasn't for me but i agreed with the rest of the article. i have a lot of talks with my gay friends about the sexuality spectrum and most of us agree that there is a gray area. and the part about casual sex.

    32. Jennifer says:

      Amalie: You sound as if you are a religious person…if that is the case what happened to loving others? Religion was never meant for ab excuse to hate others. Who are you to judge anyone and think that your way of life is superior to others? I am not even homosexual and your words have struck a cord with me. Your words are filled with hate and anger and I feel sorry for you. You seem as though you may need a little therapy sweety to deal with some inner anger issues. Your comments are closed minded and ignorant and I hope someday you have the oppurtunity to mature and develop a more open mind. There are so many people in this world that have different thoughts, beliefs, and values. You don't have to agree with any of them but you are missing out on getting to experience extraordinary people because of your ignorance. I will pray for your enlightment.

    33. […] post is from here. Visit the link to read more.… only person here who has posted with such violent agression, […]

    34. […] post is from here. Visit the link to read more.… only person here who has posted with such violent agression, […]

    35. […] post is from here. Visit the link to read more.… only person here who has posted with such violent agression, […]

    36. […] post is from here. Visit the link to read more.… only person here who has posted with such violent agression, […]

    37. […] post is from here. Visit the link to read more.… only person here who has posted with such violent agression, […]

    38. […] post is from here. Visit the link to read more.… only person here who has posted with such violent agression, […]

    39. […] a lot of these involve sex. (What can I say? It’s always on my […]

    40. davidson says:

      Aiko's response: "But there shouldn’t be an issue with letting people be who they are. Love is love!"

      God damn I hate that retarded statement. Homosexuality is not based in love. If heterosexuals can have one night stands, gay people can sure as hell do it too. It is who you are attracted to. In the homosexuals' case it is a biological crossing of wires, or flaw.

      I think research should be developed to determine if homosexuality can be detected during pregnancy and also if something can be done to correct it.

    41. CB says:

      I just started my own sorta sex-focused blog about college. Check it out and let me know what you think:

      http://collegebone.wordpress.com/

    42. Meet Hot Hunks from Singapore says:

      Can I simply say what a relief to discover somebody that truly knows what they’re discussing on the net. You actually know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More and more people must read this and understand this side of your story. I was surprised that you are not more popular because you surely have the gift.

    • You Might Like