Project Runway Rundown: Do Your Boobs Hang Low?

Epperson’s model’s did. But we’ll get back to that later.

Last night’s episode of Project Runway made me realize three things:

1. When models aren’t walking the runway, they have zero sense of personal style.
2. Many of the designers on this season of PR would make great designers for Delias or Forever 21.
3. I should have had one more drink at happy hour if I really wanted to enjoy this show.

Yeah, I said it. No matter how much they try and make this season of Project Runway match those of the past, it’s really just falling flat for me. I don’t know if it’s because some of the designers are old (I don’t need to see Epperson tear up as he sews a frock) or because none of them are Christian Siriano (or even Stella!), but I find each episode more boring than the next.

I had some high hopes last night. And not only because I had some cocktails before the episode began. I really thought the challenge – dressing models for an industry event – would lead to some serious drama, both on and off the runway.

Instead, I watched as some really beautiful women explained some really God-awful ideas (“I want to look like a classy, chic, elegant…tiger.”) to the designers. I mean, really? A bright blue jump suit with gold rope? That sounds eerily similar to what I wore in my tap recital…when I was six…and we were dancing to “The Good Ship, Lollipop.”

Don’t get me wrong; some of the models had a really awesome sense of style, but it’s now clear that modeling means looking good in clothes…that other people put on you. The end.

But I guess I can’t complain about the entire episode. I mean, there was still drama on the runway. Mostly in the form of some nasty crap on display. Johnny designed his look after something he saw in a David’s Bridal ad, Nicolas somehow made his size zero model look fat, and Logan’s dress looked like something thought up in the backroom at Hot Topic.

And those dresses only looked worse next to the gorgeous looks of Louisa, Althea and Ra’Mon. Even Epperson’s dress was hot, with or without a bra. I’d wear any of those looks. Though, I’d probably bra-up for Althea’s look, too – no one needs their boobs bouncing around that much.

Obviously the judges agreed, because Althea was crowned victorious. She’s super cute and talented (the only person on the show I truly like), so I was excited. Ok, excited is a strong word. But I was feeling really good until the stupid, stupid judges (who were pretty mean this week, no?!) let former-meth-head Johnny squeak on through yet again. I understand that no one wants to send this guy on another downward spiral. I even understand that Qrystal’s dress was pretty bunk. But JOHNNY SUCKS.

Just look:

Would you wear any of that stuff? I don’t care how pregnant/bridsemaidy I was, I wouldn’t rock Johnny’s designs if someone paid me. I’ve got a reputation to mantain! Maybe being clean and sober isn’t so good for his design esthetic.

I’m just sayin’…