Ask A Dude: Why Won’t He Sleep With Me?

By The Dude

Got a guy question that’s tearing you up inside? Don’t trust your girl friends to give you honest advice (because they’re afraid if they tell you the truth you will freak out and throw things at them)? Just want to try and understand what a guy is thinking?

We’ve got the dude for you. Send your questions to AskTheDude@CollegeCandy.com and he’ll give it to you straight. Because you can’t throw things at him, no matter what he tells you. Our dude is answering questions every Wednesday, so ask away!

Hi Dude,

I have a question that’s been bothering me for a while. I started hooking up with this guy in early February and I’ve done things to him (you know what I mean), but I’ve never slept with him. In April, he started asking me if I’d have sex with him. I said I would, but due to various reasons, it never happened, which was fine with me. About a month ago, he came to visit me (he’s home for the summer and lives 2 hours away). That night, after going down on him, I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He replied, “I can’t, because I really like you.” I was really confused and when I asked him to clarify, he
said that he really respected me and liked me and, therefore, couldn’t do that to me. He also said something about not wanting to ruin things between us.

What’s even more confusing is that merely a few hours before, we had been texting and he very clearly said that he wanted sex. He even bought condoms the previous week. So why would he do all that if he didn’t actually want to have sex? My friends have said, “Maybe he’s really bad in bed and doesn’t want you to find out.” I’ve also wondered if he suddenly found something unattractive about me and didn’t feel like having sex anymore. Nothing makes sense to me. We’re in a purely physical relationship and he suddenly tells me that he doesn’t want to sleep with me. If you could tell me what is going on, that would be great.

Thanks,
Down (Literally) and Out

Dear Down and Out,

Let’s see, how can I put this to you in the most delicate and gentle way possible…You are nothing but a BJ Booty Call. Although many women know of the common and popular phenomenon known as the booty call, few realize that guys also have their “go-to gals” for head too. I definitely have had a few Head Honeys in my day, and without wanting to give you the exactly blow-by-blow of subsequent events (pun intended), it goes without saying that my feelings for each girl were about as shallow as a 12 oz. of Red Stripe (once I’m done with it).

Don’t take anything this guy is saying seriously. No matter how much he texts you, verbally primes you for sex, and/or implies that he has deeper feelings for you, he is completely and utterly full of it (and pretty dumb too). Although there could have been convenient conspiracy theories of insecurities with his package size, the inability to get intimate with another human being, or the fear of exposing you to a funky STD…they all fly out the window because you’ve already gone down on him.

Do me a favor and stand up, turn off your cell phone, and remember that a guy should be climbing walls, agonizing through America’s Next Top Model or pretending that the bathroom actually does smell like Fabreez after he’s been in there for an inordinately long period of time…in every attempt to sleep with you. Don’t be offended – if a guy isn’t interested enough (or over some deeper seated issue) to not want to have sex with a fabulous girl, it’s clearly his problem (not yours). Purely physical relationships can be awesome, but try having one (safely) with a guy who can actually seal the deal and please you for a change. Better yet, get your own Down-with-Down Dude for when you need a booty call… and skip the complication.

Hope that helps,
Dude