Ken Kendall says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20099:26 am 

This is such a great post. You have articulated your point of view so well without being condescending to those with different thoughts and ideals.

Being a man, I can tell you that there is such a difference between having sex and making love. Everything that happens sexually in a casual relationship is about getting something for yourself. That doesn't make for great relationships.

Your commitment to waiting to share this with the man that you will spend the rest of your life with will yield you a relationship that many will envy. You have decided to delay your current gratification for a lifetime of fulfillment.

Continue to think this way about every decision in how you will handle your relationships with men and only date men that value you and the relationship the same way.

I write a blog for men who want to love women like you. I hope you will check it out.

http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com

Thanks,

Maria says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200910:26 am 

I'm in the same situation as you, and when I first told my friends that I'm a virgin, they gave me really serious looks told me to stop lying. I've found that when I tell people, they never believe that I'm a virgin, as if it's completely bizarre to be a 20 year old junior in college and still be a virgin.

And then there's the guys… When I meet a new guy, and he starts asking me about my previous sexual escapades, and I start telling him that I'm a virgin, I can see the disappointment in his eyes. Then most of the time I never hear back from them again.

All this aside, I'm still happy with my choice. I'm not gonna rush myself into it and sleep with someone I don't even really like just so that I can fit in.

Star says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200910:01 am 

I don't really see your point. Usually virgins are treated as the good girls and the ones who are supposed to be sweet and smart while girls who have ever had sex even once in their lives are considered "whores" and "unclean" by society as a whole. Purity is a myth and while I support your decision to choose your sex life 100%, you shouldn't wave it around in people's faces. I know that's not the point, but this blog is taking what women have worked so hard for, to be judged as equals and not by whether they've had sex or not, and tears it to shreds.

Erich says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200910:02 am 

Your arctile is a good read and I must say I'm impressed with your attitude towards sex. Many people are not like this today and then they wonder why they can't fall in love.

It is always better to wait until you love someone before having sex. It has taken me a long time to figure that out.

Linn says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200910:19 am 

I'm so tired of arctiles like this *roll-eyes* !!! Why does it always have to be so holy and sacred?

erin says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200911:26 am 

Wow Your like so mature. "I don’t mean to completely admonish and criticize those girls that do live that sort of life." Yes you do. Not every one who has sex is a slut which you go on to really emphasize that anyone who has sex is a whore. You anti-feminist moron. You are setting women back with your virgin/whore article. Just because a woman chooses this life style does not mean you even need to fucking comment. Your idiotic friends that you CHOOSE, may make you feel bad about being a virgin but thats your problem that you didn't make me feel bad about, which was the point of this little anit-feminist essay. I'm one of the whores you speak of, but I only have fucky times with my boyfriend. We make love, there a difference, not all girls are out their for casual sex, for us it's about love not just carnal desire. You can be in a committed relationship and love each other and know it's the right person, even at 20 I knew he was the one, so no I'm not a whore. I know your probably afraid of sex and also view masturbation as terrible but you should probably keep your victorian era opinions to yourself as they are setting us back 40 years.

shockawed says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200911:31 am 

although i get where you're coming from, being a virgin myself, you didn't totally represent – i don't believe sex is just a 'pure and sacred' affair – but i just dont want my first time to be wth some guy who turns out to be a douchebag – so im not going to have one night stands. im going to get to know the guy, see if i really like him, and trust him, and then we'll see.

Sara says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200911:34 am 

It's so sad how people view virginity as such a terrible thing. I don't see why it should matter and doing something just to please someone else is sad. I think it shows strength to give into societies pressures. Besides, sex is definitely much better when you're in love than just a sloppy one night stand.

grace b says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200911:43 am 

THANK YOU for this article. God I hate that look. Even if I am not holding out for marriage or something it is MY choice when I give it up and I'm perfectly happy not worrying right now about BC.

Thanks again Britney!!

erin says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200912:29 pm 

i just want to make it clear, it's your body there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I was one till I met someone I was in love with and thats what most people are agreeing on here. I just want to say to the writer you need new friends if their that shallow and back-handed.

Becca says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200912:31 pm 

You may have tried not to make this article condescending, but it was. It came off very holier-than-thou.

Vicki says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200912:40 pm 

Thank you for writing this article. This is probably the first time since I began reading on this site that I have seen an article like this. It seems like the majority of the articles here "glorify" not being a virgin and sort of put down those who are.

My reasons are mostly religious, but also the fact that I view my virginity as a gift that I want to give to my husband that I am most likely going to spend the rest of my life with, and not just to some random guy because I feel pressured to do so or "because it feels right".

Oli says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200912:40 pm 

Only the floozies would get mad at this. . . I like this article. Thanks for telling it how it is. Girls who choose to remain virgins should be applauded

:- 3'

TEAM Self control!

Kelsey says:
Wed, 16th Sep 200912:56 pm 

Great Article! In my class yesterday we took a poll about sex before marriage and I was the only one who didn't believe in it and my classmates all stared at me like I had the plague. So this article really helped reinforce the fact that being a virgin is a good thing.

Danielle says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20091:27 pm 

Kelsey,

Choosing how, when and what you do to your body is a good thing.

No matter if that's 'sleeping around' or waiting for 'Mr. Right'.

I'm not sure if that came across in this article.

Your body. Your decision. That's an awesome thing!

B says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20092:00 pm 

Kudos to you.

I don't think it was condescending at all- in fact, I think it was the opposite. The writer clearly stated that she doesn't judge those who choose to sleep around, Just that she chooses not to, and would appreciate the same courtesy in return.

Anyone who is offended by this article clearly is feeling a little guilty about being a whore. And by whore I am referring to the multiple one-night stands, not those in a committed loving relationship…

Grady says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20092:06 pm 

I think this article is wonderful! I'm not waiting until marriage, necessarily, but the looks like people give me just because I'm a virgin are terrible condescending and irritating. I'm so glad you wrote an article about this!

Abbi says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20092:29 pm 

I'm with Danielle. Every girl has the right to make her own decision about what's best for her, whether that's one night stands, waiting until marriage or something in between. Why are women so judgemental? If it's not people thinking virgins are weird, it's articles like this making out that girls who have sex are sluts. We need to give each other a break!

I'm still a virgin at 21, but I don't care since it's no one's business but my own. I'm Pagan so it's not that I'm under any religious pressure to wait until marriage, I just don't want my first time to be a mistake (as it was for all but 1 of my friends). I've dated some idiots in the past and I'm pleased I didn't sleep with them, I'd rather wait until I know he's a good guy and we've got a decent connection. Until then? That's what vibrators are for

Brooke says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20092:38 pm 

Great article for a fucking change on this website fulls of whores and skanks who always are talking about how many dicks they sucked and how many loads of cum are stuck on their face.

All girls need to remain virgin until they are married. Why is that so fucking hard to understand?

Allison says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20092:51 pm 

Brooke: why do you read this site if this you think its full of whores?

Erin: this is NOT anti-feminists. Being a feminist is taking control of yourself and YOUR body. Of living your life to your choice. Women's sexual liberation is the SAME THING. By being a virgin and believing in "the one and only" is not being anti-feminist. Also note, the author is commenting on how some, or just one friend in particular, has a guy of a moment, not a boyfriend.

Brithny, I really enjoyed your article and follow a lot of sentiments others have already stated.

You did come off as being condescending, but I see in your defense how it is hard to NOT be condescending. I have friends who have cheated, or sleep around a lot, and they know my opinion of both. Being a virgin though, my friends tend to think my being a virgin and in a serious relationship, is a great thing. Waiting till you are older is better, as they have all told me. None of my friends think they were ready and now when they have hook-ups, they realize the complications one cannot understand at 17 or 14 and having sex.

Stop trashing the authors people, you'll only lose in the war of worlds. Or how about seeing if you could write for the site to get YOUR VIEW ACCROSS?

Allison says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20092:53 pm 

*words not worlds

erin says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20093:04 pm 

Allison it is anit-feminist why don't you look it up. Maybe you should do some research on the Virgin/Whore dichotomy. This is a stupid view to take considering she makes it clear sex is for whores. Brooke your whats wrong with America. STFU. Your one of the fanatics that make the rest of America seem like a puritanical backward dumb-fucks to the rest of the world.

Whitney says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20093:06 pm 

YES! Thank you for this article.

I, too, am waiting to have sex.

I don't think those "non-virgins" realize how uncomplicated life is without sex. I see all my friends and people I know doing the hook up–and they have SO much more drama and difficulty in their daily lives.

Again, thank you for this different article–and I hope people learn to accept our choice like we are supposed to accept theirs.

Whitney says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20093:08 pm 

BTW, STar, I think her point wasn't to "wave it around in others faces." If you've read any articles about sex here, you'll find that all the other writers are "waving" their sex lives around in public. Like all the rest of us want to hear about their gross drunken hookups?

Whitney says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20093:12 pm 

And Erin, you're kind of an idiot. It's people like YOU who set women back to "puritanical" or "victorian era" times…because YOU refuse to accept that there is any deviation from what your perceived societal gender expectations are. Maybe when you get out of high school, you'll understand.

That's all.

Bunny says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20093:23 pm 

i love this article.

The raging girls are jealous because guys fucking them is like throwing a sausage down a hallway, and every guy on campus has had his turn (no longer making them mysterious or chase-able, which guys really like)

I am not a virgin because i have been in a relationship for over four years (im 19) but i have close friends who are.

Much much respect.

Michelle says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20094:01 pm 

THANK YOU for this article! As a 19 year-old virgin, who is not ready for sex, it is refreshing to read something on College Candy that does not focus on binge drinking and how to survive the infamous college hookup.

Just because we choose to abstain does not mean we are completely ignorant of sex. We visit sex shops with friends just to find what the hoo-hah is all about, and even those who don't, we certainly do get enough "tips" and "stories" to last us a lifetime.

Again, THANK YOU!

shari says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20094:06 pm 

i myself am not a virgin, but i really liked the article. one of my best friends was a virgin until very recently and i never looked down or was condescending towards her ever because i knew that it was just her choice. just as i had to choice TO have sex, she had the same one NOT to. you can't get mad at people for the choices that they make…live your own life and let others do the same! it would be like looking down on her because her favorite color is blue and mine happens to be green.

to any non-virgin who has a problem with this article: you might want to take a look at yourself and make sure you're really okay with the sexual choices you're making. you seem a bit hair-trigger sensitive about this subject and that usually means something.

Whitney says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20096:02 pm 

Very well said, Casey.

Allison says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20096:22 pm 

Agreed Casey, very well said.

And erin, I know and am a feminist. You need to do your research. I don't have sex because I choose to do WHAT I want with my own body with who I want. I don't want to have sex with strangers and I am waiting to have sex. It's my choice, its not a religious choice or anything along those lines. It's MY choice. To each her own in this case.

When you are making an argument and decided to you use text code or abbreviations to insult someone, it makes you look ignorant and immature.

Alice says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20096:45 pm 

There is quite a bit of condescension implied here, even as the writer tries to convince us otherwise. Although I could guess it's frustration.

Yeah, anyone going to this site none the wise would assume every college aged girl out there is fucking her brains out with a new guy every weekend/night. That's my impression anyway. And I really mean like every person. Like college is one big sex orgy. Aren't there statistics to show that the number of virgins in college is much higher than assumed and sex is not as hugely prevalent? This whole college sex fest isn't true.

And of course you wouldn't know that from this site, because it fuels the 1st concept.

It almost baffles me when you write of that experience because I have had none of that, those pity stares due to lack of experience. Rather, it's me who feels self conscious for actually having sex because many of my friends are in fact virgins. And we are not so loose with sex stories anyway.

I can understand where you're coming from, but only distantly.

Star says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20097:10 pm 

I think what irritates me about this article is that while I understand what she was trying to say, most people will see the title, glance at the article, and start mouthing off about how women should all wait for marriage. Then they'll thank the author for reinforcing their views that everyone should wait until marriage.

erin says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20097:12 pm 

I'm not in high school don't make assumptions. I'm a fucking graduate from college. I'm over this topic.

Dannia- Loyola Unive says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20097:14 pm 

I really liked this article. But this conversation following kind of makes me wonder…so if the virgins get looked down upon, and the people who sleep around get looked down upon, what is deemed acceptable? It's ridiculous to think that any sort of standard of behavior is perfect for everyone… yet women are pressured to be virginal AND women are pressured to be sexual. No matter what choice young women make, it seems there is some unspoken rule to tell them that they are wrong.

Brooke says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20097:26 pm 

The only people who tells virgins that they are wrong are the stupid fucking worthless whores who still have 5 cumshots stuck on their face from the night before. The girls who should be ashamed of themselves are the worthless whores who pollute society with their filth. They all need to be rounded up and dropped out of a plane over the middle of the ocean.

Casey says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20098:35 pm 

Wow these comments are ridiculous! I’m actually wondering if some of you girls can even read. Seriously, I think you guys read some other article because I really don’t understand the hostility.

Erin, the author never called ANYONE a whore, she said she didn’t mind if OTHER PEOPLE sleep around, have sex with their boyfriends, etc, but it’s not the choice she’s making for herself. She never said if you have sex you’re a whore. What the fuck article did you read? And a little FYI, Feminism is about women having the ability to makes their own choices, no matter what those choices may be. So who’s the anti-feminist here, uh yeah, that would be you. Your comment was just plain ignorant, and IT set us back 40 years. Not this article.

Star, She didn’t “wave her virginity around” She wrote this article because she’s tired of her friends giving her looks of pity because she’s still a virgin and THEY think SHE’S missing out. I totally understand where she’s coming from. For people to assume that she’s “missing out” and single her out whenever the topic of sex comes up is kind of degrading. Your last line “but this blog is taking what women have worked so hard for, to be judged as equals and not by whether they’ve had sex or not, and tears it to shreds”, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THIS ARTICLE IS ABOUT!

To sum up her article for those of you not getting it,
When her friends start talking about sex they give her looks of pity because she hasn’t had sex yet. She wants people to know that she doesn’t want to have sex yet, and that decision is perfectly ok. She DIDN’T say having sex was bad, she DIDN’T say anyone who does it is a whore, she DIDN’T say that she was better than anyone because she’s a virgin.

The message of the article was “to each their own. Sex or no sex we’re all equal, so please don’t put anyone down based on whether they have or haven’t had sex”.

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I don’t understand why everyone thinks you HAVE to be having sex. Some people want to wait till marriage and it’s 100% their decision. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they think sex is “holy” or “sacred”, they just might not want to go and screw whoever. To some people sex is a sensitive thing, they want to share their body with someone they truly care about and who truly cares about them, not just any old Joe that they meet at a bar. Sex is a wonderful thing, but it looses it’s value the more people you have it with. But most of all, it’s not your decision what anyone else does with their body. It’s not your decision how to define sex for someone else, if someone else wants to think sex should be “holy” and “sacred” well they can think that. It doesn’t mean you have to. Again, feminism is about being able to make OUR OWN choices, whatever they may be.

My boyfriend and I certainly were not each other’s firsts, but we really regret NOT being each others firsts. We can’t say that we’re the only ones who have experienced each other, we have to live knowing that the other has been intimate with multiple people, and it sucks! I don’t like knowing that my boyfriend fucked 4 other girls before me, that I’m not special enough to be the only one to have experienced sex with him. That he didn’t loose it to me he lost it to some other girlfriend that he cared about at the time. He feels the same about me and my past experiences.

Loosing your virginity is something that only happens once and with one person, and if I could go back and re-choose that person, I certainly would.

Star says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20098:03 pm 

Dannia, I couldn't agree more.

Greg says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20099:32 pm 

I pity you. I've been in three meaningful relationships with girls I loved who were beautiful, intelligent, and not in any way whores, and I've had lots of sex. I'm 19 and I can honestly say you're missing out on a wonderful part of young life.

Gwenivere says:
Wed, 16th Sep 20099:51 pm 

Why does it always seem like one extreme or the other? I have to agree with what Dannia says, What is acceptable? I have slept with just one person. He has been my boyfriend for over five years and we are getting married. I NEVER thought that would happen to me. I just waited until I felt comfortable with someone. Did I know when I slept with him I would be with him the rest of my life? Of course not. However, does this make me a "slut" because I have had sex before I got married? I sure hope not. It seems like girls will never be able to win this battle.

Lori says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20093:13 am 

Gwenivere: I hope you realize you ruined your life because you were too much of a whore to wait until you were married. Think about how your wedding night is going to be meaningless now because you were too much of a skank to wait like you were supposed to. Way to ruin your life slut.

D. says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20094:39 am 

I really hope that was meant to be in jest, Lori. I can't see how having sex ruins your entire life.

I'm a 21 year old virgin, myself. I'm not waiting for marriage or anything like that; I just haven't wanted to yet. I find it weird how some of my non-virgin friends will give me the abstinence speech and speak in whispers about it when I'm around because apparently being a virgin and being someone who is too young or 'innocent' to hear about sex are the same thing. I want to tell them that if you really think I shouldn't be hearing it, then save that conversation for later. It just makes me feel left out.

D. says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20094:40 am 

* Correction, I don't mean left out as in I'm envious or anything, just that I kind of have to sit there and wait for them to finish because I'm not included in the conversation although I'm sitting right there.

JenniferUofR says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20098:02 am 

I think it's interesting that most you supported the hateful slurs that some of the commentors made about girls who have casual sex. Only in America is this looked down upon with such hatefulness and even though Erin's statments were half assed-feminist rants had some merit in this argument. Although she might not have read the article well she made comments on very important part of this that women who have sex are whores and women who don't are saints and that there is no where inbetween. Also the author made it clear this is a hate essay on those that also choose to be different, not a well written statement on why she thinks her way is truly better when her friends look down on her. BTW not all women who have sex look down on virgins, her friends are jerks.

El says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20098:03 am 

I love this article and totally agree. Being a virgin in college is a whole new area of peer pressure I never saw coming- especially from my friends. I'm not waiting for marriage, or even necessarily love… just for someone who I feel comfortable with so that when I look back on the experience I won't regret it.

I have a friend who's slept around a lot (and is a lot like the girl featured in the article) and she has more issues than vogue. I don't want to turn into that. Girls need to stop being so judgmental of each other and just let everyone live their lives.

Marcela says:
Thu, 17th Sep 200910:19 am 

Erin, you have such a wide vocabulary. You sound so intelligent. Wow, listen to yourself you potty mouth.

JenniferUofR says:
Thu, 17th Sep 200910:28 am 

Marcela, swearing is no more a sign of intelligence than one's hair color.

JenniferUofR says:
Thu, 17th Sep 200910:30 am 

BTW some people used far worse language than she did. Personally the word cum is far worse word than fuck. I've also found emoticons to be half-asses attempt at sarcasm for those who lack true intelligence when it comes to comments to use their words in a constructive manner.

Casey says:
Thu, 17th Sep 200910:56 am 

Jennifer, I disagree (as does most of the population). Swear words are often used when people can't think of, or don't have, a substantial argument, kind of like, “I don’t have anything stimulating to add to the discussion so I’ll curse a lot for shock value”. It's a way to get attention. It also proves that they don't have very good control over their emotions.

I’m not talking about one word here or there, I’m talking about excessive use, as in a couple times in one sentence, to every other sentence, and derogatory words like “idiot”, “moron”, etc. count as well. It’s “name calling” which is something we were taught not to do when we were toddlers. Partaking in something that toddlers do doesn't make you sound intelligent.

JenniferUofR says:
Thu, 17th Sep 200911:03 am 

And does what the other fine young ladies deserve to be over looked. What about the religious fanatic Brooke?

"Great article for a fucking change on this website fulls of whores and skanks who always are talking about how many dicks they sucked and how many loads of cum are stuck on their face.

All girls need to remain virgin until they are married. Why is that so fucking hard to understand?"

Ms. Brooke Sounds like a fine intelligent woman too why didn't you pick on her?

Casey says:
Thu, 17th Sep 200912:09 pm 

Probably because "Brooke" is most likely a troll. Someone, or a couple people, have been posting similar comments to that one on every post on College Candy, so the best thing to do is not comment back to them since they are only looking for some drama.

Why are you sticking up for Erin anyway? She said she was over this topic.

Dia says:
Thu, 17th Sep 200912:41 pm 

i think that some people want to wait for marriage but others dont want their first to be a regret. && i get the article shes asking why her decision to wait has to be such a bad thing

JenniferUofR says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20091:09 pm 

I just thought it was interesting, someone had to drag feminism into it, they did it badly but no one saw the point in it anyway. I don't really know why I stuck up for her, she's obviously "over the topic" and has no clue what she was talking about, but it's a slow day at work and my life needed some spice. Besides Casey I find you to be a know-it-all on every subject when I have scrolled through to comments on different topics so I felt like sticking up for someone who,although didn't deserve it, needed a little bit of a friend.

I loved that you called brooke a troll, a little two-faced much?

Casey says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20091:23 pm 

I don't mean to be a "know-it-all" it just seems all of the posts on this site relate to some experience I've had (which is the main reason I visit this site, I can relate to the posts) and I like to comment, and share my experiences or opinions on the topic.

But what do you mean by two-faced? I didn't stick up for anyone, and I don't post the same generic comments on every post looking to get a rise out of people, so I don't understand what would make me two-faced.

I like your motives for sticking up for Erin though. Most readers never agree with me either, so it's always nice when, on the rare occasion, someone sticks up for me.

JenniferUofR says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20091:29 pm 

I think it would be nicer if even if people can't see eye to eye they could at least defend them from the bullying that I seem to see on every site in the comments section.

I love your comment on calling her a troll but it's ironic because you called Ms. Erin out and others on name calling.

I think it's funny, not in a bitch way though.

Casey says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20091:38 pm 

Yeah, I agree with that. I don't understand why people can't have civil debate, without getting bitchy toward one another. We all have different opinions and everyone's opinion should be respected (well, as long as they present it in a respectful manner, which many people on here do not).

Oh that's what you meant! lol. Troll is kind of a technical term the Wikipedia definition is, "a troll is someone who posts controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response, or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion". And there are lots of them on this site!

JenniferUofR says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20091:54 pm 

I did not know that, I thought you were just being sarcastic, as in troll as in like old stories, not nice, usually rude lives under a bridge. I'm not tech savy like that so I had no idea. I have a big problem with cyber bullying, it seems like alot of people think it's okay to state their opinions with the obvious intent of cruelty. I expected more from some of the "virgins" on this thread, considering alot of them made it clear that with some foul language what they thought of those who choose to have premarital sex. All in all I fell this site needs to monitor more and remove hateful and harmful comments that are made, it makes the argument devoid of all worth when their are such obvious hate filled speeches and rants, on either side.

Casey says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20092:02 pm 

I didn't know what one was until this site. But most of the comments you're referring to are made by "trolls". Like I said there are a lot of them on this site. I agree though that a monitor should ban them or delete their comments since people (including me) never ignore them and they always start hateful arguments. It's just not fun. But it's hard to let such aggravating comments go unaddressed, especially when they make it personal. One troll on here likes to tell people that they should seek treatment for the abuse/ sexual abuse they received in their childhood. Others just post hateful immature comments with lots of cursing, insults, and name calling. It really is a shame because their comments always derail the discussion.

JenniferUofR says:
Thu, 17th Sep 20092:33 pm 

I have not seen the person who tells people to seek treatment for the sexual abuse/abuse they received in childhood, that hilarious but in a bad way, because they probably think they are right, but for many it's very hurtful and shameful to have such allegations made against them. I really don't like when people drop bombs, like they make some real f'ed up comment thats super hateful and they never come back, so it's like this waste of space in the comments.

Exactly, they derail the discussion, I could think of how to say it but it's still on topic but not so much as it should be.

Darwin says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20092:50 pm 

Jeez, I did not know that girls possibly got flak for being a virgin. I can see a guy getting that from his buddies messing with him.

Don't fret Brithny, people shouldn't give you pity or make comments about your personal life and choices.

Jenn says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20091:13 am 

I understand where the author was coming from but I don't enjoy her delivery. She makes it out that ALL non-virgin girls have meaningless sex with strangers and hate virgins for not living their life.

Hell it goes both ways. My roommate, a virgin, waves it around in all our faces as proof that she is better than the rest of us. And yet out of all of us she is the vulgar partygirl who constantly talked about what she HAS done to men. So am I a slut for sleeping with my boyfriend of 1 year and she's a saint for (barely) keeping it in her pants then bragging about it 24/7? I sure hope not

morgan says:
Mon, 21st Sep 200910:06 am 

although i do agree that your being a virgin is completely fine i want to point out that just because some people aren't it's completely fine to, we're not all going to judge you just cause you're a virgin and some of us will be proud of you for sustaining for that long. just because we've done certain things, that doesn't make us any less respectable or good people. some of us are happy with promiscuity, some of us have fun every now and again and some of us have serious boyfriends, and probably don't want to see an article like this one that puts us all in a slightly less than flattering light

Shannon says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20092:01 pm 

I am in the same boat as you! I will be 21 in 2 days and I just lost my virginity yesterday to a man I am in love with. People don't realize how hard it is to be a virgin these days. Surprisingly, a lot of guys that I told this too were cool with it. And then I found out that it was only because they wanted to be the one to "conquer" me and take my "V-card". I applaude you for sticking to how you feel!

Erich says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20092:10 pm 

Greg– you say you are 19 and have a lot of sex, well youngin let me tell you that until you're about 25 and have been with some older women, you aint got no clue what real sex is!

Miss Lissy says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20092:57 pm 

I think this is really great. Those who are non-virgins won't understand this. I know I'm still a virgin and I've been criticized for that and also had people assume that I've done things I haven't, just because I've been in some pretty serious relationships. I applaud you for writing this and I say, stick with it! It'll be worth it.

Sam says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20094:34 pm 

"I don’t mean to completely admonish and criticize those girls that do live that sort of life. I have plenty of girlfriends who go through guys like they’re the flavor of the week."

So…my roommate who regularly has sex with her committed boyfriend of a year – totally trashy too. Just like all those other girls who have sex in college.

Grow up. No one has a problem with your lifestyle, but it's pretty obvious you have a problem with ours.

Casey says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20095:30 pm 

Sam, I think you need to go back and re-read the article (or at least the part you quoted) and the comments, because in no way is this article putting down people who choose to have sex, and especially not people who are having sex in a committed relationship.

Let me re-iterate the part of the quote that you yourself quoted

"I have plenty of girlfriends who go through guys like they’re the flavor of the week.” that's talking about girls who sleep with a different guy every night/ week. NOT people in relationships.

Jeez you people need to get off your high horses and stop taking offense to anything that is the opposite of what you happen to be doing. No one is criticizing anyone (except for the authors friends criticizing her, which is what this article is about).

Mel says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20098:16 pm 

Pshaw. The line doesn't just stop at whether you're a virgin or not. It covers anything that can happen when dating. Because I feel the same way with being a virgin and being single: I'm both by choice, not because no one wants me…

Tara says:
Tue, 22nd Sep 20095:32 am 

Sex and virginity is all overrated.

JohnE says:
Tue, 22nd Sep 200911:11 am 

The self righteous indignation on both sides of this is entertaining. People need to learn that there isn't one correct path. What is really important is that you don't confuse sex with love and don't use it as a way to manipulate people or treat it as a reward/punishment. I do you if you buy me a dress. I will sleep with you if you tell me you love me. If you want to wait until ou are married fine. If you treat it as a reward for marriage you will be sadly disappointed. If you sleep with a lot of guys fine. If you do it just so someone will pay attention to you it will gnaw at your soul and leave you empty. The important thing is to know why you do what you do. The opnly anti-feminist choice is to be dishonest with yourself.

Becca- Clarion Unive says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 20095:45 am 

Okay. I've had a number of partners. But I completely understand this article. My best friend was a virgin up until recently. She's probably going to marry the guy that she lost her virginity to. I do have to say that a section of this article does come off as condescending:

You may not think we know, but we know. We know those looks you give us when we’re all hanging out together and we start talking about guys. And by “you,” I mean the one who goes out, gets drunk, and hooks up. After you go on and on about the guy (not the boyfriend, but the guy of the moment) you met last night and how good he was in bed, you all of a sudden cast us a very familiar look. That patronizing, pity-filled, I-can’t-believe-you’re-not-doing-it-you-don’t-know-what-you’re-missing look. The eyebrows scrunch a little and the lips pout a little, and maybe the arms reach out to give us a little hug. The consoling eyes seem to say, “It’s ok, sweetie. You’ll find someone some day!”

this just seems like it is judging girls who do go through guys a lot.

I am thrilled though that there is an article like this on the site. It's refreshing to see the perspective of sex and relationships in college from girls who don't have sex or relationships in college.

Monica says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 20095:15 pm 

I'm really glad I saw this article. I'm a senior in high school, and I've been reading college candy for a few months. All the posts about girls getting drunk and hooking up left and right really scare me.

I like to have fun, but that is not what I'm looking for in my college experience. This site sometimes makes me feel like if I'm not getting wasted every weekend and hooking up with some guy I'm not going to be a part of the real social scene.

I'm not planning on saving myself for marriage or anything, but I certainly don't want to be intimate with someone I don't trust, and I would like sex to have some meaning beyond pure gratification.

Thank you for writing this post, I appreciate the different perspective on this website.

M says:
Thu, 24th Sep 200911:40 am 

This is such an awesome post!! I'm so glad you wrote this! I wish collegecandy would write more things like this, from different viewpoints.

M says:
Thu, 24th Sep 200911:53 am 

BTW, I didn't think your article sounded condescending at all, I think people just get offended a little to easily, and that there was a such a huge reaction against this peice shows that there's (obviously, we all know) demonization in society against being a virgin. (Or, oh no, don't say it- waiting to have sex until you get married!). Why is that such a terrible thing? Just because someone dissagrees with a viewpoint held by the majority doesnt mean they should have to "keep it to themselves" like someone on here said. I think its really disrespectful and intolerant of people to make fun of others for waiting to have sex until they get married for religious reasons (or whatever reasons, I don't think yours was religous). People do realize that being open-minded doesn't just being you are "open" to nontraditional viewpoints, it also means that you are "open" to traditional viewpoints too.

Star says:
Thu, 24th Sep 20096:51 pm 

I'd just like to comment on Miss Lissy's comment about how non-virgins can't understand where this article is coming from. Everyone starts out a virgin. So we probably know where you're coming from. It's not like virgins and non-virgins are two different species of aliens or something.

Casey says:
Thu, 24th Sep 20098:55 pm 

Star, I think it's implied that they are older virgins, in college (or almost in college), where as most of us lost our virginity a long time ago. As older virgins they are rare, we don't know what it's like to be in college as virgins so we don't really know where they're coming from.

amanda says:
Fri, 25th Sep 20097:41 pm 

Casey- Shut the fuck up you fucking moron. Not everyone in college is a fucking revolting slut like you. Some people have self respect and morals and don't go fucking anything with a dick. Shut the fuck up with your nonsense you piece of shit. Fucking loser.

Kelsey says:
Sat, 26th Sep 20092:00 pm 

Casey I appreciate that you have stuff to say, but SERIOUSLY do you have to post something on every single article? It's like you have a story for everything and quite frankly it's pretty obnoxious. I'm not saying you shouldn't post ever, but tone it down just a smidgen. And try not to fight with people because you're fueling fires that aren't yours.

JILL says:
Sun, 27th Sep 20095:44 am 

Totally agree on the Casey shut the fuck up comment. I couldn't have said it any better myself. But, for emphasis sake, I will say it again. Casey….. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!

Casey says:
Sun, 27th Sep 20097:51 am 

Right Jill, because you being flat out fucking rude is going to make me want to do ANYTHING. Grow up and learn that being a bitch doesn't "emphasize" things, it just makes people want to listen to you less.

And Kelsey, sorry I "post too much" I mean really, I didn't know there were regulations on how much a person could post. Sorry I "have a story for everything" I do have a story for everything, if I didn't, I wouldn't comment. I don't like to fight with people, that's why I'm not rude (like Jill up there) I like to reason with people and try to get others to see all aspects of a situation (so maybe arguments WONT ensue). If you're referring to my comment to star, I certainly wasn't trying to "pick a fight", but rather clarify what Miss Lissy's comment meant. But thank you for not being rude in your comment. Maybe others will follow your lead and learn that you can get your point across in a mature manner (yeah, I'm talking to you JILL).

Godfrey says:
Mon, 28th Sep 20091:51 pm 

Why do some people try to push God out of this topic? Why do some people make their own sin less than others? The fact is that many people do not know what right a person have before he or she can have sex. To have sex with someone, you need to claim ownership of that body by getting married. Thats the first step, I am 24 and still a virgin and also pray that I find a virgin bride. There won't be any sexual experience better than two virgins in their honeymoon. If you are not married and still having sex with your boyfriend,girlfriend,fiancee,fiance or whoever it is, it is still wrong. If you truly love each other, then claim ownership of that body by getting married before having sex.

When does this V-car says:
Mon, 28th Sep 20095:30 pm 

I am 23, a female, and a virgin, and honestly it is complete torture. I think about it every day. It's like a giant fucking weight on my shoulders. I haven't lost it yet because I don't think a random one night stand or month long, infrequent and unfulfilling hookup buddy will do anything to solve my problems. At this point, I'm so damn old that when I lose it, I want it to be with someone I can have A LOT of sex with, feel secure, and really enjoy it. I mean hell, if I'm going to start doing it then I want to get good at it. Although now it appears I've shot myself in the foot because no one will ever want to date a virgin that's not crazy religious, and I am by no means religious or even particularly "spiritual" or whatever people are calling it these days. People need to back the fuck off on the writer, too. I have walked in her shoes, I have had the "looks" from my non-virgin friends who are self-described whores and in serious relationships too. It really makes it hard just to be yourself, and that is the one thing everyone should be allowed and supported in. I sympathize beyond words. At this point, it's safe to say I've had some sort of "pity" look from all of my friends, since I am an anomaly and apparent freak show. I also hate when your opinion about guys or hookups is completely dismissed even if you have something knowledgeable to say on the topic. Just because you haven't had sex doesn't mean that you don't 1) know what it feels like to love or 2) know what its like to feel sexual desire or pleasure. Also, I'd like to point out that I'm not a "troll", I get hit on all the fucking time which makes it even harder to turn down random sex. Thank you for this article, Brithny. I also went to Duke (grad 08), so I fully understand the culture you are coming from. Take care and best wishes.

Erika says:
Mon, 28th Sep 20095:33 pm 

Why does anyone get to have an opinion on how someone else choses to deal with sex? Virgin or not sex is great & at some point everyone will understand that & stop making it out to be the end-all to how someone is looked at.

What about the people who didn't have a choice with how they lost their virginity? Women get raped everyday & once your virginity's gone,that's it… No matter how many times you can say it doesn't count, it still happened. So do they get put into that "slutty promiscuous girl" category or are they still considered "pure" just "victimized".

Like honestly,no matter what you believe, your virginity gets completely blown out of proportion. You can blame society or whatever, but it's a personal choice & I am so sick of hearing people put a girl down because of who, when,and/or how many people she wants to have sex with. People can make mistakes & learn from them but It doesn't define them. Your opinion is the only one that matters because it's your body & everyone else needs to move on & base what they have to say on something that actually involves them.

Casey says:
Mon, 28th Sep 20096:59 pm 

Erika, I can attest to the fact, being raped at age 14, you definitely get put into the "slutty" category. Sad, but true, either you tell people you were raped and they don't believe you or people call you slut and you'd rather not tell them you were raped. I've been called a slut since I was 14, although I never had consenting sex until I was 16, which at that point I just figured, "hell, if it was taken from me, and I'm being called names anyway, why not just fucking do it already". So nope, you're completely right.

Megan says:
Mon, 28th Sep 200910:55 pm 

When does the v card expires: I am a 23 year old virgin too. I agree is FUCKING SUCKS!!!!! I agree with a lot of what you said. Although it sucks, the alternative could be being a filthy slut who sleeps with anything with a dick and has 10 stds, or even worse, having a kid. So I guess being a virgin isn't too bad.

Kim says:
Mon, 28th Sep 200910:53 pm 

Casey: Why did you get raped? That was your fault. You shouldn't have allowed it to happen. Why were you wearing a miniskirt with no underwear? Was that smart? Or, what about the time when you wore a top with no bra when it was 30 degrees outside? You were asking for it. Seek help please. You are so fucked up in the head I am worried about you. Talk to someone about why you allowed yourself to be raped.

Becca- Clarion Unive says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20093:58 am 

Not to feed the troll, but I was completely appalled by Kim's statement… I was raped in blue jeans, granny panties, a sports bra and a sweatshirt. I literally started to cry when I read that… it broke my heart because I know people legitimately think that way… and it's just sick to think that we can get blamed for that…

Casey says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20099:02 am 

Becca, I don't think the troll actually feels that way. I'm sure it's the same person who's been making similar comments about my situation on every post I comment on, so I don't even pay attention anymore. The moderator banned them once, but it looks like they found a way back.

Lindsay says:
Fri, 9th Oct 200911:50 am 

I love your article. You are saying 'this is my decision so don't mock it'. At the same time you are not judging other girls who do live that lifestyle. I'm in the same position as you. Not because I'm religious – just haven't met Mr.Right yet. My friends accept me for who I am. The guys who judge us for being virgins aren't worth it.

Sara says:
Wed, 14th Oct 20099:42 am 

I absolutely love you post its fab!! I am a virgin and hey that’s my choice I hate it when people know or ask then when I say I am they turn their nose up at me and I can agree with people on many different levels yes it can be torture and yes it is torture some time but I’m not going to sleep with just a random person trust me I know, firsthand experience I have friends who have done this just so they wouldn’t get looked down on and to say they have done it also to feel grown up and now they regret it and now they feel insecure and have issues .. And anyway why make a big deal out of it hey people can just say out of my fucking business … but I’m not judging people who have had sex with many different people it’s your life and your body do the fuck you want with it .. I just hate it when people judge me

kathryn says:
Fri, 16th Oct 20096:56 pm 

thank you so much for this original post

to me there is nothing right about one night stands

its immoral to me

i have no respect for those people

and to be honest

dont want to spend any of my time or life with them

thats fine if they choose to do that

but i will choose to not hang out with them

i am a virgin

i used to care

but bottom line

its foolish

dumb

and my gosh

if one gets an std or something

hello karma!!!!!

really people are risking stds and pregnancy

also people do something they need to be careful in doing

hmm

already sounds like a bad idea

Lotus says:
Sun, 18th Oct 200911:25 am 

no wonder she is a virgin, she isnt very smart. who told you to pick up some random guy at the club, spend a meaningless night together and have your final image of him be his back heading out the door? you can do it with a really good friend. find someone, be together for a year, or less, or more, go to bedroom more often, sleep together like any other mammal. its not important to do it with someone that you're going to stay for good. do it with a really wonderful person, like jason biggs or lacey chabert, and have an awesome break up with a happy goodbye, instead of whinning for months, self-harming and getting fat from chocolate and ice cream. people are weak! and not very clever.

but sex is boring anyway. dancing to thriller or playing age of conan is more amusing.

kathryn, from your writing I can see that you must be a very ignorant person.

"i have no respect for those people. but i will choose to not hang out with them. hello karma!!!!! really people are risking stds and pregnancy"

why on earth do you think they arent taking care of safety? they do more std checks BEFORE sex in a year, than you'll ever do in your life. do you realize many people get promiscuous after child abuse? and you have no respect for them? you're the reason so many kids self-harm and shoot/overdose themselves. grow some brains!

VAN says:
Tue, 27th Oct 20095:14 am 

I AGREE TOTALLY WITH THIS ARTICLE. ALL I WOULD SAY IS THAT SEX IS NOT BAD HOWEVER IT MUST ALWAYS BE IN A VERY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. BODY IS THE GREATEST INSTRUMENT ONE HAS SO DONT DEGRADE IT.

AND ALSO IN A SOCIETY WHICH IS LIBERAL IF THERE ARE NO VIRGINS THAT IS TOO BAD.

Tack says:
Sun, 1st Nov 20092:35 pm 

The author is a prude and Kim was clearly victimized at some point in her life and is probably in an abusive relationship now.

Bhanu says:
Thu, 5th Nov 20096:10 am 

Hey Everyone,

First up Kudos for the article, and I am a 26 year old Virgin MALE myself. Yes and i Do get those looks from my guy friends and yes girls dont belive me when i admit being a Virgin considering that I am considered good looking and a smoooth talker by most women.

Yes being a virgin is mostly a personal choice… heck im not waiting for marriage ..just the girl i can have a bond with.. And for me sex is not just physical… there has to be a bond even if its a one night stand..there has to be involvement of heart mind and soul..to bring out that passion.

I respect women..those who choose to stay virgins and those who dont. All im saying is that its SAD when the non Virgins look down upon the likes of us… like we are some kind of an incapable lot. the whole pressure to live upto those STANDARDS of the so called experienced Ladies and gentlemen is what i believe is wrong.

All in all a great article.

AlwaysHigh says:
Tue, 10th Nov 20098:03 am 

Great article. I'm a 30 yo virgin. Waiting for the right one and very lucky to have supportive friends and family who understand my decision. I know if I slept with whoever I would instantly feel terrible about it afterwards. And I would soon start to envy all the virgins around me who were patiently waiting. But even if I never found the right one, I haven't lost anything. I'm happy now!

Rae says:
Thu, 12th Nov 200910:12 pm 

I just skimmed the comments since they were bordering on ridiculous, so forgive me if I'm repetitive, but I just wanted to say thank you for writing this article. It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling like I'm treated condescendingly for still being a virgin.

Of my friends from high school, I'm one of the only virgins left, and while I'm perfectly fine with my decision, I hate how some of my closest friends treat me as lesser because of it. Just because I was okay turning 19- and 20 (and probably 21)- still a virgin does not make me prude or lacking in any way. It doesn't make me unworldly or incapable of having something meaningful to say on any subject- sexual or otherwise. All it means is that the right guy and the right situation hasn't come up for me.

What's interesting is that of my friends both at home and at school, those who HAVE lost their virginity fall into two major categories: those who treat me condescendingly, and those who love and respect me regardless of my sexual status- guess who I enjoy talking about sex with.

It doesn't have to be for any one particular reason, but whatever you are, it's YOUR choice. No one should be allowed to treat you as a second-class member of the group because they chose differently, especially so-called friends.

Vee says:
Tue, 17th Nov 20094:38 pm 

I'm a 21-year-old virgin and I don't feel bad about it. Mainly because it is my choice. It's great not having to worry about STDs and other baggage. If others want to fuck around, personally I don't think it's a good or bad thing because mainly, I don't care what they do. It's their bodies and emotions. As for me, I've found I'm perfectly happy the way I am. I will be even happier if I find a virgin guy someday (even if not a virgin but someone who decided to abstain and look for a meaningful relationship/marriage before giving it up). Great article!

reese says:
Wed, 18th Nov 20093:31 pm 

I'm a 22 year old virgin and believe me no virgin goes around broadcasting the fact that she's a virgin (although I think we should, since it gets all you sluts feeling bad about yourselves and you should). If anything virgins are more afraid to let people know because casual sex is the norm and abstinence is seen as weird. @ Alice,Star,

Erin and jen: you poor gals are obviously envious of girls who are virgins (and you should be) all of you mis interpreted the story because you have your own guilty conscience creeping up on you geez bitches take a xanex why so fucking uptight. Why do you concern yourself with virginal stories when you ain't one, its not like you can relate. @Greg: your 3 relationships (at 19) were obviously not that meaningful after all, they were clearly disposable. You sexually active bandits are such twats, what does sex eat at your brain? This so funny all the more reason for one to stay a virgin. Are you gals sluts because you are and always were stupid or did you become stupid when you decided to become a whore? Lol

Slappy says:
Fri, 20th Nov 20091:41 pm 

Good article but it seems as though you believe that all people besides yourself think virginity is somehow negative. Most folks who are at least somewhat enlightened would not hesitate to fully agree with you that not having sex is perfectly normal. Obviously there is nothing wrong with abstaining, and really, that should go without saying. I agree with your thoughts but it seems more like you are trying to convince yourself that being a virgin is ok. Seriously, if your friends are negatively judging you because you’re a virgin….the larger issue at hand is their own shallowness and insecurity not your virginity.

mwattersjr says:
Fri, 20th Nov 20097:43 pm 

howdy, i'd like to say this blog was pretty cool. I can proudly say i'm a 23 year old guy, just out of college, who is still a virgin, and plan to stay that way until marriage. don't get me wrong, there are times when my girlfriend and i have thought about having sex, but we are both wanting to wait till marriage, and it helps to have met someone who wants to wait as well. it takes a lot of courage to be able to write something like this and im proud of you. an i know what you mean about your friends. i used to be proud to tell my friends but anymore i don't even bother. if they ask me i will tell them but being a guy hardly any of them believe me. they tell me things like 'not a guy like you' or 'your not a virgin if your dating someone as hot as her' or what ever they can come up with. so, i know how you feel. just remember it only matters to us, our significant other, and God! keep up the good work!

reese says:
Fri, 20th Nov 200910:57 pm 

I think that there are more virgins out there than we think. Virgins are just not proud enough and its because of the way the media and society glorify casual sex. Its pathetic that the people who do the right things just suffer more than all these whores, but don't fret my fellow virgins we will benefit in the long run. Stay strong:)

Jarrod says:
Sun, 22nd Nov 20098:24 am 

I honestly find some of the comments here pretty pathetic, and they come pretty much from the same place as the girls who go out of their way to pity you. Nowadays, I think most people tend to be comfortable with whatever sexual lifestyle they chose, but old attitudes still persist, and there are decent sized chunks of society (mostly but not exclusively sexually experienced women and inexperienced men) who feel insecure about what others think about them. So, you have the girls who preemptively pity you because they're afraid that if they don't, you'll end up judging them, and now you have these same people who, no matter what you say, automatically assume that by defending your choices you are condemning these. What's ironic is that, even though they accuse you of being puritanical or whatever about sex, these people have a lot in common with a certain intolerant, puritanical segment of our society: the whole "the very existence of gays in my country is an affront to traditional marriage crowd."

I don't think anyone should be looked down upon for how they perceive their sexuality, but I do think that the commentors in question should be pitied for their insecurity and condemned for their blatant hypocrisy. The entire point of this post is that sex isn't some public debate with a "right" or "wrong" answer, it is an individual choice and that you should respect it. Way to miss it.

Jeff says:
Wed, 25th Nov 20098:44 am 

HAHAHA!

Did anyone else laugh when after reading that article, the first one on the list of related articles is "6 Tips on Picking Up Dudes"?

jane says:
Thu, 26th Nov 20098:41 am 

I totally understand where u are coming from. I am 21 too and am still a virgin, but the funny thing is that when I tell guys that I am not gonna have sex with them they ask me why, and then they ask me if im a virgin.. And i tell them the truth because I have nothin to be ashamed about, they never believe me. They tell me that im too good lookin and i have a nice body so i must've had sex before. Im just waitin for the right guy, not one that i find at a club that just wnats to have sex with me and thats it..

jules says:
Sun, 29th Nov 20091:43 pm 

I don't think its anti-feminist at all to remain a virgin until marriage and i don't think that was what she was trying to say in the article. choosing to have or not have sex is a personal choice. I have chosen not to because i have seen too many people change afterwords, whether it was because they weren;t ready or it was with the wrong person. I also don't want to put myself in the situation where I have sex with someone who will only say they love me to get something out of it. As of this moment, I think I will wait until marriage, but if someone comes along whom i love and i truly feel they love me, we will see what happens.

adam says:
Tue, 1st Dec 20093:56 pm 

it's all about fear is it not?you want that person to be perfect or at least not hurt you…so do i play the lottery and try it ,or do i go with the odds, and wait it out? then when it happens,

if it was a bad experience then ,it is like " oh no i lost ,i bought my ticket,and it wasnt a winner!so then fear comes again,will i get a second chance,or will i give up and just let fear take hold of me? when affraid people think weird thoughts.

"is he/she cheating,was i not good enough,why me,if i dont want hurt again,should i be the one to hurt them first,should i give up on the emotional part and just go bar hopping,most of the people who do what they do,dont do it for no reason!

some do of course.anyways,being a person who has been "abused",and also a deep thinker,i kind of went the route of not so much sexual activity ,although going the other route isnt bad at all people are people,and we all want to fit in ,and at the same time be ourselves,so lets all try to understand that we each have our reasons .

also,the reproductive act of sexual intercourse,is the normal way to reproduce,and be really close to that special someone,so its hard for some to see that you can be a stable person ,and not have sex….so inform them,information is a wonderful thing,share it…

Kay says:
Thu, 3rd Dec 200910:47 pm 

I understand the authors point. She just doesn't want to be queitly criticized for her choice. I think whatever your preference it should be something you believe. If being a virgin makes you happy so you can wait for a wonderful person that actaully cares for you then stay a virgin until you meet that special person. And if you like having sex with either a comitted boyfriend or casual hook up do that if you really like it. I personally really respect people who wait but I also respect other peoples choices to have sex. Everyone shouldn't be so critical of others. Loosen up.

Being hateful doesn't prove anything besides that you're intolerant. You're not going to gain support by being hateful.

azedine says:
Fri, 4th Dec 20095:35 am 

i am a virgin and its not that bad with me

Tara says:
Fri, 11th Dec 20098:51 pm 

I'm 19 and the last guy I dated was shocked when I told him I was a virgin. "But you're just so cute, and you carry yourself well and all," he says. I ask him what his number was and he says he's slept with 20. Now I don't know what that says about a person, but personally it was a high number for me. He's been sleeping around and hey, maybe its somewhat reflective of how serious a guy is?

I'm not scared, nor holding back for religious reasons. From personal experience with friends so far, I'd rather just wait till I find him. It would feel more clean for him and heck, I don't have to worry about STDs in the meantime. Too many times I've driven someone to the pharmacy to get some Plan B, or to get themselves checked.

Elizabeth says:
Wed, 16th Dec 20097:34 pm 

I am the oldest here commenting, I bet. I'm 25 and I'm a virgin, and I don't really care. Sex is just sex. My reasons are different. I've been really sick, and being a Diabetic in and out of hospitals, low income person that couldn't afford proper medication, (and I still had to kill myself in menial jobs working so very hard), and an overall "sick freak", it hasn't crossed my mind to loose it. I rather not have sex than loose a kidney, go blind, or die. I am a feminist and I agree that one has to choose what one wants..There's this girl I know who's 19 who has a new boyfriend literally every week,(and even 'deflowered' some guys)Well, anyway, its pretty obvious she rides boys because she's very sad over her boyfriend's break-up, or "love of her life" as she states. She tells Guys she loves them after 4 days of knowing them. I don't judge her because she has lots of sex, hey, if you're horny, you're horny, but she only screws because she has emotional problems and feels bad. She's also Bisexual, but hates lesbians and changes her sexual orientation profile to straight on facebook every week. She even told my sister she loves her. If one has problems with Identity, they're going to have emotional problems all their life. I want to tell her that maybe she should date girls again, but she doesn't really reason. And then there's my aunt. She's 44 and still a virgin. Why? religious reasons. I would respect her choice, but she's an evil woman that only hides in the veils of religion to be pious. She's judgmental and claim that everyone's is going to hell. One day she says that masturbation is a sin, then by the next day, she comes in the mornings to bother my mom to let her borrow a porn magazine because she's desperate.(not kidding) I wrote about two different real situations because They're way opposites and yes, crazy. One has to have the brains to choose what they really want. It's hard to find a balance but not impossible. These two women are off the rail and treat sex like a sin or a like a carnival ride in the park. About me again, Why not screw some guy in my college? Nah, not my thing. Am I an ugly gastropod? people say I'm pretty, I don't know, and I don't look 25, they also say. I pretty much don't have sex by choice and by my health problems, not because I'm a creature from a murky pond.(witch it doesn't matter, a person is person is a person) I'm starting life again, and I want to feel good, not pressured. Yes, a lot of my relatives, stare at me and ask me why I'm a virgin, I'm blunt and tell them,"I bet you have house-breaking, hair ripping sex, Huh?" If they're going to get personal with me, I'm going to be very blunt back. In the end, sex is just sex. People use it as a tool, to control, to plead, for power. I admire the people that use it for love and for pleasure…And to the stupid people out there, it's not a woman's fault they get raped. My schizophrenic aunt got raped when she was living in Mexico. She was street bound,mentally sick and probably covered with feces. Doesn't matter if a girl is wearing "juicy" sweatpants, or a nun's cape, rapists do the things they do because they like to threaten and hurt people. What about little girls and boys who get raped? are they asking for it? Take care and peace, young people.

Atari says:
Sat, 19th Dec 200910:27 pm 

No, people, there is NO 'condescension'.

Frustration, annoyance — these things are evident, and for good reason.

It's like, a person can be as mad as he wants when talking about a movie he hates, but as soon as it comes to something like this, one must walk on eggshells so all of the promiscuous folk don't have a irritating conscience.

Grow up, people. I feel like I'm listening to children. "Oh, boo hoo, you were condescending."

Well, tough!

If you can't perceive things as they were meant, then don't read anything, ever, because I guarantee that your feelings are going to be hurt when you read about some guy who doesn't like the same flavor ice cream as you.

Nica says:
Tue, 22nd Dec 200910:31 pm 

Now you see those who are guilty, lol, too much reaction (reaction of non-virgin, but not all non-virgin ) Get it? this article means something…

I admire American girls with this kind of ATTITUDE..

so rare, so i admire you…

right it's indivduals choice but to think of it, for some it's

ok to spoiled their body with guys they hooked up just to have pleasure…

but isn't great to say I make love bec. of love and to the one and only I love, it's more than a pleasure…and make you feel

I'll stay with you bec. I love not bec. I want your body..

there's a difference bet making love and sex alone…

sex, sex, sex where the only word you can only hear from sluts… but to make love with the one you love is the best or remain virgin until you settle down…

compare the comments of sluts to the one who make love with their partner they love… there's a difference right?

not all who make love with their partners were sluts, but I hope, it not changing partners as if you like to change your underwears,

make the word " sex " love making in a relationship…: )

Nica says:
Tue, 22nd Dec 200910:40 pm 

If you think your a slut, then better not to comment at all cos,

your comment will be treated as non-sense or

that's such simple value you could not even understand..

you can't see the value of remaining virginity that's you ask your self why??

Don't say u don't understand the way the virgin girls think so it's better not comment at all…then I would only think that you're a moron that the only thing you knew in life is " sex "

James says:
Thu, 24th Dec 20095:52 pm 

I think you are quite brave in putting forth your personal life like this. Additionally, to all of the individuals who accuse the author for "hurting feminism" please consider what you are saying. Is promoting abstinence as one's individuals choice and that one asking for others who are unlike that person to be more respectful tearing down feminism? I hardly think so. It is my understanding that feminism promotes the freedom of the individual to choose, not to be told what to do. Before you start slinging insults at someone please contemplate what they have said and whether or not it is even a point that is debatable, for instance an opinion, or if perhaps you should resist the knee jerk reaction to flame someone for holding a different viewpoint from you. Isn't feminism's goal the equality of all individuals? If so then you should treat others as you wish to be treated instead of attempting to attack them.

Christina says:
Sat, 26th Dec 20093:11 pm 

I think the people that are claiming that this article is condescending are misinterpreting what the author is saying. Not once did the author said her friends are "sluts" or "irresponsible." Not once did she say she was "holier than thou" I don't know how anyone can misinterpret this article. She does her best in using a tone that is neutral. She states in their that she does not criticize people that do have sex. In fact she pretty much says if she's not going to criticize your sex life, don't criticize her decision to abstain from sex. How can anyone misunderstand that?! She doesn't say that sex is a holy thing, she just prefers to save it for someone really special, it may not be a big deal for some people, it is a big deal for most of us. Sex can be very intimate and special. I commend her for not only writing this article but writing it in a way that it doesn't criticize those that do have sex.

I relate to this article. I'm 21 years old and I'm still a virgin, I do not criticize my friends that do have sex and most of them don't criticize me for my decision to wait. I just think sex is a very intimate step and I want to wait for the right person. It has nothing to do with religion, it's my decision and I wish more people respected that.

Michelle S says:
Mon, 28th Dec 200910:07 pm 

I don't have a problem with your article. But, I do think it is better for women to have sexual experience before settling down with a serious partner. You have a chance to figure out what you're like. What if your future husband turns out to be unsatisfying in bed? Wouldn't you be frustrated and want to try someone else?

It's your life and your choice. I just think you're missing out on opportunities to make your life better.

Puchu says:
Wed, 30th Dec 20099:48 pm 

I am not a regular reader, I was just going through the net and stopped here. It may seem absurd or may be gayish(which I am not), but I am 28 and I chose not to have a girlfriend a long time ago because I am a little poor in socializing and I used to be very short tempered, and I didn't want my partner to be hurt by my actions.

Where as guys of my age have multiple sex partners and they change girlfriends like clothes. I don't understand, how they are able to hurt people so easily and don't even think about it after that.

I am pretty good looking and ladies have approached me with the intention of the subject we are discussing here.

People around me which includes a few ladies who really think I am gay and sometimes even they have expressed that in very funny ways. I don't have a sex partner till now as I think I would prefer to have my life partner as sex partner which sounds a little ancient I suppose. But that is what I am, and over time I have understood that if you think or act in any way different than normal people do, then you would be looked at like you are a poor alien among all those perfectly built humans.

Anthony says:
Mon, 4th Jan 20103:17 am 

I'm 23 and I get alot of flak from my friends about not wanting to have sex till im married. Luckily I've been dating a girl for the past five years who is also waiting and I'm planning to propose to her soon. I don't look down on people who do have sex outside of marriage, but I do believe that they are missing something that they will never have a chance to experience.

Monty says:
Wed, 13th Jan 20106:22 pm 

I'm an 18 year old guy, and I'm still a virgin. I get picked on for it all the time. When I tell people I meat, I always get shocks of awe, as if its a bad thing… even my own father picks on me for it. He offered to hire an escort girl he knew..I could take him up on that offer, and it would all be over, but I chose not to.. I'm waiting until marriage.

I'm loling at the woman's rights activists in this comment box xD seriously.. who would get offended at this article in any way?

Pete says:
Sun, 17th Jan 20107:15 pm 

I am a 21 years of age male and I am a virgin and plan to be until I get married. It's messed up that half of marriages end up in divorce now, and that's likely due to the societal norm of it being ok to just have sex with anyone. Think about it, if people are used to having sex with a different person every week, you really think they will be able to stay married and have sex with just one person?? There is no moral decay to speak of. Our society's morality is a filthy rotting corpse.

roy says:
Mon, 18th Jan 20108:57 pm 

I think you would mostly appreciate the saying "to each their own". It's nobody else's business how you live but your own. I can honestly say that I regret some of my sexual past and rather had been less active. As a party dude you do tend to make poor decisions, some good some not so good. Oh and uh, pete guy? Mon. 18th Jan. coming off strong there bud. There may be a large and sick, grotesque part of society but at least there's that hope for the better parts.

Erik says:
Sun, 24th Jan 20108:11 am 

I'm glad to see that there are actually women out there that feel this way, thanks for posting the article. I myself am a 19 year old virgin and all my life, ive never wanted to just "fuck" someone, for do you all know what the term "fuck" came from… "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge" aka fucking is when you dont really know what it is your doing, but getting off physically to better benefit yourself for the next couple days or week, not attempting to do anything else relationship wise. Getting back on track, I hope to be able to find a girl who also feels this way, because I know some of you have stated, there is a difference between just sex, and making love with someone.

Catrina says:
Tue, 26th Jan 20104:58 pm 

THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH FOR THIS ARTICLE!!!

It's what I've been trying to say for years. I'm in the same boat as you; I don't give a crap about having sex. It's not important in my life right now.

I really and completely believe that my being a virgin bothers my friends and family more than it bothers me. In fact, at work, my virginity has been a running joke since a "friend" and I had a discussion about it. Ugh, its so annoying and extremely tiring.

And the people complaining about this article need to grow some morals.

richard says:
Tue, 26th Jan 20109:21 pm 

hi hey!

richard says:
Tue, 26th Jan 20109:24 pm 

i am hard!

richard says:
Tue, 26th Jan 20109:27 pm 

i like young

kathryn says:
Thu, 4th Feb 20102:51 am 

i have no interest in sex

and me personally dont find anything right with one night stands and promiscuity and people who sleep around

there is nothing wrong with being a virgin

and if someone doesnt like it

its your problem not mine

get over it!!!!!

Lisa says:
Sat, 6th Feb 20107:50 pm 

I think some women feel like what you're saying is against the "liberation" of women because it's something that women one to be able to do because man can.

Kind of like someone hitting the lottery and feeling like they need to distance themselves from the "poor" because other rich people do it.

I think we should think of being a virgin vs. not being one in terms of what's liberation but rather what's right vs. wrong.

I think women, and man, should try using more self control when it comes to this topic.

Jonny says:
Sun, 7th Feb 20101:45 am 

I think you're article is great. I have a documentary in pre-production on this subject which i'm producing. I'm 22 and a virgin, but it's never bothered me in fact it bothers my friends more! but only since I started at university. I think people who look down on virgins are immature. Sure I would loose my virginity tomorrow if I could but I don't won't to pay for it or meet a slut on a night out. I would just prefer to be in a relationship everytime, what's wrong with that? I don't think it's sacred either. I don't care If you prefer casual sex with random strangers that's great if your happy doing that.
I've only met a few girls I would liked to be in a relationship with but they either have a boyfriend or they don't like me in that way. It seems young people just won't sex I just won't a happy relationship aswell. I don't no why I should be made to feel akward about it all the time and neither should anyone else.  

Shifty says:
Mon, 15th Feb 20106:32 pm 

how can I do to get to meet you.. I might be the man you're waiting for.. plz contact me!

Greg says:
Wed, 17th Feb 20108:07 am 

Great article! You have every right not to lead a shallow debauched life style and should not feel pressured by those that do.

A woman should not be measured by how fast she willing spread her legs. Really do the girls who do have sex with everyone think that they will get a guy who digs going where many men (and perhaps women) have gone before?

Jasmine says:
Sun, 21st Feb 20101:11 pm 

omg finally someone who agrees with me .!!!

billy says:
Sun, 21st Feb 20107:36 pm 

Dont worry…thing that the slutty girls always forget it is, when it comes time for a relationship…guys aways go for the virginal ones.

Can't turn a ho into a housewife.

Jasmine says:
Thu, 25th Feb 20108:53 pm 

Before I had lost my virginity, I had been of the opinion that it was placed on a pedestal for most people, and I do still believe that to a degree. Most people looked at it like some wondrous, romantic, life-changing moment. I was a cynical teenager (still am) and I pictured sex as a basic human activity, one that shouldn't be highlighted any more than taking a dump. When I met my first boyfriend, however, things changed slightly, and my first time – although a little awkward and painful as hell – WAS beautiful. Sure, it wasn't life-changing or anything like that, but it was, in a way, magical, as was every love-making session henceforth. Because I LOVED him.

Eventually I discovered that my boyfriend, who I naively hoped to wed after high school, was a selfish, manipulative, and basically very frakked-up person.

I don't really regret having sex with him and I don't discourage girls from acting on what they feel. Love isn't necessarily immortal. Most of the time, it takes a hell of a lot of practice runs to get it right. I said that my first time was magical, and it was. But honestly, it would have been magical had I not been a virgin, simply because we were in love. That is not to say that the setting and timing of your first time shouldn't be comfortable and well thought-out. But if it wasn't… it just doesn't matter in that first close, real relationship as much as some folks think.

It doesn't matter if you're spoiled oats. When you meet someone you love, that love is what makes the connection special.

By the way, I get labeled a whore for that one sexual relationship fifty million times more than I see my virgin friends get picked on or looked down upon for their cherry's status. I deserve being called a whore as much as you deserve those condescending, pitying looks.

Mark says:
Thu, 18th Mar 20104:31 am 

I like your opinion towards virginity and I totally support it.

I am 19 years old and also still virgin, although I had several possibilities for sex (i am a man btw).

I do not necessarily want to have my first time with the person I am going to spend my whole life with, but at least with a girl, I really love – and until then – I am gonna brace myself…

john says:
Thu, 1st Apr 20107:06 am 

All of u guys are going to have sex one day, just don't mind the ccondescending looks. Believe me the only reason non-virgins do that is because they think they are much better people then you. I had a non-virgin tell me this once,(my brother is a non-virgin) "Your brother is a better person then you in life, don't worry about it accept it. If he can have sex and you can't, then there is a problem with you" I could not sleep for a week after she told me that. I felt so ashamed with my self, that I fell into a depression and had thoughts of suicide… The thing that saved my life was that I said to my self that it is not your right to pity your self for something so igsignificant.

john says:
Thu, 1st Apr 20107:13 am 

SEX IS IGSIGNIFICANT, if you think it is so important, then ask a nice person who is a non-virgin about sex. they will tell u it is not that great.

SarahM says:
Fri, 2nd Apr 20108:08 am 

The problem is, you can't know what sex is for you until you have sex – I'm not saying sex is good or bad, I'm not saying people should or shouldn't wait as long as they damn well please, all I'd like to point out is, sex is different for everyone and, "virgin" or "non-virgin", your opinion of sex is, and can only ever be, your own

I'm sorry the writer feels she is being judged, but maybe if she wanted to change that she shouldn't get indignant about her friends sex lives or her own…maybe she needs to stop hanging out with judgemental bitches and stop being one herself

Reese says:
Fri, 2nd Apr 201010:41 am 

I'm a 22 year old virgin(girl) and I'm so glad I waited. Now that I'm old enough, I can see how society views sex differently for males and females. When your in your teens you don't see the bigger picture. Don't you people see that the reason why marriages don't last is because people are sleeping around before getting married. If a girl shows a guy that she's open to having sex, do you honestly think he's going to say no? Women/girls need to realize they have the power. If all girls waited to have sex after marriage, we all would have gotten married earlier. By having sex before marriage, Guys actually have their bread buttered on both sides, as they can have sex without having to commit because there are so many girls who are willing to give it to them. Men then end up marrying much later in life to a girl who is half his age and who probably is a virgin. Women end up suffering either way, virgin or non virgin. There is a double standard in todays society and girls need to wake the fuck up and realize that there is a different set of rules for females, when it comes to sex. Call it non feminist but women do have ticking time bomb biological clocks and waiting too long to get married and have kids will be to our detriment, as men can have kids in their damn fifties, we try getting pregers after 36 and we end up with all kinds of cancer. For as long as people are fucking before marriage, there will be less reason for men to marry. Wise the fuck up if your still a virgin, stay that way. We might be able to turn around this negative view on virginity if we are more vocal and proud of our choice to wait for marriage before having sex. After all it did serve society well when people had to get married before they started fucking. Look at the world today, I'd give anything to go back to a time when having morals, standards and respect for your body wasn't seen as the "uncool" thing to do. Its all these whores who have fucked society up the arse because they have no respect for their own bodies and intern give men the upper hand and then call themselves feminists. FYI feminism is suppose to be for women not against women.

Sylvie says:
Thu, 8th Apr 20108:44 am 

I know what you mean by that !

there's afriend of mine who did it on her 15th with some guy she really didnt love, (not any of her guys) well she told the whole school that he had a tiny ***** y'know, the next day she had a new boyfriend already,.

anyhow, we were sitting in school on a bench with some other friends of her and ofcourse the boys started to joke about sex and stuff, ofcourse that moron diggs in, and continues the topic then she looks at me and my friend (both virgins and completely fine with it) with that "haha-youre-a-virgin-look on her face, then my friend who doesnt like this AT ALL, (and has quite the way of saying how she feels) rushes in the conversation and tells exactly what you said in this article !

But that moron-of-a-whore wont shut up

someday i'll freggin rip her womb out, and it'll hurt! believe me o:<

Neya says:
Fri, 9th Apr 20107:32 am 

Being a 19 year old virgin in college I completely understand where she's coming from. I've been in a committed relationship for almost 3 years now and get rude comments from people all the time for still being a virgin. I have people telling me that I'm wrong for not having sex with my boyfriend and making him wait. And others telling me that he's going to cheat on me and get it from somewhere else. It's hurtful. I even have people telling my boyfriend that they're going to get me to have sex with him. But why does it matter to others? If I'm comfortable with my decision why do others make such a big deal about it? And the look that the other mentioned, I have received that look countless times. I've had people tell me that they feel sorry for me and that I don't know what I'm missing out on. But again this is my decision. I don't think that I'm better then anyone. I don't care if other people have sex. I'm not waiting for marriage. I'm am religious but that's not the reason why I'm waiting. I'm waiting simply because I'm not ready and I don't want it to be something I regret for the rest of my life. I've had some friends tell me that they wish they were still virgins and that they regret having sex. I decided to learn from their mistakes and wait until I'm 100% ready. Also, while people that are sexually active have to worry about catching STD's or getting pregnant I don't have to think about that at all. All in all I think that it is hard being a virgin in college and you do get looked down on sometimes. It doesn't happen all of the time but it does exist. I don't think this article is condescending in any way. I think that it was well written and the author just wanted to get her view across.

Teo says:
Mon, 12th Apr 20108:35 pm 

Do not think what the people thinks about you,just live your life how you want to. in our country girls are in a position opposite way…

girish says:
Sat, 17th Apr 20104:58 am 

you all says nice..but i am thinking about how can i manage with sex…i am around 30 and havent did that thing..not because of afraid…but hasnt get much chance..even twice have the chance for touching on boobs..but hw can we get them for that thing..weather they are waiting for us for a move as you said..

Tony says:
Tue, 27th Apr 20101:31 pm 

It's not that i haven't got that look towards me before, but thankfully most of my friends are game nerds and we honestly never cared about that sort of thing. Well, enough to start yapping about it. But i did meet this wonderful girl, that i'm still going out with, that i met in college and one day we did "Do it", though i promised myself i wouldn't until i got married. The thing is though, i feel like i could live my entire life with her, so i didn't care as much to lose it before i GOT married, but to the girl i WILL marry. I also didn't want to just lose my virginity to a girl i will never see again at a party, though i was very tempted… But i support your decision 100% and pray that you meet your soul mate ;D

ErikaKlausse says:
Sun, 16th May 20109:39 am 

I am very glad to stumble upon this article. I have been criticized(sp?), made fun of and many other cruel things done to me just because I'm a virgin. I hate it that my hymen is such a big issue and as if preserving it makes me some kind of loser. I wish to wait for the right man who will be worth it. I do not wish to look back and regret: OMG what was I thinking???

I know many girls who gave up their womanhood just to fit in with society and undergo a lot of mental conflict. I am not saying those who sleep around or sleep before marriage are whores. It's a woman's decision entirely. If she wishes to remain a virgin, we must respect that. It's a takes a lot of character and courage to stand up for what you believe in.

For those who go bitch over this: we all know you're feeling guilty. You're probably one of those girls who hooked up because your friends didn't want to fit you in.

Those who are in a relationship, I do not condemn you whatsoever. It's your life.

For those pf you who are still virgins, as a fellow virgin I salute you!

budle says:
Sun, 16th May 20107:09 pm 

yeah…. so what?

I don't see the problem… ==a

Diva (yes, really, it means daylight in the original context) says:
Mon, 17th May 20108:10 pm 

Why do get into the argument of whore vs virgin? If a woman is a virgin, she’s considered sexually repressed, setting the whole cause of equality back a century? If she’s had sexual relationships, she’s considered a whore. It’s not that black or white.

What is wrong in having had sex in a commited relationship? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that? Even without a commited relationship, it’s any woman’s personal choice. Likewise for men. I have many friends who have had commited sexual relationships with someone then the relationship didn’t work out? What’s wrong with that?

I’m a twenty-something virgin. That’s my personal choice. It is my personal greed that I want my first time to be with someone I love in the circumstances that I choose. I didn’t want to look back and have that marred by being with someone who was a casual hook-up or to have sex sometime in my late teens so I could fit in. I have faced ridicule when discussing this with some friends (I will never be able to have a drink in the ‘I have never’ game), some saying that we should go out and remedy that situation by going out on the pull for someone random. I don’t want that.

What I would hate:

1) The expectation that I should be a virgin.
If you’re not one, why expect me to be one

2) Ridicule for being a virgin

3) The person I finally choose to have sex with to not have any value on it being my first time.
I know that’s really contrary, but I think any guy/girl who knows that it’s someone’s first time should appreciate and respect it. Especially not be like this sick pervert in Oxford who called himself the de-virginser. Or be someone who blanches at thought of having to introduce someone to sex.

4) Someone being considered a whore for having had sex in a commited relationship

5) The expectation that I anyoneelse should have sex within ‘the third date rule’, the ‘month rule’ or whatever stupid rule some magazine or person comes up with.

I am not the face of the woman who is causing equality to be set back to the dark ages. I am a modern educated woman with a career who happens to be a virgin and has made a choice about when and where she wants to have sex.

Apologies for the long rant! Sometimes you just need to work it out of your system.

Sammy says:
Tue, 18th May 20103:56 pm 

Oh my goodness. Ok i've basically read over all the comments on this page so firstly – Brithny, you should really find new friends cause your friends seem like jerks for making you feel uncomfortable about the whole being a virgin issue.

Second – to those non-virgin girls who think this article is insulting to you, it is NOT, so please calm down.

And why is it that we have to call girls who like having sex on a frequent basis "sluts"? What if they just like having sex? And no i have not had sex so far, i'm 18 and a virgin. It's sad to watch that it's us girls who bring other girls down. And FYI, actual "sluts" and "whores" are in that situation because poor financial situations and not everyone gets to go to college sadly. So please, lets refrain on the name-calling a bit.

Being an Indian citizen i have seen the Indian mentality all the way yet i have also lived abroad so can understand the so-called Western mentality too. While it is good to see that India is slowly starting to let go of sex being a taboo, i do sincerely hope that it doesn't reach the same position as in the west. I don't mean any dis-respect or anything, but i have friends who are from the States, Europe and a whole lot of places and not all of them consider having sex a high priority.

All it comes down to is – no matter who you are, no matter where you're from, your sexuality is your decision. Whether that means, having no sex, some sex or even a whole lotta sex, that's your problem and others should have no say in it. So be happy with whatever situation you're in. The hell with what people say =P.

And as for me, i'm just waiting for someone whom i'm comfortable with and trust, and no that does not mean i'll jump up and marry him. Waiting for Mr. Right that's all.

Peace =)

Moww says:
Wed, 19th May 20101:21 am 

There is something between virginity and running around an f*** everything with two legs. Believe me…

Jacks says:
Wed, 19th May 20102:26 pm 

A whore is a whore, any female who's slutting around is a portable toilet!

Why you people try to be blind from this fact?

The more you make yourself easy to be fucked, the more you degrade yourselves and lose your power and male treats you as a filthy creature.

Keep your legs and cunt shut, and you will let male value, respect and beg for you for having serious relationship.

You ought to understand this equation

worldxgame says:
Wed, 19th May 20102:28 pm 

i think that is the best post on the internet

Lacy says:
Wed, 19th May 20102:38 pm 

How I stumbled upon this article?? Not sure, Random Web Browsing!?!

But i have to say TY for Saying the thing Lots of us were Thinking! I am a 24 yrs Female and i am Proud to be a Virgin! I haven't even kissed a guy yet.. no I am not ugly…Just waiting for that special someone!

But i Know the "LOOK" that you describe… and I HATE it when your with a group of ppl and then the "dirty" jokes start they always say something along the line of "have to Hide your Virgin Ears, Eyes, MIND" like the work SEX is not in our Vocab! And maybe we don't mind hearing a dirty sex joke or comic strip every now and then! Were virgins…NOT Dumb or DEAD! lol

And yes its true that there are LOTS of Promiscuous Ppl out there… dnst mean that they go around sleeping with random ppl, but its true that there is 1 or several in a group that do that sort of thing.

Either way i agree with you for the most part!

del says:
Thu, 20th May 20106:07 pm 

totally agree. goof for you for saying something

CKB says:
Fri, 21st May 20105:27 am 

seriously, i was very much impressed by the article. I am 26 and a virgin. In a world where virginity is termed old-fashioned and to be said in a whisper…even guys don't believe there is any virgin remaining on this planet. I believe it's a thing of pride that though you are sorely tempted, you can really keep yourself…self-discipline. For me, i've never given a pinch of care what anyone thinks, i'm proud of my virginity and would present it to my husband as a gift on my wedding night…for crying out loud, when you lose it, you lose it. God that kept a seal in the woman knew what He was doing. Tho sex is so fashionable now but marriage is honourable the bed undefiled.

chris says:
Mon, 24th May 20108:59 am 

only slutty girls, or girls that want to be slutty would find this condescending or offensive.

nosh says:
Tue, 25th May 20101:57 am 

Thanks GOD I'm Muslim girl and I were version untill I married from my dear husband and he was too. I'm happy that I give that just for him and will keep that just for him he also do that just for me that's what we should do as muslims both boy and girl should keep version until get married, it's realy very good to feel like that.

satish says:
Tue, 25th May 20106:26 am 

hi friends..i read article its so nice..in india so many boys are virgin.iam happy in india..when i went to other states they asked me you are virgin then i say yes..then after some time they laughed me..why i dont know?

…….BEING VIRIGIN IS ANY PROBLEM TO GUYS…..

in most of countries boys and girls are virgin?please tell me?

Kenneth says:
Mon, 21st Jun 20103:39 am 

I hope my daughter develops this attitude..

Victoria says:
Thu, 24th Jun 20102:21 am 

I'm so thankful that there are still people like this. Physical relationships can ruin love if they are not ready. From my view, virginity is like something you give to someone as a mark that you will spend your life with them. It's valuable. I'm a virgin too, and I'm proud of it.

Lia says:
Sun, 27th Jun 20103:31 am 

One of my friends is a virgin nd I pity her because she has not found a person yet she can trust and love so much that she wants to have sex with him/her.

That is the reason for sorry looks and that shit. I really don't know what kind of friends you have that they seem to look down on you because don't whore around like them O.o

Gatalis says:
Mon, 28th Jun 201012:30 am 

Alright, I think I'll put in my personal opinion on this… Sorry for the late post.

I speak from a rather neutral standpoint, I have friends who are virgins, friends who aren't. (Heck, one of my friends was molested by their dad when they were 15, another had their virginity removed by force.) The point to remember though, is that it is the person's decision, not your own on what they do with their life. I could give a million examples of virgins/non-virgians, but I won't.

The thing to remember is that everyone on here is a real person, everyone in your life is a real person, with real problems, and real insecurities.

I can calmly say I am a young man with a colorful selection of friends ranging from crack addicts/alcoholics, to religious nuts, why? Because I like to listen to people, it doesn't matter what someone's background is, or how I feel about them, but how I feel around them. There are people with similar viewpoints to my own that I hate because of the ways they act around me, and other people who I don't agree with their life style, but I like the person.

And that is what is important. Not the background of someone, not how they treat other people, but that you feel good around them, and that they feel good around you. A friend doesn't need to be someone who helps you, or vice versa, a friend doesn't need to be someone who you constantly talk with. A friend, to me, is someone you feel secure, and good around. Brithny, if you don't feel good around the person, then don't hang out with them. I understand completely if it is just this topic, or if you used an example of what could happen. I don't know you, so I can't fully understand your viewpoints.

I understand where you come from to an extent though, because my dad constantly jokes around about me still having my virginity since he lost it when he was almost two years younger than I am now, and two older sisters who make sexual innuendoes all the time (one of which is a virgin). Personally though, I'm unnaffected by it because I am who I am, and I like hanging out with them, despite our differences.

As for the whole "I'm a virgin/not a virgin" I'm happy to inform you that I act very mature for my age since I am a young male, probably too young to be browsing through this site, and as a sophmore in highschool, I still retain my virginity. I do not view virginity, or sex as something good or bad, it is something natural. I have moments when I look at my virginity and say "Hey, sex would be a great thing." When I have those moments though it is more of a "what would it be like" rather than a perverted comment due to my age.

Why do I wait though if I don't give a care about my own virginity, or really mind them having to be important? Because I want my partner, whoever that might eventually be, or not, to feel good.

I am currently in a relationship with someone who is an extremest and animal rights activist. We dissagree with each other at every turn, but we love each other because we see each other's individual traits, and how we feel around each other, and enjoy our time together. (I follow quantum physics as my religion, and she's wicken)

As for my poor choice of vocabulary… Meh. The way I look at it, you don't have to use really big words to get your point across all the time. Some times small words can get the point across even better. (Also it's very early in the morning here)

Please don't comment on my age, I personally don't see the big thing with age. I get along with people of all ages providing they also choose to get along!

Anyways, thank you for your time if you read through this, to everyone, and I have nothing against anyone. If people want to argue with me, here's my response:

Keep it clean, and I'll argue with you till the end of time, but I don't want to deal with profanity unless it is used correctly. All those words have a time and place, I have no problems with them until they are used in excess.

Kathryn says:
Mon, 28th Jun 20102:33 pm 

Lol at lotus response to me – I don't care – but what about asexuals due to medical conditions – real ones – I don't desire sex due to medical fact I had incomplete development down there internal as well – no reproductive organs – No hormones etc

I don't get sexual urges – I know what sex is but that's what makes it unappealing

This is abnormal to a person with complete development and complete puberty

But to asexuals sex isn't normal – thing is this misconception that no relationship can survive without sex lol ok so none should fail with it – oops they do!!!!

It's a relationship not affair – bottom line sex isn't a need and it's my life

People can look down on me- unless I know u – I don't care lol

james says:
Mon, 28th Jun 20104:40 pm 

you are wrong on so many different levels virgin girl

Corey says:
Tue, 29th Jun 20102:41 pm 

I'm a guy and I feel the exact same way. I'm not in exactly the same situation, I have fooled around a little bit but only with one girl and she was the one that introduced to me to anything sexual. I'm going to be a sophomore in college and to some of my friends, guys and girls alike, I am sometimes called "The Virgin". I've even been asked to leave the room so that they could talk about sex stuff. I'm a man, a virgin, and proud and I wanted to let you know that there are guys that feel the same as you do.

Amber says:
Wed, 30th Jun 20109:14 pm 

Honestly, it's not that big a deal. You're not special for not having sex and others aren't special for having it. The "condescending" look you're seeing most likely isn't meant to be derogatory. I'm 16, recently started having sex and even I get a tad uncomfortable talking to people who haven't. For some reason, it just changes you. Whether it's good or bad is entirely up to the person. I don't look down on virgins. At least not intentionally. I just don't want them feeling left out and/or uncomfortable if I bring up my sex life, since they've never experienced it. Kudos to you for keeping it and being proud. And not ALL non virgins are sluts haha. Yeah, quite a few are, but they lack morals. I'm with one guy whom I love very much, and yes, do hope to be with for the foreseeable future. I completely agree with not settling and not giving in just to experience “the pleasures of life” as you put it. It might suck for you. It's not always gonna be good. And, for the record, having sex in a relationship doesn't make it any less about love. Not unless you let it. Oddly enough, after we had sex, I felt closer to my boyfriend than I ever had. So don't knock sex and the people who have it. Because none of us care what you do with yourself. Just leave us out of it and we'll do the same.

Matt says:
Fri, 2nd Jul 20109:31 am 

Chicks that sleep around are trashy. End of Story. Not "oh it's a new millenium". A whore is a whore and has been that way for thousands of years. It's not like people didnt sleep around 1000 years ago. They were nasty then, and nasty now.

slvr1969 says:
Sat, 3rd Jul 20102:49 am 

being a virgin is the right way the bible says no sex before marriage.

i am the real 40 year old virgin.

darknight says:
Sun, 4th Jul 20109:38 pm 

i hate cheating whores.bible says that the whores will be naked,torn,roasted and be eaten by monster in revelations.i want the same thing to happen for whores.they are unfaithful to their husbands and are selfish and they want to glorify themselves and they are starting to discriminate virgins.this signals that the world is going to end and u whores along will satan will go to hell and suffer there forever.virgins are the one who are really respected by men like me.there are also bad men who wants whores just for sexual happiness and they too will go to hell.being a whore is not a right for women equal to what men do.men do the wrong thing and the same thing the whores are trying to do.and they will suffer its brutal consequences like aids,std etc.they should be isolated from the society and treated like dogs.sorry not even animals should be compoared to them.long live virgins.

Kristiaan Johannes says:
Mon, 5th Jul 20103:05 am 

not bad… just ignorant.

darknight says:
Mon, 5th Jul 20103:12 am 

WHAT IS BAD AND WHAT IS JUST IGNORANT

darknight says:
Mon, 5th Jul 20107:40 am 

women who are sluts are garbage they are used by many men.will any men eat food with a same spoon that many man ate.same goes for a woman.women are now saying why cant they do the same slutty thing men are doing.two wrongs does not become right.both are immoral activites.dont care the words of anybody who are sluts around you.i am happy of you being a virgin.please women remain as a virgin till marriage.

darknight says:
Mon, 5th Jul 20107:48 am 

I am a men and i am also a virgin and i have met many women and men who are both virgins and sluts.i have cut my friendships with the sluts.but i agree there are equal number of both man and women sluts to man and woman virgins.there is a heaven for the virgins and there is hell for sluts.so dont listen to the words of sluts which were the words of satan which will take you to hell.virgin is the holy name of mother of jesus and it is given to people like you to be praised.slut is a humiliating word so the sluts must be humiliated and must have no mercy for them.

Fábio Ferreir says:
Tue, 6th Jul 20102:25 am 

I had the chance do read this awsome article and i have to say that i am myselfe a virgin, and i am no ashame of it, i am 24 years old and i haven't find the person that is destined to me, my half face of the coin, my confident, my companion, my special girl.

I see sex as the moment that should only happen when we trully love someone within the bottom of the heart, because, having sex is to turn one with the other person, is to become intim with it, is to breath at the same time, to feel the others heart at the same rythm, is something special, i guess, i never did it, but i feel and hope it will be like this.

this is the way i see sex,

if anyone wants to speek with me for a clear way of me seeing other things of life add me,

fcferreira@msn.com

darknight says:
Tue, 6th Jul 20105:43 am 

You are right ferreira why should be ashamed of being a virgin.womens should be proud of being a virgin.

misnomer says:
Tue, 6th Jul 20109:05 am 

Whether you are virgin or not,no one should be ashamed of it. It's a choice just like anything else. Yeah, some people may have made the wrong choice for themselves, but it is a personal issue. Besides, its in the past and the only thing you can do about it now is learn from it.

http://studentswhostillhavesouls.blogspot.com

Alison says:
Tue, 6th Jul 20109:24 am 

The only mistake in this article was the fact that the friend who feels sorry for you is the one hooking up with random guys every night. I was the last virgin in my group of friends and often times, the girl with the boyfriend always bragged about how awesome sex was and how I was just missing out on so much.

darknight says:
Tue, 6th Jul 20107:43 pm 

Its not a choice to be slut idiot and you should be ashamed of being a slut.it is a rule that you should be a virgin.its not a personal issue for a slut.its a issue to everyone.these sluts are ruining many mens lives the men truely love them and these whores cheat them.so every woman will have sex before marriage and after marriage husbands should forgive them and must live with them happily?we cannot forgive their crimes in the past and they have many diseases and i cannot have a unfaithful used garbage as my wife.women should be virgin and must be faithful to their husbands.having sex before marriage is unfaithful to their husbands and cheating them.

Igor says:
Wed, 7th Jul 20103:28 am 

you're probabilly just a bitch

misnomer says:
Wed, 7th Jul 20107:02 am 

@darknight: Cheating on a husband they haven't even met yet? That's bull. The future husband may not be inexperienced either. If it's that big of a deal to that your wife has been in love before you then frankly, I wouldn't want to marry someone that insecure anyways.

On top of that, calling someone a slut because they've had sex is over generalizing. You don't know if that person has had sex once or many times, or somewhere inbetween. Or if the only person they had sex with before marriage was their future spouse. So grow the hell up.

graham says:
Wed, 7th Jul 20106:53 pm 

Bravo.

I'm 21, and still a virgin as well.

While I've never had anyone look down on me for not having sex, there has been more than once where friends, both male and female have suggested the reason I've never had that many boyfriends is because I don't have sex.

Personally, I would rather not for physical (std, pregnancy…), religious (yes, I grew up in a church), and personal/emotional reasons (I would always question how I would feel about myself afterwards).

One guy I dated, when I told him that I was a virgin said something like "It can be hard or scary to say no. So I'm proud of you for that." Honestly, I'm more scared of saying yes to sex too soon…

aish says:
Wed, 7th Jul 201010:50 pm 

we should jugde anyone…virgin or not

i dont belive in marriage and i love sex…be a virgin if u want i wont judge….hav a ll the sex u want and i wont judge

screw all the judgmental bigots

Sal says:
Fri, 9th Jul 20104:53 am 

i agree…the whole sex thing is becoming too much allowed…

am a virgin and am proud of it no matter what every one else says….actually some times ppl who have sex alot acuse virgins of being scared or to serious…but its really a way to defend themselves for doing it….

i think sex aftermarriage is the best most beautifull type.

Snoot Pelt says:
Fri, 9th Jul 201011:33 am 

Unless you have the kind of will power that will let you lose weight, win marathons or complete any task no matter how difficult etc, I strongly believe the reason(s) for prolonged virginity are not so much the exercising of choice and will power but low sex drive, fear of sex for religious reasons or some other pathological condition that means you may never really enjoy sex. Choosing virginity isn't difficult for such individuals…in these cases its easy.

Meh says:
Fri, 9th Jul 20101:44 pm 

This isn't a great post or anything NEAR that – it's just a cunt who wants to try-out the "attention-whore" syndrome.

Seriously, grow the fuck up 'n just accept yourself for who you are, accept others for who they are (EVEN IF THEY DO GIVE YOU YOU'RE SHITTY PITTY LOOKS) and just get on with your sorry excuse of a life…

mike says:
Fri, 9th Jul 20102:00 pm 

I totally get this post, but bless her she thinks she has it hard being a girl virgin, it's much worse being a male one. My mum has actually had 'the it's okay if you're gay' talk with me after I responded "yes" to this question "You're not still a virgin, are you?"

darknight says:
Fri, 9th Jul 201011:02 pm 

Fuck you aish some body must rape you and nobody should judge the rapist as he is wrong or correct.

darknight says:
Fri, 9th Jul 201011:10 pm 

mike i cant understand what you say.say clearly what you are saying and explain it.

Freya77 says:
Sun, 11th Jul 20108:58 am 

For me, because my PRIDE is SKY HIGH

and I think free sex just degrades my attributes as an esteemed woman, makes me look cheap and slutty,

I just don't have the shame to lay with random strangers…

I mean… how low can you get?

Andariel says:
Sun, 11th Jul 201011:32 pm 

oh yeah, who now spares virgins or in general thinks of it. saw such nobody, usually to the people deeply to spit on the personal life of other people

slvr1969 says:
Mon, 12th Jul 20109:21 am 

Gabriella says:

"If a guy can’t wait for you (marriage, love, etc), then he’s not worth it. And if you give in, you’re probably a slut." true.

Gabriella says:
Mon, 12th Jul 20109:04 am 

I'm 21 years old, and I've been dating since I was about 15 years old. I've had 4 serious boyfreinds, and each of them begged me for sex ! I think I was the only girl to ever say no to them, and instead of breaking up with me, they actually liked the chase. And told me I wasn't like other girls who "put out". I'm going into my senior year of college and I'm still a virgin. As captain of the dance team, people really expect the opposite. When my friends ask me how often me and my current boyfriend (of 2 years) do it, they can't believe it when I say I'm still a virgin.

Just because I'm a virgin, doesn't mean I'm not sexually attracted to my boyfriend, it means that I want to wait. I don't want to have to worry about birth control, or stds, or god forbid pregnancy. I do want to wait for marriage, but its more than just a religious thing. It's a health thing, why should I take birth control pills to screw around with my hormones if I'm perfectly content with kissing.

Being a virgin, is not easy. Guys will pressure you, friends do make you feel left out when they talk about their "experiences", and in the moment, it's sometimes hard to say no.

It's about self control and self respect. If a guy can't wait for you (marriage, love, etc), then he's not worth it. And if you give in, you're probably a slut.

Fábio Ferreir says:
Tue, 13th Jul 20102:26 am 

Gariella i honestly admire you, if your boyfriend really loves you he has to understand and he has to wait for you to be prepared to do it, and it is like you say, if he doesn't want to wait he is not worth it….

I am still a virgin myself, i am a boy and i have 24 years, and i haven't found yet the person for me to do it, because i am not like the other guys….i can't do it with someone i dont feel nothing, i have to feel something for her to do it….because having sex just because yes….its wrong on my point of view…..i know….i am different….

many persons i know tell me that sex is just great…..i know that….but its not like me to have sex just for sex…..i want to make love with someone….i want to become one with a girl….i want to feel loved….i want to reach the climax at the same time as her….i want to be in sinchronism with her….i want to have a girl that knows what i really want….i am seeking for true love….i know che is out there…..

anyone that may like to know me….

fcferreira@msn.com

add me

Andreas says:
Tue, 13th Jul 20104:49 am 

Good laugh reading the negative comments as the most of them seemed to come from the "Garbage Can of Fail" or however you now should say it.

When it comes to the whole "If you're a virgin you get looked down on, if you have sex you are suddenly a slut and get looked down on"…

All people got different opinion. There's no difference between that and racism, discrimination between classes as emos, blacks, it's all the same thing.

If you don't want to get looked down on, just keep your sex life private. That's what I do, people talk with me about sex, but I mention 0 whetever I am a virgin or not.

In my opinion, saying "I am a virgin" and "I have had sex" are just 2 ways of trying to hog attention, of course a lot of people doesn't intend to use it like that, but that's how it will turn out. And it's because it gives you attention, that you end up geting annoyed by it.

Cause eventually, cause YOU had to mention it, people will build their opinions on you.

Answer to the whole issue; Keep the goddamn mouth shut if you can't handle people looking differently on you.

No idea why I even bother commenting as I just read this article from a another website's link, but it gave me a rather good laugh.

~ Andreas, 17.

P.S. Yes. If you got friends that either leaves you, looks at you like a freaking tard, or whatever, you need new friends.

Andreas says:
Tue, 13th Jul 20105:27 am 

Not to hit down on you or something.

But wish you had written that with spaces.

Cause, that text is so hard to read cause you read some lines twice and such. Just kills the eyes, lols.

murat says:
Tue, 13th Jul 201010:12 am 

there are millions of ugly souls inthe world..sory billions..
let me say something …to whom… ı realy dont know.
there are the bucks…who talk as if sex is every thing..not to make love..not to do sex..but to fuck some body.. they speak of the other person not as a spouse..a lady..but as a p..us…y as if the nature havent given the same pleasures to mice and bugs, they like this thing and they are nothing more than a sex crazed mice to me… there are the girls who dont differentiate, who actually likes this kind of treatment.. they like these kşnd of creatures.their only hope is of deception,semblance etc… they have to get a husband to look after the buck”s children..they are not whores for sure because a whore does it for a multitude of other reasons… but surely their frequent companions talk of them as such..always… and then there are the girls who cant understand these phenomena or just want to be loved.. god should have given them some brains.. unfortunate good willed( if ever!!) brainless shames ı call them. ı should add smt. to what ı said: every buck has a desire to mary someone, and they never mary a girl to whom they “raped” the other night. then there are the moral mummies…they behave well because of certain superstiitious beliefs.. they are even more ugly to me then anything. then there are the home builders always male… alyavs naive.. good willed.. their marriage it seems to me is always a strugle.. because a girl who considers marrige good is a pain in the ..sss… sorry for that girls.. these both are not very clever natures.. then there are the ones full of sprit and soul..their lives are a misery..(nowadays)..then there are the ones that are never intended to marry.. and the ones whose lifes only mean one thing to make children..and the ones who chose the companion ship of their same sex peers… a very deep and important issue.. the man of this type ( if they are clean off the hands of a moral society) is good natured and generally very home going…. the woman; like a lady. then tere are the mistakes of nature..a man that is a woman or a woman that looks like a man… and there are the ones who dont have sexual organs whithin their souls…they dont like anyone or any thing.. they generally shun the sunlight live underground and make very scrupulus academicians and especially political activists.the female of this kind has beards on their countanence they are generally infertile spritually. the males are like crawling critters, they say smt. and do anotherthing.they are a danger to the all yought in general. etc…etc..etc…etc…

mICHAEL says:
Tue, 13th Jul 20109:18 am 

this girl must be a fugly one

Valen says:
Tue, 13th Jul 20101:57 pm 

i dont think that you are crazy or something like that

Citrone says:
Wed, 14th Jul 20109:10 am 

Crazy story, crazy comments. I must admit, the article did come off as somewhat condemning the girls who have chosen to not be a virgin. I have nothing against virgins, just saying.

I do not believe one should wait until marriage for the simple reason that sexual compability is an important factor in finding the very right one. I also do not believe that one should keep the virginity something to be extremely proud of and something to show off. But lastly, I don't believe in struggling through clubs and parties with the objective to just have sex and get rid of one's virginity ASAP. All these are too extreme for me. And yes, there is a huge difference between having sex and making love.

I myself am a 19-year-old girl, no longer virgin, no party animal either, also not in a committed relationship. I do not "f*** around" just for the sake of it. But I also didn't decide to lose my virginity because I felt I had found the right one. I just understood it was the time to lose it. To someone I could trust, not necessarily love. The only thing I could ever be proud of is that I was completely sober.

And in the end of the day, I'm perfectly happy with my choices, because I don't feel used in any way, but I also have no more problem of waiting someone special or thinking my head off whether he or he could be the right one to lose it to, because it's already gone. Saves a lot of mind power and sanity. I don't consider myself a whore, thank you, since I've only had one partner in my life.

If there's any advice I could ever give in this topic, it would be that whenever you decide to lose it, you should be sober and should be able to trust the one you lose it to. Oh, and he should be sober too.

Peace!

Julie says:
Wed, 14th Jul 20105:21 pm 

I liked this article. I'm thirty and have been happily married for five years. My husband and I both waited until we got married. Please know that you are not alone.

"X" says:
Thu, 15th Jul 20102:30 am 

hey listen girl, i do not mean to offend ya or somethin, but i really think u sounded so lame, i mean for fuck's sake, who gives a damn fuck about spending the rest of their lives with someone who really loves em or cares about them, well actually, most of us do, but the point is that if you want this good relationship to last once you have found the right guy, trust me, you will need to have some experience, you should try a hell lot of things, just to ensure that you will not want to do those in the future when you all of a sudden feel curious about such things, which might lead to cheating, which will lead to ruining the relationship, another thing is that to avoid this look your girl-friends give ya, well, in my point of view, the best way to wipe out that look out of your life is to show them that yes you can go out, live your life, and have some sex, plus, how do you expect to find the one of your dreams whom you want to spend your life with, just like that, all of a sudden, i mean it is not magic, you must go out there, experience, experience, and experience again, and during the process, you might find the one who might be just like you, or in other words, that person will not come to you just like that, he will go out looking, and you too must do the same thing, go out, look, and you might someday meet, maybe it will all start from a night at the club, you're both drunk, you get back hope, you sleep together, and then in the next morning, true chemistry as i like to call it can take place!

"X" says:
Thu, 15th Jul 20101:37 am 

oh and btw, i am just 16 years old, well, will be 16 in a month, live in lebanon, and hoping and doing my best to get the fuck outa here, but hey, you can't get everything you wish for, cause in my case, i got nothing from which i wish for until the moment, it is weird that i never had a gf so far, i never went out on a date, let alone having sex with someone, it is just that i have no one to understand me, and i understand those who are around me not, perhaps i am too smart for them, perhaps they are too dumb for me, but hey, sitting at home wishing ain't gonna do me any better, but in my case, neither getting out will, cause as i said, i live in lebanon, everyone is crazy about their islam religion, and i do not even believe in a god, i consider myself to be more than just an atheist, but a free thinker, and where i live, there is no clubs, there is nowhere you can go out and hang out with a girl, and if you found someone to hang out with, well, let us just say that there is a 99.99% that this girl is a whore, just looking for teasing some guys, and apparently she thinks it is fun, and i do not know why the fuck i said all this, but i am just trying to say that if you can get out there and do what you can do, then go out there and do it, i think that all of you are lucky that you can do that, while i am stuck here, waiting till i finish school and turn 18 so that i get get out of lebanon, and never return, and perhaps there, i can make my plans come to life, and trust me when i tell ya, my plans are crazy, and alot, and again, i do not know why my fingers are typin all of this, but bare with me will ya!

Andreas says:
Thu, 15th Jul 20101:45 am 

"it is weird that i never had a gf so far, i never went out on a date, let alone having sex with someone"

Lost me there.

What's weird?

You're young.

Very, very young.

Rushing into life will just make you end up destroying the life.

GF, it happens. But as I said, you're young. If it hasn't came yet, it will soon. Patience is the key to all answers, heard that saying?

Sex? Woah woah, yeah sure it's alot of people having sex at the age of 15, 16 or whatever.

But well, that's just plain retardism from kids that doesn't know what the fuck they are doing. *Eyeroll*

(It is a true fact that the majority of people around that age just does it out off curiousty, giving less shit about what that happens after.)

But I'd keep it at the GF level till you're atleast 18, 19. In my opinion, of course.

I've got a GF, but meh. "Date" this depends how you see it.

You could just go out and have fun, just hang around on a normal day. That could much be a casual date.

If you mean like, take out to dinner or whatever, meh. That's adult sh#!. ^_^

dirdos says:
Thu, 22nd Jul 20102:14 pm 

Being a virgin is such a great thing. You can be not virgin anytime you want, but to be virgin after losing your virginity is impossible, it is like you are special but in the good way.

At least you are faithful(sexualy) to your future husband(wife for men) and will have a long good life toghether cos you will experience it for the first time and as they say the first one you will have sex with the best.

I m 26 and virgin by the way!

P.H. says:
Thu, 5th Aug 20109:52 pm 

I'm a male and a 25 year old virgin and I'm on your side on this.

Amanda says:
Mon, 9th Aug 20106:02 pm 

I totally understand where you're coming from, being a virgin myself. Although I agree that adults that are virgins in modern society are looked down on, I think you painted those that aren't like they're all out there for a quicky or casual sex. There certainly are women and men who treat their bodies like that but there are people that aren't virgins who have had sex because they loved the person they did it with. You're not being "anit-feminist", I think you are respecting your body. Your body is the only one you get and you only lose your virginity once(naturally anyways), it's a special moment. Personally, I want that moment to be with my future husband. If my boyfriend understands and respects me as a woman and my decision to wait then he'll wait too.

44 yr old dad says:
Tue, 10th Aug 20107:50 pm 

I found this site totally by random, I was actually researching a political article. Some do and some don't. I and several of my friends were virgins going into college and some of us after. There is no rule. I am a 44 yr old father of two and had plenty of 'experience' since. The most satisfying 'events' were committed relationships, not short term quickies. The young lady I dated first in college wasn't my first. I waited and am glad for it. This was my experience. There are more virgins than you might realize but it is not for everyone. At 15-25 it might seem like the most important thing but trust that most of the conversations post college you will have won't be about the sex. It's easy to have it become a dominant thought but try to make sure it suits you. It might not. That's life no guarantees, no refunds.

Miyuki says:
Sat, 14th Aug 20103:06 pm 

What the hell happened to individualism ?

I'm a virgin . I never had a bf or been kissed or all that random crap and I'm damn PROUD

Sex isn't important to me and I don't feel like I'm missing anything. What goes on in the media and what seems like " everyone " is doing doesn't apply. It's MY life and no one can tell me " Go have sex " if I don't want to or make me feel bad about anything in life that i do not want.

Maddie says:
Thu, 9th Sep 20105:28 pm 

@erin. I don't think her artile was bad talking women that have casual flings with men; this may not be the victorian age but some women (who aren't judgemental) do see more pros than cons in whating to have sex. I am a virgin at 20. I don't think it would be right for me to have a one night stand, friends with benifits, or just a physical relationship. This is not because I'm devoted to Jesus. I'm agnostic and have decised this for myself, and I don't believe that all my 20 year old counterparts that aren't virgins only seek casual sex.I do have friends that seek the one night stand and I understand that they want to be wanted without the demands of a relationship and to just live in teh moment. I also have friends that have had open relationships. And I have girlfriends and guyfriends that are in committed relationships where they have sex on a regular basis. I will admit it's sometimes hard to understand how they rationalize the decisions they make, but it's their decision to make and if they wanted my opinon they will ask. I'm sure that they would find it hard to rationalize why I'm still a virgin too. The reason I'm still a virgin is becasue I'm asexual, far from. I masturbate almost every night and have a fine selection of dildos and vibrators, and I'm a virgin becasue I think that sex is something that will be the best in a committed relationship for me. It will help insure that I feel comfortable given and recieving pleasure with outsecond guessing whether I'm being used. This may be a 'victorian' set of ideas but it's ones that make the most sense for me. The feminist revolution didn't give women a free pass to be sexual carefree it gave women the chose to be and I chose not. If there was no choose we'd be were we were a hundred years ago except instead of haveing some women as sexually deprived virgins we would have some women associated sex as something that has to be done and is expected. Why would anyone want to put pressure on someone to do something that can be so physically and emotionally pleasurable?

Dude says:
Sun, 26th Sep 20105:24 am 

honestly… everybody i’ve seen commment on here is an idiot

if you’re abstaining because you think god gives a damn, go fuck yourself

if you’re doing it, because you feel that it is the right thing for you as a person to do, that you choose to wait by choice, not by religious faith or any of that garbage, then damnit good for you

but if you try to drag religion into everything
i have one thing to say

God made man
Man made religion to explain god

period
fuck religion
yay God

ok
for all you people takin offense to the word slut?
guess what? you’re probably a slut
great, who cares?

I’m a guy, I’m abstaining, and not because i believe in religious crap
but because i want my first time to be with somebody i love, and how do you know you love somebody unless you’re willing to spend the rest of your life with them?
if i feel i can make that commitment, then i’ll go for it…
that doesn’t mean i’m going to wait until marriage exactly you know, that’s just how i see it

ok, to all you people saying, “i’m awesome because i’m pure”
no, you’re stupid for caring
do it as a choice
not for some ignorant sense of purity

for all you whores sleeping with a new guy every day, i hope you get aids and die

for anybody who has sex for love, and still enjoys the lust.
who is having sex with one person, and isn’t married
good for you
you’re commited, and took that step in your relationship

for people sleeping around that are trying to figure out “what they like”… if your a guy, like girls
if your a girl, like guys
is it that fuckin hard?

ummm….
did i miss anything?

let me see if i coverd the bases

fuck religion
yay God
Fuck no sex for purity
Fuck no sex for religion
yay no sex for waiting for love
Fuck lots of sex with anybody for any stupid reason what-so-ever (fucking idiots)
Yay people having sex for love

i think that just about covers it
fuck bible pushers
fuck whores
yay people in love

yup, that’s good for me then
peace

rain says:
Tue, 28th Sep 20102:34 am 

thank you so much for this article! i was looking if other people feel the same way and thank God some people do. of course you sound condescending to people who aren't virgins because the article is taken personally against them. But it's more of telling people to not impose their oh so insightful ideas and experiences. If it's such a problem for them, then it's not THEIR problem. they can just continue fucking off, they're experts at that arnt they. no need to persuade you over to see their point. gawd. let. it. go.

Ha - le -ludja says:
Sat, 2nd Oct 201010:23 pm 

You should convert to Islam!

I Agree w/ you and M says:
Thu, 14th Oct 20101:28 am 

WOW, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND YOU. As a virgin, I get the same looks, reactions, etc., and I'm tired of it. I am still waiting to be in love to have sex as well. I just feel that this guy I'm talking to, sends me bizarre texts (always about him inflicting pain on me in some way) and bringing up me and sex at the weirdest times. I feel that he's only keeping me around so I can feel what sex is like, so he can finally take my clothes off, and so I know how it feels to 'have an addiction.' I don't care about having sex right now, although my mind does wander at times, but still, I have control and I'm proud of it. I hate how people always have to bring up meaningless sex in conversations at the weirdest times. It's not the most important thing in my life right now in other words. I'll be waiting for that person who respects and confides in me. Then I can trust them enough to be intimate, etc. Just, not, now.

airforce says:
Mon, 3rd Jan 20113:43 am 

Don't care what people think i'm a 30 year old virgin reason was sick for a long time now i'm single and ready to mingle lol, i know i'm a great catch i'm a black male that is tall and ripped, funny,smart,wise, and yes ladies can cook, yes i am a jesus freak every woman i tell i'm a virgin says no stop telling lies, after i tell the story they believe me, one woman said i want you to marry my daughter, her daughter likes treyz songs she said i look like him, i said no he looks like me i'm older lol i'm the real mr. steal your girl lol, as you can tell i'm very confident, one thing i do fear is a woman that become's my friend and i like her look and the way she acts, i like lawyers,nurses,doctors,business women you get the picture, i have fear reason when a woman becomes my friend my walls come down when my walls come down she could, when i am weak make a move and take my v card and i know she would of hooked me sex is a power thing for men i know because of what my male friends say so M dont worry being a V is a badge of honor those other people are just haters that want to be like us.

Khay says:
Thu, 13th Jan 20116:37 pm 

That comment wasn't necessary. You're not religious. Cool. But to insult another's faith. Not cool. I would think that since you're mature enough to wait, you'd be mature enough not to insult other people's beliefs. I see I was wrong.

vcard intact & fine says:
Tue, 18th Jan 201110:41 pm 

I am 20 years old and a virgin, it is not because I practice abstinence, or am waiting until marriage. My best friends all have sex, and I don't judge them for having a one night stand. I, personally haven't had sex just because, well, I haven't felt the need to. I've had boyfriends, and it just didn't happen, and I'm perfectly fine with that and I have had plenty of chances to have sex but I just choose not to with a random guy, or even a guy I know…it's a choice. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, and I don't judge people who have a full fledged sex life. I do go further than making out, but I just don't feel the need to loose my virginity right now. Even though I feel I am ready to, I'm just not going to pick someone out at a party and have sex with him.

Conri says:
Sun, 30th Jan 20111:52 am 

i bet u guys just put that post on there just because and if not u guys r all prob losers and no one will want you either

Melanie says:
Sun, 17th Apr 201112:20 am 

Do what I do…this is totally 'evil' revenge but it works like you wouldn't believe. If a guy ignores me because I tell them I'm a virgin, I will send them and e-mail saying "soooo you lost interest just because I told I was a virgin, huh. Well you might find it funny to know that I just said that for the hell of it. I do that sometimes as 'test' to see someone's real intentions and you FAILED. Oh well, sucks for you. Goodbye".

I've only done this to a few guys, but I had one guy try SO hard to get back in touch with me. He lost sleep for days over it and was practically begging me, apolagizing like a crazy person, going on about how he had just been 'busy'…hahha….really pathetic, but 'hey it's amusing and they deserve it. I made the mistake of believing one guy and talking to him again which was a mistake. He had just been lying but "man, it really exposes the guy and makes them look pathetic!!"

Melanie says:
Sun, 17th Apr 201112:22 am 

Why doesn't have to be? If it's NOT sacred to you, then why are you bothered that it might be sacred for someone else? Jealous maybe? Jealous that they might experience something you wont?

danielle says:
Sat, 7th May 201112:07 pm 

im 17 and a virgin and until now i felt like that was a bad thing, all of my friends are having sex and it just hasnt happened for me yet. none of them look down upon me but i just feel as though im "prude" or something along those lines. my guy friends make fun of me and they dont understand but i like me the way i am. being a virgin has given me the ability to no regret having sex with someone scumy because i well…havent! i love being a virgin and i wont change that fact till im in love.

Mr. Fukalot says:
Sun, 8th May 20112:42 pm 

Imma let yall finish, but one things for sure, all those comments about ''oh, im so confortable as a virgin''….bullsh*t, thats what ugly and fat woman tell themselves to sleep at night.

Btw, im a guy……

Im on a boat

Ali2MKV says:
Sun, 3rd Jul 20118:02 am 

I think I'll post a bit of hard truth here and apologise if it ruffles any feathers. The reason non-virgins sometimes show a bit of attitude towards virgins is because of insecurity. They're terrified they might have lost an edge over them in the desirability department when it comes to attracting worthwhile men. So we have set up a society that turns the situation around to make it seem that it's the virgins that there is something wrong with. Kind of like if there's a girl in high school who isn't good at anything except flirting she'll try to make the smart girls feel bad by acting like the only thing that matters is how well you flirt, in order to discredit them and place herself in a better position, as a winner and not a loser, which she fears deep down, she is.

Yas says:
Sat, 23rd Jul 20113:27 pm 

First off I’m going to say to each his or her own, I am also a virgin and fine with that but for me its not about waiting for marraige or anything to do with my faith , I’m just not ready and I think when a lot of people ask why virgins are still virgins people are to scared to admit that they’re not ready and there is nothing wrong with that.

guest says:
Sat, 27th Aug 20111:40 pm 

im 31 and still got the v reg VIRGIN
not through choice as im over weight i dont have the confidence to go out and find a guy, when i was younger i was busy to look at guy or even have feeling for boys /guys
now im that old and feel ready to and settle down soon i hope and have a family
am i weird to have waited this long?

SmartAthleticGuy says:
Wed, 16th Nov 20112:00 am 

Male here, virgin too.
Would you like to get to know each other?

Smart Athlete Guy says:
Wed, 16th Nov 20112:01 am 

Male here, virgin too.
Would you like to get to know each other?

Fatima says:
Thu, 17th Nov 20114:46 pm 

Can i just say i absolutely adore you Im in the same predicament as you…i'm 18, a freshman in college and also a virgin. I get the responses like "you're a virgin" or " why are you waiting for the right person" and my answer is always yes i'm a virgin and i am waiting for the right person. Although some people may perfer to have all the sex they would like to now! i am looking forward to sharing that bond with that guy in which i will someday marry im proud to say im a virgin and if you cant respect that then the hell with you…

Justine says:
Mon, 21st Nov 20118:29 pm 

I am a Casting Producer and NOW CASTING a brand new documentary series for a major Family-Friendly Network. We are looking for VIRGINS. Yes, Virgins 18+ (Gay OR Straight, Single/Engaged etc.) all across the US. Whether you are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right, struggling with your sexuality, waiting for marriage, or just ready to get it over with, we want to hear your story! Please message me at liese.justine@gmail.com for more details or if you have any questions.

Thanks!

Justine Liese

Justine says:
Mon, 21st Nov 20118:33 pm 

I am a Casting Producer and NOW CASTING a brand new documentary series for a major Family-Friendly Network. We are looking for VIRGINS. Yes, Virgins 18+ (Gay OR Straight, Single OR Engaged etc.) all across the US. Whether you are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right, struggling with your sexuality, waiting for marriage, or just ready to get it over with, we want to hear your story! Please message me at liese.justine@gmail.com for more details or if you have any questions.

Thanks!

Justine Liese

justine says:
Mon, 21st Nov 20118:41 pm 

I am a Casting Producer and NOW CASTING a brand new documentary series for a major Family-Friendly Network. We are looking for VIRGINS. Yes, Virgins 18+ (Gay OR Straight, Single OR Engaged etc.) all across the US. Whether you are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right, struggling with your sexuality, waiting for marriage, or just ready to get it over with, we want to hear your story! Even if you are not a virgin anymore, if you know someone who is and would be great for this show, please contact me for more details or if you have any questions at: liese.justine@gmail.com.

Thank you,

Justine Liese

Justine says:
Mon, 21st Nov 20118:50 pm 

I am a Casting Producer and NOW CASTING a brand new documentary series for a major Family-Friendly Network. We are looking for VIRGINS. Yes, Virgins 18+ (Gay OR Straight, Single OR Engaged etc.) all across the US. Whether you are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right, struggling with your sexuality, waiting for marriage, or just ready to get it over with, we want to hear your story! Even if you are not a virgin anymore, if you know someone who is and would be great for this show, please contact me for more details or if you have any questions at: liese.justine@gmail.com.

Thank you,

Justine Liese

Yes. says:
Wed, 30th Nov 20113:31 am 

Being a virgin is a great thing, but I believe if you do make the decision to lose it you're not a slut.
That's terrible. Sex is a natural thing. If you don't want to have it, fine, that's your decision. If you do, find someone you care about and do it. It feels amazing and if you do it with the right person you can possibly feel even more connected with them. Experiences, man. My first relationship lasted for years and without sex it just would have been great, but man, sex made it even better.

Bippy says:
Sun, 12th Feb 20129:46 am 

Trevor why don’t you take your idiotic morally relativistic worldview into the garbage where you both belong. If you had it your way this world would have no right or wrong and to people like you what hitler did to millions is no different than having a salami sandwich on the weekend. Go and live with the rest of your pals in the soviet union.

As a male virgin who is not a slave to his hormones and has mind of his own (unlike that retarded idiot Trevor who is amoral ) I applaud you miss for understanding that sex is the icing on the cake and not the foundation of the cake when it comes to true happiness. Trevor I will spell it out for ya dude, it’s called L O V E.

Maybe after you learn some manners you can learn the alphabet and eventually comprehend the concept of love.

Don’t worry trev ole boy, there will still be many shallow tramps for you to screw you mindless oaf, this article is only for women of morals and conscience to understand

anonymous says:
Sun, 26th Feb 20125:59 pm 

Thank you for pointing that out! You're so right about that Trevor. He doesn't deserve to live.

anonymous says:
Sun, 26th Feb 20125:59 pm 

No, you shut the hell up and take your fuckin' bigotry to hell with you.

anonymous says:
Sun, 26th Feb 20126:02 pm 

What a hypocrite you are. First, you badmouth being a birgin. Next, you type that isn't too bad. How indecisive.

In case you haven't noticed, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A VIRGIN!!! If there are people are virgins and proud of it, let them be. I, myself, am I virgin and I enjoy it.

Those who are against virgins for being who they are can shove it up their asses.

waitingforlove says:
Tue, 13th Mar 20128:28 pm 

i am a 22 years old and I am still a virgin. If your friends have an issue with you being a virgin, maybe deep down inside they are tired of being used by men and not finding the right one that would make them feel important. they want you to feel the emptiness they feel. keep holding on.

anne says:
Tue, 20th Mar 20123:51 pm 

i'm 27y/o,female,filipina and still a virgin. a friend of mine told me being a virgin isnt important now-a-days she also added that if you are still a virgin guys would laugh at you & that made me feel so bad.. is it a laughing matter if a girl like my age is still a virgin?

anne says:
Tue, 20th Mar 20124:15 pm 

i don't want to be laughed at but this is my choice to remain virgin til the right one comes along.. (my future better half..)

Jasmine says:
Sat, 7th Apr 20121:52 pm 

i confess i’m not a virgin anymore,i had given a wrong man when i was 23 years old now i’m 25 coming 26 but i’ve never never regret it.u must be wondering it’s a wrong man how can it be?i love him at first sight,girls nowadays losing their virginity such young age like 13 why can’t they wait 4 the right person?that experience 2 me supposed 2 be an unexpected,but since i’ve given i can’t possibly take back.if clock could turn back,i hope it can be avoid

Jenna says:
Sun, 8th Apr 20128:50 pm 

Is someone who is in a relationship and not yet married a whore if she sleeps with her boyfriend? What about men? Are only women whores, and not men?

DS says:
Wed, 6th Jun 201212:16 am 

Jenna, you are not a whore if you sleep w/ your bf before marriage if you truly love him, and he feels the same. Men and women are both whores, but it seems more socialy acceptable to be a male whore. They get high 5s from buds while women get called sluts. Thank you Brittny for your honesty and strong point of view in your article. It must have taken a lot of courage, you must be very comfortable with your self. I am 20, male, and am a virgin. I found who i believed was my soul mate when i 13, was prepared to give everything to her; mind, body, soul, etc. If you’ve ever heard soul one by Blind Melon my emotions were identical to his(Shannon Hoon) Needless to say, as I’m still a virgin, things did not end well. This was 100% my fault and now burden to bear as I have tried but cannot forgive myself as I think not only of the happiness i denied myself, but more importantly denied her. I would give almost anything to go back, just like all of us facing a situation similar to mine would. Give anything unless that meant changing who i am now. It is your hardships and struggles and learning from these experiences that shape you into who you are now. They teach you perserverence, independence, most importantly patience,etc. I’ve been searching for so long someone like you (not you personally obviously). I had lost hope until i stumbled upon this article. I thought i was alone, thought virgins 20+ were equivalent to unicorns lol but i was wrong judging by most responses readers submitted. BTW if your female don’t ever be ashamed your a virgin, be proud, guys like me search endlessly for women like you. I thought guys were more ashamed. Even though it is likely irrelevant by now as you wrote this over 2 years ago it is important you never lose sight of your opinion and perspective on this matter because it’s real people like you who make this world atleast bearable to live in. See past material things wether they be physical,mental,emotional,etc. I believe people who give themselves to someone who they don’t truly love forces them into society lacking perspective in sense of values, morals, and dignity. For everyone like that It’s ultimately your decision to be like that, you are primarily the ones talking shit to people on the discussed topic. For those, i leave you with some lyrics from the band TOOL that helped me alter my perspective when i was young and tried to spread hatred to people just trying to voice their individual opinion- What are you but my reflection? Who am i to judge or strike you down?

Rebecca says:
Thu, 19th Jul 20128:56 am 

"X" you seem to be very naive because otherwise you would know that very few people meet quality guys at clubs. There are exceptions, of course, but most of them are just looking for a one-night stand. If you choose to have a one-night stand, there usually won't be a relationship afterwards, hence the term "one-night stand." It doesn't matter if you are better than a porn star in bed, the guy will leave you in the morning. This is not what a lot of virgins want, which is why they are still virgins. They want a meaningful relationship instead of being someone's sex toy.

P.S. It's a very bad idea to get drunk and have sex with a complete stranger! Your judgment is impaired and you don't know about their sexual history. I had a dear friend who got HIV from a one night stand. Condoms don't protect against everything, you know.

Rebecca says:
Thu, 19th Jul 20129:03 am 

You have the right to live your life the way you wish. The sexual compatibility is the part of your post I don't agree with. Most Americans have premarital sex and many of them get married. This indicates that they were sexually compatible, right? Well, if sexual compatibility were the answer to a happy and long lasting marriage, why do so many marriages fail? Why is the divorce rate so high? A lot of people don't want to put work into a relationship. They don't want to take the time to figure out their partner's likes and dislikes. The key to a happy marriage is communication. Tell your partner what you like and don't like. If you don't know, have your partner try out different things to find out.

Also, what do you do if you marry someone who is awesome in bed, but suddenly gets into a severe car accident and becomes paralyzed to the point where they can't have sex? Do you just divorce this person? Great sex can also make a bad relationship seem wonderful. I have had many friends that stayed with losers just because the sex was good.

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