Casey says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20095:31 am 

Great article! But you're going to have all the trolls commenting. (Guys, if you don't respond to the rude and obnoxious trolls, they'll have no choice but to go find another board to pester) Maybe we can try and keep the discussion on this one civil.

Sam says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20096:20 am 

I like this site and all, but come on, it's enough. It seems like there's no variety anymore, all the articles are about sex. Are you just doing these articles now to get massive amounts of comments? What happened to the variety of articles that were actually about COLLEGE life? Isn't that what CollegeCandy is about, not just sex? Enough is enough.

Jenny says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20097:36 am 

Yes, thank you! I'm so sick of the whole virgin/whore complex. And I really don't understand why other people care so much about other people's life choices, anyway. =/

Ashley says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20097:41 am 

call me old fashioned but I think one sexual partner for life is the only way to be truely fulfilled in the long run. I did have sex with my hubby before we were married but we were both virgins then and have only knows each other sexually. Our sex life is as great as ever after two years of marriage and we have avoided the problems many of our friends had that messed around.

Jaleesa says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20097:50 am 

I agree with your article. People should have an open mind about sex. In this day and age, women should not have to deal with the stereotyping of being a "whore" just for being sexually active. HOWEVER, you should not be so quick to accuse some of the commenters of being close-minded or judge-mental. I have read some articles on this site that are not just about sexually liberated young women sharing experiences. Some of these articles are just plain irresponsible. I don't want to hear multiple stories about drunken one-night stands or pregnancy scares (as in having more that one, I believe after the first, one should learn their lesson). I'm not saying they need to be perfect and never have a lapse in judgement, but some of these stories unfortunately seem like it is a habit. To some people, this would validate the "slut" label. Maybe if the articles were more about learning your lesson instead of finding out they weren't pregnant (or were STD free) and returned to their behavior the next night, there wouldn't be such a negative response.

(Sorry for the essay lol)

Jeremy says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20099:12 am 

I understand that you are advocating for women to allowed to be sluts but called ladies. That's not how the world works. Word gets around and then only a sorry-ass slob with no self respect with get into a relationship with you. The other self respecting males will use you for the one thing you are good at.

That being said, I love sluts. They should be commended as they do the world a great service and I don't know what I would do with my free time if they weren't always around.

Jeremy says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20099:25 am 

btw Jenny, it's not that people care about your life choices. In fact, that couldn't be further from the truth. Most people don't give a flying fuck (pardon the expression) about what you do with your time. It's the guys who you want a relationship with that do their homework on your past and it comes up quite quickly. If they find out that you're not a princess and actually pig with lot of lipstick, then you're likely to be fucked (a few times) and chucked. Some guys may even date you for a while but knowing the whole time that you're not really marriage material. After all, self respecting guys will not start a family with a slut. It's a much better option to keep you for what you're good at.

Young pretty girls have at least two things going for them – youth and beauty. If they rely only on these two characteristics, they will not know what to do in a few years time after they have lost both. And will wonder why guys aren't doing the nice things they used to do for them before. But if these same girls are nice, sweet, respectful and demure towards those around them, you can bet that this will show people's actions towards them when they aren't as hot as they once were.

bystander says:
Sat, 19th Sep 200910:31 am 

You wrote, "Sure, there really are some sluts out there. Women who have sex with everything that moves in order to fill a void, and have no respect for themselves."

Are you saying that women who act out sexually to numb their emotional pain are sluts, but the ones who are just exercising their freedom aren't?

I think if you polled people who fall toward the center of this issue, not far left or right, you would find they believe you have it upside down.

Alice says:
Sat, 19th Sep 200910:33 am 

I have an open mind about sex.

But the majority of these articles on College Candy, particularly in the sex section does lead one to presume that the girls here are sluts. What with their stories of walks of shames, drunk hookups, weekly sessions with strangers. It makes it seem a lot more prevalent that it actually is.

I can understand that writers and other visitors don't like it when comments like "slut" come up, particularly for articles that don't warrant it. But as I see it, there are lots of articles here that probably started that mindset.

Dan | Ask Dan and Je says:
Sat, 19th Sep 200910:35 am 

First, we're all unique and different individuals, and we are all entitled to our personal preferences, and our personal choices on how to live our lives (barring harming others, etc.). Who we have sex with, how often, etc. is part of that list of "personal choices".

None of those personal choices give anyone extra morality/God-points with special privileges to call others who make other choices demeaning names (i.e. "slut", "whore", etc.) – no matter how high and mighty they seem at first and how righteous it may seem to "save" them. Sorry, that's just not "ok".

Calling other people names like that is a desperate cry by a fragile ego with no core self confidence. If you're at peace with yourself and your world you don't have a burning inner need to lash out at others and their personal choices.

Sure you'll end up with a few negative trolls who are disrespectful of others, the community, etc. I think you'll find they add little value but cause most of the trouble. Simple solution: ban/block them.

We have zero tolerance for personal attacks in our forums and our comments, and that stuff definitely qualifies. You can always disagree with anyone in a polite and respectful way.

Let's remember we're not talking about doing harm to anyone else, but calling someone names for their personal choices is really sad. Again, we're all perfectly allowed to have them.

Second: There's the old societal double standard from "better days" when women needed to be "barefoot and pregnant". If a young guy has sex with a lot of girls, he's a stud. if a girl does it, she's a slut/whore/insert-self-stroking-expletive-here. Sorry, that type of double standard is completely bogus, and mostly baggage from previous generations. It's garbage.

How about this… "if you don't have something nice to say…".

And if we think really hard, there's always something good, positive, helpful to add… you don't have to agree, just add value in a constructive way.

Have an awesome day!

Dan

Darwin says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20092:35 pm 

Agree with Dan. Stop being immature. No one is forcing you to read the articles. No one needs asinine mean comments.

JenniferUofR says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20094:33 pm 

People need to realize when "sex" is in the title if they are inclined to become pushy or rude to others or make rude comments because of their "beliefs" then they should stay away. No one likes the conversation getting off topic with fights or rants. Those with more open minds, no matter what side they are on as long as they make statements that are not rude or detrimental to others, don't like being bullied or attacked, it's not fair and it's not right. Not to act like Dear Abby, but it's not really something one does in polite society.

criolle says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20096:44 pm 

I don't know is this makes me a "troll" … I was a sailor for a long time and I knew a LOT of GUYS who were sluts! They're not "making love", they're not "having sex". They're masturbating with a warm body.

Jeremy loves his sluts. But the thing about sluts, male or female is that they are toys. No one takes toys seriously. Another thing is that they are dangerous. Sex with a slut, male or female is like playing Russian Roulette with five rounds in the chamber. They get more dangerous with increasing partners.

This used to be sexism. Today, it's biology and math … for male and female sluts.

Jeremy says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20096:47 pm 

btw, I have read only a few articles on here and it seems that Alice is quite correct and that you guys run stories written to generate controversy without really having anything intelligent to say. In fact, I find a lot better material on tuckermax.com. That's saying a lot.

So I figure that we'll just keep a good thing going. Smart guys and I will bang the sluts and actually date the good girls while Dan can date all the sluts after we're done with them. Maybe you can even pick up a few bonus STI's along the way! When were you pussy whipped into submission, Dan? hahaha.

And why is everyone insinuating that being a slut is negative. In fact, it's a wonderful thing. Prostitution is legal in many jurisdictions around the world and there are a few good reasons for this. Sluts are merely providing this valuable service for free. Please don't be a dog in the manger. If you don't want it, stop trying to screw it up for the rest of us. It's really quite a symbiotic relationship.

shari says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20097:01 pm 

love thise article!

Jeremy says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20097:14 pm 

Ah, Criole.

You make a great argument but what you fail to take into consideration is that a "male slut", as you so eloquently put it, is usually called a stud or a player. So his experience and interactions with more females only increases his value. Once you gain this level of confidence and are preselected by a bunch of girls, you're virtually invincible.

It's not the same for sluts. Their value is inversely proportional to the number of guys they've been with. This is partly because women have the ability to sleep with guys and do not need any skill or prowess to do so. It is no great feat for even a below average girl to start her own collection of guys in one day. Hence, it makes a lot of sense for her value to plummet if she chooses to go down this path. No one is stifling a sluts choices in life – this isn't the Middle East. But your actions have consequences. And the consequence of slutty behaviour is firstly that it makes the world a much better place; and that it causes the slut to lose value as a potential long-term mate. There is much equality in this system. Women and men are, by their very nature, different in many ways.

If you ask a women what she likes/wants in guy, she will list out a thousand lies – nice guy, trustworthy, kind, the whole shebang. But act like that and you're sure not to get laid. Do the opposite and you'll get her and most of her hot friends in a week, maybe even together if you play your cards right. It's quite simple really. There are many constructs at play here and what I have given you is merely a high level picture.

Once you have a nice girl and are thinking about keeping her around, then you can just be yourself and hopefully things will work out. But for the regular two-bit whores/sluts/cum-dumpsters (I'm sure that doesn't apply to heterosexual males too, Criole!) out there, you never need to get to this stage. Just have a good time and then keep them on the book for a rainy day. And just in case you make a mistake and wed a slut, thank God for ironclad prenups!

Count yourselves lucky for you are in the presence of greatness.

Jeremy says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20097:17 pm 

what kind of a name is shari, anyway? btw, do you have a hot Anglo cousin named amanda? tell her Jeremy W says hi.

Angie Marie says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20094:30 am 

While I am a virgin waiting for marriage, I have no interest right now in plunging into a debate about sex. I will say, however, that more articles on CC about topics BESIDES sex would be awesome. The article on college v. high school friends, for instance, is really unique and thought-provoking!

criolle says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20095:32 am 

Jeremy … NO. Calling a "male slut" a "player" is putting lipstick on a pig. You can talk about a "high level picture" all year and all night, but you are still putting lipstick on a pig.

I'm the first and most vigorous to stand for men's rights and I howl to the moon and stars over the inherent differences between men and women. (Vive la Differance!)

I still believe that slutty behavior makes one a slut, male or female. Also, you're not "invincible". You're a higher risk partner. More rounds in the chamber as you play Russian Roulette.

For the record, it's "criolle" with two "l's". It means New World Hispanic. I use it to honor that side of my ancestry.

Bright Blessings

Jeremy says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20096:28 am 

Alright, let's make a few clarifications.

Firstly, I do not believe that in order to be worthy of a long-term relationship with me or any other semi-intelligent man, you do not need to be a virgin. Being sweet, demure, easy going, not a bitch, honest and trustworthy are far more important characteristics and more than sufficient qualities in am mate. This holds true for both sexes.

However, the other side of the same scale is not as balanced; meaning that a promiscuous girl (slut) has to be much less promiscuous to be considered a slut than her male counterpart.

There are no absolutes when dealing with the issue of promiscuity/sluttyness. My very valid claim is that women and men are held to different standards. You cannot expect a female firefighter or police officer to be given the same physical tests that her male counterpart has to go through. In a similar fashion, women are held to a higher standard where promiscuity is concerned and will be labeled as a slut if she crosses this line (gray area) never mind writing about and glorifying it!

Extreme cases are different and guys who do this are also causing problems for themselves. Take Jenna Haze, for example, who at times slept with five different guys in one day none of which knew about the other four. That is an extreme example and there are numerous guys who do that regularly. So in these extreme cases, both males and females can be huge sluts. I'm sure most intelligent and self respecting women would not want to emotionally attach themselves to such guys let alone start a family with one of them.

On a final note, I believe that everyone can change however unlikely it may be. If a person deviates a bit, it is easy to get back on track. However, if they get on the other side and do a little jig, it is that much harder to come back. This holds true for almost every aspect of life and is a key component on the road to success.

Jeremy says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20096:36 am 

Double negative mess up. It should read, "Firstly, I do not believe that in order to be worthy of a long-term relationship with me or any other semi-intelligent man, you need to be a virgin."

Jeremy says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20097:47 am 

Not bad, Casey. Not bad at all. I'm not going to continue the argument because I have Embryo and Physio behind me ready to rape me the minute I take my eyes off the ball.

btw, I'm a college candy virgin unlike some of the other people on this site

emily says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20099:07 am 

Jeremy sounds like quite the slut to me.

Dazey says:
Sun, 20th Sep 200910:36 am 

I don't really think sex is an outright positive or negative thing …it just is.

Different people view it differently, some as a positive entity and others as a negative entity.

I really do not like the use of the word slut at all. Women who sleep around to fill a void and treat their body badly because so are just other forms of the human condition, maybe they are psychologically defective somehow but calling them sluts is not helping their self destructive behaviour. Or maybe they enjoy sex, like some enjoy eating and others enjoy sleeping – all activities needed for survival.

Also what do we call promiscuos men? Usually they get high-fived for being so sexually active, what a double standard.

Jeremy says:
Sun, 20th Sep 200910:39 am 

Emily, I actually love your name but it's probably not yours anyway. You are incorrect in your assumption. In fact, I am very truthful and honest with my present and past partners. Sure, I have urges but I stay in control of them rather than let them control me.

I cannot say the same about the girls that I have chosen not to even consider dating. It is quite obvious to me and most guys that these women are good for only a few nights and it serves us well to keep them to arms length emotionally. In any case, I like the way things are in our society and do not wish to have them changed considerably. It would be quite hard to do so anyways since there are several other forces at work which have contributed to how things are today.

Casey. How come you have a hyperlink on your name?

Dazey says:
Sun, 20th Sep 200910:44 am 

Also, to the people generally commenting on people being rude or pushing views on others, this is an open website which allows free commenting. If an article presenting a person's view on a contentious issue is up here then people are going to comment however they want to. Stating your opinion is not being pushy – fact. This is a public forum for discussion, as much as an organised discussion on sexual health is

Casey says:
Sun, 20th Sep 200912:30 pm 

“My very valid claim is that women and men are held to different standards. ”

Jeremy, I’m not sure how long you’ve been around this site, but the issue is that women and men ARE held to different standards. That is what the whole “liberated woman” mindset is about, trying to eliminate the double standard.

But you do make a very excellent point, even if it is hard for some people to swallow, that women do not need to be skilled in order to obtain lots of sex and many partners, where a guy either has to be well endowed, above average looking, or very skilled in bed. I don’t think many people look at that aspect of it. For guys having lots of partners is like a legacy, for girls it just means you give it up way to easily.

Think about it girls, it’s not hard to find a guy that is willing to have sex with you, but how often do you shoot down guys at the bar/ club? The same guys you settle on to take home are the same guys every other girl is taking home the other 6 nights of the week. We’re passing around the same couple guys (the attractive, well endowed, “skilled” one’s) allowing them to rack up notches in their belts, but how is that helping us? The guys are proving something, that they can get women. What are WE proving by sleeping with them? That they can get whatever they want from us? That we can give into our every want and desire? It’s certainly not that we can get what we want, cause even the not so great looking girl can get a guy to sleep with her. That’s where the double standard comes in.

It sucks that there is a double standard, but I don’t think men and women look at casual sex the same way at all (relationship sex is excluded). We’re all looking for pleasure from sex, but guys are looking for something else as well, something we aren’t looking for, the challenge.

For us, the challenge isn’t about sleeping with the most people, for us it’s about keeping one around. For a girl, to find a great guy that we click well with and who wants to be with us is a challenge. You know who gets those guys? The girls who don’t have a long list of partners.

I think we’re trying to get on equal ground the wrong way. Instead of us trying to become equal we should make men want to be equal to us. Notice the guys want the girls who don’t have a lot of partners. Well we don’t give them that same dilemma, most girls will take that “player” or “man whore” once they’ve retired and are looking to settle down. It’s kind of looked at as “taming the beast” the girl who can get a player to settle down MUST be special, right? Well she is, she didn’t give it up right away. If they wont accept us for sleeping around then why do we accept them? Instead of stooping to their level we should make them play our game. It’s safer, it’s harder, and it’s more rewarding. It also will eliminate hateful words like “slut” and “whore” for BOTH sides, not to mention vastly lower amounts of STD cases and unwanted pregnancies. And it puts an end to the question “does he really like me, or does he like the sex?” It’s an answer to almost everything.

If people want change, they have to work for it, you can’t always take the easy road, which is what the “liberated woman” mindset is.

JenniferUofR says:
Sun, 20th Sep 200911:44 am 

@Dazey did you see the comments from "I'm Proud to be a Virgin" or what ever it was called? Comments are great, all different types, but you should take a look at what went on there as well with some others from the past where people called each other "bitches" "sluts" and other profane names what were far beyond acceptable, based on their own ideals and life styles. Stating an opinion is what the comment section is about, but when people start harrassing and bullying other people it's a problem and I'm sorry I feel it needs to be addressed by the people who run the website as do a few others. On many sites comments that are too profane and insulting are taking down, there is no reason why some can't be monitored or removed.

Dirk Diggler says:
Sun, 20th Sep 200912:04 pm 

"While I’m in no way advocating risky, promiscuous sex…"

Please refer to any "The Morning After" article. If you want sex so bad make porno films; the actors and actresses have sex more than anyone else but they also do it safer than anyone else. Srsly.

Casey says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20091:02 pm 

Jeremy, It's because someone was posting obnoxious comments pretending to be me. So I was forced to login to my wordpress account to comment.

criolle says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20092:41 pm 

Jeremy .. a porn star marries a rock star. The porn star made a living having sex with other performers. The performers were tested (weekly) and performed in a controlled.

The rock star spent years on the road and routinely had sex with any female who was conscious enough to say "duh, ok".

Which one is a slut?

Jer says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20094:31 pm 

They're both addicted to sex, get it anywhere they can; hence they are huge sluts. Most porn stars choose that like and stay in it because they enjoy their position. And the rock star couldn't give less of a shit. He's probably too coked up to retain anything but lyrics if you can call it that. And as for pornstars, they won't get any normal, semi-intelligent, self-respecting man to marry her. Hence the rockstar choice, if you can call it a choice. Those are both extremes. Just because it's a career, doesn't make her less of a whore if she's killing two birds with one stone. Read my previous post regarding the clarifications I made.

I just studied Embryo for a few hours. It's interesting how things are quite similar at a cellular level in females and males to what they are at a societal level.

Jer says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20094:52 pm 

Luckily no one even wants to pretend to be me!

Casey says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20095:51 pm 

Porn stars are virtually glorified prostitutes.

Jer, They don't pretend to be you because they like you.

molly says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20098:16 am 

Liking sex is no different than enjoying skydiving, or skiing. It's a personal preference, I don't understand why you feel the need to attach a negative word like SLUT or WHORE to to enjoying an activity. If I fell in love with a male porn star, I would marry him. Enjoying sex doesn't make him unintelligent or make me less self-respecting. It's just a personal attribute. Some of the sweetest, kindest, most "demure", as you put it, women really enjoy sex.

In fact, you would probably like me, I'm kind and sweet and very intelligent, but I love to have lots of sex with my long term boyfriend. Does that make me a slut, or a bad person?

If it does, I'm proud to be a slut. A smart, sexy, safe and responsible slut!

Jeremy says:
Mon, 21st Sep 200910:08 am 

Even though I seldom agree with anyone, I have no choice by to agree with Casey… this time.

Kiko says:
Mon, 21st Sep 200912:40 pm 

Well, Casey, and that's exactly the problem. Waking up next to a naked person you don't know well means that something is wrong? Really? Who says? Every person has different values and I don't think is fair at all to label "wrong" or look for complicated psychological explanations when somebody dare to behave in a way you don't relate to.

I, for one, think it's more "normal", so to speak, to have a casual sex with a stranger, then spend the young years of my life in celibacy and then marry an equally inexperienced person for life. Of course, I don't have anything against people who choose just that. Many of my friends are religious and believe in the necessity of marriage and in strict monogamy. Whatever works for them it's fine with me. I'm not going to insult anyone for having different values…

I have done that casual sex thing with a person I barely knew a couple of times in my life. It was fun and it was exciting and I don't regret it al all. And later, when I met my boyfriend, we had the TALK and it turned out that he slept with about 60 women in his life (at least that's what he said), while I had only about 12 guys. Okay, "only" might be a strong word here, but compared to his rate… Yet he got really upset and accused me of being a slut and said that there goes our chance of ever getting married because "nobody wants to marry the slut of the town."

Hmmm…The good old double-standard strikes again…I told him that I had no idea why he thought that I had the slightest interest in marrying somebody who was obviously prejudiced, hypocritical, and unfair against women…

The double-standard is something we need to get rid of, people! It's 21th century!!!

Casey says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20092:37 pm 

Molly, this statement, “with my long term boyfriend.” eliminates you from the category. Being a so-called “slut” is not, and has never been, about how often you have sex, or even how much you enjoy it. The issue is with how many people you engage in sex with. Enjoying sex is perfectly fine and acceptable. In most developed countries women enjoying sex is not an issue at all (it’s only in countries where female suffrage is still prevalent that it is still believed that women should not or do not enjoy sex). The fact that you have and enjoy sex with your long term boyfriend means that you are not out “whoring it up” as some girls (wtf?!) like to call it, sleeping with random guy after random guy.

The issue that leads girls to be known as “sluts” is when they take home different random guys every week. The issue isn’t even when you hookup with people you’re not in a relationship with, it’s when you don’t know the person at all (their name, their age, a single friend of theirs, who they are) that there’s a problem. Read this weeks “The Morning After” article and that is what the common definition of a “slut” is. When you wake up and have no idea who is naked in the bed with you that is when something is wrong. I don’t use the word slut, I think there are actual reasons this behavior is taking place more so than the fact that they “like sex”. For example; they didn’t get much attention from guys when they were younger and they are overcompensating for the previous lack of attention, or they just don’t know how to handle all the new found attention, or maybe they come from a broken family where one or both parents got re-married and started new families (I’ve witnessed this with my old best friend, both of her parents got re-married and started new families and she didn’t fit with either one, her family was destroyed when her parents divorced and she was forced to watch her parents pay more attention to the products of their “happy families” instead of their failed family so she slept around to try and find “love” that she wasn’t getting at home.) There are many reasons like this that a girl might become promiscuous to the point where someone would refer to them as a “slut” (they usually involve a lack of proper attention) unfortunately these girls have an actual problem and we don’t need to add insult to injury.

So no Molly, you’re not a “slut”.

Laura says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20091:53 pm 

Jeremy, too, is playing a very valuable role in this community. He is trolling, my friends. Now, he is a very good troll, but he is still a troll. Just look how much discussion his misogynistic comments have gotten!

This kid's comments remind me of the crap my boyfriend says when he's trying to rile me up.

Well done, Jeremy!

Jeremy says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20092:37 pm 

Laura, I really don't even know what a troll is. I have never heard the term before in my life. Please explain.

Kiko, I will respond to your comment in a few days. I am knee deep in womens organs at the moment and thus finding it hard to form coherent sentences. But I am glad you wrote what you did. It shows that, in some circumstances, the term slut can be appropriate to describe a person.

Jeremy says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20092:40 pm 

btw, please excuse all my spelling and grammatical errors. I haven't bothered to read what I wrote before posting it.

Casey says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20097:05 pm 

Kiko, I think you misunderstood. I didn't say "someone you don't know well", Hell, I didn't know my current boyfriend for more than a week before he and I hooked up, I said, "someone you don't know at all" Like waking up and thinking it was the first time you've ever seen the person because you were too wasted to remember the night before. Read my longer post above the one you're responding too, then come back to the discussion.

Laura, you should look up the definition of an internet troll. Trolls detract from the discussion, not stimulate it. Jeremy just adds another viewpoint intelligently, and aren't we supposed to be accepting of others? I mean aren't you being closed-minded? And I think a lot of us come here for the discussion, right? When did discussion become a bad thing?

Anynomn, Sorry, I have a boyfriend (who I fuck regularly), and I don't believe in cheating, but if I were to hook up with Jeremy, I guarantee there would be a lot more going on than a mere shaking of hands.

Vee says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20097:25 pm 

I"m sorry, but while Jeremy "adds another viewpoint" he definitely does not do so intelligently.

All he is doing is rehashing a tired double standard: girls who sleep around are worthless sluts, but guys who do the same thing are super, duper awesome and all the girls should date them! He complacently accepts it as fact because he, as a male, seeks to benefit from it.

He lays all the blame for a girl's promiscuity on the girl herself, but come on. The guys who sleep with her should also be ashamed of themselves! Using a girl and throwing her away after one night, no matter how "slutty" you think she is, is an asshole thing to do.

Plus, it's pretty obvious he hasn't even had enough experience in his life – if he thinks "women have the ability to sleep with guys and do not need any skill or prowess to do so," it's pretty obvious that his sex has been limited to dead fish.

Sorry, dude. Don't blame girls for your general lameitude.

Casey says:
Tue, 22nd Sep 20099:56 am 

Oh, and anynomn, you're just jealous cause you don't get to be involved.

And where do you get the idea that either of us are prudes? You must not be paying very much attention to the discussion taking place.

Vee says:
Tue, 22nd Sep 200910:12 am 

Hey Casey. I'm glad we can have a civilized discussion.

Anyway, I'm not trying to "promote" a promiscuous lifestyle. Not sure where you got that idea, so I apologize if it wasn't clear.

I'm bringing up the fact that girls shouldn't have to shoulder all the blame for their "sluttiness." The guys who know of their habits and go ahead and sleep with them anyway should be blamed as well! A slut needs guys to earn her reputation, after all. The guys who know she is a slut and continue to sleep with her are just as icky as she is.

I just dislike Jeremy's self-congratulatory tone when he talks about having one-night-stands with supposed "sluts." From my feminine point of view, if there were a guy that all the girls considered nasty and "man-whorey," I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have SEX with him to get back at him, one night stand or no!

So, I don't believe girls should throw themselves at dudes just to make it "fair" between the sexes. I think both girls and guys should be careful about whom they sleep with and why they're doing it. The numbers don't matter, just the mindset.

Casey says:
Tue, 22nd Sep 20092:47 pm 

“Using a girl and throwing her away after one night, no matter how “slutty” you think she is, is an asshole thing to do”

Perhaps, but it’s what most guys do. If the girl is going to give it away for nothing, then what’s to stop the guy from “throwing her away” afterward? The answer, nothing. Ever heard the saying, “why would he want to buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?” Well it’s still true. However, that’s not what girls care about right? A “liberated woman” wouldn’t care if the guy “threw her away” because after all, isn’t she looking for the same thing? A one night stand? Just sex and nothing else? I think you’re contradicting the lifestyle you’re promoting. Or maybe you just don’t understand that lifestyle very well in the first place, in which case you probably shouldn’t be commenting about it.

Also, yes, women do have the ability to sleep with guys with out having any skill to speak of. Do guys ask you how good you are in bed before they take you home? Certainly not. They only care if you’re WILLING to fuck them, not if you’re going to be good at it. He didn’t say “girls AREN’T good in bed” he said “girls DON’T HAVE TO BE good in bed”. Like I said previously, even the not so attractive girls can get a guy if they’re willing to sleep with him the first night. You’re taking a generally known fact and making a personal attack out of it. You don’t seem to be expressing YOUR viewpoint very intelligently.

I think you failed to catch onto the sarcasm in Jeremy’s comments. But you have to realize that as a man he doesn’t think the same way you do, and has a different view of the whole “liberated woman” mindset. You might not agree with his view, but it doesn’t make it wrong.

Take it this way, he’s representing most men out there, this is the way most men think. And no amount of us “sleeping around to prove our point” is going to change men’s mind on the “slut” issue if this is how they think. So instead of “whoring it up to prove we’re equal to men” maybe we need to rethink our strategy, because they obviously aren’t buying into it. Not to mention you yourself said, “he as a male seeks to benefit from it” you’re absolutely right, males do benefit from our ignorance. We Throw ourselves at them thinking “well if they can do it, we can to” But just because we think that, it doesn’t change their opinion about it.

I’m pretty sure somewhere in Jeremy’s comments he said it is the same for men and women, let me see if I can find it. Oh here it is, “Firstly, I do not believe that in order to be worthy of a long-term relationship with me or any other semi-intelligent man, you need to be a virgin. Being sweet, demure, easy going, not a bitch, honest and trustworthy are far more important characteristics and more than sufficient qualities in a mate. This holds true for both sexes.” I think what he’s trying to get at here is that it’s ok for both men and women to have hooked up with people. But for men, since it’s more of a challenge for them to get women then it is for us to get men, a higher number for them isn’t as bad as it is for women. His reasoning, men actually have to WORK to get that high number. We, on the other hand, do not.

Personally, I’m quite enjoying Jeremy’s comments. It’s refreshing to have some civil, thought-provoking, debate for a change. It’s something this site hasn’t seen in far too long. The troll stimulated hateful meaningless arguments were getting rather old.

Casey says:
Tue, 22nd Sep 20094:32 pm 

Vee, I can agree with that . Girls do get called sluts for sleeping around, and guys don’t, that is true, but the female “sluts” that guys toss to the side usually hit their peak in a certain area (like their college campus, job, high school, group of friend, etc). Once a girl has slept with enough guys, and word gets around that, well, she gets around, no guy will touch her. The same is not true for guys. When girls go out looking for a guy to hook up with they don’t ask, or seem to care how many partners the guy has had, in fact, in many circumstances a guy having a higher number is looked at as a good thing because they have “more experience” and must be good in bed. The problem is that we continue to sleep with the “man-whores” and not mind that they have had countless partners (while it’s not a bad thing that we don’t care, it’s not helping our case either). If we were to start asking, and stop sleeping with, the guys who are “just as responsible” and maybe start saying “ewww slut!” to their faces and proceed to NOT hook up with them, the guys might change their tune a bit.

I think as women we’re perpetuating the double standard. We don’t do anything to change it. In fact, our “attempts” to change it merely make it worse. You can’t have a silent movement, it doesn’t work. Guys don’t know what we’re trying to achieve with the “liberated” mindset. They only see it as “oh, yay! more sluts for us to fuck!” If we want to change it we either need to play their game and start making them feel the way we do by calling them sluts and whores and not sleeping with the “dirty” ones, or, we could make it harder for them to be able to label US sluts and whores by not hooking up with people 2 hours after meeting them. Like I said in a previous post, the later would solve most of the problems that revolve around sex.

Now, I’m not talking about merely “hooking up” with people, I’m talking about going out and getting shit faced drunk and waking up next to someone you’ve never seen before, or hooking up with an entire group of friends, like a fraternity (cause those situations are what’s really going to put that label on you. Yes, they all hooked up with you too, but they all only hooked up with one person, you hooked up with an entire group, there’s the difference).

I personally think that guys who have had lots of partners are “icky” and wouldn’t hook up with them no matter how “experienced” or “skilled” they are. I have to much respect for myself and my body to become just another notch on someone’s belt. Which is what any meaningless random hookup is for either party. I think it’s degrading no matter what sex you are.

I’m not sure how coherent that was, sorry my response was a little rushed as I’m running late to work.

TheBritishGuy says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 20095:31 am 

Oh wow.. this is.. interesting.

I never imagined we'd have more open attitudes to sex than you guys. I mean we are supposed to be tradtionalists and conservative.

It's pretty amusing that a place called College Candy is being criticised for putting up articles about sexual encounters.

But what I wanted to add anyway was I think the mentality of treating people of different sexes differently for doing the same thing shouldn't be encouraged on any level and that is exactly what is being done when you focus on girls and call them sluts for sleeping around.

I think when you are at college you are young and you want to enjoy your life and take the opportunity to do things you would never get away with again. It's an opportune time to do whatever you want no matter how ridiculous, crazy or dangerous. Thats the way I've always seen it anyway.

As long as you both are in it mutually and know what you are shooting for it isn't an issue.

Plus most guys don't spread rumours about a girl or call her a slut. I think most women get burnt by one guy and then react in a bad way to most guys.

Most men are pretty nice and though we can be boneheads at times we sure as hell don't go around calling a girl a slut or any of that ballocks.

I think a lot of what is being discussed here is being discussed as a worse case scenario and thats fair enough but it doesn't happen often enough to warrant this much attention in the bigger picture.

As long as your both having mutual fun its great and if you like the first round then go another few rounds and maybe it will develop into something enjoyable. Nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality. In fact I encourage it.. especially with me.. no I kid I kid but really there isn't a problem with it lol.

Kiko says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 20095:39 am 

The BritishGuy: Exactly!

Casey says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 20097:26 am 

TheBritishGuy, What I am discussing is the worst case scenario, the girls who get so wasted that they wake up in bed with someone they've never seen before, and they do it excessively. However, if you've been around college candy long enough, you'd know that this is what most of the articles on this website are about. Recounting a tale where the author woke up and had no idea who was in bed with them. So I do think it warrants this much attention, at least on this site. I've said before, there's nothing wrong with casual sex, hooking up, whatever. Most of us do it. The issue is what I said previously. Many readers have posted their concern with this issue on multiple posts now and how it seems these are the only article college candy runs anymore, and how all of the authors who write for this site seem to be nothing but "sluts" and "whores" (which is what spurred this article in the first place). Go back through the college candy archives and read a couple of the articles and see if you don't get that impression.

College is a place to experiment, and it is the individuals choice what they do, that's not really what is being discussed. People are bringing up the double standard that it's ok for men to be promiscuous and not women and what we can do to change it that's more of what is being discussed here, not as much whether casual sex is ok or not.

TheBritishGuy says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 200912:52 pm 

Casey the reason that gets bought up is because people bring needless attention to it.

It’s ironic on the one hand people complain about double standards for men and women then on the other hand they choose to blast the naughty girls on this website for writing about their adventures. How does that make sense? I mean on a male-centric blog it wouldn’t even be bought up so why is it bought up on here?

If men and women have true equality in the sexual realm then women should be able to write about the same stuff men would write about on a college blog(and believe me it wouldnt be about science.. well ok a type of science but you get my point) without being attacked.

I think a lot of what is being said has been completely counter intuitive because on the one hand people are furious the girls on this blog are so sex orientated(off the record it makes me very happy amongst other things ) and then on the other hand they insist men are treated differently to women.

They are being treated differently by YOU guys complaining about what they are discussing because we all know what the theme on a male orientated version of CC would be.

I’m not picking on anybody in particular but it just seems pretty funny how people are juggling responsibilities to not be held accountable for what they are blindly doing themselves while bashing others.

On another unrelated note did you know that most of the words in the English language disappear or change every few centuries or so?

For example what used to be “Ye” is now the new “You” but one word that has stayed remarkably consistent is “Hypocrisy” as it has been used since the 4th century BC(by the Greeks) and is still in plentiful use today.

Again not attacking anybody but its food for thought. This is all assuming peoples opinions are in any way quantifiable of course.

I mean as far as I am aware there is no metric for being a slut. We need to set some numbers for sexual partners and/or sexual encounters etc before we make our opinion into indisputable fact because we are so important we can judge over others lives.

Who are those idiots to think they have freedom to do what they choose with who ever they want.. this is not a free world!

OK Sarcasm overload lol sorry.

It’s a good debate so far though. I’ll be keeping an eye on this subject the debate seems to be getting to places at least. But now its tea time and then some football .

bystander says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 200912:14 pm 

Casey,

You refer to sex with a stranger as "the most intimate act possible." As someone who mentioned that she has a current boyfriend, it is interesting that you don't differentiate at all between the level of intimacy of having sex in these diametrically opposed contexts.

It's also funny that in your list of potential character traits of a random hookup, you place virgin in between serial killer and stalker.

bo says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 200912:45 pm 

"a slovenly or promiscuous woman"?

don't you think that warrants two separate definitions?

since when did those two words become related?

blech. dictionaries.

Casey says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 20091:45 pm 

I agree that I think it’s ironic. A lot of the same people complaining about the promiscuity are the same people who complain about double standards. (I don’t complain about double standards, because personally, they don’t effect my life and I could really care less) But women call each other sluts and whores probably more than men do it, and that’s definitely the biggest part of the problem.

Personally I have no issue with casual sex, and I don’t care if there is a double standard because 1. I understand why it’s there, and 2. it doesn’t effect my life so if someone else wants to change it, because it effects them, then go for it.

What I don’t understand though, and have brought up on other posts is how a girl can subject themselves to sex with a complete stranger, sex that they don’t even remember because they were so wasted, (what’s the point if you’re not even going to remember if it was good or bad/ happened or didn’t?)and with a person that, until they wake up with that horrid hangover, have never seen before in their life, yet they just shared the most intimate act possible with that person. I’m not putting people down for choosing this lifestyle, I just don’t understand it, don’t see any pro’s in it, and would like an explanation as to the appeal of it. And if the people partaking in it can’t explain, (don’t get me wrong they don’t HAVE to explain anything to anyone) but if they CAN’T explain it, even to themselves, then I think there’s something wrong. People are free to live however they want, I try to abstain from passing judgment on anyone, (I may not agree with someone, but that doesn’t mean I’m judging them. Just to clarify. I know some readers need that) but there’s a line between what’s “all in good fun” and what’s just not right (and more importantly not safe)

Let’s look at these random hookups from a safety perspective…

if you’re waking up naked in the arms a guy you’ve never seen before you may,
1. Have no idea if you had sex or not
2. Have no idea if the sex was good or not/ how long it lasted/ what actually took place the night before. At all.
3. Have no idea if a condom was used
4. Have no idea if the guy next to you is a student/ a bum/ your roommates dad/ a psychopath/ a serial killer/ a virgin/ a stalker/ etc.
5. Have no idea if the guy just gave you herpagonasyphillaids.
6. Have no idea if you may have just been impregnated (did the condom break, did we use a condom at all, did he cum inside me, etc)
7. If you’re at your place, well, now this random dude knows exactly where you live, and probably a few other tidbits that you may not have wanted any stranger to know.

Where is the pro list for this kind of engagement? I can only think of a possible one
1. The thrill of sleeping with a stranger. Too bad you don’t remember that feeling since you were too wasted to remember anything.

So if someone wants to explain this lifestyle to me (and other readers who don’t get it), and maybe add some pro’s to the list, it would be appreciated.

bo says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 200912:48 pm 

and casey: "If the girl is going to give it away for nothing, then what’s to stop the guy from “throwing her away” afterward? The answer, nothing"

the actual answer: it's the right thing to do to treat people like human beings.

it's just the right thing to do.

that IS the answer. if you don't think that's motivation enough, you're making excuses for people who don't deserve it.

TheBritishGuy says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 20091:42 pm 

Casey I'm a bit of an adventurous guy. First time I told people I wanted to go sky diving they hit me in the face with the statistics related to how dangerous it was.

I couldn't give them any logical explanation as to why I enjoyed it the way I did. I mean there are so many dangers involved and if something goes wrong your dead. Who in their right mind would be able to defend that?

As it turns out not me because I can't sum up why I love it in any logical or intelligent way yet I can't get enough of it and I won't stop doing it.

I don't know why these women do what they do but I will defend their right to do it.

The point I am making is all of us have tastes and desires and I've known girls that have done some stuff that is hard to work out logically but like my sky diving it's just something I am incapable of putting into words yet I do enjoy it.

We all have these qwirks and it is what makes us human.

Your extreme examples are interesting and I can't stretch my logic to those examples as I don't understand it either but what I do understand is people should have the right to do as they please and the consequences are only their own.

Salome says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 20093:03 pm 

I’m a little bothered that the author still points out that “some women are sluts.” I don’t think the answer to the sex double-standard is to say “well, you’re a slut, but I’m not; I only have sex with a few people!” The answer is to take the stigma out of female promiscuity. Men are commended for having sex with lots of people, but women are shamed for it. While it’s probably not healthy (but it shouldn’t be shameful) for either gender to be extremely promiscuous, but we have this ridiculous double-standard where men are allowed to spread their seed, but women should keep their legs closed. By pointing out that “some women ARE sluts,” you’re perpetuating the double-standard, whether that’s your intention or not.

For those who are criticizing the sex articles because they “court controversy,” honestly, is that such a bad thing? Our society has a lot of ridiculous hang-ups about sex that need to be mercilessly questioned. For one, I really like the fact that College Candy is a place I can go to when I have questions about sex, no matter how out-there they are. It’s not like they’re promoting anything illegal, or anything out-of-the-norm. All the sex issues they cover here are fairly common. Young women get enough people today telling them that if they do X, Y, and Z they’re dirty and slutty and wrong. As a college-age woman who has no desire to save herself for marriage, and gets a lot of mixed messages about sex, I like that College Candy is a place where I can turn to that’s fairly honest and real, and isn’t going to make me feel bad for expressing what are – let’s be honest – natural biological urges that no one should be made to feel ashamed about, male or female. (And for the record, they have articles from people who are non-reluctant virgins; it’s not like it’s completely unbalanced.)

Perhaps, instead of demanding that College Candy change to fit your idea of what’s “appropriate” to talk about re: sex, maybe you should accept that, if you find their sex articles so extremely controversial and disturbing, this site isn’t for you? Or stick to the non-sex-related articles? But please don’t say that those of us who would like to talk about this stuff don’t deserve a forum to discuss it. In this world of abstinence-only-sex-ed and purity balls, young women need some places where they can turn to for a more frank, realistic discussion of sex.

Casey says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 200910:01 pm 

Bystander, it’s the same act, the feelings involved might be different, but the act itself is exactly the same. You’re still (most likely) full on naked having a dude penetrate your vagina whether you’re dating that dude or not. Sex is sex.

And my list was in no specific order, I just typed it in the order it popped into my head, I think after serial killer I thought “hmmm clingly? eh, better yet, virgin” then clingy and virgin together lead to stalker. (I’m not saying all virgins will get clingy and stalk you! It’s just an example)

Bo, Let’s be honest here. Your “actual answer” is not how it actually works. You should have said the “ideal answer”, because that’s what it is. I’m not promoting guys treating girls like they’re worthless, I agree that it’s fucked up, but go read some of the comments on other sex related posts on this site, there was one guy the other day who relayed a story of him and his frat buddies video taping a girl while he fucked her (and without her knowledge) and then they videoed her walk of shame the next day and asked her to say “hi” to the camera and tell whether she enjoyed it or not. So no, I’m not defending anyone, but I’m also not going to flat out lie and say the answer is something that it most certainly is not. My original answer, “If the girl is going to give it away for nothing, then what’s to stop the guy from “throwing her away” afterward? The answer, nothing” may not be something you people want to hear, but it’s the god’s honest truth. You can hope a guy wont treat you like shit all you want, but people make their own decisions and more likely than not if you’re going to sleep with a guy you don’t know they’ll throw you away like a piece of garbage, whether it’s “the right thing to do” or not. There are some decent guys out there, yeah, but a guy looking for one night stand is, just that, looking for a ONE NIGHT stand, he could care less what happens to you the next day, or the next day, or the next, he got what he wanted from you.

TheBritishGuy, I am also adventurous, I love exotic sports like sky diving, bungee jumping, (actual) rock climbing, etc. But I like it for the thrill of the danger, that feeling like you’re so close to death that your heart is pounding out of your chest, it’s an adrenaline rush. People could say the same thing for hooking up with a total stranger, but if you’re too wasted to even get that feeling then what is the point? Also, with all of those exotic sports your life and safety are in your own hands, if you make a mistake it’s your mistake, with random hookups your safety is not just in your hands, but also that complete stranger who may give you an incurable disease, or kill you after the sex (or before, ick!) You don’t have complete control over the situation like you do when you engage in, say, sky diving.

But I was thinking today, we all say we don’t care what other people do with their lives, they are their decisions to make, but when there are those girls that go and fuck whoever and get bad reputations for themselves, it actually tends to gives us all a bad name. Every decision you make doesn’t only effect you. I’ve heard guys say to girls “are you one of those girls?” (meaning the type of girl that fucks every guy she meets) because a girl has been overly flirtatious with them. Well, why would the guy ask a girl, whom he’s only just met, if she was “that type of girl”? It’s because those types of girls do exist. A girl can be a virgin and be overly flirtatious with a guy and get a bad reputation from that alone, because people assume, “oh she’s one of those girls”. Well, “those girls” are giving us all a bad name. So no, those decisions don’t only effect the person making them, but in some cases an entire gender.

TheBritishGuy says:
Thu, 24th Sep 20096:13 am 

Casey you are doing it again.

You women love to talk about being the masters of your own destiny, independant and liberal and then you turn the tables and shoot down other women for what they are doing.

For so long now us men have gotten away with so much because no man or woman dared to point a finger at us despite what we did with our lives.

That is true freedom but your no better than any "oppressive" man for judging others for taking that liberty and putting it to use.

I think you are being a little hasty in your judgment. Don't slap all men with the same label nobody is going to think any less of you and few people would think less of anybody engaging in any activity.

What you are doing here is the definition of counter-intuitive.

If you were to have a one night stand and I was to call you a slut I'm in the wrong not you. All these ladies doing all this freaky and naughty stuff are not in the wrong the people who think they have a right to judge them are in the wrong.

You women all claim you want to be independant but you are quick to bash women under pretenses man has created.

If a man calls a woman a slut regardless of the situation he is expressing his OPINION and his opinion has no real world factual basis therefore it is invalid.

Women are not damaging their reputation screwing around if men have been doing it for centuries and gotten away with it.

Casey says:
Thu, 24th Sep 20092:47 pm 

TheBritishGuy, (and anonymn. I’m going to reply to both of you collectively since you had similar critiques) I’m not entirely sure what you’re referring to in your comment. For one thing, I’m definitely not a liberal, and I don’t have a liberal mindset (which should be quite evident). Yes, men have gotten away with a lot, one of my previous posts talks about just that, and what women need to do if they want to reach that same level, but I never put anyone down. I don’t call girls names for anything relating to sex. I think both you and anynomn are taking what I wrote as what I personally believe, and it’s not. I called attention to the way things commonly are, (at least here in America. I’m assuming you don’t live here?) the mindset that a lot of men have, and the way things actually are, but just because I call attention to something doesn’t mean I’m advocating it. I’m a realist, if you want something to change, then you have to address the issues and face the fact that there is a problem. We have a problem, I’ve addressed the issues, now if people want change then they’re going to have to accept that.

Again, I didn’t judge anyone, I don’t know where you got that impression. Just because I’m discussing the issue, doesn’t mean I’m judging. And where did I “slap men with a label”?

“You women all claim you want to be independant but you are quick to bash women under pretenses man has created” This is what I was trying to relay to anynomn. Women call each other sluts and whores all the time. I see it daily, on this site alone, not to mention; out at the bars, at the mall, the beach, basically anywhere where you can overhear a girl talking to one of her friends. I hear it all the time, “Eww, look at that girl! She looks like a slut!” What exactly does a slut look like? And how is a girl at the beach any more of a slut than anyone else there (they’re ALL wearing bikinis!)? Because she has a better body than you? It’s almost always the case, women call each other bad names out of jealousy. Anynomn, It doesn’t matter if there’s a statistic out there, we’ve all witnessed the girl on girl name calling, Hell! They made an entire hit movie about it! Ever seen “Mean Girls”? And it doesn’t really matter in what way the person is saying it, whether it’s a meathead with an alpha-male temperament, or a jealous woman, the name still has the same meaning and when someone hears it they aren’t going to wonder which side of the spectrum it came from. It’s going to mean the same thing to the person hearing it no matter where it came from. It’s not going to be like, “Oh, that’s so and so, she’s a slut, but it’s ok, a meathead alpha-male gave her that name”. And it doesn’t make it any more true based on which gender or type of person is saying it. It’s the same “intensity” no matter who is using it.

Like I’ve said before, the words “slut” and “whore” and others of the like don’t exist in my vocabulary. If someone says, “That girl is a slut” I ignore it. She’s not a slut, I don’t care what she’s wearing, how many guys she’s slept with, if she’s a hooker, whatever, she’s not a slut, at least not in my book. But just because the words don’t exist to me doesn’t mean that they still don’t exist for other people. That is what my entire argument has been about. People need to realize not everyone is like you or me, that if we’re to rid those words from everyone’s vocabularies then something needs to change, and women are going to have to take the initiative since it’s us who are being effected. Men aren’t going to stop using those words simply because we ask them nicely, and an entire population of women aren’t going to stop being catty and bitchy to one another (although that would be nice). No, something is going to have to happen to change the mindset. Even though “men have been doing it for centuries” doesn’t mean that it is commonly accepted for women. We all know it’s not, or we wouldn’t be having this discussion. Should it be? Of course. Is it? Definitely not.

I think we’re all on the same team here, we’re all advocating for the discontinuation of these words, I think I’m just being a bit more honest about the situation than you guys are.

Regina says:
Thu, 24th Sep 20093:42 pm 

I agree the word slut is so overused. It's great I'm 18 and im a virgin. I am still called a slut though. I made out with 4 random guys last summer and have never given head or anything. For my age that is saying a lot. I just never met a guy that meant a lot to me. So basically rumors say that i have had sex with 3 different guys and besides those guys, gave 3 guys great head. So i disagree with the word slut. because rumors are pretty outrageous these days.

TheBritishGuy says:
Thu, 24th Sep 20094:39 pm 

Ah damn Casey it seemed like you were batting for the other team for a while. I apologise I did think you were speaking from your own perspective.

I suppose things may be different in the US but in Europe most women can get away with doing anything they want. You go to places like Italy or Spain women there are fiesty as hell and liberated. They can do what they want and most of them are as bad as men if not worse.

Thing is the whole culture of "slut" does exist but it's a very small phenomenon. if you were to call a woman a slut for doing what a man did you'd probably get kicked into the family jewels.

End of the day I think Malcolm-X said it best when he said "

Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a (wo)man, you take it."

I think women got as much power as men nowadays in most places at least. Women can do the same stuff as men and yeah there is some narrow mindedness especially from religious people(no offense anybody) but it's dying down. The fact that women bring it back up though is truly puzzling to me.

You can be as free as a bird with the air under its wings after so many centuries of invisible chains and now your turning the tables on yourselves?

I don't think I'll ever understand women but I think even most women would struggle with that gigantic task.

Heather says:
Thu, 24th Sep 20098:11 pm 

If most guys were women (especially Jeremy) they would be called sluts. Which is why I don't listen to this garbage. I limit my sexual partners for health reasons, not for what anyone thinks about me. And if I feel like having sex is right for me, whether its in a relationship or not, I'm going to have it because its my body and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks. And I don't give a damn what anyone else does for that matter, either, no matter which gender. If you want to have sex, good for you. If you don't want to have sex, good for you. And whatever I want to do, good for me. The End.

Heather says:
Thu, 24th Sep 20098:13 pm 

By the way, keep up the sex articles, college candy. don't give a damn what anyone else thinks, either.

Casey says:
Thu, 24th Sep 20098:50 pm 

Hmmm, I see your point Heather, but not giving a damn about anyone but yourself isn't exactly the best mindset, I mean,If no one gave a damn about anyone but themselves this world would completely go to hell.

Heather says:
Thu, 24th Sep 20099:46 pm 

Lol casey, its not like i dont care about anyone. im talking about not giving a damn about the opinions of others.

phelele says:
Thu, 24th Sep 200910:33 pm 

wow guys i never thought sex talk would be so interesting.and guys if you could keep the comments related to the topic at hand instead of beat each others necks i am very sure that this site would be extra ordinary. anyway good comments everyone.

much love

Kiko says:
Fri, 25th Sep 20095:51 am 

Casey: Not giving a damn about anyone but yourself actually IS the perfect mindset when it somes to one's pesonal choices, like when and with whom to have sex, what to wear, etc. If you were to listen to others around you, you could never do anything, because there is always somebody with different values trying to convince you to be more like him/her. The only person who knows what makes you happy and what you want from life is YOU.

There are, however, plenty of other areas in life where you can show concern and compassion to the people around you…

TheBritishGuy: I'm from Europe and after living in the U.S. for almost six years I find Americans much more prudish, judgemental, and generally opressive then any other nation I had experience with. It's sort of funny; for example British people are supposed to be all formal and serious and conservative, yet when I was living in England, I was shocked how pleasant, and laid-back they all were. On the other hand, Americans are commonly believed to be friendly, easy-going, free, etc., yet in reality most of them are just the opposite, at least according to my experience…I MISS ENGLISH/IRISH GUYS!!!

I simply believe that sexual behavior belongs with those areas in life where there is no right or wrong, as far as people are adults and whatever is happening is happening with evrybody's consent.

Just look at history. Usually when some kind of sexual or social behavior is labeled "wrong", it can be traced to people who are trying to force their beliefs and values upon others and therefore have control over them. These days in our society we finally have a choice of not accepting opressive rules without fear that we will end up in jail or burned alive at stake. Let's take advantage of that, live our lives the best we can, and leave other people ALONE!!!

Casey says:
Fri, 25th Sep 20097:25 am 

Sorry, guys that comment was very sarcastic. I Should of clarified. (and in case anyone cares, my boyfriend is not a drug addict. I'm not responding to the troll, but I'm also not about to let them slander my boyfriend. College Candy, isn't this troll in violation of your terms and conditions? They are in violation of "User Conduct" sections a, c, and k) Another poster was in violation of section e as well. I will be sending an e-mail about this, because when it goes beyond personal attacks against me, and leads to defamation of someone I'm close to, then I have a problem.

Casey says:
Fri, 25th Sep 20097:48 am 

Umm, "should have" clarified. Yeah, you didn't just see that

Marti says:
Fri, 25th Sep 20099:17 am 

Wow, I don't know how I ended up on this site, but I feel compelled to comment. Let me give you this example. Imagine I have 2 small bowls on a counter. One has salt in it, the other has sugar in it. If you look at it they both look the same. They are both seasonings. They are both clear crystals. But when you taste them, they are different. One is bitter and the other is sweet. Sex was created by God as a good thing to be enjoyed by a man and a woman who love each other and pledge to live together forever. When you have sex outside of marriage, sure it feels great because that is the way God designed it, but it is the aftermath that is bitter. Sex within marriage also feels great, but is even better because there is a commitment of love. It is a safe open place to feel good and it is sweet. As for determining who is a slut, let me just ask this question. When you finally decide to get married, how many people would you like to know that your future spouse has already slept with? Jealousy can destroy any marriage. Choose to show some self control and try not to give away all of your kisses. Your future spouse thanks you.

Kiko says:
Fri, 25th Sep 200910:02 am 

Marti, not all of us want to get married.

Also, not all of us believe in God.

P.S If I ever get married, I would prefer a spouse who is experienced because sleeping with a guy who doesn't even know what he is doing is no fun – trust me! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt…

TheBritishGuy says:
Fri, 25th Sep 20099:41 pm 

@Kiko

I’m actually blown away us Brits are more liberated than a lot of the Americans on this website. I though Britain was a pretty strict regime because countries like France had nudity on the beach or in Germany you could walk around naked on most streets in public daylight.

I’m pretty surprised anybody would be more conservative than Brits. We are pretty open minded when it comes to things like sex and the gender gap is very small but things seem to be different from what I’ve gathered on here.

I’m starting to wonder if California and San Francisco would be the only place an European guy would last a week lol.

@Marti

Thats a nice story mate but not everybody beleives in god as Kiko said.

The scientific explanation is when you do something “good” you release endorphins. It’s your brains way of rewarding you.

So if you eat you need food to survive so your brain will release endorphins to reward you. It’s the same with sex. You need to have sex to further the human race. When people have sex nowadays they still want the endorphin release(ie to feel good) but they dont want the baby that comes with it.

So we trick our brains into thinking we are furthering the human race for our own enjoyment.

Religion doesn’t carry a lot of weight in a world where most religious debates take place on the internet; something that wouldn’t be possible without scientists.

@Kiko(again lol)

A lot of people love to throw that noble bs around but hey lets face it, it is easier to say things than do them.

When you sleep with somebody that is too inexperienced to work out how a person works sexually and therefore sex can be boring as hell. Sleeping with somebody that hasn’t had experience is a world apart from sleeping with somebody that has.

Plus the benefit of sleeping with more partners is you learn what is good and what is better.

I mean if you cum you are going to release endorphins anyway so things are not all bad. Difference is somebody that is really good at what they do can really make the difference between good and a hell of a lot better.

In Europe most people have quite a few sexual partners before they get married nowadays and generally the more sexually liberal countries out here benefit from women who are better at what they do.

When I was in Milan the women out there were like sex messiahs compared to the woman in Britain.

Ashley says:
Sat, 26th Sep 200912:39 pm 

I think people need to start having some compassion for one another. It's unfair to judge anyone based on what you hear about them. It's not always an accurate reflection of their character. The only issue worth talking about as far as promiscuity is concerned is safety. It is important to have safe sex and take care of your body. I do not believe a person that has had multiple partners is "damaged goods". They are simply human beings who bring their own unique experiences to the world. People are all raised with different ideals and values; view points on sex vary greatly from individual to individual. Judge if you feel you must, but I personally believe calling someone a "slut" or a "whore" is a sign of immaturity and poor character. When considering a relationship with someone who has had multiple partners (isn't that what this whole discussion is really about?)- consider this: Reputation isn't always reality and perfection is impossible.

Anyway…that experienced partner may be able to teach you a thing or two.

I didn't reread this, so if it doesn't seem well thought out or the grammar is terrible…I'm sorry.

Cheers.

Giana says:
Sat, 26th Sep 20091:46 pm 

Yes I agree, alot of times, we see a girl who is dressed kinda slutty and we come to the conclusion that she is a WHORE. But honestly, there are alot of whores! THeres a difference that you enjoy having sex with your boyfriend, me I enjoy it and I have good sex with the one I love. But then there are the poor girls who drink too much and sleep with alot of different people.

This is wrong for many reasons. 1. It is not healthy and is the main reason why STDs are on the rise and spread.

2. No one respects a girl that sleeps around with a bunch of guys.

3. It sets a horrible example for young girls

4. Unwanted pregnancies

Me i have made many mistakes when I was young, but now I am older and realize how a woman should act. I think its okay to like having sex. But I also think sex feels 10x's better when it is with someone you have feelings with.

I think betrayal and cheating is a bad thing and it is wrong.

but ya, we should not be so quick to judge others.

Margot-Montclair Sta says:
Sun, 27th Sep 20091:46 am 

Having sex doesn't make us sluts but it seems like everyone's having sex with multiple partners and not in a committed relationship. The normalcy of that kind of freaks me out. I have a girlfriend that will sleep with a guy hours after meeting them, maybe I'm old-fashioned but that seems messed up to me. My suitemate last year had different guys over every night, I once mixed up the guys and got in big trouble with her. And there's friends with benefits which is a total scam. No self-respecting girl wants that kind of relationship. I feel like everyone is just hooking up these days and they think it's perfectly normal. Well giving a guy a bj whose last name you don't know is not normal. Going home with a guy you met two hours ago is slutty, I'm sorry but it is. I'm not saying we should stay virgins until marriage, but I believe sex should be between two people who care and trust eachother and if possible love eachother. Maybe I'm naive but that's just my opinion

-Margot

Casey says:
Sun, 27th Sep 200910:49 am 

I'm sorry anynomn, but I don't think Margot feels as though she's "missing out" on anything. And I HATE when people try to make others feel bad for their decisions. They are THEIR decisions! Not yours! You're doing the same thing to her, that all of you "liberated women" don't want "bible beating religious nuts" to do to you (which, Margot isn't, she explicitly said, "I'm not saying we should stay virgins until marriage") so why do you feel the need to try and make her feel bad?

Margot-Montclair Sta says:
Sun, 27th Sep 200911:45 am 

Thanks Casey for sticking up for me! To tell you the truth I have wondered if I was missing out on something, that is until I saw my friends go through the humiliation and embarrassment after their drunken mishaps. I have a friend who always ends up in a stranger's bed when we go to a party. I don't want to for lack of a better word "cockblock" her but I also want to make sure she's okay and not being used. The girl is 95lbs and very sensitive and someone could easily take advantage of that. Then the next morning she always calls me and asks me why I let her do that again. It's so annoying and very sad. I honestly think she doesn't have casual sex for the right reasons, I don't think she's enjoying it. She does it to be accepted and get attention. That's where the problem lies. You're a slut when you let just anyone in your bed, it has nothing to do with how much sex you have, it has to do with who you're doing it and what reasons you have for doing it.

-Margot

Kiko says:
Mon, 28th Sep 20096:10 am 

Margot: Thanks for clarifying who is a slut. You know what? I just realized that participating in this discussion is basically pointless for me because if a person like you calls me a slut, I take it as a compliment. If being a slut means making my own choices, taking control over my own body, being unafraid to defy old patriarchal opressive rules about sexuality, AND having fun on top of it, not only I don't mind being a slut, but I'm actually proud of it.

I'm sorry that your friend feels crappy after a night with a stranger, but I don't think she represents the whole population – and trust me, there are many girls who don't feel crappy at all in the same situation. Therefore, making judgements based on her behavior seems o me rather unfair,

But then again, why do I care? I know who I'm and if somebody disagree with my choices and calls me names (like "slut"), its his/her problem, not mine…

Casey says:
Mon, 28th Sep 20099:12 am 

Why do people keep saying sex is a need!? It's not an individual need, (it's needed for the continuation of our species, not our individual lives, there's a difference! Otherwise there would be no nuns or priests, and celibacy wouldn’t even be a word) It's an urge, but not a basic human need (and I think it could do this world some good if we didn't have sex for biological reasons for awhile). And I don't think many people's views HERE have roots in religion, and psychologically (not religiously) speaking there are normalcy’s and oddities about sexual behavior.

And you taking "slut" as a compliment is only furthering the idea that the use of that word is okay. If you accept it, then we're all forced to live with it. However, if everyone denies it then no one has to live with it.

Also, don’t be so quick to say that not everyone feels crappy after a night with a stranger, ask those same people five or ten years down the line, and see if their opinions on those nights don’t change, in fact, see if their entire view on sex doesn’t change. You’ll often find that they do.

I do agree with your last line though.

Kiko says:
Mon, 28th Sep 200911:01 am 

TheBritishGuy: So you are saying that Milan is the place to go for a holiday, huh?! I don’t know – I’m not crazy about Italian guys – they tend to be short and bald and often have chauvinistic attitude. I think I will stick with London ))
No, seriously, I agree with pretty much everything what you wrote about, because you seem to be one of the few people here who are getting the fact that sex is primarily basic biological need. Most attitudes we have about sex these days have roots in religion and social history. That’s why it’s always killing me when people are so quick to label certain kind of sexual behavior as “normal” or “right” or whatever. Just look around the world and learn about history and you will find out that there is no universal model about sexual relationships. Everybody does a different thing. Of course, we Westerners have tendency to believe that only our ways are the right ones…We don’t even realize that all the crap about sex before marriage and “slutty” behavior was enforced on us by religious/political male authorities and its main goal was to control.
Even though I’m willing to admit that back in times when there was no reliable contraception some rules probably were necessary – some of my Muslim friends told me that before their prophet Mohammad oficially seized the leadership, he was apalled by the number of single mothers and orphans in Arab population, caused primarily by Arab men doing whatever they wanted with whoever they wanted. Which supposedly was the reason why it was later revealed in the Qu’ran that rules about premarital sex and fidelity were to be kept.
Of course, as usual, rules for women sucked more then for men – if I can’t have up to four husbands and sleep with male slaves, what is the justice!?
Anyway: VIVA LA BRITAIN !, I don’t care if people there don’t parade around naked like Germans, they have a tolerant attitude, and that’s what matters.

Kiko says:
Mon, 28th Sep 20091:55 pm 

Casey, people keep saying that sex is a need because sex is a need.

Ever read anything by Sigmund Freud?

Yes, we have some folk who decided to live in celibacy – unlike of animals we have a higher consciousness and therefore are able to suppress our natural needs and instincts to a minimum, when strongly motivated.

How good is for a person to actually live in celibacy, that's another question. Based on what I read/heard, not very much.

We also have various mystics and holy men in places like India, who are constantly trying to detach themselves from material world by starving themselves, walking in the forest naked, etc.

I hope there is no doubt in this discussion that hunger is a physical need – yet apparently it's possibly to survive for months on a couple of sips of water every day and some fruit.

Don't ask me why would somebody voluntarily decide to go through this, but that's people for ya…

As for your comment about sexual normalcies and oddities, that's exactly the area where we should be careful. What might seem odd to you, might seem completely normal to another person. Most qualified psychologists would be the first ones to agree – unless they are born-again Baptists ))The norms for "normalcies" are socially and culturally created and vary from society to society.

And I personally think that nobody has the right to call somebody a "slut" and when I say I don't mind, I'm NOT accepting it – but with certain people you can't really do much else. You can see it from some postings here – basically, the way I have sex is the right one and who does differently is a slut!!!There is a point when it's clear that some folks simply won't accept any other opinion, and so I refuse to be bothered.

After all, words only have so much power we are willing to give them.

Hurr says:
Mon, 28th Sep 20095:36 pm 

Because you sleep with people who have the brain capacity of a hollowed log and wonder why they ignore and beat you.

Casey says:
Mon, 28th Sep 20098:02 pm 

Yes, actually, I have read Freud, but you do know that most of his theories have been proven extremely flawed right? A need is something you will die without. You can live 10 minutes without oxygen, 10 days without water, and in some cases, up to ten weeks without food, before you die. You can live your entire life without sex and still not die from lack of sex. Not having sex will not kill you. Yes, there are health benefits of sex, but you can get all those same benefits from other activities. Sex is healthy, but it’s not a need. If sex was a need my mother would be dead, because she actually does not enjoy having sex, yes, hard to believe but there are people who just don’t enjoy it, so she’s living a perfectly happy, healthy life, SEX FREE! There are plenty of virgins who are happy, healthy, and actually enjoy life SEX FREE! I love sex, but if I couldn’t ever have it again for the rest of my life, I would be perfectly content living SEX FREE! So I stand by my claim that sex is not a need.

Sexual normalcy’s and oddities really don’t differ that much from place to place. But fantasies differ from individual to individual, yes. Everyone gets off on different things, but some things you have to wonder, why the person gets off on it, not everything in life is ok, no matter how much we want it to be or how much it “really isn’t our business” and I’m going to go ahead and say that a lot of the “oddities” are probably due to something psychological.

Take for example, bestiality. Bestiality is a very real “fantasy” that many people have. They have bestiality porn sites if you don’t believe me. Is this ok? Is this “normal”? Or do these people probably have something going on up there? Same with child porn/ pedophilia, that’s another “fantasy”. Is that one “normal”? There are many people who like it, but does that make it ok? Same with incest. Should these people be allowed to practice their fantasies? Why not? Who are we to tell them they can’t have sex the way they want?

I think there are healthy attitudes about sex and unhealthy attitudes about sex. I think sex with a stranger is an unhealthy attitude, and I have provided ample evidence to back that up in previous posts. Sex with a stranger is often a sign of the person being addicted to sex (which is a real disorder just like any other addiction). A characteristic of a drug addict is that they will take ANY drug, even if they don’t know what it is or what it will do to them, just so they can get high (my boyfriends brother just spent 200 dollars on 200 women’s vaginal cleansing pills because he didn’t know what they were and just wanted to get high. His dad, a former carpenter, would steal his customer’s drugs, take them, THEN go home and look them up to see what they were) is that not the same as a person sleeping with a complete stranger so they can get that satisfaction? It’s a different addiction, but it still falls under the characteristics of an addiction.

There are safe, normal sex practices, and there are unsafe, not normal sex practices, practices that if my friend came to me with them I’d tell them they need to see a professional.

Casey says:
Mon, 28th Sep 20097:06 pm 

Ha ha! No sweetie, that wasn't resentment. I was poking fun at the mindset. Notice it's a post called, "If I Were a Dude". That's how dudes think. Basically I was saying, "If I was a dude, I would think like a dude" It's exactly the same thing I've been saying on this post all along. Guys don't think like girls, therefore the "liberated woman" mindset is pointless, a waste of time, and detrimental to our fight and cause.

Nice try though

P.S. It's kinda creepy that you harbor my old comments. Yeesh!

JENNY says:
Mon, 28th Sep 200911:03 pm 

Casey: PLEASE………………….SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW CAN YOUR OPINION OF MATTER CONCERNING SEX BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, WHEN YOUR "NORMAL" THINKING ABOUT SEX IS FUCKED UP FROM BEING RAPED AS A KID?

ONCE AGAIN…… SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kiko says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20099:13 am 

Casey, well, if YOU say so, then it must be true.

Casey says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20099:15 am 

Right, well this was a discussion. I'm going to stop commenting since anynomn is obviously just looking for an argument.

If anyone wants to have an actual discussion, remember to leave the insults at home.

By the way anynomn, you missed the point entirely. Maybe get the chip off your shoulder and re-read some of my posts with a clear open-mind. I'm not really sure what you were even trying to argue in that last post. There didn't seem to be any point you were trying to make, besides trying to insult me.

Casey says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20099:18 am 

oh, and don't say you don't have a chip on your shoulder, you copied and pasted one of my posts from 8 months ago. I'd say you're harboring some pretty ill feelings towards me personally.

And Kiko, someone has to say so, might as well be me.

kiko says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20099:51 am 

Yeah, well, you can say whatever you want, Casey. It doesn't make it true. It just once more proves that a discussion is impossible with self-righteous people who think they have the right to dictate what is normal and what is not, what is right and what is wrong, and to psychologically diagnose anyone who dares to behave differently then they permit.

Also, to have discussion about sex with somebody who claims to be able to have a happy life WITHOUT sex, seems to be rather ironic…I mean, that speaks for everything!

Casey says:
Tue, 29th Sep 200910:42 am 

I'm not self righteous. I get sarcastic when people start hurling insults at me, uh, like you just did.

It is actually impossible to have a discussion with people who would just rather be insulting, obviously they aren't going to consider anything you say. Which apparently you haven't since you took that last line completely out of context.

I COULD have a happy life without sex. But there's no need. I have a happy life WITH sex. What I said, which you took out of context, was that if I could no longer have sex, I would still live a happy life. Sex doesn't make me. I'm sorry it apparently makes you, and so many others.

I can say whatever I want, and it doesn't make it wrong either, theories start somewhere.

Casey says:
Tue, 29th Sep 200910:47 am 

I guess you couldn't dispute what I said about addictions, so you resorted to insults? Guess this discussion is dead.

Kiko says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20092:08 pm 

Casey, again: If I don't get that paper for my Drugs & Behavior class done tonight, it's YOUR fault!!!Look what you made me write!!!:-)))

Kiko says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20097:07 pm 

Casey, “self-righteous” is technically not an insult, more like a classification. It’s not like I’ve been calling you names..!

The reason why I haven’t responded to your theory about addictions related to sex is because it’s crap that doesn’t have anything to with this discussion. Now, I’m not trying to deny that people CAN get addicted to sex. People can get addicted to just about anything, why couldn’t get addicted to sex? And IF someone’s sexual behavior becomes so that it causes to that person more discomfort and dissatisfaction then pleasure, then I’m the first person to say “dude, better get some counseling.” But notice me using the tiny, yet important word IF.

The thing is, Casey, is that many people – men and women – simply DO enjoy having a casual sex, risky sex, sex with a stranger, threesome sex, whatever sex. Just because YOU don’t understand what possible pleasure they get out of it doesn’t make it wrong. Obviously, I’m not advocating pedophilia or violence – that’s completely different category. I’m talking about sex between consenting adults.

I would like to point out that until relatively recently many folks in this very country considered not only wrong and deviant, but straight criminal things like homosexuality, interracial marriage, equality of women, etc. The reason why you and I are enrolled at college these days, where we are perfectly free to make whatever choices we see fit, is that a long time ago somebody had guts to stand up to the majority of people and say no to old, traditional, and completely outdated values.

Which is what we all should do when somebody is trying to convince us about with whom to sleep and when, where, and how often.

I’m not saying that I haven’t found any good points in your opinions. You are definitely right that a sex with a stranger in a state of intoxication is risky. I’m as liberal as a person can be, but even I’m not that stupid – of course that if you are barely conscious, you can make responsible choices about contraception, etc. I, for one, don’t want to become pregnant or contract STD either. Some of my friends claim that the risk is part of the thrill – well, I guess I’m just too much of a coward. But when I’ve made a choice not to do any such thing again – that is, to get trashed and sleep with someone I barely knew – it was because I realized the potential risks and didn’t want to jeopardize my health or general well-being. I haven’t made the decision because I felt ashamed, worried about my reputation, or listened to “advisers” in my environment telling me how to live. That’s a big difference!

I will worry about my reputation when guys around me will worry about THEIRS. I’m not buying that “that just how it is and we women have to accept it” thing. Also, I’m not motivated – the men I’m meeting in my life have no problem with my attitudes toward life, or with my personal history. And believe me, I’m a pretty honest person! There was the one exception with my boyfriend, but he needed only a couple of hours to think about it, and then he showed up with a dozen of roses and box of chocolates. Ironically, we are breaking up now, because he wants to get married and have a baby (yes, with me, the slut of the town!), and as you probably noticed, I’m not exactly a marriage material…

Anyway, enough about my personal stuff. I don’t think this discussion will bring anything new and interesting, because people who are not willing to accept other people as they are will never listen to a reason. I might write over and over about how I experienced sex with a stranger and how it felt good and I don’t regret a thing; yet there will be always somebody who just can’t wait to show me error of my ways; I almost find being called “slut” less insulting then being accused of having a psychological disorder of some kind…

Oh, well. I’m sorry if I sounded in my previous postings like a Casey-hater; at least you are passionate about the subject and I respect that, even though most of what you are saying doesn’t make much sense to me (“to me” – got it?! I’m sure that to other participants you sound like the normal one and I like a freak, and that’s okay!!!)

rachel says:
Tue, 29th Sep 20099:52 pm 

Casey: Please fucking seek help for all of your issues. It is actually painful to read how fucked up your life is and how all of your cries for help go unanswered by the horrible people in your family and in your inner circle. Seriously. Please seek help. It is painful to read all of your thoughts. Thank you for taking the initiative and seeking help. I am proud of you/

Casey says:
Wed, 30th Sep 20097:37 am 

I think you missed the part where I said I don't care if it does. Maybe you can occupy yourself searching for it.

rachel says:
Wed, 30th Sep 20098:36 pm 

Casey: Please keep everyone updated on your progress with counseling for being raped and for dating drug addict, terrible guys who are losers. Everyone is fascinated by your life story about being so fucked up in the head. Thank you for seeking help. Be strong rape survivor.

Jeremy says:
Thu, 1st Oct 20098:00 pm 

Wow! I leave for just a couple of weeks and return to find this. You know something guys. I am sorry for even starting this shitstorm. I honestly did not know that it would eventually lead to such rude and hurtful comments being hurled around.

Most of us here are very opinionated and fiercely defend our viewpoints. But to try to hurt someone by going after loved ones and using personal information that they volunteer against them is below the belt.

Here I am studying about how great a women's body is and learning every minute detail about the formation of a baby, and you girls are treating one another in a manner that even lower animals do not stoop to.

Making such comments is counterproductive to your entire cause. Casey has been nothing but respectful to everyone here. I am really not the nicest guy. If you would really want to insult someone, try me instead.

Kiko says:
Fri, 2nd Oct 20095:36 am 

I agree with Jeremy – for once. I was shocked to read some of the comments, especially those ones from Rachel. How can you use such a private information against somebody in a public discussion?! I got the impression that you could use some counseling yourself, Rachel!!!

Obviously, I'm not a big fan of Caseys' opinion on this topic myself – we disagree on most things (with some exceptions). But not even in my dreams would it occur to me to write something SO nasty about rape and whatnot.

Jeremy, I was going to take up your offer and write some juicy insult for you, but I feel very peaceful and tolerant today, and can't come up with anything! What a shame, to miss an opportunity like this1 Perhaps next time?!

Jeremy says:
Fri, 2nd Oct 20091:08 pm 

Any time, Kiko. Agent 007 will be right here waiting.

Kiko says:
Fri, 2nd Oct 20091:58 pm 

I don't know…You sound ALMOST nice now…Hey, didn't you sort of call me a slut in one of your previous postings!?

Jays says:
Wed, 14th Oct 20092:49 pm 

Casey said:

“If the girl is going to give it away for nothing, then what’s to stop the guy from “throwing her away” afterward? The answer, nothing

Ok. How many things are wrong with that statement. Let's see:

GIVE. IT .AWAY : what is she 'giving away' ? she is engaging in an act that is bringing her pleasure and satisfaction.

Please explain what she is 'giving away'

FOR . NOTHING : as opposed to? for monetary compensation? lol his love and companionship?

basically you are implying that when a woman has sex, she is supposed to get something in return, as if the pleasure in the act itself is not her sole purpose for doing it.

Jays says:
Wed, 14th Oct 20092:54 pm 

and to Jeremy

I'm sure that your attitudes towards women who can have sex whenever and with whomever they want stems from the fact that you were never able to do so, so you turn her sexual freedom into a negative thing in order to 'even out' your own misfortune.

Jays says:
Wed, 14th Oct 20093:02 pm 

Oh wow, Casey was raped as a child. I just read that a few moments after I wrote my original reply. As unfortunate as that is, it makes sense for her to have such attitudes about sexuality. Her first sexual experience was one of violation, so it is only normal for her to view a woman having sex, as 'giving something away'. I am a hurt for what she went through, yet I just need to point out to Casey that most of women had a great first-time sexual experience that was not overshadowed by trauma and violation….therefore they can actually enjoy sex and not just do it as a 'favor' to a man like you do.

Jays says:
Wed, 14th Oct 20093:16 pm 

Casey said:

If sex was a need my mother would be dead, because she actually does not enjoy having sex, yes, hard to believe but there are people who just don’t enjoy it, so she’s living a perfectly happy, healthy life, SEX FREE! There are plenty of virgins who are happy, healthy, and actually enjoy life SEX FREE! I love sex, but if I couldn’t ever have it again for the rest of my life, I would be perfectly content living SEX FREE! So I stand by my claim that sex is not a need.

LOLLOOLLLOLLLOLLLOLLOL

Im sure that there are billions of people around the world who would strongly disagree with you that sex is not a need.

And the fact that you claim to enjoy sex but would be perfectly happy and content to not have sex for the rest of your life.. is again obvious proof of how the fact that you do not actually enjoy sex and just force yourself to in order to please your partner, which again, is reflective of your first sexual experience.

The fact that you point out that your mother does not enjoy sex, is actually quite disturbing. It seems strange that a mother would divulge such informain to her daughter and further encourage unhealthy sexual perceptions and attitude to a victim of sexual abuse. Although I do not believe any of what you say about your mother or about how much you enjoy sex to be true, and understand that you are saying that just to further 'prove' your ridiculous claims that sex is not a need, I will point out that if a woman truly does not enjoy sex, it is usually an indication of extreme fear of her father during childhood, or sexual abuse…or in very rare instances, hormonal imbalance.

And you disregarding freud, who is the father of modern phychology, is as ridiculous as your claims about sexuality in itself.

Jays says:
Wed, 14th Oct 20094:35 pm 

Everyone has opinions…but these opinions are based not on fact, but social conditioning. Sexuality is still very taboo here in America. This is largely due to the puritanical values set forth by the church, most specifically, the catholic church. This whole notion and common belief in monogamy and marriage, is deeply flawed. Marriage is not some godly thing as religious fundies would have you believe…marriage actually started off as a union stricly for political and monetary gain. None of us, men or women, are by nature monogamous. Now of course, centuries of conditioning can strongly warp our phsychological and physical responses to sexual stimulation….the same way genetic mutations in bodies happen over the course of millions of years…

The whole societal double-standard and hypocrisy surrounding sexuality , is largely due to the overall hypocrisy of the church (and other religions as well) which has contorolled the masses with fear of 'hell' and laid down strict 'moral' code, while simultaneously conducting genocide and other atrocities.

While I myself am pretty reserved with whom I choose to sleep with, it is mainly due to the fact that 1 in 4 have some sort of STI/STD…and the fact that I find such attitudes (like SOME of the commenters I see here) ..frankly a real turnoff. While sex is a PHYSICAL act of pleasure, I do feel that intellectual chemistry is just as important as physical chemistry. Number of people someone has slept with is not as important as their overall attitude about sex that really makes you a ''slut''-male or female.

Casey says:
Wed, 14th Oct 20098:12 pm 

Wow! You completely read into everything that I said. Great job way to make so many(wrong)assumptions. I LOVE sex, I in no way engage in it only to please my partner, in fact about 8 times out of 10 I initiate it. I watch porn, I pleasure myself regularly, I have sex almost daily, and I enjoy every minute of it. But that doesn't mean I need it.

I enjoy sex, yes, probably more than the average person (I get multiple orgasms almost every session and can cum from vaginal sex on its own.) but if I could never have sex again, and never masturbate again I would still be able to live a perfectly happy, normal life. Think about all of the women in Africa who suffered genital mutilation, they all live without sex, and it wasn't a willing decision, they still live afterwards though.

I don't know why you're bringing the fact that I was raped into this, it has nothing to do with it. I don't consider myself a "victim" anymore. I have dealt with that experience and it doesn't hinder my life, I forgave my ex a long time ago, I don't blame him for what happened. You don't know the details of my situation, you only know "I was raped" so you really had no business using it in an online discussion.

And about my mother, I lived with my parents for 20 years, I heard many many many of their arguments. The reason they were always arguing- my mother didn't enjoy having sex with my father. But my father worked nearly 24/7 and even though he worked at home, he only ever went upstairs to his bed on Christmas eve. Every other night of the year was spent on his sleeping bag on his lab floor. It's no secret in my family that my mother does not enjoy sex. Considering my mother never PMSed and showed absolutely no signs of menopause, she probably does have a chemical imbalance, but she still lives happily without sex.

Most psychologists disregard Freud. He's still respected, but, like I said, most of his theories have been proven to be flawed.

Brian says:
Sat, 24th Oct 200911:55 am 

Sluts are women who have a whole bunch of partners, men being men we make the logical assumption that the will continue to sleep around. Thusly we decide that they should not be considered for a relationship. Also there is the fact that in life we find it is easier to clean the outside of something rather than the inside. Everything else is stuff made up and perpetuated by females and religious people.

Ted says:
Wed, 28th Oct 20095:17 pm 

Plain 'n simple: You're a slut if you let a guy screw you outside a relationship; when he didn't have to work for it. Guys do not respect, and will not date (or bring home to Momma), a slut. If you give it up — like at a frat party or bar — he will never respect you, and never buy you a steak. Time ' time again, women almost always regret it, sometimes with lasting effects. For guys, it's great. Women can say all they want that the double-standard is unfair, but, there's a reason for a double-standard: men and women, physically and emotionally, feel very differently about sex. Men want to bust a nut, and women want an emotional connection, a bond, and, yes, physical attention, but all much more complex. Conquering a women is much harder than women nailing a dude…. Again, the effects and consequences on women are much different. Maybe not right away, but it will have consequences… So make him work for it. He wants to work for it! Otherwise, he's forgetten about you before he even pulls out. I know. I love sluts, but only for about an hour or two; it's all about me LOL And guys talk. Guys brag about their conquests. One frat brother of mine was dating a great girl in college, until he found out she was banged by another brother in the slut room — it was embarrassing (and funny, because it was happening to someone else!): Hey, didn't I meet you about two or three months ago… yeah, I remember you *wink*wink* — have fun kids… As a result, end of relationship. Best a slut can be is a dirty girlfriend that you don't introduce to friends or date outside the dorm/apt. Don't let guys use you. Have respect for yourself. I don't expect a virgin, but I do expect someone who respects herself — no barroom sluts for me, or my mom! LOL

Jays says:
Wed, 4th Nov 20097:44 pm 

'''''men and women, physically and emotionally, feel very differently about sex. Men want to bust a nut, and women want an emotional connection, a bond,''''

and you know this because? society told you so. The world is not black and white and there are so many kinds of likes, dislikes, orientations…..Im sure you wouldnt want someone to tell you what you want/need based on gender.

Its so funny when certain men feel the need to dictate what women want/need based on their gender, unaware that it goes bothe ways and these stupid double-standards and gender stereotypes affect men negatively too. Im sure you would feel diferently if you did not fall into the gender stereotype societ ditated to you.

'''''One frat brother of mine was dating a great girl in college, until he found out she was banged by another brother in the slut room — it was embarrassing''''

My FRAT brother? enough said. explains your mentality.

I've seen first hand what happens to ''men'' like you when you grow up, leave the frat, and find out that the world is not so black and white and you yourself cannot live up to the societal role of what it means to be a ''man''

If only all people could study psychology/anthropology etc…maybe we won't have so many wise 'philosophers' quoting what hollywood taught them.

Casey says:
Thu, 5th Nov 200911:02 am 

Jays, You just lost any argument you never had with this statement, "My FRAT brother? enough said. explains your mentality." Way to generalize and stereotype Frat guys, wasn't not generalizing people the basis of your entire argument?

(that was a rhetorical question, I'm not sure I could stand to read another of your comments making generalizations and assumptions about everyone you happen to disagree with)

Alex says:
Sun, 15th Nov 20099:39 pm 

What I find especially hypocritical is that in the world we live in men will see a women as slutty if she's too easy but at the same time we want them to have sex with us and we like a girl we can have as a fuck buddy but as soon as we realize that she hasn't been exclusive to us (even though we obviously haven't either) she's a slut. It makes no sense.

ryan s hancock says:
Wed, 24th Mar 201011:30 am 

hi nessa!!! its the guy form elbow pillow

ur article was magnificint

i want 5000 words on bi sexual frogs and fairies by noon

Finnegan says:
Tue, 20th Jul 20108:44 am 

I've never had a one night stand. I guess my problem with it is this: if sex is so meaningless that a woman can put a stranger's penis in her mouth, vagina, anus, wherever…. then how meaningful is it going to be with me?

Also, if sex doesn't mean anything, then a hook up while you're in a relationship would seem not to mean anything either.

Carlos says:
Wed, 18th Aug 20109:56 am 

If girls all they want is one night stands i dont care ill sleep with them get off and walk away i got what i wanted who cares about her. i got laid and thats all that matters when i need a relationship ill find the girl that means a lot to me and cares about herself and that she will say no to me and tell me lets take it slow. that a girl i respect and care that she has morals. the ones that dont they are just a lay or else why am i even talking to them that all guys really want is sex

Jeremy says:
Sun, 31st Jul 20119:19 pm 

So my ex g/f just came across this article somehow and figured it was me making the comments. So now I can't say too much or else… I don't know, but I'm sure she'll think of something terrible to do to me But let me put it this way.

A lock that can be opened by many keys is a useless lock and no one wants to use it for anything of value. But a key that can open many locks is a master key and very valuable.

*no babe, it's just about locks and keys. Don't read into it like you always tend to do!