You’ve Been Dumped. Let’s Move On

September 19, 2009 Posted in Advice, Relationships

I need more tissue.

Newsflash: No one likes to be dumped. It’s the ultimate feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and just not good enough.

Welcome to the last month of my life. After spending the last year hoping to do so, I finally reconnected with my high school sweetheart — someone I had tons of history with and who knows me better than anyone. After many, many ups and downs, it turns out that college life (even when it was the summer) was just not conducive to our relationship. I could sugar coat it saying that “we broke up,” but the truth is that I was dumped. Ouch.

At this point I should probably clarify that I’m not hating on this guy (or even angry), especially since his reasons for ending it were completely justified. That being said, losing the person you’re closest to is just not an easy thing to do. Not only are you losing what you had in the relationship, but oftentimes you could be losing a best friend as well.

So what do you do? As much as it might feel like your world is ending, spending more that 3 days in your pajamas on the couch watching P.S. I Love You calls for a heartbreak intervention. While the sting of being relationship sh*t-canned will stick around for a little while, it’s important to get back on your feet. I hope these tips will help.

Don’t play the blame game. While it’s really easy to start hating on the SOB who broke your heart, it’s important to remember that relationships often end. Unless your man cheated on you (in which case, I hope you dumped his ass), the breakup is quite possibly nobody’s “fault.” Chances are that you’ve both made some mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and for sure nobody is perfect in a relationship. As much as it sucks, sometimes things just don’t work out.

Reach out. You don’t have to do this by yourself. Your friends and family members have most likely experienced a break up or two, and they might have a few words of wisdom. (Or at least a bottle of Jack.) Sometimes, even having someone to sit and watch TV with you will help you feel less lonely and allow you to get all those feelings off your chest.

Remember that it’s okay to be sad. I know, it’s tempting to pull out the sour grapes and act like you don’t care – but it’s okay to be upset. In a way, it’s like grieving, and you just need to let the emotions run their course. Cry if you have to cry, scream if you have to scream, eat three Costco cakes if you have to eat three Costco cakes… Having your heart broken is a lot like riding a roller coaster, but it’ll be over eventually.

Cut off contact. I really hate this one, but it’s a necessary evil. Texting him “I’m so sorry” a million times isn’t going to make him want you back. Even if your guy pulled the “we can still be friends” card, being friends for the first little while could be a little too painful for you. What if he starts dating someone else? Give each other a little space for a couple weeks and if you both agree, slowly start making contact again. Just remember: being friends doesn’t mean you’re going to start dating again, so if those are your intentions don’t do it. But if you value this person enough to just be friends, give it a shot.

Don’t Bad Mouth. Sure, the douche-bag forgot your birthday (twice) and you’re glad to have him out of your life, but try to be mature. This is especially important if you have mutual friends. Once you start bad mouthing each other, they will feel like they’ve been put in the middle, and nobody wants that. Even though you’re resentful, there was a point in time that you loved this guy. You wouldn’t want him telling his friends all the embarrassing things that are wrong with you – do him the same courtesy.

No Regrets. Sometimes after a relationship ends, it’s easy to look at the time spent together as a waste. Try to remember all the positive things you will take with you long after this guy is out of your life. Memories are good things to hold on to, so try not to regret them. If nothing else, hopefully this experience has taught you what you really want out of a relationship.

Remember it will be okay. I’m not gonna lie, the first few days suck. A lot. It feels like your life is over, and you just don’t know what to do with yourself. They call it being heartbroken for a reason. It’s not a fun thing to experience, but have a shower, get out of your PJs, and eventually things will get better. You may feel like your ex was perfect for you, but just remember that the real perfect guy would want to be with you too.

How do you get over a breakup?

3867020 CommentsYou%27ve+Been+Dumped.+Let%27s+Move+On2009-09-19+17%3A00%3A03Ness+-+Sheridan on "You’ve Been Dumped. Let’s Move On"

Ken Kendall says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20098:08 am

I have never seen a list like this one. I don't know that I ever even contemplated the things I should do when getting dumped.

Two other things that might be good to add to the list are:

1. Look at yourself. What did you do well in the relationship? What did you do poorly?

Keep doing the things that work and change the things that don't in your next relationship.

2. Look at the other person. What did he do that you liked? What did he so that you know you want in any man? What did he do that you hated? What did he do that you will never again accept in a man that you are with.

I have listed my blog here before and so many of you have taken the time to read it. Thank you. I think it is a good place to look for a list of the things you want in a great man.

http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com

I add new things each day. I hope you all will keep checking it out. Don't settle for a loser. Know what to expect from a good man and go get it.

Thanks,

melenda says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20099:43 am

Last semester I was having a hard time in my calculus class. A guy in my class offered to help me study. He was the polite but nerdy kind of person. We went to my dorm since the library was too crowded.

When we were studying on the sofa, I noticed a HUGE bulge in his sweatpants. I can’t believe I did this but I couldn’t resist. I started rubbing his dick. I then pulled his pants down and stroked his HUGE COCK and he came in a second but he stayed just as big and hard.

I felt my pussy getting all wet and tense-I just had to have him. I then pulled my shorts off and straddled him on the sofa. I told him to tell me when he was going to come. He was really big and so I came in no time before he could come.

I made him promise to keep it our secret. Size does matter. The sight of a large dick is an instant turn on for us. I never would have been overcome by my sexual desire if he had been average size and I have never had another orgasm that good or as fast with other dicks as they have all been smaller than his.

Jes says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20092:48 pm

Wtf? Does no one moderate these comments??

Stephanie says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20097:40 pm

My boyfriend of two years dumped me about a month and a half ago. I am still really upset, feel like my life is all over the place (really because I revolved my life around him and had very few friends at college because I was always running off to see him- BIG mistake and now I know better) and generally feel like I just can't get over him. I tried cutting off contact, changing my attitude, being positive, keeping myself busy. Nothing seems to work- so I guess the biggest way to get over a breakup is to just give it time. It hurts like hell but I really think that is all you can do. It's like a hangover- there is so quick cure.

Jeremy says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20098:26 am

Or you can just do something worthwhile like having a goal which does not involved another person. Like say, if you always wanted to be a health professional or a lawyer, engineer, whatever. That will keep you busy. And the best part is that if you stay focused on a real goal, it will pay off unlike the uncertainty of a relationship. Good luck, Stephanie.

Jeremy says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20098:27 am

hahahaha. Melenda, what a cock whore you are! I love it.

Jeremy says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20098:28 am

alright, fuck you all. I have to study.

Alice says:
Sun, 20th Sep 20098:49 pm

That is a new type of troll I think.

I sort of like it better than the usual ones.

Casey says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20098:08 am

Ha ha Alice I agree. At least we get a spicy story instead of vulgar insults.

Jeremy says:
Mon, 21st Sep 200910:26 am

c'mon guys. I'm not a troll. You should see me, I'm actually quite good looking. I'm simply stating a fact.

Besides, I was giving Steph some much needed advice since she seemed so sad. And Melinda is surely the biggest cock whore out there competing with the likes of Jenna Haze and Lily Thai, whom I absolutely love.

You know what's more fun than "trolling" this chick site? And you have to try it – Blatantly cheating at online scrabble. 95% of the players are mom's and seeing them mad with insults hurling out of them is priceless!

Casey says:
Mon, 21st Sep 200910:48 am

Jeremy, I think she was talking about Melenda.

You're only a troll if you're detracting from the discussion to get a rise out of people for some sick gratification.

But you actually contribute meaningful conversation to the discussion, not pejorative bullshit that you don't necessarily believe to generate the biggest response possible. Or do you?

Jeremy says:
Mon, 21st Sep 20092:50 pm

You know what, Casey. My honest and truthful answer to that question is that I do not know. I really do not mean to be mean or to generate controversy. But it might be that I subconsciously do just that. We can say the same for the writers of the articles. In fact, that is almost certainly why they write them the way they do – "generate the biggest response possible". The only difference is that I do not mean to get any response. I would be happy if people just agreed with me and bowed down like they should. But we can't all get our way. hahaaha

Sometimes I do joke around and that's just me. I say these things in person too to almost everyone I meet and am comfortable enough to have real conversation with. Most are cool but some of the people I meet take life too seriously.

I haven't really made my mind up about you yet either.

agukoy says:
Mon, 21st Sep 200910:42 pm

aahh… being dumped is not the end of the world. If you love someone don't give everything to that person. It would only hurt you much when its time to say goodbye. You are definitely right Steph. TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS =)

Trisha says:
Wed, 23rd Sep 20099:00 am

I followed all of those words of advice and after sometime I got back to a good place, and then communication did open up again, we decided we really missed eachother and wanted to be friends. I was not sure at first i believed him because he had had a 'fling' of sorts only 2 months after we broke up. We had a long past together and finally ended up together for a year and a half, but then he had to move. we did the long distance thing for five months, until he called it quits. We did not speak for a few months, but really it was him ignoring me, until i kept with your advice and cut off communication. Which would bring up back to being friends again, but he suggested we are never going to be just friends that there is always something more between us and he can see his future with me but he still needs to be single, i even understood that. But he would flirt with me almost everyday and he apologized for all that he had done (i mean he was a really hard unexpected breakup). Here comes the tricky part, after three months of talking everyday and flirting, etc. He begins to ignore me again, there is a new girl (but if we were friends why would you ignore me cause you are dating). How would you advice someone to deal with something that feels so much like a break-up but you were never really dating? I need something more than time heals, and keep busy, i do all of that and nothing is changing.

Kaitlyn says:
Sun, 27th Sep 20093:57 pm

I LOVE these tips! It’s so true that when you are dumped you often want to wallow (Gilmore Girls anyone?) in your own self pity. You have to look at the positive side to the breakup though. Sometimes you can become closer to your friends because of it–a wonderful girls movie night full of snacks and chit chat can really bring you together. What better way to get your mind off of a breakup than by spending it with your closest friends?
We love your blog!
<3 Kaitlyn and College Lifestyles

Victoria says:
Mon, 5th Oct 20094:29 pm

Me and my guy have been on and off for two years–a few days ago he said he thinks that we should go our seperate ways.. he loves me and whats to be with me but not right now, and i can't understand why.. I don't know what that means.. and he brought up the lets be friends thing.. and he does that alot.. normally i say okay but i feel like he thinks he has some kind of hold on me cuz he thinks he can do whatever he want but..he doesn't want me to be with anybody else.. he still acts like a boyfriend. So i said if your going to be my friend, be my friend.. You can't have any control over who i see and what i do… and he was like he can't handle me being with somebody else.. so he said we shouldn't see each other at all… but everytime he ends things a few hours or days later he's texting me. Today is the first day I haven't heard from him all day.. and I don't know what to do if he texts me again.. because I love him and i do want to be with him but, at the same time i feel like he's unsure of his self.. I told him I'm ready to settle down and every time I say something about a commitment he takes a giant leap back.. or breaks up with me and is back again in a few days..(i made this man my world i practically worship the ground he walks on.. im 22 he's 29 years old) I like older guys because they are very mature and intelligent i can learn more from them but, i feel like he's acting childish right now…….he is honestly my first true love and he told me he has never loved another woman like he loves me.. we've broken up many times but now i feel like it really is over.. this is the longest relationship ive been in.. i know im suppose to ignore all his calls and texts but i keep thinking that "maybe" or "what if"……….if he really wants to be with my why is now not a good time? if so when?.. i've really given him the upperhand in this relationship..so now i think that he thinks he will always have me.. I don't want him to think that way but at the same time.. its like i can't stay away.. i don't know what to do

Allie says:
Mon, 19th Oct 20095:33 pm

Yesterday my boyfriend and I of a year broke up. It turns out I fell in love with a person who did not love me back. And now I am hurt and I cry and I feel sick. I am getting out and trying my best to be happy but I can't yet. All I think about is him and how happy I was with him and how happy he seemed. I'm confused and I feel alone. I want him back, I can't sleep without him. I know these feelings are going to pass but I just can't see the end now. I wish these tips would work. But they don't.

e says:
Tue, 17th Nov 20093:11 pm

my boyfirend and i broke up 4 months ago i believe ,due to him going off to college and me staying home attending college. i wanted to try to make it work, but he couldnt do it and told me it was the hardest decison he has everhad to make. he said we would be together if he didnt have to go away to college. we didnt keep in contact for a while after constant fighting over the phone and text messaging. then we started talking again and it just didnt turn out well caue i love him so much and missed him and still wanted to try but he didnt cause of school. we became distant and stopped contacting eachother after we told eachother how we felt. i told him i still love him and hope e felt the same and he said he did but wanted to be friends cause he didnt want me out of his life. he said i rather have u as a friend then nothing at all. i took that as him being over me and told him i couldnt do it cause it would be too hard. the morning before my bday he sent me a text wishing me a happy bday. i sent him one saying tht my bday was tomorrow ut thanks. he sent one back saying i know i just wanted to be the first to tell you. i said thanks and that was it. no more communication. after that text i had hope that he wasnt over me, but idk. could of just been nice i guess.

ive been in the process of trying o move on and it sucks ass. im having such a tough time. thaksgiving and other holidays will be coming soon and he will home. ugh!!! he came home twice already and never saw me. ): trying to do the things thats on the list, but its not helping me. guess i need time.

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