The Morning After: Who’s Spooning Me?


My sorority family is insane and I love them. But I have never made it home from a family dinner alive… or with my dignity. Our propensity for tequila has always gotten the best of me. At our last family dinner, they found me exchanging clothes with a frat guy and then laughing and pointing as another family member rolled down an extremely steep hill.

So, needless to say, they decided to send me home with an escort that evening so as to avoid the morning after “OMFG YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I DID AFTER I LEFT LAST NIGHT!” phone call.

Well, escort in tow, things were going well on the walk back to my dorm room (I mean, my clothes were still on and I hadn’t tripped in front of oncoming traffic), until I happened upon a young man walking by himself. As the story goes (because I certainly don’t remember this), I latched onto his arm and made delightful conversation all the way home. My escort walked me all the way up to the door, waited as the strange suitor walked away, and then left me to go back to her own dorm.

Little did she know this man and I had other arrangements.

I woke up that morning pleased to find myself being spooned. Who doesn’t love an unexpected morning cuddle-fest? It wasn’t until about 45 seconds later when I realized that I had no idea whose body was pressed up against mine. Naked.

Slowly and ever-so-hesitantly, I rolled over and asked with my beer-tainted breath: “Who are you? Where did I find you?”

That is when the story of how I found, seduced and bedded the R.A. of the boys dorm next door to mine was retold to me from his sober viewpoint. Yes, he had been sober on rounds that night. And yes, I had been three sheets to the wind and riding the blackout train.

The morning after, I lay in his arms, confused and bewildered. To make matters worse, I quickly realized he had no intention of leaving any time soon. Nestled in my boobs, he looked quite content with himself. I, on the other hand, was nursing a hearty hangover and still couldn’t quite grasp where my clothes had run off to.

Not knowing what to do, I began to tell him about my family, my middle school love affair with Aaron Carter, how my dog looks when I paint her toenails pink, really anything I could think of to pass the time.  Just when I had run out of trivia information for him, my alarm went off. Salvation to the tune of Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars.”

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

The R.A., still nameless to me, looks deeply into my eyes.

“How appropriate!” He exclaimed.

I threw myself out of bed, yanked on clothes, ignored his invitation to breakfast and demanded he leave my room.

As he collected his belongings and sulked out of our love den, I couldn’t help but cringe when I noticed he couldn’t have been more than 5’2. I never known beer goggles to be so extreme.



  1. J says:

    If this were to happen to me (which it wouldn't, not in a million years) I would be extremely ashamed and thoroughly disappointed in myself.

  2. Liz says:

    I'm sure your parents would be very proud of this story.

  3. JenniferUofR says:

    Casey you said it all. I would like to point out this kind of behavior is why many school treat their students like children, you make poor choices and also your embarrassing your school and your parents. I love to drink on a friday night when I get home from work, don't get me wrong I'v gotten pissed. But I have never ever taken a random guy home from the bar that I couldn't remember his name or face or even where I "found" him. You clearly cannot handle your drink and make good choices, you need to lay off the drink and maybe think about why you need to get pissed to have a good time. Stories like this are why college girls especially girls form sororities are thought of as stupid sluts. I am all for casual sex, so long as you know your partners name, use a condom and your consent is given. Please don't post such awful things, you are embarrassing your self and young women everywhere.

    I also hope you are of age to be drinking. Maybe not, maybe a trial by the schools board would help you rethink what you should be learning and doing as well as how you treat your body.

  4. grace b says:

    Wow what a story!

    And I second Casey.

    Even though I gotta say, where else would they get these article topics?

  5. Casey says:

    Ha, wow. I just re-read my comment and I totally meant "your" not "you're". (how did I make that mistake TWICE!?) oh jeez.

  6. Casey says:

    Ok sorry, not to start the whole hate debate so soon, but I really don’t get it. How can so many girls get so wasted, so often, that they end up taking home random guy after random guy? I’m not putting down sex with multiple partners, THAT I’ve done, THAT I get. What I don’t get is how you can have sex with someone when you have no clue who they are, what their name is, where they come from, etc. I would be mortified if I woke up and realized I just had sex with an absolute stranger. If I woke up and felt someone holding me and I had no idea who that person was, what they looked like, how old they were, etc. I would just be completely disgusted with myself. The closest I have ever come to a situation like this was with my current boyfriend before we were dating, I got super wasted and “woke up” in the middle of riding him, but we had already had sex a couple times before that night.

    Do you girls just have no respect for your bodies? Sex is great, don’t misunderstand me. But can’t you have it with someone who you’ve known for more than 5 minutes? Someone that you didn’t meet in a bar? Or someone who you at lest have a mutual friend with who can reassure you that the person you’re about to give it all up to isn’t a total skeezy psychopath (or an ugly 5’2 loser)?
    How drunk do you have to get to hookup with a complete stranger? And why are you getting that drunk so often?

    The author of this article says that this happens so often that her sisters have to send her home with an escort, and even THAT isn’t fool proof. I’m not going to start throwing out “sluts” and “whores” because those words don’t exist in my vocabulary anymore, but seriously girls, this isn’t safe. “Safe sex” goes beyond just using a condom. When you have sex with an absolute stranger, there are bigger “safety” issues to worry about than just STD’s and unwanted pregnancies.

    You have to ask yourself if maybe there’s a reason you’re sleeping with complete strangers, because as far as I know, that’s not normal. Knowing someone for a week that you met in one of your classes and then hooking up, ok, understandable, there’s obviously an attraction there, you know a little bit about them, and you’ve probably met some of their friends by then, but waking up next to a guy you’ve never seen before, that I just don’t get. You just want sex that badly that you’ll do whoever, whenever? I’m pretty sure that qualifies as an addiction.

    It’s you’re body, you’re decision, but how well do you think about the decisions you make before you make them? And if you’re too inebriated to even think about things, then you should probably cut back on the amount of alcohol you consume.

  7. JenniferUofR says:

    Grammar problems happen, it's okay.

  8. JW says:

    hahahahaha. I've seen too many of these stories live but they're always funny to hear another one. Count yourself lucky that the guy was nice enough that you don't have to be reminded of it with video footage of the night and that you weren't added to the Whore Board.

    Back in soph on residence, there was one particular room that had a window that overlooked another adjacent residence. So we got the guy who lived there to set up video equipment and keep it ready for the next girl. Then all I had to do was make one quick call before banging the living daylights out of the chick I picked up. Every position on every piece of furniture. We even broke the table.

    The next morning, my boys videotaped her walking two storeys down the circular aisle with smeared make-up and Medusa hair. They asked her to say "Hi!". And then they asked her if she enjoyed it; she couldn't help blushing. Once she figured out that they were taping her walk of shame, she got went berserk and started chasing them around the house, which of course only added to the effect.

    The Whore Board initially only had a counter beside each whores name but now we had video to go along with it! Don't you just love technology!

    The girl didn't come back but one of her friends did. Even better – more variety! But that's another story.

  9. Jodie says:

    JW, You are a pig.

  10. Laura says:

    wait… people refer to their sorority as their family? sorority dinners as family dinners? thats weird…

  11. Jeremy says:

    yeah, and when you bang two or more sorority girls at the same time, it's incestuous! oh yeah, bring on it incest!

    Jodie, you really need to loosen up. She did have a good time, you know.

  12. mollination says:

    I'll defend you anon. Though I've never done it myself, I'm sure I would have if I didn't have the cock-blockiest friends on the planet. Not to mention I always go for the unavailable guys.

    But anyway, it's not like you were championing this act. You're clearly mortified and anyone that wants to get all holier-than-thou and pretend they've never been ashamed is just a party pooper. No, it may not have been the exact same act. Sure, maybe you would never do this particular thing – but jesus, the girl made a mistake and is living to regail us all with her stories. Calm thy hate.

    College = where you make the mistakes you hope not to make when they have will have impact on others (aka, when you're married with kids or something).

  13. Dan says:

    "College = where you make the mistakes you hope not to make when they have will have impact on others"

    Sometimes the best way to learn is through mistakes. And yet I have a feeling girls like this have made mistakes like this before, and will make them again. That's not learning from your mistakes. Going through life with this mindset isn't going to end when you graduate.

    Also, I tend to define a "mistake" as "something you did without knowing about the consequences." I've done things I thought were safe that turned out to be bad ideas – those were mistakes. If you tend to sleep with people you don't know when you drink, then you shouldn't drink. If you drink just the same, it's not a mistake. It's an invitation.

    Growing up starts the moment you're born; college is no excuse to put it on hold.

  14. Casey says:

    Totally agree Dan. When my boyfriend and I found out his mom cheated on his dad 6 times her excuse was, and I quote, "everyone makes mistakes", When it's done that many times, it's no longer a mistake, it's deliberate, and that goes for anything. "Mistakes" are things you do that you learn from and make a conscious effort to change. If you do it over and over, you don't WANT to change it.

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  17. Inez says:

    you know guys stop judging. let her do what she wants. it doesn't affect you in any way. as long as YOUR conscience is clear why the bigfuck would you give a shit?? if you dont like what you're reading then dont read. you know what i think? you all have alter ego's just like her's but dont have the guts to do so, so you all come here and read things like that then pretend to be all high and mighty. fuck yourself man, since you dont have the guts to fuck someone else.

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