Oh Hi, Overheard

By John

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(In a calculus class.)

Professor: Does anyone know the answer? *points to guy in class* What about you? And say, do I know you? You look familiar.

Guy: I took this class before. And no, I don’t.

(Two bros, walking in the rain.)

Bro 1: Yo, when I say “no homo,” it means you let me under your umbrella.

(Two girls playing with a Slinky.)

Girl 1: See that? If human fat had bones, that’s how it would look.

(Group of friends, walking across campus.)

Guy: You know what meth heads think about? Meth.

(Girl, in an English class.)

Girl: Wasn’t that, you know… the British lady. Madeline Albright? No. Madeline L’Engle.

Professor: Margaret Thatcher?

Girl: Yeah. That one.

(Two girls, studying in the library.)

Girl (reading): The average tomato, when it gets to your plate, has been touched by over 50 strangers.

Girl 2: Along with over 100 people you know!

(Guy, in a crowded movie theater.)

Guy: YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, MANSQUITO!

(Three girls, hanging out in a dorm lobby.)

Girl 1: Mon Mothma, Han doesn’t understand me like you do. I need the guidance of an older woman.

Girl 2: But… Leia, what about Chewie?

Girl 3: Oh my god. Guys, this is nerd porn in the making.

(Two guys, installing audio/visual equipment.)

Guy 1: Yo, man, we need more female to female over here!

Guy 2 (yelling down hall): Sorry! I’m all out of females!

(Girls, getting ready for a party.)

Girl 1: God, dealing with excess body hair is such a pain in the ass. Plucking eyebrows, weird tummy fuzz, shaving legs…

Girl 2: Oh! Speaking of which, let me put on this CD.

Girl 1: “Yeti Mating Calls?”

Girl 2: No, it’s just Shakira.

(Girl and guy, in the back of a class.)

Guy: Ach! Mein paintbrushen! I’ve lost them in the garden!

Girl: Quick! Find Hitler’s paintbrushes and prevent World War 2!