The Dos and Don’ts of College Parties

We all know that in the world of college nightlife, pretty much anything goes. People drink until they pass out, wake up with penis drawn across their forehead and spend the next day puking their guts out while they plan an alternate route to class so they can avoid the guy they played tonsil hockey with all night.

And that’s totally normal.

But believe it or not, there is a line on that sticky, beer soaked carpet underneath all of the red cups and vomit that can indeed be crossed. Don’t be one of the troublesome party patrons who takes it from acceptable (in the college world, of course) to completely wrong and gross and totally unacceptable party behaivor.

Acceptable: Making out in a corner
We all know one of the main reasons anyone even goes to parties is to hook up. It’s expected that at any given point throughout the night there will be someone in some corner getting busy. Lucky them.
Unacceptable: Getting dry-humped against a wall
There is a point where you should excuse yourself and stumble on back to your own twin sized bed. No one wants to dodge hip thrusts to get to the punch bowl garbage can.

Acceptable: Getting a little sloppy and groping things
We all have the pictures on our hard drives from the nights when a little too much vodka turned a completely average room into a wondrous photo op. The lamp, the couch, the coasters, you name it, we are going to pose with it. Tomorrow your profile picture will be you licking a potted plant, no biggie.
Unacceptable: Getting a lot sloppy and breaking things.
Yes, when someone makes the decision to host a party, some cleanup is expected. They know the next morning their floor will be littered with red cups and possibly a couple stains. But what isn’t expected is that you have one too many shooters and decide to play frisbee with all the dishes in the cupboard.

Acceptable: Bringing a few girls into the bathroom with you
Unacceptable: Bringing a few guys into the bathroom with you
What you do behind closed doors is your business, but not when a house full of party guests (with full bladders!) watches you enter with three guys… and leave without a bra.

Acceptable: Being the life of the party
Every party needs some leaders. Who’s going to get the pong tournament going, turn on the karaoke, and get out the ice luge? It’s totally cool to be the first girl to get up into that keg stand.
Unacceptable: Being the whore of the party
Getting the attention by groping your way down the male guest list is another story. You don’t have to gain popularity and a re-invite by hooking up with every guy you can corner by the chips and dip. This is only going to earn you a nasty label and a reputation for stealing all the male prospects.

Acceptable: Drunk texting your ex-boyfriend
Who hasn’t done it? Had one too many, somehow found “A-HOLE” in your address book, and found a reply message the next morning asking, “WTF? Were you serious last night?”
Unacceptable: Drunk dialing your mom
Your ex will forget about it, your friends will ignore it, but your parents will have you begging for forgiveness for the next three months. They will not find it funny that you are at a raging party at 4 am on a Wednesday morning (“Don’t you have class in three hours?!?”), and you’ll be spending the next holiday break convincing them you’re not a totally irresponsible slacker.

What other party behavior do you guys find totally unacceptable?