Ask A Dude: Am I Being Played?
Got a guy question that’s tearing you up inside? Don’t trust your girl friends to give you honest advice (because they’re afraid if they tell you the truth you will freak out and throw things at them)? Just want to try and understand what a guy is thinking?
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OK, so here is my situation. I met this guy my freshman year of college (I’m a sophomore now) and we flirted for a while and then we started texting. Then eventually, we started partying together. Well for about two months while we would flirt, text and party all the time (he would text me every day about 3 times a day a lot of times just to see what I was doing), he had a girlfriend. Before I found this out, I had straight up asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said no.
How I found out he had a girlfriend for sure, was one night us two and a group of friends went to a party. At the party (not knowing it was his girlfriend) I went up and talked to her, because I knew who she was aside from the fact that she was his girlfriend. She was short with me, and gave me a lot of attitude and I wanted to know why. So I asked him again what was going on between those two and he simply said “I f**ked her a few times.” Then I found out that she is madly in love with him and considers them to be exclusive. Well that was a while ago and bygones are bygones; I do not trust him in a boyfriend sense, yet I treasure his friendship. He tells me he wants to go out on actual dates that don’t involve other people and black out-drunkenness, and I have heard him say that he wants to be in a serious relationship with me, but I am afraid to trust him because I feel like he is someone that I could really fall for.
What should I do???
— Can’t Think of a Fun Name, So Just Call Me Confused
Dear Can’t Think of a Fun Name, So Just Call Me Confused,
This one is pretty easy to explain, because the answer to your question is located directly within the question itself. You already know the guy isn’t good for you… you described him in detail. This guy has actively led on another girl in front of your very own eyes, so no matter how crazy the “other woman” (in this case, ex-girlfriend) can be painted…she is probably just another version of you. You are suffering from what I like to call the “Johnny Depp Effect.” You know the guy is trouble; you’ve seen how he treats former girlfriends, yet you still secretly hope he’ll change, fall madly in love with you and whisk you off to some strange island in France to make babies and brood over the complexities of life together.
To put it plainly, this guy is a player, and you’re part of the game. It’s impossible to “read between his lines” (or texts), because he is a master at sending mixed signals to women. Don’t hold out hope that somewhere along the line he’ll change (or that it was really the girlfriend’s fault all along). Texting someone while dating another, creating false claims of exclusivity, and continuing to lead you on are called “red flags” my friend, so stop ignoring them and find someone that can truly be defined as serious.
Hope that helps.