Tucker Max: WTF?

I really don’t get why self-proclaimed a**hole Tucker Max is such a big deal. I looked at his website for the first time in high school after hearing my guy friends talk about how hilarious it was, but I came away from it totally unimpressed—so the guy gets really drunk, sleeps with girls, and occasionally sh*ts himself. What’s so funny about that?

Now, four years later, Max has a bestselling book (based on his website), another collection of stories set to be released soon, and a movie that comes out today. Max has been touring with I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell to college campuses all over the country since August, where, according to him, the film’s reception has been fantastic. He’s even been able to talk a girl into making an x-ray video of her giving him a blowjob during the tour. And judging by how much money The Hangover made this summer—over $270 million—it seems likely that the same idiot frat boys who’ve been attending Max’s premieres could make IHTSBIH a hit as well.

But why, exactly, are people enamored with this guy? Putting aside the way that Max has been called out for lying about his stories on several occasions, and the way that, despite his protests to the contrary, Max is obviously and venomously misogynistic (right, a guy who thinks “fat girls aren’t real people” doesn’t hate women), the fact remains that Tucker Max is. not. funny. Sure, his name is funny—it sounds like something Mattel would call a slightly wimpy action figure—but the stories themselves are nothing special. Unfortunately for Tucker Max, being convinced of your own originality and talent—and frequently referring to yourself in the third person—doesn’t automatically transform you into a comic genius.  The women (and men) who have been protesting Max during his tour have their hearts in the right place, but instead of calling him out for being a sexist prick, they should be objecting to how lame he is.

Most of the reviews of IHTSBIH give me hope for the future: Time Out New York calls it “painfully unfunny,” and the A.V. club thinks it’s “frankly boring.” The climax of the movie apparently involves Tucker “dashing naked through a hotel lobby with a case of explosive diarrhea from a can of beer laced with a laxative by a vengeful woman.” Um… hilarious?

Okay, the New York Times writing about explosive diarrhea is kind of funny.

Maybe, as those reviews indicate, the movie will finally convince people that Max doesn’t actually have much to offer. I’ll understand if this thing makes a ton of money, but if its box office returns are mediocre, I might get a small twinge of satisfaction. Then again, maybe I should just ignore all news relating to Tucker Max and spend my time watching things that are actually funny—like The Office, 30 Rock, and America’s Next Top Model—instead.

Wait, Top Model isn’t supposed to be funny?