Overheard: Crim Pin Bill

By John

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Guy, at a dining hall’s table, eating dinner.)

Guy: Isn’t what we call cauliflower just effeminate broccoli?

(Guys in a public library.)

Guy: So I was reading The Babysitter’s Club, and I guess Grandma had a really cool secret. But chapter books are too much for me these days, so I just flipped to the back to find out what it was. Turns out Grandma just had breast cancer.

(Guy, walking on the beach.)

Guy: I’m Tin Pin Bill. See, they used to call me  Crim Pin Bill, but that didn’t really make any sense.

(Girl, two guys in a coffee shop.)

Girl: Yeah, I’m not on birth control.

Guy: You should probably get on that. I hear this year’s freshman class is the most fertile ever. Yup, highest SAT scores and most virile.

(Girl, standing in line in the student union food court.)

Girl: My cousin thinks Minas Tirith is a real place, and he wants to get married there.

(Two girls, talking in the hallway.)

Girl 1: How’s community college?

Girl 2: Oh, it’s okay. It’s  full of enormous a**hole douchebags. Of course, not really. But when I say that I mean yes, really.

(Girl, chatting before a sociology class.)

Girl: It’s fine, you wouldn’t understand. We women communicate via ovum anyway.

(Guy, talking at a party.)

Guy: I can’t wait! In the future, we’ll just reproduce  by bumping into each other!

(Guy, explaining something to his girlfriend.)

Guy: In Europe, they count backwards from infinity to zero.

Girl: No they don’t. That’s stupid.

Guy: Yeah. You got me.

(Girl, reading a book.)

Girl: Oh! Yeah, see, the best part about all this is, you can use your best friends as giant missiles.

(Guy, yelling in a field outside a class building.)

Guy: Hey… hey, you! You! Anyone! Does anyone hate Teletubbies as much as I do?