The Hello Kitty Epidemic, Side Effects: Nausea and Vomiting

There are some things in life I will just never understand. Harem pants, 2nd floor elevator riders, and notes on the inside of a bathroom stall in places where alcohol was definitely not an influencing factor.

But perhaps the most disturbing and ridiculous thing that comes to mind is this Hello Kitty obsession that seems to be sweeping the nation.

Hey, the cat’s cute; I’m all for buying my little cousin a stuffed version or some hair accessories with the creature sewed on. But when grown women are walking about sporting this stuff like its haute couture, that’s where I draw a very large, thick line.

It just isn’t acceptable.

I still remember rich girls in high school sporting the jewelry with their Juicy zip-ups, like it was a status symbol of their daddy’s plush job. If excessive amounts of money severely impacts your taste to the point that you are convinced a Hello Kitty diamond watch is appropriate for an 18-year-old (or anyone who is not Suri Cruise), then perhaps I am okay with being the struggling college student scrapping together my pennies to afford a Pumpkin Spice Latte.

Don’t think this is that big of a deal? Perhaps some of the latest merchandise from the little feline will convince you that she is brain washing people all over the world, and needs to be stopped.

Panty Liners

Perhaps the fact that we are transitioning our youth from childhood to adolescence by slapping a Hello Kitty pad right next to their little kitty is part of the problem.

Jewelry

You may see this and think, so what?  It’s a ring, big deal. The price tag may have you begging to differ. $3,500, to be exact. That’s a couple months of rent. A college course.  Cocktails for the next three years. Can we get our priorities straight please?

Lingerie

No, no, no girls! This is not sexy! If you are abstinent and trying to refute all sexual advances towards you to thwart temptation, then by all means purchase this. It has a 100 percent success rate at destroying any sexual attraction towards you. Unless you’re trying to woo someone you saw on a recent episode of “To Catch a Predator”; then it will work just fine.

Boxer Briefs

OMFG. I just vomited in my mouth.

Condoms

Hey if you are already committing sexual suicide with the boxers and lingerie, why not throw some creepy, lollipop style condoms into the mix?

Ramen

There is something sick and wrong about eating that little kitty face in every bite.

Taser

Okay, they could be on to something here. If we can all buy one with the agreement that it can be used to subdue anyone over the age of 14 displaying Hello Kitty on their being, I might endorse this product.

Seriously, this cat is worse than Ed Hardy. Yeah, I said it.